147: First Worst Dread – Eight
The heat of V'tala's body pressed against her back, the weight of her arm slung across her waist. It had been a persistent memory for so long that when Pryseia awoke, it took her a moment to realize that it wasn't an echo of a dream that she felt wrapped around her, but the woman herself, in the living flesh.
Memories of the night before came to her then, and with it the delicious ache she felt throughout her entire body. She'd been avoiding her own feelings for so long that when the woman ensconced in her heart had finally kissed her, Pryseia hadn't allowed herself to believe it. She'd denied herself, denied V'tala, until the other woman had given her no other choice. She'd wanted this, wanted V'tala, and since her words had failed her, she'd let her body do the talking.
And in that sense, they'd conversed for hours.
But they'd both been wrecked so severely that they'd passed out in each other's arms after all of that, and hadn't actually spoken after V'tala dismissed every counterargument Pryseia had with her skilful tongue. This wasn't fair to V'tala, and Pryseia needed to set it right.
She went to roll over, but at the tensing of her first muscle, V'tala's arm seized against her, pinning her in place against the other woman's chest. Pryseia had thought she was still asleep, V'tala's steady breathing shifting her hair, the woman's forehead pressed into the back of her skull, her legs scooped under her own.
"V'tala?" Pryseia croaked, her voice destroyed from use from the night before, and the woman in question just pressed in closer, holding her tighter, a faint tremor coursing through the other woman's body.
"V'tala." Firmer now, and Pryseia could feel the shuddering breath she took, V'tala's hand splaying across her ribs, holding her close enough that she felt the drumming of the other woman's heart against her back.
"I have no idea what I'm doing," was V'tala's quiet reply, "I feel like I did this all backwards. I've ached for you, for so long, longer than I realized, I think. Maybe since I first saw you. You were so alien, but you were so beautiful, and I didn't know how to process that. I didn't know that I could desire like this until very recently. But everything about you is just… inspiring. You were trapped almost as thoroughly as I was, but you fought it. You escaped it. Everything the Thalatte did to you, but you didn't let them destroy who you are. You took what you endured, everything they did to forge you into a weapon, and you turned it back on them, used those skills to protect what mattered to you instead of using them to fight for a cause you didn't believe in. And you gave me something to believe in, fought for me at every step of the way, pulled me into your family like it was the most natural thing in the world, because for you, it was. You love, and I'd never experienced that until I met all of you. I almost killed us both, the others should have let me die to save you, but instead they healed us - healed me - and I don't have the words to express how much that means to me. You've always encouraged me, expanded my horizons, been the quiet support that I never knew I needed. You're so beautiful, and I wanted you, wanted you like how I had you last night, but I want more than that. I want this."
V'tala dragged her hand up Pryseia's body, then, bringing it to rest against her heart as she continued, "All of this. I want you in my arms, waking up safe against me. I want you shoulder to shoulder with me as we fight off those who'd try to destroy what we have. I want you in the mess hall, showing me recipes from your childhood. I want you as a deposed monarch with a destiny bigger than her throne. I want you looking for me in a crowded room because I'm the first thing on your mind. I want to be yours, not as your dregil, not as your subordinate, but as your partner. I love you so much, but I think I fucked this all up."
"You did no such thing," Pryseia swore, finally able to turn in V'tala's arms when a sob ratcheted through the other woman, bringing her hands up to cradle her face, "If anyone has, then it's me. I've been so… bound and determined to deny myself of so many of life's pleasures that I've hurt you in the process, and that was never my intent. I've shouldered the blame for things not of my own doing for so long, convinced myself that I am undeserving of even a fraction of the love I give, because I was so certain that if I actually deserved it, I would have saved the people I care about a long time ago. Every harm that has befallen them, I'd taken sole responsibility for, even if I hadn't even been there at the time. I realize that some dark part in me has been trying to find a way to take the blame for you becoming a dregil as well, a thousand years before I'd even been born. I've felt myself a failure for so long, that the only way to redeem myself in the eyes of those that matter to me was by throwing my life on the line for them, and that isn't fair to any of you. I'd lose my mind if any of you did that for me, and yet here I was, no thought for my well being, because I truly believed it did not matter. I denied myself my heart, and in doing so I have hurt yours, and I will spend the rest of my days working to make it up to you."
