Self-Summon [Demon Summoning/Evolution LitRPG]

“Ngh.” Angelica’s latest attempt to get out of bed proved unsuccessful, just like the several before it. There were plenty of reasons to not vacate the comfy trap. Her new stone pillow was so damn cozy that her head was practically glued to it. When she was an Imp, it didn’t matter too much what she laid on as long as it was soft, but now as a puck, her new neck appreciated the extra support. Even now in her human form, it was like the cushion from Hell had latched onto the back of her head.

Besides that, somewhat physically restraining her was Cherub, who had decided to lay across her foot, which didn’t look comfortable in the slightest. He’d actually spent most of the night in his own stone bed, but just like a cat, he left that comfort to lay in the most awkward position imaginable. On top of that, she was still a little tired, not having the best night of sleep, tossing and turning from the weird dreams caused by the previous day’s adventures. But the primary factor as to why she’d so far failed to get up and start her day was a simple one: she was depressed.

The state of mind wasn’t a foreign concept to her, spending the better part of the last year afflicted with some varying level of depression, which had greatly led to her executive dysfunction and reclusion away from society. Ever since becoming a Demon, forcing motivation and routine onto herself with Orders, her depression had all but vanished, the mental disease relegated to the back of her subconscious. But as of this morning, it was back in full force, one of the worst crippling cases she’d experienced in quite some time.

A lot of it had to do with recent events. She’d almost died again. The heat of battle and her determination to win had seen her through, and since she was immediately sent to Hell thereafter, she’d never really had the time to process it. On top of that, her Evolution hadn’t gone as she’d hoped. Yes, a lot of that was due to her own ignorance, and she’d made great strides in accepting the bug she’d become. The path to remedy it was clear as well, but that didn’t stop her from dwelling on what could have been.

And then… there was happiness, or lack thereof. Like suffering withdrawal from a drug, the addicting happiness she’d stolen had only shown her how far away it still was in her life. Now that every ounce had faded, it only highlighted the hole that was missing. In an attempt to remedy this, she’d tried out two orders: Angelica, be happy, and, Angelica, stop being depressed.

[Order Resistance Lv.7]

[Obstinance increased]

All either did was cause Order Obligation to rapidly inflict her with agony that exponentially grew by the second since she wasn’t obeying. So as it turned out, while a Named Order could make her physically do anything, it couldn’t affect emotions. While that was reasonable, and somewhat comforting that a Summoner couldn’t force something terrible on her through that avenue, her normally powerful ability proved useless to assist her. Well, it at least proved that depression wasn’t something people could just turn on and off as people without it would sometimes claim. “Just stop being sad.” Would if I could!

Since those two were essentially impossible Orders to obey, they hadn’t even given her a full percentage of progress on Order Rejection when she forced them away. What was still steadily climbing though was Order Resistance. She’d actually watched the percentage steadily tick up for the past few minutes despite those emotion Orders being kicked to the curb. It had actually slowed down a bit from earlier, making her theorize that the same training method used repeatedly provided worse results over time, which would explain why she no longer got any Transfiguration experience in her base human form. She’d never really checked if other human identities still made the number go up, but she definitely wasn’t in the mood to currently test it.

As for the Order she was currently resisting, it was none other than her ever-persistent lifeplan Order. Since she was being a bed bug, lazily laying there while making no progress toward anything constructive at all, it had deemed that she was in defiance and was inflicting Order Obligation upon her. The amount was extremely mild, hardly anything compared to the failed emotion manipulation, but it was still noticeable, like a weak but constant headache, which only served to make her feel worse. And it slightly grew in prevalence over time. If left unchecked, it would likely be a good while before it ever really affected her, since her lifeplan was supposed to take basically her whole life after all.

Maybe she needed to tweak the Order to allow for more consideration in caring for mental health, but at the same time, trying to get her out of bed wasn’t exactly wrong of it to do. Getting up and doing something was probably the best thing for her, how to move past this and work on bettering her mental health. She knew that, she really did, but damn… it was hard.

To make matters worse, she knew of the quick solution to feeling better: Leech Happiness. She could go find some random person who was having a good day and borrow some for herself. Or she could take advantage of her Accomplice and call up Gawk, ask him for another hangout, and sap him dry. But she had to reject all thoughts along those lines outright. Otherwise, as she became more addicted, she’d fully transform from a Demon to a happiness vampire that went around attacking random strangers and stealing their emotions in the middle of the night. That really would be the end of her humanity.

Angelica winced when her phone buzzed, having been holding it in her hand since she last checked her messages. That was assuredly the biggest contributor to her depression demanding her attention once more. She checked the sender to confirm her suspicions, making a lovely cocktail of guilt, anxiety, and aggravation knot in her stomach; Mom.

『Angelica, don’t tell me you’re ignoring me again.』

That was the latest in a line of six messages this morning, on top of another seventeen from the previous day, which she had yet to respond to any of. Angelica genuinely would have, but she’d been a bit busy yesterday, and Hell didn’t exactly get great reception. The more she read through the messages, the harder it came to respond.

There were a slew of questions from the mother asking when her daughter would be willing to meet up. Where they could go. And when time went on, the suggestions turned into demands for feedback. As of this morning, they’d been a mixture of passive aggressive and just regular aggressive about how rude she was being for not responding and cruel for making her mother worry again, especially after they’d just opened the dialogue once more.

Damn, woman, chill, it’s only been a day! That’s what she desperately wanted to say, but damn did she not have the guts. All her Demon Worth meant nothing when it came to facing this foe. It made her wonder if she’d made the right decision in reaching out at all, second guessing if it was even worth trying to reconnect their relationship. Annoyingly, she still wanted to, and even if she didn’t, it would seem Corticia wasn’t going to let her be, even if she made that choice.

