Melia the Magnificent

It was late when Melia and the princess finally returned to Moeldywn’s private palace. Many servants lingered in the entryway as if in anticipation of serving their liege, who arrived unannounced and looking somewhat windswept and disheveled.

Melody held herself with the same quiet resolve and dignity she always seemed to wear in the presence of everyone else, except Melia, doing her best to ignore the fact that her clothes were ruffled and her hair was slightly out of place. An aging man, a dapper silver fox in a crisp black suit who might have been the head butler, also ignored the state his mistress was in.

“I have returned,” Moeldywn said regally.

“Welcome home, your highness,” the man bowed low, and all the servants followed in unison.

Melia found the sight amusing, like some pageant playing out for the benefit of no one, a skit without an audience. She smiled, looking fondly at all the maids and servants gathered to welcome her friend home, thinking how wonderful it is to be loved.

And paused as she counted exactly how many servants were lingering in the hall. Melia counted 27.

“Wow,” Melia chirped brightly. “That’s a lot of staff.”

Most of the servants probably noticed her walking in Moeldywn’s shadow, but a few swiveled their heads down in surprise, not expecting a tiny guest. But the most bizarre part was how a large fraction of them froze, wide-eyed, staring at her in terror.

She wasn’t currently a dragon. Why were they so scared? She didn’t even have her horns and tail out!

The butler raised a single eyebrow as his impeccably trimmed mustache twitched, and he turned to Moeldywn for instruction.

“Staff,” Moeldywn sighed in resignation, “Meet our very esteemed guest, Lady Meliastraza Obsidianheart. Dragon. Present yourselves.”

Melia gave an energetic wave and a cheesy grin, all while the gathered servants tried to collect themselves. Melia saw one younger maid with her mouth falling open and stared at her directly, waving harder.

“Oh,” Moeldywn said as if remembering a tiny detail as an afterthought, “She can see through [Stealth].”

Nearly all of the gathered servants reeled in shock, and nineteen of the twenty-seven butlers and maids shimmered slightly before quickly straightening themselves. Melia tilted her head curiously for a second before she realized what Melody said.

Oh, so that’s why they looked so surprised; they were supposed to be invisible. Oops. Well, this visit should be interesting, at the very least, if she kept stumbling on sneaky servants lurking in the shadows, thinking they were going around unseen and Melia not even realizing they were trying to hide.

After several moments of simple directions and instructions, a flurry of servants whisked Moeldywn away to fuss over her while the rest returned to slinking around in [Stealth]. Melia was sorely tempted to [Stealth] herself and mimic them, wondering how long it would take them to figure out she was following them around, but two maids approached her.

“If you’ll follow me,” one of them said, and Melia felt it would be far too rude to refuse.

Melia quickly got lost as they led her through various halls and wings, though she almost considered that a win if she was going to spend any amount of time here in the future, and they let her roam around exploring. But it was late, Melia was finally starting to feel sleepy, and before she got into the nitty-gritty of poking her nose where it certainly didn’t belong, she needed to meet back up with her friends. And all of that could wait until the morning. The maids showed Melia to a beautiful room far too large for her needs, which appeared closer to a small house in her eyes, and freshened herself with a very quick bath (little more than a dip in some water), reluctantly getting out before she could fall asleep and drown. After all was said and done, she changed into some different clothes (her [Dancer] gear felt appropriate for sleepwear), clambered on top of a king-sized bed, and promptly fell asleep.

​

“Why am I not surprised?”

A voice woke Melia up, and she roused herself in a mild panic. It was pitch black, which was worrisome since Melia could see in the dark, and it felt like she was being actively restrained. These puny binds were no match for a powerful dragon; she would soon have her freedom…! Though, they were surprisingly elusive, and Melia’s arms and legs couldn’t find purchase on anything as they flailed about.

Eventually, a hand reached down and yanked the covering off her head, revealing the owner of the earlier voice and looming face to be none other than Jessica.

“Huh?” Melia asked very intelligently, blinking her large eyes owlishly. Jessica was bending over, hands on her knees as she stooped low, which was odd, because Melia should have been higher up than that.

