I Hate Dungeon School

"How to explain this in a way that isn't going to make things seem really, really, really weird?" Eira sighed, rubbing her hands over her face.

"Just go for it. I'll keep my peace until you're done. Deal?" I reached over and patted her shoulder reassuringly.

She sat back up, took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and looked me dead in the eyes.

"Ok, so I told you my mother was the Bloody Commodore. And even though she's technically retired, she still runs the pirate fleets in the Swordwind Sea. There's a whole pirate government thing that's not important. So, anyway, when she became the Commodore, she decided she was effectively the queen of all pirates, and she then decided that a proper queen has a harem, and since she likes men and women, her harem has both men and women. I forgot how big she says it got. Rhys, do you remember?" Eira turned to look at her brother.

"Something like fifteen? The number changes every time she tells the story, I swear." He laughed and continued his rowing.

"Fifteen? Gods above and below, how would you...how even...how big was the bed?!" I sputtered at the thought of it. I had enough trouble navigating one romantic relationship; the idea of juggling over a dozen was absurd.

"Anyway, over time, she kind of trimmed down to three. Elf man, elf woman, human man. She herself is a human. Thus, the half-elf stuff. So eventually she and the other woman start having babies, and mother, in her infinite wisdom, declared that since she was the Queen, all of her harem's children are hers no matter who they came out of, and no one recorded who gave birth to whom. And that is how I have eleven siblings. Six sisters, five brothers. All humans, elves, and half-elves." Eira said, looking at me, waiting for a response.

I sat there in silence for a while, processing all of this. I had thought my family life was confusing, but four parents, eleven siblings, all part of some pirate government, was a lot.

Honestly, it made the aristocracy of Burgotova and all their machinations and dreams of restarting the slave trade seem delightfully quaint. There is one thought that pushed to the front of my mind.

"Is that why you want out? Family stress and stuff?"

Eira leaned back and looked up at the stars for a long time.

"Most of my siblings are involved in the trade. Some of us left, took up normal lives. Many stayed. I've never committed to leaving or staying, and I'm running out of time before I have to make a choice. And I have. I want to stay a dungeoneer, but more importantly, I want to stay with you, Alta." Her words gave me a warm feeling deep in my heart.

"Sorry, you two, I know you're having a nice heart-to-heart, but we're passing the Deep Grave. It's active tonight." Rhys interrupted the moment.

Eira put her finger in front of her mouth, and she extinguished the wisp of light that had followed us the entire time.

We sat there in that deep darkness, nothing but the light of the moon overhead to show us anything.

Except there was another light. It was coming from below us. Which seemed a very odd place for light to be coming from.

I carefully peeked over the edge of the rowboat and looked down. It was hard to see in the gloom and ripples of the water, but something was moving down there. Something was walking, almost like a person, but slow, through what looked like rubble. I still couldn't figure out the source of the light.

It was a familiar color. A pale shimmering green. It made my chest tingle a bit.

"How deep is the water here?" I asked, while trying to figure out what I was seeing.

"A few thousand feet, if my reckoning is correct. Might be deeper. No idea how far down The Deep Grave goes." Rhys whispered.

"Then what the hell is that down there?" I gasped as I ran the math about the size of the thing.

"Kraken. Built like some sort of half man, half octopus, half crab. Half dragon thing. They've been far more active than usual, and it's been scaring the locals. Shau-gan especially. Isn't that right, Ca-tau?" Rhys said to the other person on the oars. They nodded. I realized this whole time that they hadn't removed their face covering. Or said anything.

I swore I saw movement in the corner of my eye and looked out on the ocean, but in the darkness of the night, even when illuminated by the horror beneath me, I couldn't see anything. I guess I just wasn't used to the movement of the ocean, and the atmosphere of the whole night was making me jumpy.

"Wait, how can anything be four halves of something. That doesn't add up." Eira snarked at Rhys, breaking the tension immediately.

"Hey, I didn't go to a fancy school like you, I don't know math!" He shot back at her.

"I went to a school for fancy grave robbing, you ninny, that has nothing to do with math. You're just a dumbass." She hissed at him.

"Don't hiss at me. You'll attract the kraken!" He tutted at her playfully.

She glowered at him, but said nothing. I had never seen her annoyed in this particular way. Her relationship with her family was vastly different from mine. I was a little jealous, all oddities aside.

Soon enough, the light faded, and we once again were submerged in the inky nighttime darkness, the moon hiding behind a cloud.

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"I think we're ok now. Once the light goes out, we're usually safe." Rhys said in a tentatively louder voice.

"What in all the hells was that? I mean, the kraken is one thing, but what was with the glow? It felt weird." I looked back at the dark water, that feeling lingering like a bad smell.

"No one really knows. Some pearl divers found some ruins down there once upon a time, but the kraken chased them off. Some kind of ancient city from the Endless Empire era." Rhys said dismissively.

"We should be near the island soon. Any questions before we get there? I want you to be prepared for any weirdness. But what I think is weird and what you think is weird are vastly different things." Eira said, getting my attention.

"I don't see the island. Are you sure we're close?" I asked, craning my neck towards the front of the boat. All I saw was more ocean and darkness.

"It's there. I made this trip a lot growing up; I just have a sense for it." She shrugged. "Anyhow, questions? Comments? Concerns?"

"I think I'll just see how things turn out. I'll do my best not to embarrass you, my sweet." I patted her hand softly.

"I'm more worried about them embarrassing me rather than you doing it. My siblings are a lot. Hells below, my parents are worse. I just want you to have a good time, get some rest after all that crap over the winter and spring. Forget your idiot sister, and those idiot trees, and the idiots who roped you into all of it." She held my hands in hers and caressed them with her thumbs.