『Do I need to come down there, Angelica?』

Fritsing hell! Well, if nothing else, that bomb of anxious discomfort was enough to jolt her upright, jerking her out of her wallowing. Because this was something she had to shut down immediately. Her mother coming to her apartment in its current state would be a disaster. Not the cleanliness, that wasn’t the issue anymore. Rather, the stench of Demons and Summoners was all over, in both a literal and figurative sense. She could disable her visible Deterring Field, which would help remove the obvious problem. But if the woman came inside, there was a giant flashing banner in the form of an intricate Summoning Circle on her floor that refused to be hidden. So she had to keep her mother away at all costs.

Or… did she? Maybe it was best to just come clean, end this farce, throw herself on her mother’s mercy and hope that enough familial connection remained that she didn’t end up disowned, dissected, or dead. If she made a tormented enough face and pleaded something along the lines of, “Help me, mommy!” Maybe that would be enough for everything to come out in the open and resolve peacefully. Ugh, no dammit! That… that was something her mother would do. Angelica damned her increasing Malice, making her think such manipulative things.

Maybe it could actually play out properly that way, but there was far too much risk. And frankly, there wasn’t enough mutual trust or respect between them for such a bomb to be dropped. Her mother was keeping just as many secrets, if not more, and she’d never deigned to clue her daughter in on any of them. There could be good reasons, sure, but damned if it didn’t feel dividing. If there was any hope that their hidden lives could be out in the open, first they needed to repair their relationship, be a proper parent and child that could actually lean on each other. And hard as it may be for Angelica to admit, she longed for that connection more, to have a supportive mother again, more than she’d want the support of an experienced Summoner to guide her through the supernatural side.

And because the secret still needed to be kept, came the prime reason for her depression that trumped everything else. She needed to obtain Identity Fraud before she could meet her mother. Up until this morning, that truth hadn’t really clicked. Yes, she knew her mother was a Summoner, and that Summoners could likely scry anyone and everyone through their Bound Demons. But somehow, her mind hadn’t made the connection yet that she’d need to be so on guard around her mother in her human form, the woman she’d known and been mostly open with her whole life.

It was quite possible that Corticia never would use Scrying Eye on her, but the woman was so damned nosy, that she quite possibly couldn’t help herself. In fact, there was a good chance that she’d been doing it for all of Angelica’s life. No wonder she’d always been so keen to pick up on any subtleties. Sometimes the woman would even know that her daughter was sick before she did. Maybe it presented itself as a Status Condition.

Angelica had planned to get the Identity Fraud enhancement for Transfiguration soon regardless. But only after Auto-Color, so that she could get back into diving into art. That was the big reason her mood was so down. Once more, she’d have to delay it. Before this realization, she’d planned to spend the day drawing so much Merlina’s Boutique with her new power, showcasing Merlina’s trip to a strange land where she makes a new weird but endearing friend, drawn properly in color for the first time! It would be a huge jump in the comic’s quality since she’d have the ability to give it more care with her limited time to dedicate herself to it.

Sadly, that had to be put on hold, and that’s what really hit her hard. She’d been working her ass off as an Imp to save up for the Skill, and that was saying a lot since her ass had been a huge chunk of her body as a Puffball. But despite that, things kept getting in the way. She let out a deep sigh, then made the healthiest shift to get her out of her funk yet. I need to stop dwelling on what I can’t do, and focus on what I can do.

The first step in that was to reply to her mother. If the woman didn’t get a response soon, there was a very high chance she’d make good on her threat. Annoyingly, her flurry of emotions basically made her vomit angsty words on her keyboard for a bit. So those were deleted, and then she tried again from scratch with a cooler head. After a few more tweaks, she reluctantly sent it.

『Sorry, mom, I just woke up. Was out yesterday and didn’t have good service. I’m not trying to ignore you, but I’ll be busy for a few more days. I’ll let you know when I can meet. Looking forward to it.』

She added that last blatant lie to make the last message sound less aggressive overall, but hopefully it laid out a clear boundary while still delivering a reasonable timeline.

『Okay, I’m sorry. You know how I can get. But don’t keep me waiting for too long, please.』

Damn, that message was sent back fast. Was the woman just staring at her phone? It was a workday, and she was one of the most influential people in the city, but even she was dealing with her family dramas and anxiety? She kind of wanted to ask Divining Ear to ask about her mother’s state and actions, but decided it was better to proceed with her headcanon since it was honestly making her feel better.

Hopefully that would buy her a few more days. So it was time to take stock. DGS, how much can I level up right now?

[Would you like to spend 633 Essence to reach Puck Lv.3?]

Yes.

[Puck Lv.3]

Great, that brought her up to eight GP, and she needed ten total. Damn, if only she hadn’t wasted one on that scuff ass Oppression Skill, she’d be in much better shape. Still, it wasn’t a monumental task. Checking her screen, she needed a 369 Essence for Lv.4, which going off the exponential curve—already much nicer as a Puck than an Imp—should put her around four hundred and change for Lv.5. She needed roughly 780 in a few days, and that felt doable if she really committed.

Except… ah, of course… Zenmoon! Yes, she was still under Contract with Vystal. Maybe she didn’t need to fret at all about this. It wouldn’t surprise her if her efforts with clearing the Malignant Geyser and securing the Runestone mine got her at least a thousand Essence. Or maybe that was getting her hopes up too much. Still, it was a good place to start. So it was time to pay her Summoner friends a visit. Well… after she managed to perk herself up a bit more.