Chapter 41: Lesson in Goblinoids
“S-so, uh, is there anything I can uh, do?” Pinklia asked as she awkwardly paced around the walls of Dryholm with May and Hope.
“Yer job is t’ keep me ‘n Hope here from gettin-” May shouted, being cut off by an arrow being grabbed from the air by Pinklia.
“- Our ‘eads shot off!” May laughed as she looked at the goblin raiders.
“12 RAIDERS COMING IN FROM THE SOUTH GATE! 8 KILOMETERS AWAY!” Hope shouted towards the southern garrison.
Winter wasn’t quite over but bands of particularly plucky goblinoids were trying their luck at raiding the settlement early.
“OI! RHINEY! Hurry up ‘n get em!” May shouted, pointing towards the far off band of goblinoids.
The trio of ladies had established a fairly concrete plan of defense.
Hope could see clearly much further than any marauders could attack, she was look out.
Rhiney could crush these bands before they could arrive, so May sent them out.
Any that managed to sneak through would be dealt with by Pinklia.
It was an effective system for the most part.
But unfortunately, Goblinoids were not known for being easy to deal with.
…
“Tell me about Goblins, Orcs and Trolls, why are they working together?” Utarou asked casually as he rode besides Rufus.
“Eh?! Whatcha mean? Why wouldn’t they be workin’ together?” Rufus asked, confused at the nature of the question. Penelope loudly sighed from just behind the two men, to interject her opinion.
“He’s from another world dufus, the fact he’s bothered to separate them means they’re different factions in his world.” Penelope sighed.
“Uh, yeah basically.” Utarou added, deciding that agreeing with Penelope was easier than trying to correct her.
“Well I’m not an expert but…” Penelope began, a smug grin appearing on her face as she prepared her statement mentally.
“... Goblinoids are a class of demi-human defined by straying off the holy path. Goblins are typically small, agile, capable of healing quickly. Orcs are larger, stronger and out of Goblinoids they’re the ones who have any capacity for magic. Trolls are the meanest and smartest, usually the leaders if in a group but you usually see them alone in the North Western region.” Penelope explained cheerfully.
“Wait a minute, Orcs can do magic?” Utarou asked incredulously.
“Well yeah, they’re the most human.” Penelope explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“They don’t work that way where I’m from.” Utarou sighed.
“Really?! Say, Utarou, you should tell me about that other world.” Penelope asked, unsubtly moving her horse to ride next to Utarou’s.
“Uhh, yeah, sure… I guess.” Utarou mumbled, he’d have to get used to answering questions if he’d want to become a teacher.
Which to be fair, he didn’t, it was just a means to an end.
The end of course being his Monster Girl Utopia.
…
Kinnby crawled through the thick wheat fields of Dryholm.
“Me’s gonna find good way in… Me’s gonna make top man so proud… Top man give me’s a big promotion… Womenfolk’s and gold’s…” Kinnby thought to himself as he crawled through the fields.
Kinnby was a goblin of the Long Big Red Streak Tribe.
He’d been born into the tribe, his mother hadn’t.
He was one of 18 children, 5 that survived into adolescence.
Kinnby was the lowest of the low in Goblinoid society, an Outman.
An Outman was a goblinoid from another tribe, despite being raised in the Long Big Red Streak Tribe he was always going to be an outsider thanks to his mother being an Notwoman.
Goblinoid society was not pleasant, but Kinnby didn’t know that.
All he knew was that if he impressed Topman, he’d be rewarded.
“Brothers are stupid, they thinks they run fast they get in… Kinnby sneak… Kinnby get shouty woman… Kinnby kill shouty woman… Kinnby take head to Topman… Kinnby become Brotherman…” Kinnby thought as he reached the cliff that made up Dryholm’s mountainous walls.
He’d made it further than any other goblin in his tribe, and he’d matched the most impressive orcs as well.
Kinnby was demonstrating what made goblins so difficult to deal with.
They quite readily used up their ranks in discovering new ideas, and readily adopted the most successful of these ideas.
Despite the average Goblinoid having the intelligence of a vegetable, their complete lack of shame and ego allowed them to adopt ideas and adapt rapidly to new situations.
They were the cockroaches of Aurora, the harder a kingdom tried to eradicate them, the better equipped the survivors were to continue living.
Kinnby of course, knew none of this.
All he knew is that he’d nearly climbed to the top of the walls, entirely unnoticed.
It was partially a fluke, a fat disgusting wart clambering up your walls was obvious if you were looking for it, but the garrison was distracted with other things.
The top of the wall were Pinklia, May and Hope, all focusing on threats further away.
Kinnby scrambled up, grabbed his dagger and charged at May.
“EEEK!” Pinklia squeeled, smashing the goblin’s head in, watching as its lifeless body fell to the ground.
“Damnit, WHO TA HELL IS WATCHIN’ THE WALLS FA CLIMBERS?!” May screamed at the garrison.
…
“... So that’s why you can’t let a goblin live. They’ll just come back in a bigger and smarter group.” Penelope explained, giving various macabre examples from the fairy tails local to her region.
“Right, but are any of them hot?” Utarou asked seriously.
Rufus, Penelope and even Garf stared at Utarou in disbelief at the question.
“No! NO! Dear god NO! Why would you even…” Penelope choked as she physically vomited at the thought.
“If’n you ever wanted to find somethin’ what made me puke two ways till sunday… A goblin wench is it.” Rufus shuddered.
“They are, vile.” Garf added.
Utarou looked at Garf in disbelief.
“You can talk?!” Utarou exclaimed. Garf simply nodded.
“Wow, that bad huh…” Utarou sighed, Goblin girls were on the edge of his Monster Girl list anyway, but to think he’d have to do so much work to make them tolerable was a shame.