Chapter 29: MILK
As Theo looked at the elf more closely, he couldn’t help freezing for a moment and staring at her. Now that there was no goblin general rampaging around and no battlefield distracting him, he could finally see her properly.
And the now no-longer-naked elf was absurdly beautiful.
Erika was beautiful. Tara was beautiful.
But this elf had something entirely different from the two of them. A mature sensuality that made Erika suddenly look like she was still halfway through puberty. Long green hair, a warm and gentle smile, and a figure that looked like her body had invested most of the nutriton intake into her chest.
In short, a MILF.
“Excuse me?” Delilah suddenly interrupted Theo’s wandering thoughts. “Why are you staring at me like those goblins were?”
She asked it sweetly. Politely, even.
“Huh?!” Theo jolted.
David casually whistled while looking somewhere else entirely, pretending he saw nothing, while Greta slowly turned toward Theo with a deeply judgmental look.
“I—I was just wondering why you’re dressed differently,” Theo forced out, immediately trying to recover.
He pointed toward Delilah’s outfit. A green dress made from leaves and tree bark.
“What exactly are you pointing at, vice-chief?” Greta asked flatly.
Theo looked down. Unfortunately, his finger was pointing directly at Delilah’s proud cleavage.
Theo immediately pulled his hand back.
“Sigh…” Greta rubbed her forehead. “It’s not like we didn’t try giving her proper clothes. We covered all the other captives before bringing them into the village, but this one casually rejected them and tapped a tree with her magic staff.”
“Uh-huh,” David nodded.
“And that damned tree suddenly started shedding leaves and bark already shaped into whatever she’s wearing now,” Greta continued. “Like the forest itself decided to tailor her outfit.”
“That’s right,” Delilah added cheerfully. “This is my usual clothing. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m much more comfortable wearing this than leather clothes like yours.”
She covered her mouth lightly and giggled with perfect politeness.
“Ah… I see,” Theo muttered. “With that staff of yours, I guess you don’t really need to worry about clothing.”
“Yes, this staff is my very best friend,” Delilah said happily while hugging it close to her chest. “Without it, I’m practically hopeless.”
“I see…” Theo muttered. “But the goblins still managed to take your staff somehow?”
“Huh? No, they didn’t steal it from me,” Delilah replied casually. “I was the one lending it to Shaman–kun.”
“Y-you WHAT?!” Theo and Greta blurted out at the same time.
“Yes. Back then, Shaman–kun wasn’t exactly a goblin shaman yet,” Delilah said with a soft sigh. “He was just a wounded little goblin that stumbled into my home half-dead, so I took care of him.”
Theo and Greta stared at her like she had just confessed to adopting a rabbit.
“After he recovered, he became very attached to me,” Delilah continued warmly. “He kept getting excited whenever he saw me and constantly bothered me whenever I was busy. Such a naughty child.”
She giggled to herself.
“So I gave him my staff to play with.”
“Don’t tell me…” Greta muttered slowly.
“Who knew he actually had high affinity with magic and suddenly evolved into a goblin shaman,” Delilah continued. “Then he disappeared for a few days, came back with his friends, and took me away.”
She said it so casually it sounded like she was talking about an inconvenient houseguest.
“And while I stayed with them, you’d be surprised by how vigorous goblins are,” Delilah added thoughtfully. “Especially Shaman–kun and Gen–san. Every single day they would come to me and start to—”
“NO–NO–NO, STOP RIGHT THERE!” Theo shouted in panic before the conversation drifted into a R18 direction. “There are children nearby!”
“Wheew…” David whistled under his breath. “Didn’t expect that one.”
At this point, Theo had fully realized the gorgeous druid elf in front of him was completely insane.
“I-it’s all over now anyway,” Theo said quickly, trying to regain control of the conversation. “What matters is you’re alright after all that.”
“Ara? Why would I not be alright?” Delilah asked innocently, tilting her head.
“Uh…” Theo forced the words out carefully. “Because a bunch of goblins were forcing themselves on you?”
“Oh? If you mean mating, I was perfectly fine with it,” Delilah replied with a gentle smile.
Theo and Greta froze again.
“I know it sounds strange to people like you and the other girls in the goblin lair,” Delilah continued kindly, “but we druids live according to nature and its natural order. Goblins going into heat is simply part of nature.”
Silence.
Complete silence.
Even David wasn’t whistling this time.
“Alright, elf,” Greta suddenly stepped forward.
The tall, broad-shouldered scavenger captain completely dwarfed Delilah’s slender frame. Standing side by side, the contrast almost looked ridiculous.
“I’m gonna be frank with you as a fellow woman,” Greta said bluntly. “Even though you’re an elf and it’s hard to get you pregnant. But are you seriously saying you’d be fine giving birth to those damn goblin offspring?”
“Oh? No, no, that would be troublesome for me,” Delilah replied politely. “Sure, without my staff, my druid magic becomes weaker, but I still have enough in me to stop the goblins’ seed from reaching my womb.”
Theo and Greta froze again.
Especially Theo, because he had just discovered this world apparently invented magical birth control before indoor plumbing.
“And the girls staying with me in the lair knew this too,” Delilah continued gently. “They begged me to cast the same protection on them.”
“So…” Greta muttered slowly, trying to process the insanity of this conversation. “Those women won’t be carrying goblin babies?”
“No.” Delilah shook her head calmly.
