I Hate Dungeon School

After what felt like an unmitigated eternity, the wagon crested a small hill and we saw the capital city of Burgotova arrayed before us. At one point in my life I had thought it the grandest place in the world, but after seeing Revenstahd, I realized that I only thought that because I hadn't ever been anywhere else.

As we rolled towards the city, I saw a familiar sight, or rather, person waiting at the gate for us. A face I hadn't seen in a good while.

They were an older gentleman, wearing formal clothing, of a style and cut meant for the personal attendants of nobility. He had a carefully trimmed mustache and beard, and a bare head. He looked slender and frail, but I knew it was all a carefully crafted façade.

"Tian!" I shouted and waved from the wagon before hopping out and rushing forward to embrace him.

I could see his mask of placid disinterest break ever so slightly with a smile as he held his arms out to accept my hug. I lifted him off the ground with the intensity of the embrace.

"You have grown strong, milady Alta!" He let out a small croak. I quickly put him down.

"Apologies Tian, its been so long since I've seen you and been...home, I guess I can call it." I couldn't help the slight grimace as I said it.

"Yes, well. I, for one, am glad to see your face again, Lady Alta." He gave me a slight bow.

"You know I'm not part of the family anymore, Tian. You can just call me Alta." I sighed and put my hands on my hips, and gave him a playful glare.

"Alas, Lady Alta, years of habit are hard to break. And these are your companions? I see fewer than we expected." He frowned slightly. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he spoke.

"No, we didn't lose anyone to bandits or monsters. Our missing companion was a Kobold, and their village is in the region, but they chose not to attend the wedding." I explained as the other approached.

"Ah very good then," He leaned in to whisper, his tone shifting to one of concern. "It's probably for the best after all. Your parents would've doubtlessly caused a stink, and we don't need any more trouble right now."

"What else is new?" I rolled my eyes. He smirked at me before returning to his usual formal stance.

"Welcome, friends and companions of my lady, Alta Alba Marchesi. You are welcome as guests of the Marchesi family. We have accommodations awaiting you at the finest inn in the city of Burgotova. If you would follow me so you can get some rest and freshen up." He bowed and motioned for us to follow.

"Thank you, Tian. We accept your hospitality." I returned the bow.

"I'm very glad. No offense, my lady, but you all smell like you've been traveling, if you get my meaning." His smile looked a bit strained as he said that.

I took a test whiff, and we certainly smelled of campfire, Ptarm, and sweat. Even the baths didn't help as much as we had hoped.

"Lead on, my good man!" Eira cut in, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "I'd love to see Alta's hometown!"

"Very good. Miss?" He searched for the name.

"Eira. Pleased to meet you." She answered quickly, holding out her hand. Tian raised an eyebrow at the gesture before taking her hand.

"Let's save introductions for when we're somewhere warmer. I'd like a nice change from snow and cold, if you please Tian." I interrupted.

"Is there anyone here to greet me?" Mariana asked, trying and failing to keep the disappointment from her voice.

"Ah Miss Togalli. I'm afraid I was not told of your arrival, nor have I seen any of the servants of the Togalli household. However, as you are a companion of Miss Alta, I am certain the Marchesi family will gladly take care of you during your stay."

And I thought my family was cold. I grudgingly had to admit she was growing on me, and seeing her treated like this bothered me. Only I was allowed to be mean to her.

"That's right, Tian. She is my guest and she will be treated accordingly." I interjected, and seeing Mariana's look of surprise made it worth it.

"Very good, ma'am. If you will follow me, please." He bowed and motioned for us to follow.

-

I felt a bit bad that I hadn't really given everyone more of a crash course in etiquette and all that. It was drilled into me deeply that I didn't even think about it. This was going to get awkward in a hurry. On the one hand, I loved the idea of the chaos my little crew could cause.

Something to address if we had a free moment later. For now, I had an urge to show off where I grew up. As we walked through town, I pointed out some landmarks of Burgotova, shops I liked, historical facts here and there, about some noble or another, or some other trivia I could think of. There was something fun about playing tour guide.

"Question, Alta. Why do you keep referring to Burgotova, instead of the city? What even is the name of the city? I know this isn't a city-state like Revenstahd, so what's the deal?" Cori interjected, her eyebrows furrowing in consternation.

"Ah that's a bit of a weird one. Both the capital and the country of Burgotova have the same name. And its considered rude to call it Burgotova City, or the capital, or anything like that." I explained, a bit embarrassed.

"Isn't that confusing? I'm confused already." Myth added.

