Album 3, Track 108: No Loving Arms to Hold Me
Kana did not know what time it was. She did not check. Whenever her eyes started to droop, she went to bed. Whenever they opened, she got out of bed. It was a simple way to live. One that did not demand much from her brain.
Frizzled hair, she pulled herself out of the blankets and rested her legs for a moment. A large yawn, and she stretched her arms. Something did not feel right, for some reason. Almost like she had forgotten something, or done something that she should not have done. It was like she had lost a part of her.
Oh, right.
Kana looked at the bedside table and noticed her phone. For some godforsaken reason, she had created a social media account again. After such a long time, she had decided to go back into that hellhole. Why had it been? For Marie, she thought. Iwata had sent her a link, and she needed to create an account to look at it.
It wasn’t even anything interesting or funny. It made Kana feel absolutely nothing. But like a little child, she had continued to scroll and scroll because she did find something interesting after that. Those cooking videos had a chokehold on her. Maybe she could find something to make today morning. If it even was morning.
Kana yawned once more and picked the phone up. Even if it was not morning, she could cook whatever she wanted. Her kitchen still had more than enough to last her another week or so. Opening the app, she lay back down on the bed and started to scroll. One, and then another, and then another. She just needed to get to one cooking video good enough for now.
The environment got colder, so she pulled up her blanket once more, eyes locked on the screen. There were way too many people worried about a movie these days. Something about the director’s past had come to light, and everybody hated it. Although Kana didn’t get it. They still went and watched it anyway. Hadn’t it broken all records the moment it came out?
She looked at some of the latest comments on a video made by a certain creator. Of course, people were complaining about how it was all fake, and that the box office numbers were lies. Kana couldn’t help but laugh. How delusional did you have to be to believe that? People did everything to make sure they did not end up the liars.
Wake the fuck up. Your crusade meant nothing. Pay attention in class, kiddo.
Cozy in her blanket, she let out a sigh and sent the reply. There were so many of them already, so they would probably write hers off as nothing important. This was fun. Nobody cared about her account anymore. Before this, anything she was forced to post by Jina would end up destroying her phone’s notifications for the next day.
Thinking about that made her wonder what was going on with that account. Kana searched it up and went to it. The official account Sakai Entertainment had made for Kana Minami, the Velvet Beats member.
Miss you, Minami-san!
Hope your break has been rejuvenating. Can’t wait to see you come back.
I heard you’re writing lyrics for Ohara now. Is that true?
They were never gonna recover from losing Sanada. What else did you expect?
Lots of comments. Some of them were from just a few hours ago. Wasn’t that the middle of the night? Did this person just wake up in the middle of the night, think about her, and then put up a comment on her last post? The people of this world never failed to surprise her.
She replied to the person claiming she wrote lyrics now –
Ohara should write her own lyrics. What is this obsession with Minami?
What kind of person even was this? The misinformation everywhere was disorienting even her. Maybe she was writing Jina’s lyrics while sleepwalking. Kana clicked on the person’s profile and was surprised to find that it was public. Good for her, though. She scrolled a little to see who they were.
Seemed to be a pretty normal person. An older, married woman, in fact. If Kana had to guess, she was looking at someone in their mid-thirties.
“Checking rumors about idols at this age is certainly…something.” She scoffed and looked at some more of the woman’s images.
They were quite wholesome, if she was being honest. All of them were of her having fun with her family. Her husband, her kids, even her brothers. She had a lot of brothers, it seemed. How many brothers did a person need, anyway!? This woman had, like, five. What a headache of a family to be in.
Kana closed the profile, only to notice a notification. Someone had replied to her. The woman with five brothers, maybe? She was probably gonna cite her very trustworthy source. But nope. It was the kid from before, who was not really making a great argument by replying at peak school time.
She clicked and checked.
At least I’m not a coward hiding behind no profile picture. Racist assholes like you is why the industry is rotten.
Why was she the racist one here? Because the director had been? How did that make any sense? It just made Kana angry. She gritted her teeth and swiped to reply to the guy. Typing out something as rude as possible, she was ready to hit send when someone knocked. Out of nowhere, someone knocked, and the phone fell out of her hand.
Right in front of her was a thin, horizontal window. Akiko Hara’s house was not completely flat. Her bedroom in particular was a bit lower than the rest of the rooms. That meant that the only windows connected to it were close to the ground. Now, there were two sets of shoes standing in front of that window, waiting for.
Had they knocked?
She got out of bed and stretched once more before looking out of the window. As expected, it was Jina and Marie. They waved and gestured for her to open the door. What a pain in the ass. Kana asked them to wait and got ready to turn. But she did not. She stopped once she saw something out of the corner of her eye.
There weren’t two people outside. There were three. Jina and Marie’s shoes were familiar to her by now, but the third pair was even more familiar than them. Why? Because they were ones she had bought when she was younger, then passed on to a certain someone.
Kana pressed her face flat against the window and looked at Keiko, who hesitated and jumped out of view.
“I see you!” she screamed.
Keiko did not respond. Jina and Marie grabbed her and got away as well. This was not good. Kana gulped and panicked, pulling the curtains on the window and closing it. At least the mansion had this one thing going for it. Every single window in the house could be closed off with a curtain.
She knew what to do, then. Running to the front of the mansion, she locked the main door. Then, she went and closed every single window in the house. As she pressed them shut and pulled the curtains, she noticed the girls moving around the house. Keiko was not trying to hide anymore, and all three of them seemed to be in a hurry. Jina must have caught on to what Kana was doing.