Pryseia pulled back slightly, just enough to make sure V'tala could see the resolute sincerity in her eyes. "So I tell you this now, V'tala Fext, so that there may be no confusion between us: I love you, thoroughly, no part of me that does not light up at the thought of you. The horrors you were subjected to were monstrous, but you did not let them make you a monster. You've sought to make yourself into exactly who you want to be, you've put in the effort to undo the damages your own people did to you, and I am in awe of the woman you have become. You're fearless, not recklessly so, both off the battlefield and on. You seek out assistance from those who you know will give it to you, with no shame on your part, because there shouldn't be any. You accept the open hand that is offered to you rather than suffer in silence, and for that you are so much stronger than I am. I've been a poor partner to you, well before I realized that was what I wanted to be, but I will do all in my power to set things right between us, because I am in love with you, and I want to be yours, in whatever way you'll have me."
"All of them," V'tala whispered, one of her own hands coming up to tangle in Pryseia's hair, "I want you in every single way."
The kiss she pulled her into was less desperate than the ones the night before, not a frantic, ravenous heat behind it, fuelled by the fear that this was all V'tala was going to be allowed, but something slow and lingering, because now they both knew they had all the time in the world.
They lay there intertwined like that for some time, trading soft kisses and softer sounds, no immediate deadline baring down on them. They pulled apart eventually, pressed forehead to forehead, just existing together, until V'tala asked, "So what now?"
Pryseia let out a thoughtful hum, the thumb of the hand cradling V'tala's jaw brushing against her cheek. "Food would be ideal." She said after a few moments.
V'tala huffed out a quiet laugh at that, leaning back enough to shoot an unamused (it was very amused) look at her. "I meant about us."
"That is for the both of us to decide, isn't it?" Pryseia told her, her smile a small and hopeful thing, "We've hardly had the most typical of courting processes, so I don't believe we should be beholden to what tradition dictates as to how we should proceed."
"I don't even know what would be considered traditional," V'tala admitted quietly, "You're the first romantic relationship I've ever been in."
"And you're my last." Pryseia assured her, her conviction absolute.
V'tala's breath hitched at that, and the kiss she pulled Pryseia into was far more heated than the ones before.
Much later, catching their breath against one another, Pryseia told her, "Generally, wants and hopes for the course of the relationship are broached in the early stages, boundaries agreed upon, things like whether or not children will be something wanted at some point-"
"I don't want kids." V'tala cut her off, "If I hadn't had that ability taken away from me before I went through puberty, it would have been the first thing I'd have told Rhea to take away from me. I don't want to adopt any either. I'm not… parenting material. I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear."
Pryseia shook her head at that, saying, "I only ever had vague notions of becoming a mother myself, and it was less about that than it was about giving my own mothers a grandchild. Now that they are no longer in the picture, I find that the urge has completely left me."
Worrying her lip briefly, her tail thumping lightly against the mattress, Pryseia added quietly, "I saw them, on Trowsorab, in that brief window where I was- when Rhea was working on mending me."
V'tala turned sharply to look at her, tensing under where Pryseia was leaning against her shoulder.
Heaving a sigh, Pryseia told her, "I was standing at the edge of Death again, that white realm full of black stars, and they came to me. Or the memory of them did, an echo, I'm not sure. They knew about the Omega, that it's coming, but they knew not when. They told me they loved me, and they told me to live. Told me to return to all of you, my family. I think they would have been thrilled to know I am with you now. I was a bit of a heartbreaker in my youth."
"No serious relationships?" V'tala asked quietly, carding a hand through Pryseia's hair.
