Year 2 – Shift 26 – Does Cody Have a Yandere Now? – Wynter
“This feels so much more…” Cody scratched his head. “Wynterian than Sara-coded.”
“That’s good. I like that.” Wynter gawked at the seemingly fully functioning early civilization on the other side of the entrance. “Still they/them for now, though. I mean, yeah, who doesn’t love Big Fat Box of Shit, but Sara can quote every word.”
“Even the skits?” Cody asked as he started down the single freshly paved but already somehow worn and cracked road.
“Every word.” Wynter scanned the distance as they walked along the sidewalk. “Should we…ask someone?”
Cody studied the people going about their everyday lives like they were on a 1950s Main Street.
“These are some weird shop names, sib. Dicks and Things. Genki Candle. Turtlenecks and Tacos…”
Cody stopped completely, staring in awe at the biggest building in town.
“Donkey Hotty?”
Wynter swallowed hard at all the familiar names. They raised one finger and pointed toward a conspicuously placed information booth.
“Maybe she can help us.”
They approached the single desk and chair in the center of town.
“Hello.” A young woman wearing what had been sexy twenty years ago over her delicate violet skin smiled brightly. “Welcome to Williamsburgland. I’m Sek Seebuttstuff, the town’s information specialist. How may I assist you gentlemen today?”
Wynter visibly winced.
“They’re enby,” Cody corrected immediately, kindly but firmly. “No male-gendered speech, please.”
Wynter shook their head in awe.
“I’m terribly sorry.” Sek sounded genuine. “How may I assist you folks today?”
“We’re looking to learn about the history of your lovely town.” Cody smoothed things over in a way Wynter had not expected.
“Absolutely!” Sek lit up like she loved her job. “Would you like a free tour?”
Cody leaned against the desk, caught his chin in one hand, and smiled devilishly.
“I would love to see Sek Seebuttstuff in action.”
Sek blushed and giggled. “Come on! I’ll take you to all the best spots!”
As she turned and led them into town, Wynter caught the tips of wings barely poking out from beneath her shirt. They narrowed their eyes and noted it as they approached a building that appeared to be just as nervous as the statue standing in front of it.
“This is Shitty Hall!” Sek gave a sweeping gesture. “Mayor Akijitters did a lot for this town by stopping the Mammal Sauce tax racket that almost bankrupted and starved us. He nervously fought off Williams and brought Crotchduster to the side of good!”
“No shit?” Wynter asked. “The Slippery Jim and Fornicus ‘Fuckmouth’ McFlappy are on the side of good?”
“Yes!” Sek smiled. “They serve the Queen of Everything!”
A jolt struck Wynter’s self-preservation center mast. They quickly restrained it, but not before Cody noticed.
“How about I serve you?” Cody stepped between them and ran a paw through his hair. “Can I get those digits?”
Wynter slowly turned a deadpan stare toward Cody.
“Bruh.”
“Please!” Cody insisted. “Continue the marvelous, wonderful tour. Does the tour go by your place?”
Sek’s eyes glinted, and one corner of her mouth rose almost imperceptibly.
Wynter saw it.
“It does! But let’s finish the tour first.”
“Fair.” Cody nodded. “What’s next?”
Her eyes brightened, and she motioned for them to follow.
“Right this way! Just around the corner is the Mammal Sauce factory.”
The smell drifting toward them was otherworldly. It was almost as bad as the time two roller derby teams got food poisoning from Taco Bell before their match.
Then they turned the corner, and Wynter confirmed the sauce’s color from the brown waterfall pouring into the industrial factory’s courtyard.
Wynter put one hand against the cement wall and stopped.
“I need a minute.”
Cody placed a steadying hand on their shoulder. “The Great Taco Bell Diarrhea Derby can’t hurt you anymore, sib.”
“I know.”
Wynter took several deep breaths to center themself, then looked up. Their eyes widened.
“Cody. Over there. At Brad’s Birria and Broccoli.”
Cody’s hairless double walked out of the restaurant holding a to-go Pepsi cup and slurping like a greedy pig.
“He’s alone.” Cody scanned the area. “We gotta follow him!”
“But what about my tour?” Sek planted one hand on her hip and pouted.
“Later!”
Cody took one step to dash away, but Sek grabbed the collar of his green polo and stopped him cold.
“Oh no, you don’t. You’re going to finish this tour! You’re my first one!”
“Okay!” Cody turned and smiled. “Anything for Sek Seebuttstuff!”
Wynter released a profound sigh and shook their head.
They knew exactly how to fix this.
“That’s what she said.”
For one long, tense moment, Cody’s eyes betrayed something Wynter couldn’t place.
Then he glitched.
“Bwahahaha!”
“Heyyy!” Sek stomped one foot and put her hands on her hips. “He’s miiiiine!”