Jessica reached forward, flicking a soft fold of sheets off of Melia’s head and untangling a horn from where it snagged a loose thread of fabric. Ah. Blankets. That’s what Melia was swimming in. And somehow, she’d sprouted the horns and plopped out the tail? Perhaps that was just her default sleeping form now? It was comfortable; shame she needed to actually get up.

Melia rolled to the side and made an absolute burrito of herself. All of the pillows and blankets had been stripped from the massive bed, leaving a bare mattress in a frame, where they then piled onto a giant heap on the floor, into the center of which Melia was stuffed like the jelly filling of a donut.

“What sort of great and terrible dragon are you supposed to be?” Jessica smirked, watching Melia wiggle around helplessly. “Stay still. Let me get you out.”

“Fear me,” Melia boasted with a yawn, even as she did as she was told. “You have stumbled into my innermost sanctum.”

“The inside of a ball of yarn, maybe,” Jessica grumbled. “There. Why were you sleeping on the floor? These beds are amazing.”

“I dunno,” Melia shrugged. “I started on the bed.”

“Maybe it wasn’t den-like enough?” Y’cennia suggested. Melia looked over and saw the catgirl and the [Paladin]…but no [Mage]. “Where’s Ellesea?”

“She already went to class,” Al said.

“Oh,” Melia nodded. “Wait, what time is it? I didn’t oversleep, did I?”

“How should we know?” Jessica snarked. “I don’t know when you planned on getting up. It’s only like 8:30. Ellesea left early.”

So it was still firmly in the morning, then. That was fine.

“What’s everyone else’s plan today?” Melia asked. The others glanced at each other but didn’t seem to have a set schedule.

“I was thinking about visiting the Bastion of Light,” Melia said, turning to Al. “I could use a guide finding my way around if you want to come.”

“I’d be more than happy to give you a tour,” Alastair said with a genuine smile. “At least for the areas I have access to.”

“That could be interesting,” Jessica nodded. “I don’t have any better ideas.”

“If we can escape,” Y’cennia said, somewhat darkly. Melia looked at her in shock. She could be mistaken, but Melia assumed the others had enjoyed their stay in the castle so far. At the very least, they didn’t look mistreated, and now that Melia was really looking, Y’cennia was practically glowing.

“You haven’t been mistreated, have you?” Melia asked. “Melody’s staff seemed really keen to pull out all the stops to make us comfortable. If you found something unacceptable, I can talk to her and make things right.”

“No!” Y’cennia nearly jumped in panic. “We’ve been treated great! Practically like royalty ourselves! The castle staff has been amazing, if anything, they’ve been too kind and maybe went overboard…actually, it isn’t even the castle staff, but your servants that are the problem.”

“My servants?” Melia tilted her head. Since when did she have servants?

“Your three giant maids?” Y’cennia hissed. “Look, they’re sweet and all, but-“

Whatever Y’cennia was going to say was instantly stopped by the opening of the door. Her eyes darted to the three figures walking in, landed on one person in particular, and she froze as her face cycled through a whole host of emotions. It was brief, but Melia caught something close to excitement in there before the catgirl hid it behind dread, and Melia was very curious to know what that was all about, so she turned to the newcomers.

And she, too, froze.

Especially as each one of the three giants approached her, knelt down onto their knees, and bowed almost reverently to her.

“Mistress, you’ve returned.”

The one to speak for the other two was an elf. Not a high elf like Brandy, but a forest elf closer to a human with pointy ears. Melia’s jaw dropped through the floor; she did know these people. And they weren’t “servants”, they were [Retainers]. Though perhaps in this world, those two were one and the same.

“Lethia?” Melia squeaked, her voice a pitch higher from surprise at finding people who by all rights should not exist. The kneeling elf gave a radiant smile as tears started falling down her cheeks, but she was quickly blocked by the second woman, who moved in front of her without a word, picked up Melia in a crushing hug, and squeezed her as tight as she could manage.

Melia could only guess that if she wasn’t a level 3700 dragon in disguise, she would have been squished to paste. Or at least that’s how it felt from the intensity of emotion infused in that embrace.