The laugh that broke out of Pryseia was one of shock, the woman sounding stunned as she said, "I tried, but I found them all wanting. I had more than a few that were purely physical, no strings attached, but anything romantic was never able to last. There was always some incompatibility I could find, any excuse to break things off before they became too serious, and I've just realized that anyone I was involved romantically with was just some pale imitation of you."
Rolling over enough to prop herself up over V'tala, Pryseia's gaze was distant as she trawled through her memory. "Decisive, stoic, intense, curious, laconic, so many other criteria I would seek out, and they would have some, but not all. You're everything I've ever wanted in a partner. I think I was born to be yours."
V'tala let out a broken sound under the weight of the stare Pryseia levelled at her then, and reaching up a hand to the back of Pryseia's neck she moaned, "You can't say things like that," before pulling her down into a searing kiss.
Pryseia returned it with equal passion, settling herself across the woman below her, and they would have doubtlessly ended up staying in bed for much longer if a shudder hadn't skittered across Pryseia's body then.
"Are you alright?" V'tala asked, pressing a hand to the small of Pryseia's back, and Pryseia groaned, dropping her head to V'tala's shoulder.
"It's this synthetic skin. It's- the sensation is akin to itching, but not quite. Prickling? An annoyance more than it is anything else. I was in the middle of removing them last night, but there ended up being more important matters to attend to."
"Let me help you get them off, then," V'tala said, "We should probably get out of bed too. I think you were right about food."
Groaning into V'tala's shoulder once more, Pryseia said, "I know not what the current time is, but I do believe it is well past our normal wake up time."
"Oh well," V'tala said, running a hand up Pryseia's spine, "We just got done with a job, we're allowed to sleep in a little."
"I'd hardly call what we did sleeping." Pryseia replied, pressing a kiss to one of the marks she'd left across V'tala's neck, causing a shudder to course through the woman beneath her.
"Dangerous," V'tala hissed, her hand travelling further to fist in Pryseia's hair, "I thought you wanted out of that synthetic skin?"
"I do," Pryseia said, leaning up into her hold, "I shall curb my baser desires. For now."
It still took them several minutes to get out of bed, losing themselves to each other once more.
Retrieving the device she'd tossed aside the night before, Pryseia dragged V'tala to her shower, and the other woman set about removing the bothersome patches, kissing every scar as it emerged, lingering against every one long enough that they worked each other to a state that ended with one or the other of them pinned to the shower wall, desperate and gasping against each other. More than once. By the time Pryseia was freed from her synthetic tormentors and they'd settled enough to wash themselves clean and do nothing more, nearly an hour had passed, and both of them were left starving for something more than each other.
Reluctantly leaving Pryseia to get dressed for the day, or whatever there was of it left, V'tala pulled on her discarded clothes and headed back to her own room. The moment she stepped out into the hall, it was to the sight of Nevara on the threshold of her own bedroom, a look of surprise on the other woman's face.
Nevara's eyes darted across V'tala, catching on what were very obviously her pyjamas, the litany of hickies peeking out from under said clothes, and the fact that it was Pryseia's door she'd just exited from, and a slow grin bloomed beneath her mandibles.
"Good." Was all she said before continuing on into her room, the door hissing shut behind her, and V'tala breathed out a quiet laugh at that.
When Pryseia and V'tala stepped into the mess hall a few minutes later, it was to the sight of Rhea and Elytra in the middle of preparing lunch. On hearing the door open, Rhea had glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widening as she did a double take and exclaimed, "Yes, bitch!"
The look Elytra shot the pair of them was one of pure relief, and she set aside the knife she'd been using to rush up to them, eyes bright with unshed tears, her smile beaming. Reaching down between the two of them, she grabbed one of each of their hands, then intertwined their fingers together so she could place a kiss against their joined knuckles before she told them, "I'm saying this with nothing but love, from the very depths of my soul, but about fucking time. Your pining was driving me insane."