“The cat can’t be tamed.” Wynter stared into the middle distance. “It’s like trying to shove an elephant inside a Spice Girl. You gotta come correct.”
Sek looked down at the rolling ball of orange fur, then back at Wynter.
“So he’ll date me if I…don’t eat his soul first?”
“When’s the last time someone said yes after?” Wynter challenged.
Sek narrowed her eyes. “Two hundred years ago.”
Wynter raised both hands, palms up, and slowly shrugged.
Sek looked back at Cody, who was getting up and brushing off his lederhosen.
“Hey. You’re really cute. Will you go out to dinner with me?”
“Sure.” Cody nodded.
“Wait, what?” Sek stared.
“Yeah.” Cody shrugged. “You seem like a cool person outside of my goddamn failed Will saves. But it’s whatever. You didn’t know.”
Sek raised a suspicious eyebrow and pushed her red-framed glasses up her nose with one finger.
“You’re not mad?”
Cody looked himself over and patted his body a few times.
“Nah. I’m in one piece.”
It was a look Wynter had seen a thousand times on Sara.
“But…” Sek’s confusion overshadowed the hot flashes running through her. “Why?”
“Hey.” Cody tagged Wynter on the shoulder and started moving. “We gotta take care of this, but see those guys behind us coming with, like…an army? Tell the guy up front, Chino, that you need my card. I look forward to it! How’s Thursday?”
Sek got caught in the whirlwind, blushing and gawking.
“Uhh. Okay. Yeah.”
“Sweet!”
Cody tracked his twin into an alley across the courtyard.
“Let’s go, Wynter.”
Wynter followed, half unsurprised and half completely euphoric.
Hearing Cody use their name so openly sent a rush of tingly correctness through them. Tears threatened, but Wynter pushed them back.
Mission first.
“What do you see?”
Cody peered down the alley from behind the closed-down headquarters of a company called Ziplinsomme: Zipz and Soupz!
“There he is. He’s going into the LIHDZ.”
Wynter’s eyes snapped wide. “LIHDZ? Here? How?”
Cody turned back toward them. “You ready to jump this fucker and get this shit started, or…”
Wynter stretched, cracking their back as they rolled out their shoulders.
“Let’s light him up. How are we doing it?”
Cody stalked purposefully down the alley. “I have no idea. You? Mancymancy.”
Wynter understood the assignment immediately.
“Got it. Win at all costs.”
“Exactly.”
Cody reached the door and pushed it open.
He didn’t realize he had stopped in horror until Wynter walked into him.
“Hello, Cody.”
The hollow-eyed sphinx catfolk held a long, glinting knife against Jeffrey McNichol’s throat.
“Come in and close the door. We’re going to have a conversation.”
Cody slowly entered. Wynter followed and took in everything they could.
It was definitely a LIHDZ, judging from the painfully familiar nineties décor, but something was different.
Jeffrey McNichol looked cool as a cucumber in a vibrant red button-up covered in green, blue, and black birds. Blue suspenders held up their black pants, and two cameras hung around their neck.
Another employee, a thri-kreen whose nametag read Earl, was tied up in the corner.
“Are you okay, Jeffrey?” Wynter asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Jeffrey McNichol waved, then winced when the knife pressed closer. “I’m fine!”
“What do you want?” Cody asked flatly, knowing there would be no negotiating with him.
“I don’t want anything.” The mirror’s eyes crawled all over them. “You followed me. Now sit over there, and we’re going to wait until my friends arrive.”
Cody looked around, gave Wynter a knowing nod, then turned back toward the catfolk.
“Okay. No problem.”
The mirror snapped his icy glare toward Cody.
“Right over there by those stylish Patagoochia hats.”
Wynter shuffled behind Cody, keying in on the path.
“Hey. Wanna go to Wangs for dinner tonight?”
Cody shrugged. “Meh. I was thinking about that new place in Etokuso’s third ward.”
The catfolk watched them intently, visibly disturbed.
“Sit!”
Cody sat beside Wynter on the floor in front of the table.
“I think it’s called the Blue Waffle.”
Wynter chuckled. “I’m so glad we live there. Nothing is fucking sacred, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“What are you doing?”
The catfolk shoved Jeffrey McNichol aside and approached, waving the knife in their faces.
Cody looked up. “Sitting down. Like you said.”
“Why aren’t you scared?” he hissed.
Cody shrugged but offered nothing else.
“You have to hear this new song by Fuck Face Powerdrill. It’s, like, so hype.”
“Shut up!”
The catfolk hissed and held the knife against Cody’s throat.
Cody leaned back, casually side-eyeing him.
“Dude. Bro. We understand that you need the fight to be fair. We won’t start until they get here.”
“I could gut you where you sit!” He leaned closer.
“Okay.” Cody nodded and looked back toward Wynter. “I think I need to get my taint checked after that apple fritter accident.”
