Chapter 37: My Way
Evelyn finished her song, her voice fading out slowly. She closed her eyes with a soft, calm smile, letting go — at least for now — of everything tormenting her in that moment. Bonnie watched it happen: that aching stillness wrapped around this woman in the cold blanket of moonlight, the silence, her gentle breathing…
She didn't know what to say about it. Maybe Thieving Cat had started singing simply because the moment called for it, or maybe there was something deeper behind it — but from where Bonnie sat, she couldn't see past the surface of Evelyn Crowley.
'She… really does love singing.'
But it wasn't just that, Bonnie was sure of it. Still, she couldn't speak on something she had no real insight into. So, setting those thoughts aside, finally breaking the silence after the song, Bonnie said:
"That was a beautiful song. Thank you for singing it for me."
Evelyn opened her eyes.
"Glad you liked it. I heard that same song once, in some cantina, from a drunk man playing it on a piano. The lyrics bring me a little peace whenever I really need it. After a heist, after killing someone, after running from the law… it's always comforting."
Listening to someone talk about crimes as if they meant nothing might have once unsettled Bonnie — but she was part of all that now. The things Evelyn saw as ordinary would, sooner or later, become ordinary to Bonnie too. Still, with all the darkness of this world thrown straight at her face, getting used to it was probably going to be a long, difficult road.
Either way, she took those words seriously.
"I see. That's a good way to settle the storm."
Evelyn nodded. Her soft voice, her gestures — quieter, more subdued than what she usually showed the rest of the world — were, once again, completely different from everything else about her. Another hidden side of herself, opening up to Bonnie… It felt like the two of them had grown closer than ever, despite how little time they'd actually known each other.
They stayed like that for several long minutes, which gave Bonnie enough time to reflect on her future in this world, and on her journey and everything that had come from it.
Every time she closed her eyes, she couldn't help but see all the misery that had been hidden from her for so many years. Every time she thought about it, her body trembled with horror, fear, sorrow… worry. She kept asking herself: how am I supposed to survive against monsters like that? It was that cult that planted the seeds of discord in her mind — but it was her own heart that let them take root.
There was no escaping it anymore. No — there never had been a chance to escape it. She had only been postponing the inevitable. That was the real difference between having one foot in the grave and knowingly chasing after things as aberrant as that cult.
Then she thought of the exorcists. The power they had used against the cultist was staggering — a mysterious white light that wiped out everything evil, or at least that was what it seemed to do, what Bonnie believed it did, since after the explosion, all that remained was the monster's robe and not a single trace of the creature itself.
'If I had power like that, I could face them without being afraid everything would end in disaster. But…'
The blonde girl.
'She's an entirely separate problem. Who is she, really? She led me to the circus, then casually told me I might end up like "them" — but I don't know what she meant by that. Maybe she knows something about me that I haven't figured out yet, but it's still all so confusing. Could she be part of the Devil's Cult, or some other sinister organization? I mean, she stopped time! She can appear next to people in the blink of an eye! None of it makes sense — but if it's tied to a Desert Ballad, like Victoria said, which Ballad would a girl like that be following?'
Outlaw.
Coward.
Devil.
Hanged Man.
'So far I've only heard mention of four Ballads, and I'm sure there are more out there. The Church's exorcists probably have one of their own, but I won't know unless I actually look into it — same as everything with the Devil's Cult.'
So many questions, and so few answers. Her head ached from all the thinking — though part of that pain came from the small burn on her forehead. The exploding coin had done its job, but with a little care the wound wouldn't leave a scar.
Setting all that aside, lost in her own thoughts, she let out a long, tired sigh, which caught Evelyn's attention. The woman stayed composed for a moment before her relaxed smile returned.
"You should come with us, Bonnie."
"Huh? What?" Bonnie said, snapping back to the present.
