Chapter 30: Fear
And so it was that, after being knocked out by a single punch from the woman known as Thieving Cat, Bonnie Jones drifted through the darkness of her dreams while pain tore through her mind. Still trapped inside that dark abyss of memories and buried thoughts that took the shape of her most tragic and most beautiful longings, she felt every fiber of every muscle in her body contract in a horrifying way.
At the same time, something rooted deep in her spirit forced her further down into the darkness, where the voices and the eyes of that demon watched her in silence, dragging her deeper and deeper with their shadowed hands.
As though she hadn't already asked herself this enough times in the past, she said:
"What is any of this supposed to mean?"
It was nothing but bleak nonsense. No answers, no questions, no clue beyond those eyes watching her. And still, she asked once more:
"Why does this have to happen to me?"
No answer. Of course — that was exactly what she expected. There was no one here to take her by the hand like some clueless child and walk her through the mysteries that had been dropped at her feet in a tangled mess of broken information. Robin's sister was in danger. That cursed bastard from the cult who had given her so many nightmares these past few days had gotten away, and on top of that, she had just gone through the worst pain she had ever felt in her life — for both Samuel Calloway and Bonnie Jones. And that was already saying a lot.
'What happened to me back there? Something… something was happening to me, but I… didn't understand any of it. No… I didn't understand a damn thing — like most of the awful things that keep happening to me!'
Lost.
Alone.
No answers.
No escape.
Bonnie curled into herself, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them tightly. She closed her eyes and stopped asking; stopped seeing more than she could bear; stopped thinking… She stopped doing everything she had been doing up until now — and then, something else happened.
"Wake up," whispered the real Bonnie. "Open your eyes."
Those soft words, carrying that mournful, gentle tone, became law. Bonnie's eyes snapped open, desperate. She thrashed violently where she lay, frantically reaching for her gun to fire on the monster hiding beneath that dark robe — but she couldn't. Her hands and legs were bound.
She looked toward whoever was responsible, only to realize, confused, that her head was resting in Evelyn's lap, who was watching her with a small, uneasy smile. Thieving Cat rested a hand on her head and stroked her hair gently.
"Stay calm, breathe deep, and don't let your mind spiral into chaos again. Back at the circus, you were one step away from becoming a failed monster of the First Stigma. You're lucky I got there before that happened. You were probably under a ton of stress, and combined with how fast your powers have been developing, it all came together into that kind of suffering — the kind that almost made you tear apart everyone in that tent."
Bonnie blinked a couple of times. She felt a deep anger, but also a quiet, hollow sadness. Frustration gnawed at her mind, and the helplessness made her sigh. She looked up at the ceiling — another tent.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"In a tent a good ways off from where you caused that scene. We're hiding from circus security, since you're quite the celebrity right now. Congratulations."
"That's not funny."
"It is to me. Anyway. Just stay like this a little while longer. Let all that pain fade out slowly while your body and soul finish absorbing the power you've gained. Listen to my voice, feel my hands… look at my face."
She did as Evelyn told her. Surrounded by old crates, damp ground, and the cold of a rain that still hadn't let up, it felt like it was just the two of them there, looking at each other in silence.
"That's it. Good girl," said Thieving Cat.
Bonnie closed her eyes and broke the quiet with her weak voice.
"Where's Robin?"
"Behind the crates. I left him brushing Capella's coat — figured he needed something to keep his mind busy. You have no idea how much that kid cried earlier, telling me everything you two found. And my God, you really are a magnet for tragedy."
"That's…"
"But don't worry about it. After all, outlaws are magnets for both disaster and fortune. One day we're living the best day of our lives, and the next we're falling apart at the seams. There's no in-between for people like us. It's one of the prices we pay for being what we are."
"I guess I understand that, but… how did you find me? Were you following me? I thought you weren't going to get involved in any of this."
In answer, that same small black cat leapt down from the crates and climbed onto Bonnie's chest. The animal curled up near her head and purred, remarkably at ease for a cat conjured by who-knows-what kind of dark power.
"Well, I know I said that — but I had a bad feeling things might go sideways. And since I'm leaving this city tomorrow anyway, I figured, why not. So I sent Cat to track you the whole way, so I wouldn't get lost following your trail on horseback."
"Horse… where is he?"
"Left him with Adam. He came with me too. Ran into him at the market. You should've seen the poor man — completely devastated. Felt sorry for him, so I brought him along. He should be off searching on his own right now."
"I see… I think I found one of the people responsible — but he got away from me. The pain was too much. I felt completely overwhelmed, and everything just turned so… gray. I was desperate, but I didn't understand why. I know now — but not knowing anything in that moment was awful."
"Yeah, well, you've still got a lot to learn. Especially about not throwing yourself headfirst into danger. You could end up with a bullet through your skull, you know."
"I know. It's just — I've never done anything like this before. Never chased down criminals while being one myself. Never followed leads on missing people. Never done any of this. I'm just completely out of my depth."
Evelyn didn't respond to that. She stayed quiet, stroking Bonnie's hair. She closed her eyes, as though trying to settle her — and it was working. Bonnie stopped talking and stared up at the canvas above them.
'I can't waste any more time. I really have to see this through. The longer I stay here, the more danger those girls are in. But the way I am right now, it's going to be hard. At least the pain isn't unbearable anymore.'
She rested for a few more minutes. The entire time, Evelyn never left her side, continuing to calm her in silence, the way an older sister might soothe a frightened younger sibling.