“Why aren’t you scared?” His hands visibly shook.
“Because your friends aren’t here.” Wynter nodded slowly, speaking as slowly as he was. “We’ll be scared when there’s a threat.”
“So, anyway…” Cody began as the shop bell rang.
The mirror snapped his gaze toward the door.
“Get out of here!”
Sek stood in the doorway, her cute yellow sundress swaying in the wind.
“Do you like your organs where they are? Because this is how you get them rearranged.”
The mirror narrowed his eyes. “How dare you—”
“I wasn’t done.”
She strode confidently toward Cody.
“See, Sausage, that cutesy-wootsy catfolk over there agreed to go on a date with me, so I suggest you leave him alone.”
The mirror stared, baffled, as the adorably hot woman stood with the knife’s tip against her dress.
“My name isn’t Sausage. It’s Gavin! Sit down with them before I kill you all!”
“Oh my God!” Jeffrey McNichol lit up. “Bush is my favorite band! I love ‘Glycerine’!”
“What?”
Gavin swung wildly and aimed the knife toward Jeffrey, leaving himself open.
As he turned, Wynter waved their fingers and created a perfect clone beside Jeffrey McNichol.
Gavin hissed. “Where’d you come from?”
Silent Images didn’t talk, so Wynter capitalized with Mancymancy.
“Meatier Swarm!”
Cubway meatballs began falling from somewhere high in the vaulted ceiling. The first struck Gavin in the forehead and left a streak of marinara down his face.
“What?”
He reached up and wiped it away as several more struck his chest and shoulders.
“Nicholas Cage!”
Wynter created a cube of force around Gavin.
Gavin went berserk, hammering against the invisible walls while being absolutely shithammered by the meatball storm now contained inside the quickly filling box.
Jeffrey McNichol and their clone began complimenting each other’s identical Balki outfits.
Gavin stopped playing.
His marinara-covered features hardened. He struck the barrier once.
Twice.
The third blow shattered the spell.
A mountain of meat rolled across the floor around him as Cody and Wynter finally stood.
“Can I join?” Sek slipped between them.
The purple and yellow contrast triggered something in Wynter they couldn’t explain.
“Need a weapon?” Cody drew his MyThrill short swords and offered her one as Gavin brushed himself off.
“Nah. I got this.”
Sek pulled a small eight-inch silver pole from her hip.
“What’s that gonna do?” Cody shrugged. “Give him a good time?”
Sek smiled and pressed a button on its side.
In less than a second, the pole extended into a massive, vicious, razor-sharp scythe.
“Yep.”
“Zasalamel would be jelly.” Wynter raised their hands, ready.
Gavin didn’t give a monologue.
He moved.
His first strike went directly for Cody’s throat. Cody parried easily and redirected him toward Sek.
Sek hooked the scythe beneath Gavin’s leg and yanked, throwing him onto his back. As the scythe came around, its point descending toward him, Gavin rolled aside and launched a fan of throwing knives.
The first two missed and embedded harmlessly in the wall.
The next buried itself in Wynter’s thigh.
Another hit their hip.
A third sliced through their clothes and cut across their ribs.
“Fuck!”
Wynter screamed as they got fucking Mancy.
They pointed above Gavin.
“Cow!”
A cow materialized directly over him, but Gavin was already kipping up and lunging toward Sek when the bovine smashed through the floor.
“Moooo!”
Sek easily dodged the lunge, turned, and struck Gavin’s back with the shaft of her scythe, pushing him toward Cody.
Cody baseball-slid between Gavin’s legs, sack-tapping him like a champ as he passed underneath.
Cody regained his feet quickly and jumped toward Sek. She held her scythe parallel to the floor.
He planted both feet against the handle, launched into a high backflip, and landed a kick that knocked Gavin through the front door and sent him crashing face-first into the street.
“Are you okay?” Wynter turned toward Jeffrey McNichol, who was talking to their clone. “How did you get out here, anyway?”
“Yeah!” Jeffrey replied. “Sara said to open more locations, so I did.”
Wynter tried to process the speed of Jeffrey’s arrival, then moved on.
There were bigger problems.
“Let’s get him!” Sek bounced with happy murder energy.
“Whoa, whoa.” Cody stopped her. “This is dangerous work.”
“I’m a dangerous girl.” Sek winked. “And I’m ready to leave this fucking place. Can I just, like…come with you?”
Cody looked toward Wynter and shrugged. “We’re about to do a big boss battle.”
“Even better.”
Sek licked her lips and unfolded her wings, stretching them wide.
“Hope you don’t mind these.”
“They’re fucking hot,” Wynter said as they pushed through the front door.
They froze.
Gavin stood outside, brushing himself off beside someone they had not been ready to see.
Alenikka.
“I guess I have to deal with you the hard way.” She shook her head.