Even after several seconds, the giant woman didn’t let her go.

“Hello, Layalee,” Melia eventually said with a grin once she regained her composure.

“You oaf, let me have a go,” an impatient voice said to her side. Melia turned to see a giant catkin, very similar to Y’cennia, with orange-and-black tiger-striped hair and emerald eyes, looking at her longingly. L’menia looked positively miserable, in that paradoxical sort of way that said somebody was so overwhelmingly pleased, happy, or overjoyed…that their emotions had looped all the way around to flushing all of the tears and snot out so nothing could be left inside except elated joy.

“No,” Layalee said with a euphoric smile, her high and squeaky voice nearly making Melia laugh.

But she shouldn’t laugh, not really, since she herself was the only one to blame.

Instead, she allowed herself to be smothered and laughed instead at L’menia, whose ears instantly flattened and her eyes promised dire retribution upon Layalee later…for, Melia could only assume from how she was feeling, being denied her favorite chew toy.

But, as Melia initially thought, these people shouldn’t be possible, for a whole host of reasons. She and Brandy, and all of her friends from the game whose statues she’d once seen, were connected to this world by virtue of being players in the game. People like Penny and Princess Moeldywn were all npcs tied to the lore of the game. Melody, in particular, Melia expected to find in the world once she understood that she survived. As a member of the royal family, it made sense that she’d be real. Even Jonathan at the bank had been a teller in the game, standing silently to assist players with their banking needs.

All of these people were created by the developers to do a specific task or serve a particular function. If all the lines of code suddenly came to life, or if some cosmic deity decided to emulate the game and create a world around it, these people would make sense to be there.

Melia’s [Retainers] were entirely shaped and created by her. All player [Retainers] were. If a player never created a [Retainer], it never had a reason to exist. It wasn’t like there was a bank of people sitting around in storage, where a number got reduced every time one was chosen from a prefabricated cache of options.

Creating a [Retainer] was very similar to creating a new player character, with sliders, options, and all; and besides all of that, having a [Retainer] was entirely optional in the first place.

If a player wanted to hire a [Retainer], they first needed to go to the player housing representative npc. Technically, a player didn’t need to own a house (or apartment) to hire a [Retainer], but their primary function was to act as a streamlined interface for players to manage their housing affairs. Their ability to assist or supplement crafting and gathering classes was secondary, but popular enough to be a fully supported service.

Once at the housing association, players needed to speak with the [Retainer] liaison, who acted as a go-between for [Retainers] “seeking work” and Visitors seeking help. The npc then asked several questions to “help ensure a perfect fit,” which, in truth, brought the player back to the character creation screen they had used to create their characters. All the original sliders were there, as well as a simple yet effective “personality selector” where players could choose two archetypes to smoosh together and create their [Retainer]’s personality. There were even several options for voice pitch and accent to give the pre-recorded, canned voice lines a little more life.

Melia had spent nearly as much time designing her [Retainers] as she had herself…which, okay, to be fair, wasn’t all that much. She knew exactly what she wanted from her body, and she knew exactly what she wanted from her [Retainers].

She made them all, physically at least, as drastically opposite from herself as she could.

That’s why she chose a forest elf, the tallest variant of elves, and a northern barbarian, a hulking variant of human released after the Titanic Tundra campaign, which were essentially gigantic Vikings and Amazons.

Lethia was the first she created, and Melia supposed she would be the leader of the three. Melia would never admit it out loud, but she chose an elf in part because she wanted to be reminded of Brandy even when her best friend wasn’t around, though she didn’t want to make her a high elf and copy her directly. Lethia was the tallest, with the slider putting her at 8’ 4”, and Melia gave her a…heft, that the trim and slender elves were definitely not known for. She felt it matched the personality she was going for: the calm, big sister type. And, again, she’d never say it out loud, especially to Brandy’s face, but the shape was extra fitting, especially after Brandy started going to college and put on the dreaded freshman 15.