"I mean it — come along with us for a couple more towns, until you actually feel ready to survive on your own. I'd rather not leave you all alone after… that. Plus, you've got your own money now, you're a sweet person, and I don't think Victoria or Lady would mind having you around. You can come knowing you won't be a burden."
"Going with you all… I'm not sure. I said I'd go on my own, that everything would be on my own terms."
"And what exactly are your terms supposed to be? Wandering aimlessly hoping to stumble onto whatever you're looking for? I don't think that's really how it works, sweetheart."
That comment caught Bonnie completely off guard. Now that she actually thought about it, that was exactly what she'd been doing — wandering, hoping something would turn up. There were so many things that could lead her toward what she was searching for — but every single one of them came with real danger.
With no direction and no one to follow, she was lost in this abyss of uncertainty.
"Well, I… wasn't planning on doing exactly that, but it's not like I had much to lose by trying."
"Realistically, you'd just be wasting time. It's smarter to start small, instead of throwing yourself headfirst into the coyote's mouth like you did a few hours ago. Not that I'm any better — I did the exact same thing. Either way, there's nothing to lose by giving it a shot."
That was an excellent use of her own words against her. Bonnie was caught off guard, a little embarrassed that her own logic had been turned right back on her. Evelyn called herself rough-around-the-edges or whatever, but she kept proving she was a lot sharper than that, through both her words and her actions.
Evelyn rested a hand on Bonnie's bare shoulder and said:
"It's better this way. You'll get to learn — and unlike me, when I first started out as an outlaw, you'll actually get the chance to be around people who've already lived through what you're going through. Just think about it."
'That's… something I've already thought about before, but I never considered that it might apply right now too. They were strangers until just recently — Evelyn was, at least — but now…'
Victoria and Evelyn had both been strangers to her — but it had felt different with Evelyn. That was what finally pushed her toward a decision.
"Are you sure you're allowed to decide this on your own?"
Evelyn laughed.
"I'm an outlaw, sweetheart. I do whatever I want. At least until Victoria gets mad at me. I might be a free soul, but I respect my friends. And since you're one of my friends now too, that's exactly what I'm doing here."
"You… friend? I didn't think—"
"You helped me during the duel, you offered to patch up my wounds, and we've ridden together for a good long while now. To me, you're already my friend, and I like helping out my friends. That, after all, is my way. So what's yours, Bonnie?"
"My way…"
A way of doing things, of living, of surviving… Evelyn was completely free — someone who lived in the moment, no matter what anyone else had to say about it. But there was one small exception: the people she counted as her friends.
So what was Bonnie's way? Was there even something she could answer without it sounding like a worn-out cliché? She was a girl from the county, born into a life of privilege. Now that she had fallen this far as a person, what else was waiting for her?
She decided in silence, thinking through the perfect answer for Evelyn.
"My way is not giving up, even when everything's already gone to hell," she finally answered. She gripped the towel tighter around her chest and looked up at the moon with determination. "I know I can still feel afraid. I know I can still freeze up in the face of danger. I know I might think about giving up more than once — but I don't. I won't…"
Evelyn seemed to like that answer — but Bonnie wasn't finished yet.
Bonnie was thinking about the conversation she'd had with the real Bonnie. She had agreed to keep going as long as he wanted to as well — but she also had the option to give up.
'Evelyn was right. I can't start out at the top if the fall is going to be the worst possible one. I can still take this chance to learn from them. I told myself I couldn't afford to let this opportunity slip away, and I've just been forgetting that, as if it weren't even part of my own decision to make.'
That was what she really wanted. She couldn't back out now that she was already this far in. That was her way.
"So I'll come with you. As long as they're willing to take me in…"
"That's exactly the answer I was hoping for. If you'd said no, I was going to knock you out and drag you along by force."
"What?"
"Kidding. Don't look so scared. Though I did consider it as an actual option."
Worn out, Bonnie sighed.
'Is this really the same woman who told me all those things earlier…?'
A cube with countless faces… and a way of doing things, all her own.