I Hate Dungeon School

I felt something latch onto my face, and I started to panic, fearing it was some kind of monster, but I opened my eyes and saw Cori.

"Breathe, damn you!" She shouted in my face. I did as she said, sucking a deep breath into my lungs, filling it with a sweet, stinging air that felt as though it was pushing the thick, disgusting mana from my body.

Suddenly, I felt better. Not amazing, as I could feel the slight tang of dungeon mana greasily absorbing into my mana reservoir, but it was better. Magically speaking, I sort of felt like a wrung-out towel.

"What is going on?" I said, my voice muffled by whatever it was she had put on my face.

"It's a bit hard to explain, but it's a device I've been experimenting with. It combines charcoal with some other alchemical ingredients with a few runic thingies. It's supposed to help in case of poisonous gas traps." She explained, helping Smitty up.

"That explains the smell." Myth said straightening up.

"I don't wanna hear it from someone whose nose must absolutely be herb blasted." Cori snapped back.

As much as I wanted to know more, I turned to check on Eira and help her up.

"Oooh, damn Cori. These things would be a lifesaver on extractions." She groaned as she stood, shaking her head.

One by one, we checked on everyone. Smitty looked very silly with the mask on her, but I suppose it was better to look silly than completely passed out from mana poisoning.

Farina and the knights were barely able to get back on their feet, so we took a few moments to help them adjust.

"Please tell me this isn't what we're throwing you, students, into daily. This is the worst I've felt since I was an apprentice with no concept of restraint at a tavern." Farina groaned as she held her head.

"Not exactly. This is weird. And very wrong. Very, very wrong. It even made me sick, and dungeon mana doesn't make me sick." I said before catching myself. Outside my group and the researchers, I wasn't sure how many people knew about that.

Farina nodded, clearly not trusting herself to keep her stomach in check. The knights looked confused.

"Don't worry about it. I'll explain sometime we're not in a dungeon." I said quickly as I pulled them up, eager not to discuss it. I made a mental note about Farina's lack of surprise.

Looking around, everyone was up, alive, and more or less functional. I held back a little laugh at how the masks made us all look like we had snouts. Except for Smitty. She already had a snout.

"Ok, let's see what we're looking at here." I moved to look down the hallway. It was long and straight, no branching paths that I could see. It still had the same glowing crystals for lights that I expected for a dungeon space.

"Farina? Are you any good at mapping?" I asked the elf, who was currently trying to get her spectacles to stay out with the mask covering her nose.

"I've had to copy maps before. I'm sure I could make one on the fly. Why?" She asked. "Surely you can't be hoping to map my family's basement."

"A basement which didn't used to exist! So it's fair game. Unregistered dungeon, intermediate to advanced growth likely. Possibly anomalous with the amount of mana flowing down here." I said. "You bet we're mapping this. Cash in a bonus if it's stable enough."

"Alta, you know as well as the rest of us this thing ain't even remotely stable." Cori rolled her eyes at me and readied her crossbow.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just map it, Farina." I shot back. "Ok, everyone. Standard hallway progression pattern. Keep your eyes out for hidden doors. I don't trust this straight of a hallway."

Hallway progression pattern involved us getting in a single-file line behind Smitty, who deployed the extra shield panels to fill the hallway, with small eye slits for her to see through. Cori and I took up the sides in case something managed to maneuver past the Kobold, and Myth and Mariana acted as support. Farina was just past them, with the Knights taking up the rear.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

Noah was a good fighter and pretty solid on his feet, all things considered, so he was an excellent choice. Adhara was good too, but for room fights, not hallway battles.

We proceeded as we usually would, slow and careful, keeping our eyes ready in case of ambush or a trap.

As we moved through, I winced instinctively as something wet landed on my shoulder.

I looked up, half expecting some kind of slime monster or something, but it was just some kind of ooze. It felt weirdly familiar, though.

Soon, there was more and more of it leaking from the ceiling.

"Cori? Did we run into a trap trigger or something?" Myth asked, brushing the goo off her. "This is a really weird trap."

"Gross too!" Mariana quipped, wiping her gooey hand on her clothes.