Layalee was amusing to Melia. She wanted to create “super strong supermodel,”…which obviously wouldn’t be a viable body type in real life. But, because vidya game, where things like the horrors of Skyrim existed, her [Retainer]’s body was like putty in her hands. Layalee was soft, but she had shoulders and biceps that would make any Mr. Universe weep. Northern barbarians were gigantic to begin with, putting Layalee at 7’ 8”, and Melia chose the strong, silent type for a personality. As an npc, she would often talk in ellipses during dialogue scenes, and then end with one or two simple lines, like “very well,” or “understood.” Because Melia thought it would be hilarious, she gave her the highest-pitched, most bubbly voice available. The juxtaposition would be startling.

L’menia was the last [Retainer] Melia created, and even though she had the least work go into her, it didn’t mean Melia didn’t create her with heart. She was, of course, tall, standing at 7’ 4” tall, the tallest she could create a tiger-based beastkin. Her mouth was sculpted into the classic “uwu” smirk, her eyes always flashed with mischief, and her personality was a mashup of “energetic” and “playful”.

Melia never considered how these people would ever function in real life, because they were fictional characters she designed to be her companions. She treated them like they were real, yes, but she knew the difference between play-acting and delusion. Melia liked to imagine her character would have hired these [Retainers] in particular because she was a small gnome in a big house, and she always needed help getting things down from tall shelves. They’d fuss over her, closer to older siblings than employed servants, making sure her basic needs were taken care of, because Melia was, more often than not, a tiny bit oblivious.

And here, in real life, Melia drank them in as her eyes pored over their forms, her imagination given birth in the most bizarre way. Layalee eventually passed her to L’menia, who then paraded her around the room, twirling like a ballerina, while crying tears of joy.

Once she was back on her feet, catching her breath from all the air that was squeezed out of her chest, and steadying her dizzy head from all the spinning, her [Retainers] stood.

It was a good thing the ceilings were extra tall, because Lethia alone seemed to fill the room. Layalee flexed slightly as she adjusted her position, and even when standing at rest, she looked like she could break a linebacker in half. L’menia…looked like she was about to run out the door and frolic on some flower-covered, grassy hills, not a single care in the world.

Melia didn’t know what to say, so she opened her mouth and let the first words fall out.

“You’re here,” she said, and she wasn’t surprised that her voice cracked and dripped with need. These were, perhaps, the npcs she had seen the most out of every single character in the game, since they always appeared at any home she owned or whenever she summoned them at various bells placed around the main cities. She’d see them at least twice a day, since she had strict log-in and log-out schedules, and she made sure to do so back at home.

“Where else would we be?” L‘menia instantly said, her body swaying to some internal beat.

“It’s where we should be,” Lethia agreed, giving a single decisive nod.

“You have no idea how hard it was to keep them from tearing the kingdom apart when you left.”

Melia peeked around the [Retainers], finding Moeldywn standing in the open doorway.

“The last thing we needed after the Age of Upheaval was a [Boss] level [Berserker] going on a rampage.”

Layalee stood up slowly, walked calmly toward the princess, who froze, slowly tilted her head back so she could see the woman’s face, and gulped.

“[Tidy],” Layalee said. Her hands shimmered as they became a blur, making tiny sweeping motions and micro adjustments to Moeldywn’s gown and hair. It only took a second, but that small itch from a misplaced piece of thread was gone, and she swore her necklace was sparkling. She blinked twice rapidly as the woman stepped back, looking satisfied with herself.

“You are in my house, woman,” Moeldywn griped. She could begrudgingly admit that the [Retainer]’s skill did, in fact, fix something her own maids hadn’t been aware of, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“Yes, but you’re in my mistress’ chambers,” Layalee said triumphantly, as if that solved everything. Moeldywn gave a wary look to the hulking woman and shook her head. This was too much energy, too early in the morning.

“Whatever. I’m getting breakfast.”

With that, she turned and stormed out of the room.

​

Melia, Alastair, Jessica, and Y’cennia all followed Moeldywn as she made her way toward the dining hall. And it was a hall, one of those uselessly large rooms with a table so big that Melia could play a round of shuffleboard on it with the drink coasters.

