Fowlhunter [GL]

It was a man, lavishly-dressed: below a draping, authentic fur pelt, his sculpted torso was wrapped in a blue silken cloak embroidered with intricate laurels, and at his waist a wide leather belt holstered a staggering number of weapons. Below his oil-slicked dark hair, his eyes were blinding turquoise, and a smug grin was spread across his face. These turquoise eyes landed on the two women in the back of the shop staring at him.

“Beautiful ladies from out of town!” he barked. “How fortunate that I came just in time to save you from that foul creature. I am Theseus, son of King Aegeus, the immortal hero of Archizoun!”

“......” Neither Ennanis nor Jemi had any words.

The sunblood prince began to barge through the shop. His leather boots were trekking dirt and blood all over the floorboards. Leo’s face was contorted tight in irritation.

“There’s a hose and bucket outside for washing off boots before coming in, your Majesty,” the shopowner managed.

“How kind of the other patrons in the shop to keep the floor here clean for me,” Theseus hummed.

“If you could stop swinging your bludgeon around my shop, that would also be very kind, your Majesty.”

“Why? Anything that I destroy can be recompensed.” Theseus dug around in his hulking belt and dropped a handful of gold coins onto the floor. They clattered and rolled in all directions. As he approached, he stepped on one of the coins and kicked some of the rest. Along the way, he grabbed a square of fudge from the shelf, stuffed it in his mouth, and threw the wrapping on the floor.

Steam may as well have been escaping from Leo’s ears, but he dared not say anything more against the royal. Folding his arms, he stood behind the counter again, observing the prince with clear disgruntlement.

And so the man named Theseus stepped up to the wrecked painting and peeled the skewered spider off the canvas. Golden, sticky fluid dribbled out of it.

“What kind of spider is that?” asked Jemi.

“I’m so glad you asked,” Theseus said, waggling the spider. “You missies would do well to stay away from this cretin. This is the Minotaur’s Spider, native to Archizoun. These pests crawl out from the Cretan Labryinth, and hold within them a potent psychedelic venom. If this gold stuff gets anywhere on your skin, let alone in your blood, it will cause you to dissolve into frenzied seizures and vivid hallucinations, which eventually cause many to kill themselves.”

“Sounds fun,” Jemi remarked dryly. Her violet eyes lingered on the way Theseus tossed the spider between his palms… bare palms. “You certainly seem to be handling it with due caution.”

Theseus gave a sly grin. “Did you miss what I said earlier? I’m immortal. I cannot die, or be killed by anything-” he ripped a hairy leg off the spider and put it in his mouth like a lolly. He swallowed it with a gulp, “-let alone a single itsy-bitsy thing like this.”

“I’m immortal too,” Ennanis stepped forward, flexing her wings. “Let me see the spider.”

“Uh-uh, lady,” Theseus said, scuttling backwards. “The spider could kill you too.” On Ennanis’ baffled look, he said, “Angels still have their mortal weakness, don’t they? The venom could convince you to unclasp your armbraces and shoot yourself through the wrists. And it would be such a pity if a beauty like you passed away before I could get a chance with her.”

“......” Ennanis ignored the last part. “Don’t you have a mortal weakness, too?”

“No,” Theseus answered, proud. “I don’t have a single weakness. Stab me anywhere, set me on fire, drown me and bury me in cement—you won’t find a single thing that keeps me down for good.”

“But that’s not possible,” Ennanis said. “Every immortal has a mortal weakness. Even Emperor Prometheus and Queen Medusa.”

“Well, it must be possible, for I’m living proof,” Theseus simply said. Snapping his fingers, the Minotaur’s Spider exploded in a shower of sparks, and was no more. “Why, I once ventured into the depths of the Cretan Labryinth itself. It’s a maze so dark and twisted, even Soleki cannot penetrate its walls. Even angels have never conquered this maze, you know, they can’t get down to the entrance without instantly Withering. But there, alone, with no sun, sight, nor outsider help, it was I, Theseus, who defeated waves of spiders and slayed the monster at the heart of the labyrinth: the creature with the head of a bull and body of a human, the Minotaur.”

“This was an attempt to put an end to the spiders… alas…” he shook his head morosely, “it seems that the Minotaur’s wrath knows no end, even in death. Still-” he thumped his chest, vindictive, “this Kingdom owes me many times over for my heroic deeds!”

“I’m sure,” Jemi glanced at the baskets spilled across the floor, the destroyed painting and lamps, and the stone-faced shopowner behind the counter. Heedless, Theseus grabbed another handful of bonbons from a sampling bowl and threw them into his mouth.

Swallowing them, Theseus patted his face. “I know, I know. It must be hard to believe that a human can be immortal. I was thinking my mortal weakness would be something like old age, but given that I’m still so devastatingly good-looking, I really don’t think that’s the case.”

“I think I’m starting to remember this guy,” Ennanis muttered. “My soldiers mentioned this sunblood who made it up to Mount Casca’s sixth peak multiple times and how they had to continually toss him off until he gave up.”

“Hey, I still don’t know why you guys didn’t let me in,” Theseus spread his arms. “I just wanted to check out Paradise! I’m sure I could survive the sun’s fire. Heck, I’m even more immortal than an angel, after all.”

“Not just anyone can be in Paradise, young mister,” Leo from the far corner cut in, seemingly too irritated to keep quiet for longer. “You can’t just check out heaven like it’s some kind of pub. It's a place for the dead, not the living. Only humans pure of heart who have passed on can enter there.”

“Bah, old man, don’t prattle on about your religious crap,” Theseus harrumphed, flippant. “If some god thinks they can judge if I’m pure or corrupted, worthy or unworthy, I’d walk into hell myself first.”

“Blaspheme like that again, and you’ll be going to hell anyway,” Leo said angrily.

Ennanis listened in curiously. Humans had a different conception of what Paradise was like, compared to angels. They sometimes referred to Paradise as something called heaven, and seemed to think it a place for the afterlife, to reward souls judged as good after they had passed away. It was often described as a place of incredible luxury, some kind of utopia where a person’s every desire could be fulfilled. They also had a converse to heaven, known as hell, which was allegedly a watery pit of damnation for evil souls. Neutral souls would be reincarnated into a creature on the earth. Even though ‘hell’ and ‘reincarnation’ had no proof of their existence in reality, such terms were an integral part of human lexicon, seemingly inventions to incentivise folk into more moral behaviour.

Meanwhile, angels actually viewed Paradise more similarly to Theseus. As long as you had trained hard enough, were strong enough to walk into the sun, and earned your place there, anyone could enter Paradise. The ‘purity’ of one’s heart had nothing to do with it.

Then again, other than Prometheus, angels who entered Paradise never left… so you could say that no one really knew the truth of Paradise.

“Good point. Who needs Paradise anyway, when I have everything I could ever want right here on earth?” Theseus strutted about. “Wealth, delicacy, adventure, beautiful women?” He leaned over the counter, gazing at Ennanis and Jemi. “Do you ladies want to join me at the underground bar for drinks one of these nights?”

“I don’t fancy men,” Ennanis deadpanned.

“Oh. Are you and her…” Theseus looked between them, then put his hands up, backing away. “Alright then.”

“Wait,” Jemi interrupted. She ran a hand through her tarnished-gold curls, brushing them over her shoulder. She turned toward him. “The angel doesn’t, but I do. Give me your communication charm.”