Magical Girl? I’m not sure about this.

Meanwhile, back in Luna land… (AKA her moon)

Mufi, a flamingo working in the magical girl relations department, sat in her cubicle. A pink crystal sat on her desk, and she wore a small headset. Her nameplate read ‘Mufi.’ The desk held scroll cases, parchments, and documents in a reciprocal, along with a pink quill and inkwell. Mufi’s work involved handling mundane tasks for magical girls away on quests, such as managing correspondence, bills, and property.

She opened a scroll with her beak. A local lord requested a marriage interview with a magical girl in another world. Mufi politely declined on a new parchment using her quill, then placed it in the outgoing box, where it magically disappeared.

“That one was easy.” Mufi liked an easy start to her day.

She was preparing to open the next piece of correspondence when the crystal started flashing.

“Hmm, some kind of farspeak spell? Who is the client?” Mufi said to herself.

Holographic words hovered over the glowing gem: Caller- ID None, Recipient - Alex Parker

She answered the crystal. “Hello, you have reached the desk of Mufi on behalf of…”

A robotic voice cut her off. “This is the accounts overdue department. Your balance of $1000 with corresponding interest of late fees is past due. Please press one to be transferred to our automatic payment center.”

“Um, hello what does press one mean?” Mufi tried. She used a crystal for communication, there was nothing to press.

“This is the accounts overdue department…” The robotic voice repeated itself.

“You are not even a person, just a recording.” Mufi said with annoyance.

Not wanting to deal with the rude mage who set up a farspeak spell but wouldn’t even be there to talk, she cut off the connection.

Mufi took out another scroll case and set it on her desk before the crystal activated again.

“Hello?” She said timidly. It looked to be another call for Alex Parker.

“We are calling in regards to your vehicle’s extended warranty.” A not-quite-human voice said.

“Are you a real person?” Mufi said, but the call kept talking over her. She disconnected that one as well.

Another call came minutes later. “This is vehicle finance calling in regards to your overdue account, press one to be transferred or stay on the line to talk to an agent.”

“This one is a golem as well but maybe I’ll get a real person after this.” Mufi waited.

“Vehicle finance to whom am I speaking?” A female voice asked.

“Finally, a real person. I’m Mufi.” The flamingo said.

“Miss Mufi, do you have the account number? I don’t have anyone with that name in our records.” The lady spoke in a bored, defeated tone.

“Um, no? I’m not really sure what this is about. You called me.” The flamingo sounded frustrated.

“One moment, the system says that this call went to Alex Parker. Is this number incorrect?” The lady said, voice devoid of emotion.

“Yes, he’s my client.” Mufi hoped she was getting somewhere.

“Is he there can you give him the phone? There is no one else on the account so I can’t disclose any information.” She droned, sounding lifeless.

“No, he is not taking any calls right now but I can help with settling his debts.” Mufi tried to not be annoyed.

“I’m afraid if you are not on the account I can’t disclose any information. Can I help you with anything else?” It didn’t sound like a question.

“I’d like to pay on his behalf, how can I do that?” Mufi tried.

“That cannot be done unless he adds you to the account. He can do that by calling customer service, or using our online portal. Is there anything else I can help with?” She monotoned.

“Look, I just want to pay on his behalf? Why are you making this so difficult?” Mufi said, exasperation in her voice.

Not wanting to budge, the bored-sounding lady finished the call. “Thank you for choosing vehicle finance.” *CLICK*

The crystal hummed with an unfamiliar, dead-sounding tone after the click.

“Ugh, so rude. Where is Alex even from?” Mufi pecked the crystal, bringing up Alex’s information. Apparently he was from a country called Canada on a planet called Earth. Mufi had never heard of that planet before.

The crystal rang again. “Hello, this is first canuck mortgage calling in regards to your past due balance…”

Mufi hung up, turning off the crystal. She threw up her wings and walked over to her manager’s cubicle.

“Why am I getting all of these really rude farspeaks?” She demanded.

“So you are the one they gave the Parker account to.” Manager-flamingo regarded Mufi.

“What does that have to do with anything? And the question?” Mufi stomped her webbed foot.