Not that she would.

But she could.

Moeldywn sat down at the head of the table, as natural as a monarch who was used to such things, while Lethia steered Melia toward the opposite end.

The table was vast, sized for a banquet, and judging from the number of seats on each side, could hold at least two dozen guests. Melia amused herself with the idea of devising hand signals to gesture for someone to pass the butter if it was at the opposite end, just as Lethia began pulling back her chair.

“If you sit over there, Meliastraza,” Moeldywn said loudly, but conversationally, “Then we will have words.”

Melia could hear the unspoken threat, but she could also hear Lethia chuckle. It seemed her [Retainer] had a subtle sense of humor. But Lethia pushed in the chair and led her back around, past all the other unused seats, eventually pulling out the chair to Moeldywn’s right.

Lethia pulled the chair back, but before Melia could climb aboard, a pair of strong hands swooped down and secured her around the middle, gently lifting her into place, before pushing her in.

Her [Retainers] really were attentive, weren’t they? At least two of them.

L’menia, on the other hand, waited patiently behind Y’cennia, pulling her chair back and patting her head as the [Alchemist] got settled in. Y’cennia grumbled, but all the vinegar was leeched from her hiss.

As soon as Jessica and Alastair took their seats, several servers bustled in as if on cue. Dishes were placed on the table in front of them, and Melia couldn’t help but wonder…this surely couldn’t be Melody’s normal arrangement, or else she’d never maintain her figure.

“Let us begin,” was all Moeldywn said as a server piled a generous serving of food on her plate.

Several seats down, Melia could hear Alastair muttering a prayer of thanks to Celestara, and for the next several minutes, nobody spoke, content to break the night’s fast with a luxurious feast.

Melia didn’t feel the need to try to break the silence. She sat, content, and it occurred to her how blessed she was. Before the last couple of days, it never would have occurred to her that she had a family waiting for her inside the game, longing for her return. Not that she could have done so any sooner, but any doubts about her ties to Horizon, and the kingdom, were settled. Perhaps, after checking on Brandy and making sure she was well looked after, she might visit the mansion in the mountains with her name on it. It would be good for Brandy to have a place to move into where Melia could also turn into her real form without worrying about crushing a neighbor’s house. There was enough room for all of [Sunrise] and her [Retainers] too, if they wanted to join her, and sure, it might need a little repair, but Melia had the skills to fix it. Life was good.

“No, somebody stop her!” shouted a voice from a hallway behind a door. Maybe she spoke too soon.

“My lady, you can’t go in there. We’ll bring your breakfast out in a minute!”

Was somebody trying to crash their quiet, peaceful morning?

Melia glanced around the table at the plethora of unused seats. Half of which were at the far end of the table, practically at the other side of the room. Depending on who it was, Melia didn’t mind sharing some space.

“Somebody hold her! Jewel, wait!”

Melia chuckled. Jewel? Sounded like some sort of stuck-up rich girl. Who named their daughter so…ostentatiously?

Melia’s hand holding her fork slowly stalled. Wait. Why was “Jewel” ringing bells? Especially after all the encounters over the last two days.

And what was taking them so long? If somebody was marching down the halls defiantly, surely they wouldn’t waste any time before barging in on them unannounced. And yet, everybody at the table had plenty of time to finish their bites, wipe their mouths, and make themselves presentable before turning to face the entry. Moeldywn, for some reason, sank into her chair and held her head in her hands, groaning.

As if on cue, the doors at the far end of the hall burst open. Everybody paused, bristling in anticipation…for, apparently, nothing. A dark shape slowly trundled forward, evidently as unstoppable as the passing of the seasons or the march of time…which, given the location and many members of the company present, that fact could be debated.

Two maids, what looked like a [Chef], and several stable hands in heavy leather outfits were all trying in vain to halt the object in its slow, ponderous tracks. Nearly a dozen people, appearing flustered, haggard, and worn down…were being dragged around ruthlessly by an absolutely enormous turtle.