"Papa!" Robin called out from the other side of the crates, breaking the moment.
Bonnie opened her eyes. She noticed Evelyn's gaze shift toward the crates. At the same time, a horse's hooves came to a stop, and the boy's father swung down immediately to pull his son into his arms.
"Robin…? My God, thank goodness," the man said, his voice cracking.
Robin held onto him tightly, right at the edge of tears.
"They took Neira, Papa…"
"They took her? Do you know what happened to your sister?"
Robin nodded, and broke down completely.
"They took her! Those monsters took her, just like the missing girls in the newspapers!"
Adam stopped breathing for a moment, holding his son and staying completely silent, shaken by the revelation. Robin's sobs filled the space, mixing with the rain that kept pounding down hard.
That crying — the grief of a father and his son — lit a fire of rage in Bonnie's chest.
'I've already wasted enough time!' she thought, struggling against the ropes in an attempt to break free, but getting nowhere.
Still, there was someone who could help her.
"Evelyn, untie me. I have to keep investigating. I have to find those missing girls, and I can't do that tied up."
"Hey… You barely just came out of a breakdown, and you want to throw yourself right back into the same situation? You could still lose control and turn into a monster — that's exactly why I tied you up. It's better not to take that kind of risk for people you don't even know."
"I know they're people I don't know — but if I don't do something, more people are going to die, the same way they tried to kill me. I don't know what kind of horrible things they're trying to accomplish, but that's exactly why I want to get to the bottom of this. Not just for those girls — for myself too, because I don't have anything else left in my life besides this. I'm not Bonnie Jones, daughter of a mining magnate, anymore. I'm a damn murderer! I'm sure you know exactly what that feels like!"
Bonnie tightened her fists hard. Her voice was starting to break, her body trembling.
Until now, she hadn't really stopped to face what was actually happening to her. She had never been able to be fully honest with anyone about it. She had only ever told her story — never how she actually felt about that same story. Not even Samuel, the part of this body that had helped her hold it together, could keep that bottled up anymore.
All that pain, all that desperation, the fear and the loneliness she had felt… all of it came pouring out in the cracked voice of a girl who had never suffered this much in her life.
"And you know what? I'm scared all the time… I'm so scared! But if I stop and let myself sit in that fear, I freeze up and I can't move forward. So just like when I shot that man during your duel, I can't let myself think about what's holding me back. I have to keep going, or I'll lose myself completely. I've already let so much of who I was die. I can't let any more of myself disappear…"
Evelyn sat with that for a moment, as though she saw something more beneath Bonnie's words. She looked at her with quiet understanding and reached down toward her boot.
"I guess I don't know you well enough," Thieving Cat finally said. She pulled a knife from her boot and cut the ropes. "But that's life for you, I suppose. I've run into all kinds of people out here — but out of all of them, you might just be the craziest one yet."
Bonnie sat up and rubbed her aching wrists. She turned away from Evelyn, hiding the small tears welling up at the corners of her eyes.
'What the hell did I just say?!'
She had just poured out everything she felt to a woman she'd known for less than a week. Sure, Bonnie was an innocent girl and all — but Samuel was there too. Two souls weighed down by the same cruel life they'd both been thrown into — that kind of burden was hard to carry.
She got to her feet and brushed off her clothes. Without meeting Evelyn's eyes, she made for the tent's exit.
Thieving Cat let out a short laugh — more of a quick exhale than anything.
"Hey, sweetheart. Not so fast. I'm coming with you."
"What?"
Stroking the cat's head, Evelyn said:
"At the very least, this way I can make sure you don't turn into some unstable monster. And like I said — since I'm leaving tomorrow anyway, I don't mind going a little crazy for one more night. Might just end up pissing off Victoria for disappearing on her without a word."
Bonnie let out a relieved sigh. Before, she had been alone with a kid she barely knew — maybe that was part of why she'd felt so shaken — but with Thieving Cat by her side, everything would be a lot easier to handle.
"Are you sure about this? We're talking about going up against the Devil's Cult."
"As long as we keep our distance, their demonic magic can't touch us."
'I really hope that's true…'
The two of them walked out toward where the horses were. There, Adam was carrying Robin, who had fallen asleep in his arms after crying himself out. The man looked at them with quiet desperation, and Evelyn placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Go get your son somewhere safe. Once you're back, get on Storm and help us keep an eye out for anything that looks suspicious. Just don't get too close. You know exactly who we're dealing with."
"Yeah… the Devil's Cult."
"Good. Let's not waste any more time," said Evelyn. She turned to Bonnie. "We'll take Capella. She looks strong enough to carry both of us without losing much speed."
Bonnie nodded. She watched Adam hurry off through the crowd, shielding little Robin with his coat to keep him out of the rain.
"Where should we start?" she asked.
Evelyn pointed off into the distance, near the circus's main tent.
"I think I saw a terrified jester running for his carriage while I was carrying you over here. He's probably hiding out somewhere around there, and he might know something. I mean, he wouldn't have run like that if he didn't know anything. Plus, I caught him watching when I sent Cat out to distract the crowd. It was pretty obvious he recognized exactly what was happening to you."
"Is that so?"
"Of course it is. You'll see."
With a plan in mind, the two of them rode off. That same cat, which had been watching from nearby, darted ahead through the tents, cutting through shortcuts and leading the way for both women.