"Yes, that would be implied in weird." Myth snarked at her. Before they could continue bickering, the oozing goo started to wriggle and slide across the stone to pool together.

"Ok, people! Let's get it encircled! Smitty, Noah, keep an eye on the outside so we don't get snuck up on." I ordered, making sure my sword was ready, and mentally pulling my mana towards my hand, whispering under my breath for a flaming bolt in case I needed it.

I still needed those spell poems, but I was able to speak them more quickly, without losing my focus. Small steps.

More of it began to flow out of the walls, between the cracks in the stone, pulling towards the mass in the center. It was like watching the death of a dungeon monster in reverse, something I had neither heard of nor read about in any of your texts.

The mass began to form into a shape like a False goblin, then a different creature, and even more forms, like it couldn't decide what kind of monster it was supposed to be.

Eventually, it settled into something, and I physically reacted at the horror of it. It looked like a variety of monsters combined into a misshapen amalgamation. I saw parts of goblins, automatons, ghosts, wolves, rat monsters, slimes, and even a few demonic pieces, which I had only seen in books.

And as it stood, solidified now, from its very flesh grew barbed vines, and twisted mushrooms sprouted from eyes and mouths, and its skin formed moss and flowers growing rapidly as we watched. The vines anchored it into the very stone and cracked it.

It had too many arms, legs, eyes, and mouths, and they were all screaming in agony and rage. Its many parts lashed out at us in all directions, as if it had many minds that were confused and suffering.

We didn't need to give each other instructions. We all knew what we needed to do. In a few moments, flashes of spells and stabs of blades, we put the thing down.

Instead of the stone reabsorbing it, it liquified as dungeon monsters do, but lay in a thick oily puddle, as if it rejected its origins. We sat there in silence for a moment.

"This dungeon is very wrong. Very, very wrong." I said.

"You're telling me. What the hell is going on down here?" Eira said, looking closely at the puddle. "Sickly mana, monsters not forming correctly, even the stone is weird. It's too regular. Like the branches aren't propagating correctly."

"We should bottle some of this stuff up or something. Maybe someone can take a look at it once we get everything under control." I suggested.

Myth didn't say a word before kneeling down, taking a small empty bottle from her pouch, and scooping the stuff up. "No idea if it'll stick around after we leave, but it can't hurt. Probably. This is new territory here."

"Ugh, I hate having this many unknowns. Makes me damn nervous. On top of that, is it really warm in here? Most dungeons always seem kind of cold to me." Mariana noticed, wiping some sweat off her brow.

"Listen, titty priest....actually, you are completely correct. It is weirdly hot in here. You ok, Smitty? This has got to be awful with all your fur." Cori turned to check on our Kobold defender.

"Smitty not enjoying this dungeon. Hurry please yes yes?" She whined.

As she said this, there was a scream from further down the corridor. The scream of a person. We quickened our pace, our usual tactics forgotten as we hurried to find the source of the sound.

Running into others in a dungeon wasn't common, but not unheard of, and helping others out was considered good form. Besides, who knew what horrors were in this twisted dungeon? I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

Thankfully, no more monsters, horrifying amalgamations or otherwise, accosted us, and we made quick time.

As we advanced, the sickly mana began to become stronger and came in waves that bashed against us. It was a struggle to keep our footing, but we persisted, bolstered by the masks Cori had made us.

"How confident are you in these things, Cori?" I asked between another heavy wave.

"About fifty-fifty. I based them on regular dungeon mana. This weird shit is something I couldn't adjust for. We're lucky they're working at all!" The human said between coughs.

Our conversation was cut short as the dim light revealed a solid wall. Just before I said something, the stones of the wall seemed to fold in on themselves, opening up into a chamber that bathed us in a glowing light, red and hot like an infected wound.

Another scream echoed from the room. And another, and another. A chorus of agony rang out and assaulted our ears, each round of cries matching the waves of disgustingly wrong dungeon mana.

It was then our eyes beheld the source of the wrongness. I had seen many scary things in my time at dungeon school, but this was a new level of horror than any I had ever experienced.