Chapter 254: Are You Tired?
For the next three days, there was still no word from Jiraiya.
Kitahara Kaede remained in the Hidden Rain Village for the time being. He wasn’t in a rush to return to Konoha, nor did he take the initiative to search for more clues regarding Fu.
These three days were unusually peaceful.
Pakura came to see him every day, but she never intruded. Sometimes it was in the morning; she would bring breakfast, chat briefly about the day’s schedule, and then leave. Other times, it was in the afternoon; once she finished her work, she would take him to the quieter, less-visited corners of Amegakure to wander and explore.
She didn’t ask about the Hidden Mist Village, nor did she pry about Tsunade. Even when they stood side by side in silence for long stretches, the atmosphere never felt awkward. She always found a natural excuse to take her leave—something like, "The patrol shift is changing; I should go check on them"—before waving and departing lightheartedly.
Slowly, the tension in Kaede’s nerves began to unwind.
At first, he had feared she would be like Terumi Mei, testing him in her own way. But gradually, he realized he had been overthinking. When Pakura visited, he didn’t have to strategize how to handle her or worry that a single wrong word would spark a new disaster. After she left, the house returned to its silence, and he wasn’t haunted by a lingering sense of guilt.
It was completely different from his time in the Hidden Mist Village.
Terumi Mei’s kindness had been like an airtight net, attempting to occupy every meal and every spare moment of his life. Kaede understood the insecurity rooted deep in her memories, but it was truly more than he could handle.
Pakura also had questions she wanted to ask; he could see the curiosity and concern in her occasional glances. Yet, she forced those questions down, maintaining perfect boundaries. This restraint gave him a sense of freedom he hadn’t felt in a long time.
On the evening of the fourth day, Pakura finished her duties in Amegakure and returned to the inn. She didn’t bring anything this time; instead, she simply tilted her head toward the high tower.
"Want to go up for a bit?"
Kaede didn’t refuse and followed her out.
They returned to Pakura’s glass room. While Pakura went to the counter to boil water for tea, Kaede familiarly moved two lounge chairs in front of the glass window. By the time they sat down, the sky outside had darkened.
Pakura handed him a cup of hot tea and held one herself. She picked up an old book from the side and began to flip through it slowly. The only sounds in the room were the faint rustle of pages and the distant, intermittent rhythm of the rain outside.
Through the glass, Kaede saw the blurred reflection of Pakura reading in silence.
The peace of the last few days felt like a dream. But he knew in his heart that the problems hadn’t been solved—they had only been postponed. He still owed her the truth.
Kaede set down his tea cup.
"Pakura. There are some things I want to make clear with you."
The turning of the page stopped mid-air.
Pakura slowly looked up. Seeing the solemn expression on his face, her heart sank instinctively. This moment had finally arrived. Since he was bringing it up himself, he had likely already reached a decision.
Pakura gently closed the book, rested it on her lap, and nodded seriously. Her voice was soft.
"Alright. Take your time. I’m listening."
Kaede gazed out at the curtain of rain, organizing his thoughts before starting from the beginning.
"When the Hidden Mist Village sent their proposal for an alliance, they specifically requested me. At the time, I suspected that Terumi Mei might have also regained those memories."
"So, I took the mission not only to help Kirigakure resolve the Mizukage’s issues, but also to personally confirm her situation."
At the mention of Terumi Mei’s name, Pakura felt a flicker of discomfort, but she said nothing and continued to listen.
Kaede went on to describe his experiences after arriving in the Hidden Mist Village, from the initial probing to the subsequent pressure.
"She arranged for me to stay right across from her, sent breakfast every day, and had me sit beside her while she handled official business... I thought the arrangements were strange at the time, but I didn’t think about it in that context."
"Then, Terumi Mei began appearing at my residence frequently under various pretexts. She stayed for dinner, volunteered to wash the dishes, and used an arm injury as an excuse to have me care for her, slowly squeezing herself into every facet of my life."
"She even had the cat."
A bitter smile touched Kaede’s lips when he mentioned the calico cat.