That startled a laugh out of Pryseia, V'tala huffing quietly in amusement beside her as she said, "I'm sorry. I sometimes forget that you can feel our emotions."
"It's not so bad for the most part, and this is so much better," Elytra said, waving a hand between them, "Now that you both know about each other's feelings enough to reciprocate them, all I'm catching is just the ambient warmth of it, like sunlight or something. When you were both just yearning?! You were basically screaming your hearts out at everything around you, the both of you so loud that I'm genuinely shocked that the rest of you weren't getting headaches at the volume!"
"I apologize that it took us this long to get here. I fear I was my own worst enemy, in that regard." Pryseia admitted.
"Hey, none of that," Rhea told her, "We knew you'd get there when you'd get there. The way you've been circling each other, it was just a matter of time."
"I didn't realize I'd been that obvious." V'tala admitted, stepping further into the room with Pryseia at her side, Elytra returning to her cutting board, her smile irrepressible.
"You were," Viatrix teased, her avatar blinking onto the closest console, "It's been cute. I'm so happy for the both of you."
"Thank you," Pryseia said, her smile soft, but before she could say more, the door to the mess hall opened behind them, and Malakh came storming into the room.
"I knew this was why you both missed breakfast," she said, crashing into the pair of them and pulling them into a crushing hug, "I'm so fucking relieved. I was so worried that you'd find some way to ignore what was right in front of you for months on end again."
That last part she directed at Pryseia, who ducked her head at that, telling her, "I very nearly did, but V'tala knocked some sense into me."
"I think she knocked a little more than sense into you," Malakh grinned, before she leaned over to press her forehead into V'tala's as she told her, "I'm so grateful that you came into our lives, for more than just this, but this is also really really good."
"The feeling is very mutual." V'tala replied, leaning into her embrace.
It didn't take them long to settle after that, Nevara joining them soon after, her smile saying more than her words ever would. Lunch was served, conversations were had, and once everyone had settled into the new normal of Pryseia and V'tala's hearts becoming more thoroughly intertwined, the topic drifted to their prize for the successful mission.
"Well, the Omega scanner certainly works," Malakh told them, hastily swallowing down her forkful of salad, "Vi and I have been going over the readings on it, and we've got a definitive location for where this thing is going to emerge - along the edge of the galaxy, between Apiarius and Fiskaz space. The coordinates, at least, were easy enough to figure out."
"Time, however, is a little trickier," Viatrix added, "The coordinates were listed as a star chart, so we could just cross reference it to the maps we have now to find it, but we've got no idea how the Hyttan method of telling time works. It's a string of what I can only assume are numbers, and I'm fairly certain they're ticking down by the second, but I've got no clue as to how long a Hyttan minute, hour, day, week, month, or year lasts, so I think we're going to have to go with some hybrid thing of watching the numbers to keep an eye on how they diminish, and if slash when my own sense of impending doom grows more dire."
"This is something we should bring to the attention of Glare, at the very least," Pryseia said, "They were intent on letting the Governors know, after all."
"Well we could certainly do with a resupply," Rhea pointed out, "Head back to the Quanvengier and then figure out where we go next once we get there?"
"Just so," Pryseia agreed, "And given the prophetic information we received from Slake, I am hoping there will be those amongst the Kith who could corroborate the pirate's claims of divination."
Malakh hummed noncommittally at that. "I'm not convinced she pulled off anything but smoke and mirrors on that regard, but a second opinion wouldn't hurt."
"I can have our course set once lunch is done," Nevara said before motioning with her fork at the spread before them, "I don't think we've had this before. New recipe?"
Her eyes bright with mirth, Elytra explained, "Technically an old one. This meal is a farasclar, a traditional Koleopteran meal served to celebrate newly joined couples. I figured it would be fitting, considering."
"I appreciate it," V'tala said, and though her smile was small, her eyes were bright, "More than I can put into words."