"Oh my gods above and below, can you two wait till we can get you a room before you start being saccharine? Please? For me?" Rhys made a dramatic gagging sound.

"There is a reason you will die alone and unloved, Rhys. This man shall never have a wife and will spend the rest of his days on a rowboat till the sea claims him." Eira rolled her eyes and sighed with over-the-top dramatics.

"Shows what you know. I, Rhys Medwin, am not built for loving women, and thus all the maidens of the world weep! I'll find my man one day! I'll show you!" He laughed, a sound punctuated by the sound of some kind of seabird.

What sea bird was out here? I got my answer as soon as the clouds parted, revealing the moon once again in its full brilliant glory.

There was a dark shape in the near distance. That must be the island, I mused.

We approached it quickly and rowed towards a cliff face. At the bottom of it was a little outcropping, which we turned towards. As we approached, I saw it was a cavern, much like the one we had left at the Harbor. Instead of a dock, there was another portal on the other side.

Rhys and the other rower pulled their oars aboard, and I felt the boat get pulled along by the current. It moved a bit quicker than I was expecting, and I found myself gripping the side of the boat tightly, to the point I was pretty sure I got a splinter.

"It's ok, Alta, it's perfectly safe," Eira assured me.

"I mean, unless we hit something," Rhys added.

"Not helping, Rhys." Eira glowered at him.

"I'm aware. Just having some fun, sister mine! She is quite right, Red, this is perfectly safe." He chuckled.

I prickled a bit at being called Red, but I decided not to make an issue out of it.

We rushed along through stone passages, till we emerged into moonlight, finding ourselves surrounded by greenery on all sides of the river. They were trees unlike any I had seen. Tall trunks, wide leaves, and some kind of round fruit at the top of them. I kind of hoped they were edible. I wanted to try as many new things as I could while I was here.

I could see faint lights in that forest, and sometimes I swore I saw some kind of stone structures hidden in those depths. I noted them for later.

Soon, the trees were behind us, and we found ourselves in a larger body of water. The other side was bright and warmly lit, which I realized were lamps of some sort. I quickly realized there were a series of buildings, like small huts on stilts, partially in the water. And on the land itself was a larger building, like the fancy inn we had stayed at, but much bigger.

There were people too. Lots of them, milling about on the beach. I could hear music and laughter on the gentle night winds. I realized my jaw was hanging open as I took in the sight.

I looked down to see Eira smiling at me, her head resting on the back of her hand. It was a warm but bemused look. I smiled bashfully.

"Sorry. This is just, really, really neat." I chuckled nervously, absolutely positive my bashful blush must have been clearly visible despite the night.

"Don't worry about it, my lovely. We're as safe as we can be here. The only way into the island is that passage, and the entrance of the bay here, and both are well guarded. The only things we have to worry about are getting enough rest, relaxation, and avoiding getting too drunk on fruity cocktails!" She beamed at me.

"And dealing with family dramaaaaa!" Rhys added, yet again unhelpful.

"Stow it, or you'll become best friends with the fish!" She snapped at him, her voice slipping into that strange accent again, as she shook a fist at him.

I couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing.

Soon we pulled up to a dock, and as soon as I stepped off, I was surrounded by women and men wearing shockingly little, and I found a drink put in my hands and several rings of flowers put around my neck.

Before I could even get my bearings on what was going on, a man with broad shoulders, a shaved head, and an eyepatch stood before us, pulling Eira into a huge embrace.

"My daughter has returned to me! It has been so long, my dear Eira!" She gave her a squeeze, which caused her to make a strained squeak.

"Put me down, please and thank you! I need air!" She managed to get out.

"Sorry, sorry! It's just been a long time! What, two or three years? It doesn't matter! You are home!" The man turned to look at me and narrowed his one eye at me. "And who is this?"

His tone struck fear into me, like I was some kind of bell made of pure anxiety. I awkwardly held out my hand. "My name is Alta, sir. I'm Eira's girlfriend."

He glared at me for a long moment before taking my hand. He gave it a firm squeeze. I knew exactly what he was doing. The machismo of it, testing my mettle via something as simple as a handshake. Two could play at that game.

I returned his squeeze, my nervousness turning to determination. We held the grasp for a tense, quiet moment before he smiled and then pulled me into a hug too.

"You're alright, Red! Welcome to the Island of Doubloon Lagoon!" He said as he released me from the embrace. I gasped for air as I regained my balance.

"Thanks, Dad, but as much as I'd love the full welcoming committee, we've had a rough week or so. Can we have a place to rest? A private place." She said firmly.

He nodded with understanding and pointed to one of the stilt huts not far away.

"That one is for you two. Honeymoon suite, of course." He grinned mischievously.

"Good. Listen, we're going to sleep, and we'll catch up in the morning." Eira said firmly to both her father and her brother. "Do. Not. Disturb."

He held up his hands and moved aside for us to pass. The one named Ca-tau grabbed our bags for us, something for which I was eminently grateful as I suddenly felt exhausted.

Eira scooped me up in her arms, and I let out a little peep of surprise as she did it. It was far from the first time she had done it, and likely far from the last, but it still started me every time.

"Goodnight!" She announced and walked towards the hut, with Ca-tau following at a short distance.

Soon enough, we came to our hut, and Ca-tau opened the door for us, setting the bags down. Eira crossed into the room with me, nodded to the still masked person, who shut the door quietly.

Eira plopped me on the bed, and before I knew it, she was straddling my hips.

"I thought you said we needed rest?" I grinned at her.

"This could be a form of rest, I suppose." She said, as she grabbed the hem of her top.

I knew exactly how the rest of this evening was going to go, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I felt truly happy in that gentle moment.