Chapter 457: He’s Killing Us With Shitty Jokes!
Julie could already see the shift ripple through the crowd, the warmth they’d spent the last hour cultivating was evaporating fast. Faces that had been smiling moments ago now wore a look of doubt, suspicion, even fear.
Her lips curved into a thin, resigned line.
’Perfect.’ She thought bitterly. ’So much for all that preparation.’
She sighed and then turned slightly toward Cassius.
"You really should’ve covered those eyes of yours." She muttered under her breath. "They’re too distinctive, too damned recognizable. Half the continent could pick you out of a crowd with just a glimpse of them."
Cassius only smiled faintly, as though he’d been waiting for that comment, while Julie looked toward the crowd again, her mind racing.
"Do you want me to handle this?" She asked quietly. "Or Aisha, or Skadi? Because right now, these women don’t trust you. Not after hearing your name. If one of us speaks first, maybe we can ease them again."
Cassius glanced sidelong at her, utterly unconcerned.
"It’s alright." He said casually, brushing invisible dust off his sleeve. "No need to worry."
Julie frowned. "Cassius—"
He cut her off gently, still smiling.
"They’re suspicious now, sure. Everyone is, the first time they meet anyone else. But just give me a moment." He flashed a grin, calm, confident, even a little mischievous. "You’ll see. I’ll get them on my side with my comedy show."
Before she could question what that meant—he was already walking to the front of the stage.
The chatter in the hall fell away instantly. Hundreds of eyes followed his movements as he stood at the edge of the wooden platform.
For a moment, he said nothing, just stood with that gentle, disarming smile. Then, with a small bow of his head, he spoke.
"Forgive me." He began, voice smooth and polite. "It seems I should’ve been the one to introduce myself earlier, as I’m the one who brought you all here." His tone was light but respectful. "But I suppose fate beat me to it—many of you already seem to know my name."
A few uneasy murmurs rippled through the women. Cassius straightened slowly, his expression soft but steady.
"Well..." He said, spreading his hands lightly. "I won’t pretend otherwise. My name is Cassius Vindictus Holyfield, the third son of the Holyfield family. And yes..." He chuckled softly. "I am exactly the one the rumors talk about."
That earned a shocked wave of gasps. A noble admitting to that, to his own scandalous reputation, was unheard of.
A few women whispered in disbelief; others stiffened in their seats. And yet, as he bowed his head once more, there was something almost humble in the gesture.
Julie caught the flicker of surprise in several faces. Even the most cynical among them hadn’t expected a man like him to lower his head to peasants.
Cassius raised it again with an easy smile.
"Now, I know what you’re all thinking." He said. "You probably don’t like me. You don’t trust me. You’re wary, maybe even frightened. And I completely understand." He gave a quiet laugh that carried across the hall. "If I were you, hearing all those things about me and finding myself in a locked warehouse with me—I’d be scared too. Honestly, I’d be terrified of myself and would throw myself out the window to escape."
That got a few startled laughs, nervous but genuine.
Cassius’s smile widened. "But before we get to anything serious, I’d like to ask for your help with something much simpler."
He paused for effect, letting curiosity ripple through the room.
"Don’t worry." He added quickly, raising a hand. "I’m not asking for physical labor or anything tiring. I just need your opinion."
That earned a few confused looks. "Opinion?" Someone repeated aloud.
"Yes." Cassius said brightly, deciding to bring out the old tale that was always perfect for these situations. "You see, there’s this girl I’ve been seeing recently—before you jump to conclusions, no, I didn’t kidnap her or blackmail her." He added dryly, which drew a small wave of laughter. "I’m actually pursuing her properly. Or at least, I’m trying to—since every time she sees me she looks like she biy into a lemon."
The laughter grew. He waited, then went on, leaning casually against the podium.
"Now, the thing is, this girl, she loves jokes. She reads comedic poetry, attends plays, laughs at puns. So I’ve been...experimenting with humor." His tone turned conspiratorial. "But I can’t tell if my jokes are any good or if she’s just laughing to be polite."
The women were smiling now, curious despite themselves. Cassius grinned.
"So, since you’re all fine ladies yourselves, you must know how a woman’s mind works better than I do. Would you be kind enough to tell me if my jokes are actually funny?"