First the living room, then the kitchen, then the second bedroom, and then the third bedroom. Then the laundry room. There was even a window in all of the bathrooms, which pissed Kana off, but it was what it was. After that was done, went and made sure the garage door was locked, too. If she remembered correctly, Jina knew the passcode of the main garage hinge door outside.
But now, she was safe. She didn’t need to worry about them coming in with her. What was wrong with Jina? Why had she made the stupid decision of bringing Keiko along with her? Although that was not the important question. What she needed to think about was why Keiko was with these two in the first place.
Kana went back to the main bedroom and tucked herself back inside the blankets. She closed her eyes and started breathing. This generally helped. She could play some songs and calm herself down. The three of them would eventually get bored and leave. They couldn’t stay outside forever, and Kana had made a point to not give Jina the keys to any of the main doors. Just the garage, in case she needed to park her car.
She picked up the phone and put her earphones on. The stupid memories were troubling her already. Instinctively, Kana put on a Nozoki Neko song, but then turned it off. How was that going to help? Hearing Marie’s voice would only make it more difficult knowing she was waiting right outside. What even was left, then? She did not have any songs to listen to if you took that group away.
“Ugh…” Kana sighed, scrolling through the global top feed to see if there was anything that caught her attention.
The bell rang multiple times, but she ignored it. The taps on the windows, the banging on the main door. It was all in her head. It was just some ghost who did not need to be let in. Kana shook her head and focused on her phone.
But then they started to call. Jina, and then Marie. Keiko did not have her new number, which was good. She was one less person to worry about. The two who did have power over her phone, however, did not let her rest. They alternated between different apps, making sure that both of them were always calling her.
For now, she kept the phone aside and tried not to think about it. Muted, it could not do anything to her. What could, then? The banging outside, of course. If she did not have her phone, she had the bells. If she did not have the bells, she had her phone. Kana hesitated and picked up the phone from the table, only to find them still calling.
Minutes passed, and they didn’t relent. Then a dozen minutes passed, and the calls kept coming. Eventually, Marie started using two different phones to call her, which only increased the number of apps ringing at once.
Exasperated, she groaned and finally picked one of them up. Jina’s phone.
“Shut the fuck up! Get out and stop knocking. Do you get that? Why did you bring her? You know I don’t want to see her. Why the fuck would you bri-”
“I…”
Kana was the one who went silent once she heard that voice.
“Give the phone back to Jina. I’m not talking to you.”
“I…am sorry.” Keiko sniffled. “I didn’t want to bother you. I just…I am sorry. It was my fault. That’s it. I will go now. I did not want to make you angry. So-”
“Why are you apologizing!?”
“Eh!? Well, uh, because you just said that you do not want to…talk…”
“Why are you here?” Kana sighed.
“I j-just wanted to see you. That’s it. Nothing else. I just thought I wanted to meet you, so I asked Ohara-san, and then Iwata-san just happened to be there, so I asked her, too. Ohara-san was not allowing me to come here, but then Iwata-san said that I co-”
“I don’t want to hear your entire backstory. I don’t…want to talk. Give the phone to Jina.”
“Y-yeah.”
There was some mumbling on the other side, and then Keiko returned to the phone.
“Ohara-san says she will not take the phone. Iwata-san also will not take the phone.”
“I see. Fine. Ask them to go fuck themselves. Never come back to my house again.”
“Not your house, Sherlock!” Marie was the one who snapped.
“Who?”
“I-it’s on speaker. Uh, what do you mean it is not her hous-”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up. Keep the call to yourself, you idiot!”
“Oh, ok.”
Another small pause, and Keiko’s voice started once more.
“I turned the speaker off. Can I please come in? Please? I just…I want to see you once, then I will go home.”
“Look at a photo or something. Search up my name online. I look the same. Didn’t get plastic surgery done.”
“Ah! Y-yeah. Good idea. Sorry. I will go back home.”
Kana groaned, smacking the phone against her head. “Don’t give up that easily, you fucking idiot. Who taught you that!?”
“Huh!? I thought you didn’t want to see me.”
“I don’t!”
“T-then?” Keiko asked, confused.
“Just go back home, already. I’m fine, ok? Get out of here. All three of you.”
“The phone is not on speaker anymore, so…”
“Tell them that. What’s wrong with you?”
“Oh, right. Yeah. I just…I am just a little…” She mumbled for a moment, and then snorted once more. The girl was crying, and it was so obvious. But before Kana could state that, it became even more obvious.
The small sniffles turned into a full cry as she wailed on the phone, refusing to speak. Kana felt her arm jerk on its own, preparing to run outside and open the door for her, but she held her ground. Even as her fingers trembled, she did not give in. Her own tears stayed inside, locked up.
“I…don’t know.” Keiko finally managed to speak. “Kana…I…don’t know what to do. Mom left. She just left. I was at home, then she left at night, and I don’t know where she is. I’m…I’m…”
Ah.
That’s how it was.
That’s how this was going to go.
Kana closed her eyes and looked around at the bedroom. It was covered in darkness. It smelled good. The mansion itself was well-maintained. She liked to keep things in order. Nothing betrayed that she had spent the last three months wasting her time. Nothing would tell Keiko that her sister was nothing but a freeloader living off her friends.
It was fine, then.
“…pot.” She whispered.
“What?” Keiko asked, wrapping up her crying.
“There’s a key under the azalea flower pot. Let yourself in.”