"Oh it is, but its one of those dumb national pride things. Burgotovans are awfully full of themselves sometimes." I shrugged. I heard Tian make a grunt of irritation at my comment.

Tian was a good fellow, but still stuck in his ways in some areas. We continued through the streets on foot, which was annoying but not surprising.

It was a roundabout way of insulting me. I was a guest, and I'd get good lodging, but by not giving up a carriage to the lodging, it was making it plain that they were doing the bare minimum to keep up appearances. It was petty and very stupid, but petty and stupid was the best way to sum up not only my family but most Burgotovan nobility.

I hadn't realized how little I missed the passive-aggressive games until now. More and more, I realized that my disowning was a gift in disguise. Or something like that, anyway.

We eventually came to our inn, which I was rather impressed with. It was called the Palace Imperial, a rather opulent and extravagant place, with every square inch seemingly covered in gold. It wasn't real gold of course, but it had the effect. Plush carpets, fancy furniture, staff all dressed in crisp uniforms and working with military precision.

I leaned in to whisper to Tian as a small horde of attendants came and relieved me and my friends of our packs.

"What's going on, Tian? The Palace Imperial? This is for high-ranking guests."

"Your sister's orders. I know nothing else." He said, staring straight ahead, not meeting my gaze. His expression gave nothing away. I was getting suspicious.

Soon, a woman, tall, blonde, long, elven ears, in a fancy uniform, approached us and bowed slightly.

"Greetings My Lady Marchesi and...guests." She paused with a slight twitch of her smile as she looked at my friends. "Your accommodations have all been paid for, and rooms and meals will be provided, along with full access to our bathing facilities, which you will doubtless want to use right away."

Ah, that was something I didn't miss. The politeness covering up the insults, like gold leaf over a turd. At least commoners have the decency to insult you to your face. Not that anyone would. I'm a delight.

"My thanks for the hospitality of these accommodations. We will make use of your baths immediately. Such a place shall suit our purposes adequately." I said without a bow. I could play the passive-aggressive game, too.

"Very good My Lady. This way, please." She turned, and we followed behind.

"I knew you were nobility, Alta, but this is ridiculous. This foyer is bigger than my village!" Cori hissed at me. "I feel like I'm too broke to ever look around."

"I wouldn't worry too much. It's fancy sure, but it's being paid for. Milk it for all it's worth while you can." I whispered at her. "Pass that on to everyone else. Let's run up as much of a tab as we can. I want the bill to give my parents and sister an apoplectic fit."

As we filed through what felt like endless corridors, we eventually were shown our rooms. As I went to enter, the woman guiding us stopped me.

"My Lady, these rooms are for your...attendants. Your room is this way." She said. I looked to Tian. He just nodded.

"Alright. You all settle in, I'll be by after I get unpacked. We'll hit the baths and wash the road off us." I looked at her and Tian. "Monster slaying does ruin a lady's hair so."

I wanted to make sure the veiled threat was clear. I had a bad feeling I was being set up, and I didn't like it. When I left, I was a noblewoman without a future; now I was a warrior, a dungeoneer. I refused to be underestimated.

The woman got the picture. I had no doubt Tian did too, but I couldn't tell. The man's face was a mask. Which told me more than he thought it did.

They led me down the hallway to my room, opened the door, and held it open for me.

I entered, my hand resting on my sword hilt, ready for any flavor of ambush.

I, however, did not expect what I saw.

"Hello, Alta." A voice, like a razor wrapped in silk, greeted me.

I sighed, a deep, long sound.

"Cassandra." I turned to see her in a chair, looking exactly how she did in every single nightmare and vengeance-fueled fantasy I had about her.

Tall, conniving eyes, golden hair, and a permanently smug look on her face that took all my willpower to keep from punching.

"You look well, sister mine." She said conversationally in that accursed, perpetually calm tone she always had, even when she was insulting and tearing me down.

"Please, Cassandra, I am tired from travel, and frankly, I have no desire to talk to you more than I have to. I came for your thrice damned wedding, and whatever the hell else this is. Just tell me what you want and get the hell out." I snapped. The part of me that was always afraid of her was done, and the only emotion I had left for her was anger. I would've told her to drown in a vat of piss if I hadn't been obliged to come on this stupid trip.

She shifted in the chair, managing to look discomforted by my outburst. The first crack I'd seen in her emotional walls as long as I had known her. I felt a smirk creeping up on my face at the sight.

She sighed and stood. She straightened up and looked me right in the eye.

"Very well. Its quite simple. I need you to help me ruin my own wedding."