The crowd exchanged glances. No one spoke, but the silence itself was answer enough.
Cassius clapped his hands once, smiling brightly, his crimson eyes glinting mischievously.
"Alright, let’s begin. First joke. Tell me what you think."
He cleared his throat with exaggerated formality, shoulders rolling back like a bard preparing to deliver an epic tale rather than a ridiculous pun.
"Why did the skeleton refuse to fight the knight?"
The room went still. A few women exchanged uncertain glances, whispering guesses to one another.
Finally, one curious voice from the crowd called. "Why?"
Cassius grinned like a man revealing the punchline to a grand secret.
"...Because he didn’t have the guts!"
There was a beat of silence.
Then—
"Hahahahaha!~"
A burst of laughter cracked through the air, short and sharp, before spreading like wildfire. Not because the joke was clever, but because it was so bad.
Several women clutched their sides, trying to stifle giggles; others hid their faces behind their hands.
"Oh, heavens." one woman giggled, covering her face. "That’s terrible!"
Another shook her head, chuckling. "It’s so bad it’s funny!"
Cassius pressed a hand to his chest and gasped in mock offense. "Terrible? My lady, that was one of my finest works!"
The laughter doubled.
"Alright, alright." He continued with feigned dignity. "Tough crowd. Let’s see if this one fares better. Why did the noble bring a ladder to dinner?"
Someone near the front, already smiling despite herself, called out. "Why?"
Cassius’s grin widened. "Because he heard the food was on another level!"
The reaction was instant and louder this time, an eruption of laughter that echoed off the warehouse walls.
"That’s even worse!" Someone shouted, voice trembling with amusement.
"Why did he think that one was even better?!" One cried.
"But it’s funny!" Another countered between giggles. "I can’t believe I laughed at that!"
Cassius chuckled as though basking in applause.
"You see? My sense of humor is legendary."
"Legendary for how bad it is!" Someone shouted from the back, and that sent another ripple of laughter through the crowd.
"Exactly!" Cassius played along perfectly. "So bad, it circles back around to brilliant!"
And just like that Cassius didn’t miss a moment and continued to say the most horrendous ’dad jokes’ he could think of. And along with the jokes, the laughter grew, filling the room.
Every ridiculous joke that followed, each worse than the last, drew louder giggles and groans. Even the most suspicious faces began to crack into smiles, and soon the hall was full of warmth again, women calling out to him like he was a jester instead of a noble.
"Stop, stop!" One woman cried, laughing so hard her eyes watered. "You’re making us die over here!"
"Who writes these jokes for you?" Another teased. "They’re awful!"
"I do!" Cassius said proudly. "And if they’re awful, I’ll take full credit!"
The warehouse echoed with laughter.
Julie stood beside Aisha and Skadi, utterly dumbfounded. "He’s...actually doing it." She murmured. "They were ready to riot a moment ago, and now, he’s turned them into his audience."
Aisha chuckled softly. "He’s shameless." She said with admiration. "But effective."
"That’s Master for you! Only he could be so cool and funny at the same time!" Skadi smirked proudly. "As expected of the one I chose to give me his puppies!"
And indeed, there he was, standing proudly at the front of the stage, the so-called King of Debauchery—telling the worst jokes in the history of humor, while hundreds of women laughed and shouted back at him like he was a jester performing in a festival square.
What had started as suspicion and fear had turned into genuine laughter.
And for the first time, the crowd wasn’t looking at Cassius Vindictus Holyfield—the depraved noble from rumors.
They were looking at Cassius, the charming fool making them laugh.
—
The laughter went on until the entire warehouse felt like it was trembling from the sound. Women were wiping tears from their eyes, clutching their stomachs, and gasping for air.
Some stumbled to the floor, unable to stand from laughing so hard, while others leaned against each other for support, red-faced and sweaty, their breaths coming out in ragged pants.
"Please! Stop it, stop it!" One woman cried between bursts of laughter. "We really can’t anymore, please, no more jokes!"
Another wheezed. "I’m serious! My stomach hurts! My throat’s gone dry!"
A third flopped to the ground, fanning herself wildly. "He’s going to kill us with laughter! I swear, I’ll die if I laugh one more time!"
Their desperate pleas only made the situation funnier. The sight of so many women begging a nobleman to stop being funny was absurd in itself.