“Jewel!” Melia gasped as the name finally clicked. A small, wrinkled head lifted from somewhere beneath a shimmering dome, and a pair of black, beady eyes sparkled with unbridled joy. Melia stood suddenly in her chair, her meal entirely forgotten, as she heard Melody behind her groan.

“Why is it the turtle? Why is it always the turtle?”

“Oh, my baby girl, come to me, sweetie!” Melia bounced impatiently on her seat. The gigantic turtle, which had paused in its unrelenting march, strode forward once more…pushing several servants aside as if they were nothing more than a curtain of beads dangling in front of her face.

Jessica choked back a peal of laughter, watching the reunion inevitably happen.

Eventually.

The turtle would get there, soon enough.

Y’cennia whacked her on the back to stop her from hacking up a lung, and still the turtle had barely covered half the distance to the table from the door.

A mere 20 feet at most.

But Melia couldn’t exactly hop down from her perch and meet her halfway…because she wanted to look the determined mount in the face when she finally reached her destination.

And Jewel was not small.

Like everything Melia put her hands on in this world, it seemed, this turtle had grown to prodigious size.

It was said that the Galapagos tortoise could reach up to 5 feet long and weigh more than 900 pounds. This particular specimen was almost double that.

Jewel was technically a sea turtle, awarded as an extremely rare drop from select rare, elusive [Fishing] nodes, called a [Diamondback Terrapin]. In truth, it looked more like a tortoise than its real-world namesake, but the similarities were in silhouette only. “Jewel” earned her name because of the defining feature of a [Diamondback]…which was very, very literal.

Her dome-like shell was entirely encrusted with precious gems, rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and, of course, diamonds.

“Holy shit,” Jessica muttered in awe as she eventually regained her composure. “That thing has to be worth a fortune.”

“You have no idea,” Moeldywn groaned. “I have her appraised every year, and she’s worth more than an entire holding of cattle and sheep.”

Melia ignored them. Jewel had finally trundled close enough so that when Melia held her arms open wide, a gigantic head rammed into her stomach and carried her forward, chair and all. Melia, obviously unharmed, simply giggled madly with glee and rubbed her hands soothingly in all the good spots in the hard-to-reach areas of the turtle’s neck. Eventually, Jewel’s momentum finally died out, and Melia clambered onto her back, where she stood like a fearless explorer conquering the unknown.

“Onward!” Melia cried, and they…moved. Slowly. Lethia took up a position slightly behind them to the left and Layalee to the right, following them with extremely amused expressions as they only had to take a step every second or so to keep up.

“You could do better with a horse,” Moeldywn finally grumbled, having given up on caring and returning to her meal. “Jessica, have you tried the quiche? My [Chefs] tell me it’s a new recipe. I think it’s quite good.”

Jessica jolted; the absurdity of dining with an ex-queen and being waited on by overpowered [Retainers] finally caught up with her. She looked imploringly over at Moeldywn and waved a hand toward the mounted gnome, who had made it a third of the way around one side of the table.

“Are we just going to ignore the fact that we got party crashed by a turtle the size of a small hill?”

“Yes,” Moeldywn replied instantly. “L’menia, please hand Jessica the quiche.”

“Yes, your highness.”

Jessica stared at her plate, dumbstruck, just as Melia passed her by.

“Who’s a good girl?” she kept cooing at the turtle, who seemed to delight in the praise, and her speed increased infinitesimally.

When Melia finally made it back to the center of the room, Jewel stopped, though clearly not because she was tired. It was unclear if the unstoppable object could get tired. She was slow, yes, but…inevitable.

At that moment, a faint twitch of movement caught Melia’s eye. She whipped her head up just in time to catch a different dark figure slinking into the room, this one under the effects of [Stealth]. It was a powerful stealth, the strongest Melia had seen yet, because the figure was actually partially invisible, even to her. It was like somebody had taken the opacity filter and set it to 75 percent.

Nobody else in the room seemed to be able to see it, but that didn’t mean they didn’t react. Noticing Melia’s sudden movement put her retainers on edge, instantly drawing their weapons and setting themselves before [Sunrise] defensively. Interesting, Melia thought, that they knew to protect her treasure, because she herself didn’t need it.

