I Hate Dungeon School

I slipped into the back of the lecture hall for the Dungeon Cartography class and found an empty seat. Thankfully, my seatmate was Cori, one of my roommates, and a fellow member of a shared conspiracy of a sort. She gave me a gentle nod and kept up with her notes. I grinned with relief as it looked like I hadn't missed much.

It was warm in the classroom, I noted as I carefully peeled off my extra layers. Almost too warm. I noticed a few of my classmates had succumbed to the cozy heat, exacerbated by the droning voice of Mr. Book, the stonefolk professor, and were asleep with their heads on their desks. My other roommate, Myth, was a victim of this comfy curse and was lightly drooling on her notebook. Poor thing, I thought. I'd get her a copy of my notes later. At least, after I find out what I missed from Cori.

I scooted my seat closer to her and whispered.

"What are we studying today?" I peeked at her notes and copied them as quickly as I could, and prayed I'd be able to read my own handwriting later.

"Shifting Labyrinths. Apparently, there have been a bunch found along the rails for the train they've got down in the south, and there's been an increased demand for dungeoneers who know how to chart and prune them." She whispered back, not taking her eyes off the board and the floating magical display Mr. Book had produced.

I looked over everything and felt somewhat excited, as not only did I enjoy the mapping aspect, but I was also fascinated by the idea of dungeons near the train and the possibility of one day getting to see it.

The train, as there was only one in existence, was a marvel of magical and mechanical engineering, whose workings were beyond anything I could understand. And that was what was public knowledge, as much of the inner workings were a matter of secrecy. It could move passengers and cargo faster than any beast of burden could ever hope for, and the metal rails it moved on crept further and further north every day. One day, it would likely even stop here in Revenstahd, changing the cosmopolitan nature of the place even further.

From the lecture, I learned that there was a drawback. Perhaps due to the nature of the magic in the rails or some other side effect of the untold number of enchantments that kept the thing working, dungeons kept growing faster than normal, the pruning needing to be done on nearly a weekly basis instead of the usual monthly or even yearly process of your typical dungeon. A dungeon growing, and the resulting reality and land warping properties of it could make the train line untenable, so the demand for skilled dungeoneers in the area grew massively.

Which, of course, meant more money in my industry, which made my prospects after graduation look even better. It took a lot of willpower to hold in a wicked and greedy giggle.

The promise of easy money, of course, was usually a trap, and as the lecture continued, I realized how true this was. Labyrinth dungeons were annoying enough, with their intentionally confusing layouts, monsters with more cunning than most, and puzzles added on top of that. Shifting Labyrinths were another thing altogether, with configurations that changed, making traditional mapping a challenge at best, impossible at worst. If you were lucky, the shifts had a pattern you could figure out, but there were a few that were truly random. Those who could master such places were dungeoneers without peer.

I suddenly had an idea.

"We should try a Shifting Labyrinth in the simulator!" I whispered to Cori. She simply glared at me. The glare of a parent looking at a child who had said something truly foolish.

"Are you serious, Alta? On top of the other simulator dungeons, Andritch has us running? I've got other stuff to do, stuff which you were supposed to be helping with, in case you forgot." She practically hissed at me.

Cori and I had an understanding, due to our shared distrust of the nobility, and the Knightly Orders in particular. Her home had been ravaged by Knights and Mages due to falling outside the protections of the Mortal Kingdoms Alliance, and I, because of my own history with them, being a former noble myself. She taught me tricks to dealing with dungeon traps, and I taught her and those who were part of her anti-noble faction that operated in shadows, tricks to dealing with fighting styles frequently used by nobles and the like. Her little Gadgeteer Club, as they called themselves, was also the source of much of my dungeoneering income, as they liked to buy salvaged parts from traps that I disarmed.

I had promised to teach them particular skills I had demonstrated, including martial arts that focus on disarming, but with my injury, I admit I had gotten a bit lazy, and I had been finding excuses not to follow through with my promise. I had to make it up to Cori, and I would for sure.

"Alright, I get it. I can swing by after lunch. Deal?" I sighed. I didn’t really want to do all that after eating, but I didn't want it said I wasn't an elf of my word.

"Ms. Marchesi, Ms. Fort, I hate to interrupt your clearly fascinating discussion, but please pay attention, this is rather important information. I don't want to see your tuition money go to waste." Mr. Book rumbled at us, his voice sounding like rocks grinding together.

We both quieted down and focused on the rest of the class.

-

I gently shook Myth awake, and she bolted up with a line of drool down her face.

"Good morning Mithramanda! Welcome to the waking world!" I couldn't help myself. She wasn't a morning person at the best of times, and winter just seemed to exacerbate this. She wiped her mouth off and looked at her empty notebook in dismay.

"Oh no. I missed the whole class, didn't I?" She groaned, putting her face in her hands.

"Don't worry, you can copy my notes later. Cori will probably help too." I said, patting her back in an attempt to comfort her.