“Well, the last person who had the Parker account threatened to quit so I transferred it over to you.” Manger said, not acting like it was a big deal.

“Dealing with them is impossible.”Mufi fumed. “ How am I even supposed to do my job?”

The Manager sighed. “That is exactly what the last person who had the account said.”

“And you thought it would be different if you just gave it to me?” She demanded, craning her lock neck forward.

“It seemed like the quickest way to solve the problem. I don’t want to lose a good employee.” Manager leaned back defensively.

“You are the boss, find a way to fix this!” She squawked. The fact that the crystal a few cubicles down at her desk kept flashing and beeping didn’t help with her mood.

“Fine, I but I’m doing you a favor. I hate dealing with the escalation department.” Manger waved her away with a wing.

Some time later…

A magical girl with a space-themed outfit sat down with the manager bird. “So you can’t actually communicate to pay the fees? This place Alex is from is called earth?”

The manager nodded.

“What have we done on Earth in the past to support magical girls who come from there?” The magical girl asked.

“Well that is the thing. Alex is the first magical girl from earth. Familiar Fufi opted for the randomized portal program and ended up on that planet.” The call center manager explained.

“Ugh, this is going to be one of those cases where we have to deal with the local divinity isn’t it? You know I hate doing that. Why do you have to ruin my day?” She looked at a case file and furrowed her brow.

“Miss cosmos, I don’t want to deal with this anymore than you do.” Manager said.

Magical girl Cosmos shot him a glare.

“I’ll be back after going to earth and seeing what kind of an arrangement can be made so we can knock this all out at once and not offend too many of the locals. We already got an approval from the local deity to take Alex but the only stipulation was that no mind control could be involved. She groaned and pointed at the offending paper. “It lacks details about acceptable ways to deal with his debts.”

Magical girl Cosmos came up with a compromise. The plan, quick and dirty, was acceptable.

Back on Earth…

“This is new channel 3 with breaking news.” A new anchor reported on TV with a smoldering heap in the background. “Eye witnesses report a meteor strike destroyed the cabin of local resident Alex Parker and left a crater that took out a dozen acres including the cabin he lived in.”

The shot shifted to a Mountie. “Do you know if Alex Parker was in the cabin when the meteor struck?”

“Our rescue crews are checking out the scene but no one seems to be there. We pulled the phone records of Alex and he hasn’t been around for two months. We talked to his coworkers and they haven’t seen him.” The mountie spoke with a formal tone.

“Is the homeowner presumed missing?” The journalist thrust the mic at him.

“Unclear, we haven’t been able to get in contact with him.” The mountie said.

One of the firefighters sprayed down the fire enough to get a closer look at the meteor. “Is that whole thing gold?! What is with the shape? That meteor looks like a giant heart?!”

The journalist and cameraman rushed right next to the police line. A giant golden heart sat in the bottom of the crater.

“Whoa we could be rich with this.” One greedy firefighter said….on camera.

The mountie yelled loudly. “Don’t anyone get any ideas. This is private property and that golden heart belongs to the property owner.”

It wasn’t long before all kinds of lawyers and anyone who Alex Parker owned money went nuts. The golden heart case caught the eyes of the public. It made the national news.

Back on Terre…

“Lets see, 20,000 feet that should be low enough to keep it from hitting any mountains but high enough to keep flyers away. Create atmosphere, anti gravity… check” The magical girl waved her wand around and the chunk of rock and dirt had a nice low altitude orbit. On the floating island sat a log cabin, a large metal shed, and a jeep. “It got rattled a little bit. But if the dishes broke it was because they were not secured for zero gravity so it can’t be helped. It was enough to fetch that odd metal carriage when it tried to float off into the void.”

“I’m supposed to be retired. They said this was a desk job. Anyway, I’ll tell the manager to just cut off any collectors. They can take their share of the gold and Alex can just come back to his cabin when she gets a chance.” She nodded and portaled back to the moon. “Yeah, the gold is there, those vultures can work something out on their own somehow. Terre needs all the help it can get and being stuck pushing paper sucks.”