Not that she would have with this “intruder”.

In fact, it wasn’t an intruder at all, and was something Melia was intimately familiar with, to the point she was shocked speechless.

A Nightsaber, a gigantic cat resembling a sabertooth tiger, with midnight-blue fur and glowing eyes, walked soundlessly along the perimeter of the room, deftly avoiding the panicking servants and the staff on high alert. Once it was directly across from Melia, it crouched down on its haunches, opened its mouth wide…and lunged forward.

“Midna!!!” Melia squealed at the top of her lungs. The Nightsaber winked into existence the moment she made contact, letting out a low growl as she sailed gracefully through the air, swiping Melia from her perch without so much as skimming Jewel’s shell.

“Oh gods!” Jessica jumped to her feet, her chair clattering to the ground behind her. “She’s gonna get eaten! Hey, do something!”

But the [Retainers] finally relaxed, while Moeldywn slunk down in her chair, utterly defeated.

“Why did I want you back?” she muttered to herself, sounding very tired. “I suppose this makes things more lively.”

But Melia was too busy getting licked to death to respond. Midna, being a cat, had pounced on her quite like she was a mouse. Also, being a cat, decided she would groom Melia, or perhaps discover whatever fascinating tastes lingered around her mouth, licking her energetically.

Not being a dog, Midna’s tongue was thankfully dry, but it felt like sandpaper and physically moved Melia with every stroke of the tongue. It was also larger than Melia’s whole torso, and Melia found it quite ticklish.

Moeldywn eventually decided to have mercy on the squealing gnome. She got up, walked serenely up to Midna, and kicked her in the side. For her part, the Nightsaber simply paused, giving her a haughty look that said, in no uncertain terms, “Is that the best you can do?”

But it did give Melia enough time to recover.

“Oh, Midna,” she sighed, delighted that her favorite mount, the one she had grinded for on every single one of her characters, had made the transition.

Really, she should be terrified, staring up at a set of fangs as long as her arms, into a mouth that could swallow her whole, but she could feel the love and excitement from her first bond, stronger than ever.

Melia gave both of her mounts a second look over.

Jewel’s shell was exceptionally shiny, polished to a show-worthy gleam; her legs were strong, and there was no dirt or wear or any signs of stress or discomfort.

Midna, too, was immaculate. Her coat was glossy and sleek, clearly well kept, and nothing suggested that this was anything other than an animal in its prime, not some elderly creature waiting to expire.

Melia felt a surge of emotion welling up inside: gratitude, satisfaction, and overwhelming happiness.

“She’s taken very good care of you, hasn’t she?” Melia told her mounts, but the words were obviously meant for somebody else. She turned in time to see Moeldywn hiding a small blush. She waved a hand, as if such things were trivial and unimportant.

“Think nothing of it,” she said regally, but Melia shook her head.

“No, I think the world of what you’ve done,” she said honestly. “You’ve watched over everything that’s important to me, in the time I’ve been gone. You even found Brandy. That means more to me that I think you’ll ever know.”

“Well, I am your princess,” she said in a clearly pompous voice, but her smile betrayed her. Melia was about to protest again when a sudden thought hit her. She slammed a fist into a palm before digging through her inventory.

“Oh! I know just the thing! Wait a second…where did I put that…oh! Here! You can have this!”

Normally, Moeldywn would not be interested in petty gifts, nor would she ever be surprised by them. She was old, and she had seen much that the world had to offer.

But Meliastraza Obsidianheart was neither petty nor predictable. Moeldywn sat up, and despite the wisdom her many years had given her to remain cautious and vigilant, she couldn’t help but feel a little excited.

Until Melia whacked a rock down onto the table.

Moeldywn stared at it, uncomprehending, casting [Identify] on it over and over. With each cast, she only grew more and more apathetic.

“Meliastraza,” she said in an “I-don’t-get-paid-enough-for-this-shit” tone of voice, “What…is that?”

“This?” Melia asked innocently, batting her eyes. “I got it from a [World Boss] I killed the other day.”