"I will if you pay for lunch," Cori said from the doorway. I shot her a look, but I had to applaud her mercenary thinking. That girl was going to go far if she didn't end up in prison.

-

A short time later, the three of us were at a table in the cafeteria, drinking tea and eating some soup, which was not amazing, but it would do. It made me miss the Jeweler's Bower, with food made by Manya and served to me by her son, Markus. I should make it a point to visit them sometime.

A groan from Myth broke that train of thought.

"Minotaurs? Are you serious?" She placed her head on the table. "And you want us to fight one? Even in a simulator, that's a big ask, Alta!"

"Yes, Minotaurs, and yes, I do! We'll be graduating in the near future, and these Shifting Labyrinths will still be a problem, so knowing our way around them and how to deal with the Minotaur guardians will make us filthy rich!" I patted her back again and hoped that the lure of money would improve her mood on the idea.

"But they're big and scary! Sure, we've done pretty good, but we still can't beat The Harbinger, and Minotaurs are on par with that horror!"

"We just need more practice! And Minotaurs are just raw strength, anyway. Not as many weird tricks to them as the Harbinger, so we have that in our favor!" At this point, I wondered if I was trying to convince her or myself.

The Harbinger was an entity we fought a simulation of, and it royally handed us our backsides. I still hadn't found out who had altered our request to give us such trouble, and word of the incident got out, which gave us a bit of a reputation as overconfident idiots. Which was somewhat alleviated by my good showing at the duel against Knight Cavendish.

One day, I would find who did that and get some kind of proportionate revenge.

"It'll be simple. We will start small, just dealing with the labyrinth part and working our way up to monsters and stuff. No biggie." Cori said with a partially full mouth. She was not one for social graces, being a farmer from the borderlands, so I wouldn't hold it against her.

"Exactly! I'm sure Smitty would be fine with it, and she'll keep you safe!"

"Yes yes friend Myth! Smitty protect you good!" A voice wuffed from behind us. We all collectively jumped. For such a tall thing, Smitty was quiet when she wanted to be.

Smitty was a kobold, which meant she was a humanoid hound, and her winter coat had fully settled in, making her very fluffy, which, coupled with her pure white fur, made her look more like a mobile snow pile than anything.

I felt somewhat bad for her, as she had to spend nearly every day getting brushed and trimmed by the staff at the Cleaning Hall, but it was better than having her shed all over everything in our dorm room. What little she did shed was bad enough, but imagining how bad it could have been, I had a slight shudder. There weren't enough lint rollers in the universe to handle that chaos.

"How long have you been here, Smitty? Ohhh my poor heart." Myth said with exaggerated melodrama, holding her hand to her chest.

"When friends spoke of Minotaurs, yes, yes. Minotaurs, tricky. My village had a wild one wander in once. Knocked over auntie's house and ate her cabbages." Smitty sat down with us with her own meal. I was jealous of the fact that she didn't need to shuck off winter clothes. Once her coat came in, that was all she needed.

"Anything you could tell us that would help?" I pressed. If Smitty had some experience, that would be great.

"Minotaurs also liked carrots. Eat some chicken too. I was tiny pup, so I don't remember much except that, and they were big. Father and brothers took a while to take it down. Made good kebabs after, though. Miss kebabs I do, yes yes." She huffed a bit, sadly, her ears drooping slightly.

They perked up immediately, and she tore into her food. Kobolds had much different social graces than I was used to, and I figured there was no point in getting her to change.

"So do we all agree? I think we really do need to focus on this. I've got a good feeling about the train line dungeons being lucrative, and if we play our cards right, we could get stupidly wealthy and retire early. The ink won't even be fully dry on our full Letters of Marque!" I couldn't help but be excited. Dungeoneering was dangerous and could lead to great prosperity just as easily as it could lead to an early grave. I wanted us to go more for the former than the latter if I could help it.

"Yeah sure. Fine. But that's not letting off the hook for our other project." Cori said, pointing at me accusingly with her spoon.

"Yeah, as much as I don't wanna fight minotaurs, you're usually right about stuff like this." Myth sighed before sipping her tea with a loud slurp.

Smitty simply gave a little wuffing sound with a nod. That was close enough to an agreement for me.

"Ok, I'll set up an appointment in the Simulator Hall for later then."

"One of us should join you. Witness you filling it out, just in case." Myth said pointedly.

"Please do. I don't want a repeat of the Harbinger incident again. We've been lucky no one has tried it again, but until I know what cur did that, no chances." I nodded.

The rest of the day was for self-guided training. Thankfully, my physical therapy appointments with Kugarth were done. He was a real taskmaster of an orc, and it was good to be free of his attentions for the time being. They helped, but I was tired of being utterly exhausted by the end.

I could focus on swordfighting, magic power, and spell casting. Or I could-

Cori grabbed my arm.

"No running off this time, Alta. You will teach me martial arts today, or so help me-" She growled at me.

"Fine, fine. Let's go." I groaned as she steered me to the training hall.