Chapter 240: I Have Them Too
Kitahara Kaede sat in his office, his gaze drifting and unfocused.
Today, he had no heart for the reports on Yagura, nor the patience to study the defense maps of the Mizukage’s estate. His mind was a chaotic whirl, and every thought led back to Terumī Mei.
Ever since he confirmed that she was being influenced by those memories, his attitude toward her had shifted. Whether it was tacitly allowing her to join him for meals or accompanying her to the hospital to change her dressings, Kaede knew he was simply creating a buffer for himself.
He had oversimplified things. How could Terumī Mei possibly remain unaffected?
In those memories, he had been by her side as they clawed their way up through the horrors of the Bloody Mist. He had taught her how to survive and how to seize power. And in the end, he had died by her hand.
Kaede realized that he was still utterly inept at handling emotional complications. As for Tsunade, he had already made up his mind; once he returned, no matter how ugly the outcome, he would accept it. He had to lay everything bare. With Pakura, he felt he had helped her find a path forward, giving her a chance to live for herself.
Yet, when it came to Terumī Mei, his instinct was to distance himself.
It wasn’t fair. Mei hadn’t done anything wrong.
Now that he had given himself enough breathing room, he decided he was ready to explain everything to her. He had always assumed that the first person to hear the explanation would be Tsunade. He hadn’t expected it to be Terumī Mei.
Footsteps echoed from outside.
Kaede immediately snapped back to attention and looked up. The office door pushed open, and Terumī Mei walked in carrying a stack of documents, her expression unreadable.
"Have you been waiting long?"
Kaede looked at her and shook his head slightly. "Not really."
Mei returned to her desk and sat down. As she opened her drawer, she discreetly tucked away an intelligence scroll regarding a woman named "Pakura" that had been sandwiched at the bottom of her files.
Silence reclaimed the room.
Mei lowered her head to review the documents, but from the corner of her eye, she never stopped watching the man beside her. She could tell something was off. He wasn’t scanning the maps as he usually did, nor had he proactively asked about Yagura. He just sat there—half-dazing, half-lost in thought over something profoundly important.
Several times, she felt him looking at her. His gaze was complex, entirely different from his usual demeanor. But whenever she looked up to meet his eyes, he would immediately avert his gaze, pretending to be engrossed in whatever he was holding.
This abnormality sparked a strange sense of anticipation in her heart. *Could it be...* she wondered, *that my efforts over the last few days are finally working? Does he understand my feelings? Is he starting to waver?*
Mei flipped a page, her peripheral vision still locked on him. Kaede hadn’t turned a single page of his document in a long time. Several times, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something, only for him to swallow the words back down.
Seeing him so hesitant only reinforced her conviction. He definitely had something to tell her, and it likely had nothing to do with the mission.
Kaede was waiting for the right moment. The office was not the place for this conversation. If he was going to speak, he had to be thorough; he couldn’t leave any room for further misunderstanding.
The afternoon seemed to stretch on indefinitely. Mei processed document after document, and Kaede sat beside her, occasionally helping her verify intelligence. Both maintained a facade of calm, working together as they always had, but an odd tension permeated the air, palpable to them both.
As the sky slowly darkened, Mei closed the final scroll and placed her pen back in the holder. She stood up, straightened her cuffs, and spoke in her usual tone.
"Let’s go. Time to head back."
Kaede stood up with her. "Right."
They left the office building one after the other. The walk to their residence was short, but today, Mei deliberately slowed her pace. In the past, if she slowed down even slightly, Kaede would always stop and ask her what was wrong.
Today, he didn’t. He simply walked beside her in a silence that began to make her feel slightly uneasy. Yet, she couldn’t be the one to speak first. If this was indeed what she hoped it was, asking first would seem too eager; she would lose her poise.
Soon they reached the house. Kaede stepped to the door, took out his keys, and unlocked it. Mei followed him inside naturally. After removing her shoes, she looked up.
Kaede didn’t go to the kitchen, nor did he ask what she wanted for dinner. He simply stood in the center of the living room and turned around, his expression more serious than she had ever seen.
Mei’s heart skipped a beat. She draped her coat over the back of the sofa with a light touch, trying her best to appear relaxed and casual.
"What’s with you today? You’re so quiet."
Kaede looked her straight in the eye. Mei tilted her head slightly, a perfectly measured, faint smile playing on her lips.
"Are you thinking about the situation with Yagura?"
Kaede remained silent for a moment. He found that when the time actually came to speak, it was far more difficult than he had imagined. Once these words were spoken, the illusion they had maintained would vanish. Mei would realize that he had been playing dumb and deceiving her from the start.
But continuing to stall would only cause irreparable damage.
Kaede let out a slow breath, the oppressive feeling in his chest easing slightly.
"Terumī Mei."
He called her by her full name.
Mei’s heart leaped into her throat. He rarely called her that. In the office, she was "Chief." In private, he almost never used her name. Now, he was addressing her with such solemnity, combined with his strange behavior all day.
The sliver of anxiety that had risen in her heart was instantly swept away by a tidal wave of anticipation and joy. She looked at him, her breathing becoming shallow.
*Is it finally happening?*
She had waited so many days, exercising patience, inching closer, testing the waters. Had he finally... understood her feelings?
Mei had already planned her response. If he confessed, she would tell him that the Hidden Mist couldn’t do without him—and neither could she. As for Konoha, as for the missions, and as for that woman called "Pakura"... those things could be dealt with slowly over time. As long as he was here, as long as his heart was here, nothing else mattered.
Suppressing her wild excitement, Mei softened her expression, her voice carrying a tenderness she wasn’t even aware of.
"Yes?"
Looking at the expectation and joy nearly overflowing from her eyes, Kaede’s heart sank even further. He stopped beating around the bush.
"There is something I must tell you right now."
Mei nodded slightly, her eyes shimmering with encouragement. She was ready. No matter how clumsy his words were, she would catch them. She might even take the initiative to hug him as a reward.
Kaede paused for two seconds. It felt as though he were summoning every ounce of strength in his body before he finally spoke.
"Actually... I have those memories too."
A terrifying silence fell over the living room.
The soft, expectant smile on Terumī Mei’s face froze instantly. She stood paralyzed, as if a binding spell had been cast upon her, or as if she simply couldn’t comprehend the meaning of the sentence.
After a long while, she slowly lifted her head. In those beautiful emerald eyes, there was first a void of confusion. Then, all the light, the expectation, and the joy—like a sand painting scattered by a sudden gale—shattered in an instant.
"What... did you just say?"