"That cat was identical to the one we fed in the memories, and it even came over to rub against me. It was only then that I realized she had been acting the whole time."
Pakura took a sip of her tea. The intense bitterness spread across her tongue, and she struggled to swallow. She could almost imagine the lengths Terumi Mei would go to. A woman capable of controlling the Kirigakure ANBU certainly wouldn’t lack the means.
However, when Kaede mentioned that Terumi Mei had privately opened his mail and withheld defense maps, Pakura’s eyes grew cold.
She wanted to ask: what right did Terumi Mei have to do such things?
But as she looked at Kaede, she saw no anger on his face—only an irreducible exhaustion. The words died in her throat, and she swallowed them in silence.
Kaede didn’t hide what happened at the pier, including Terumi Mei’s loss of control as she begged him to stay, and that kiss born of desperation.
Pakura felt as if something were blocking her chest, a wave of soreness washing over her. She remained silent for several seconds before gesturing for Kaede to continue. Since she had decided to hear him out, she didn’t want to burden him with her own grievances and resentment halfway through.
Seeing the flicker of sadness in her eyes, Kaede felt even more guilty. But he had already started; he had to finish.
"After leaving the Hidden Mist, I went back to Konoha first."
Pakura looked at him, already guessing whose name would come next.
"I went to see Tsunade."
"I told her everything—about you, and about Terumi Mei."
Kaede lowered his gaze. He paused for a long while before speaking in a tone that was almost a mere statement of fact.
"I fell for her a long time ago. I can’t lie to you about that."
As the words fell, the room plummeted into absolute silence.
Although Pakura had suspected it, hearing it firsthand felt like a heavy blow to her chest. She remembered the gossip she had heard in Konoha. It turned out the person she was truly competing against had already taken residence in his heart.
Without looking at her, Kaede continued describing the conversation.
"Tsunade asked me if I could cut ties with you and Terumi Mei."
"I told her I couldn’t."
"I couldn’t simply walk away and feel at peace while you were guarding the Hidden Rain Village for me. Nor could I treat the emotional knots Terumi Mei developed because of those memories as something that had nothing to do with me."
"But because I answered that way, the one who suffered the most became Tsunade."
At this point, he took another sip of tea.
"I know why you all act this way, and I know what those memories mean to you."
"But the more I try to fix things, the messier they get. In the end, everyone ends up getting hurt."
His voice grew slower, pausing several times as if he were struggling to organize his words or recalling the headaches those scenes had caused him.
Pakura watched him quietly. Only now did she truly understand what he had been hiding from for the past few days. With every step he took, he hurt others, and in doing so, he only made himself more miserable.
"That’s how it is."
After the final sentence, Kaede met Pakura’s gaze, waiting for her reaction. Whether she questioned how far things had gone between him and Tsunade, or demanded that he make a choice right here and now, he was prepared to answer honestly.
Time ticked by.
The expected interrogation and anger never came.
Pakura simply looked at him—at the lingering weariness etched into his brow. The bitterness and grievance were still there, but suddenly, she no longer wanted to fight. At least in this moment, she refused to let her own dilemma become another straw that broke his back.
Pakura let out a soft sigh.
"Kaede."
"Thinking about how to handle all of this every single day... are you tired?"
Kaede froze.
He had prepared countless answers for every possible question she might ask. He had prepared for everything except this.
There was no demand, no pressure, not even a rush for a result. Just a simple question: *Are you tired?*
The question left him speechless for a long time.
Seeing his rare state of disorientation, Pakura stood up and walked over to him.
"I understand now. You don’t need to explain anymore."
She stopped a half-step away, a faint smile appearing on her face.
"Take your time with Tsunade. And with Terumi Mei, as well."
"I’m not asking for an answer right now, nor will I force you to choose."
Pakura leaned down slightly, looking into his eyes. She paused for a moment before delivering the final words.
"In the future, don’t tire yourself so much anymore, okay?"
Kaede looked at her for a long time, seeing the sincerity and release in her eyes. It felt as if something were blocking his throat.
After a long silence, he nodded solemnly and earnestly.
"Okay."