For the first time since meeting her, Greta’s shoulders relaxed slightly.
“Excuse me for interrupting this very educational discussion,” David suddenly cut in casually, “but weren’t we planning to save the milk moonshine for tonight’s celebration?”
He pointed across the livestock pen.
Old man Shum was currently sitting in the grass with a giant leather bag of moonshine hugged against his chest like a sacred treasure.
“HOOOWEEE!” Shum shouted with tears in his eyes before taking another huge gulp. “This is the finest moonshine I ever tasted in my whole damn life! WOOHOO!”
The children around him immediately clapped and cheered supportively.
Greta grumbled and started marching toward him.
“OI, SHUM!” she barked. “How many times do I have to tell you? Your job is making the moonshine, not drinking the entire supply yourself!”
As Greta stormed off, Delilah gave Theo a small polite bow.
“Well then, I should probably return to continue helping the milk churning,” Delilah said warmly. “Theo, was it? I just realized I never properly introduced myself.”
She placed a hand lightly against her chest.
“My name is Delilah. I’m a druid. It’s a pleasure meeting you, vice-chief.”
“Ah… pleasure meeting you too,” Theo replied awkwardly with a nod.
Then Delilah walked back toward Old Man Shum, her leaf-and-bark dress swaying naturally as several nearby villagers immediately pretended not to stare.
Theo and David watched her leave in silence.
“…This sure is a strange world we’re lived in now, boss,” David commented casually.
---
Village Square – Later That Night
The usually quiet village had completely transformed by nightfall.
A massive bonfire burned at the center of the square while villagers danced around it to the lively tunes David played on his harp. Meat, cheese, and roasted roots that normally would've been rationed carefully were now spread generously across long wooden tables.
And most importantly, Alcohol. An absurd amount of alcohol.
Thanks to Delilah’s druid magic speeding up the milk fermentation process, the village suddenly had enough milk moonshine to drown half the grasslands.
Theo sat across the bonfire with a mug in hand, already slightly tipsy as he watched the celebration unfold.
“Aaaahhh…”
He emptied the last drop from his mug, then stared into the empty container with visible disappointment.
A moment later, another mug suddenly entered his view. Tara stood beside him, casually offering a refill.
“Not liking the milk moonshine?” she asked.
Theo grabbed the mug immediately and took a sip.
“Nah, it tastes good,” he admitted. “Milky, savory… smooth too. I just kinda miss something stronger. Something that burns your throat like a drink called vodka back on my old world.”
“Heh.” Tara sat down beside him with her own mug. “Still upset you didn’t get a new body for your summon?”
Theo gave her a side glance.
“Erika told you?”
“Uh-huh.”
Tara took a calm sip while watching the villagers dance around the fire, then her eyes shifted somewhere behind Theo.
“Speak of the devil that somehow ended up being my child,” she said.
“THEOOOOO!!!”
Erika marched toward them furiously.
“What?” Theo muttered without enthusiasm.
Erika stopped right in front of him and aggressively shoved her hand forward. Five fingers raised.
“Five!” she declared in outrage. “Only FIVE men asked me to dance tonight!”
Theo stared at her raised fingers for several seconds, then he calmly took another sip.
“Well… congratulations.”
“Don’t ‘congratulations’ me!” Erika snapped. “There were supposed to be more than ten!”
Theo looked unimpressed.
“Didn’t you say you never wanted to talk to me again after I used you as goblin bait?”
“That’s not important anymore!” Erika declared shamelessly. “This is a completely different emergency!”
Then she pointed dramatically across the bonfire, toward Delilah.
The elf druid sat near one of the tables, smiling and giggling softly while surrounded by several male villagers with bright red faces. One of them was trying to flex his arms, another kept fixing his hair every few seconds.
“That witch corrupted the men within a single day!” Erika accused loudly.
“She’s going to destroy this village’s morals, I’m telling you!” Erika declared dramatically. “Degeneration! Complete moral degeneration!”
“Huh.” Tara gave her a sideways look. “I didn’t know you even knew the word ‘degeneration.’”
“I don’t,” Erika admitted immediately. “But I know it sounds bad, mother!”
She pointed accusingly toward Delilah again.
“We should not let that woman stay here! As chief and vice-chief, both of you should protect this village’s morality!”
“You’re just worried about losing your followers,” Theo muttered while drinking.
“Of course I’m worried!” Erika shot back shamelessly. “I’ve told you how hard I worked building my reputation around here?!”
“Relax,” Tara said casually. “Delilah already said she’ll stay in the forest anyway. You’ll get your worshippers back eventually.”
Then Tara nodded toward the bonfire.
“For tonight, just enjoy yourself like old man Shum.”
Old man Shum was currently dancing around the bonfire while dual-wielding two mugs of moonshine.
“He started drinking before the celebration even began, didn’t he?” Theo muttered.
“Yep.” Tara nodded. “Man was so happy to drink again after ten days being dry.”
“HEY! We’re not done discussing village morality yet!” Erika protested.
Theo and Tara ignored her completely.
“He should slow down,” Theo said while watching Shum spin in circles near the fire. “People can literally kill themselves drinking like that.”
“How?” Tara asked.
“In my world, it’s called alcohol poisoning,” Theo explained. “Sometimes hardcore alcoholics stop drinking for awhile, then suddenly overload their body again. Their system can’t handle it anymore, especially old people.”
Erika frowned while watching Shum continue dancing aggressively.
“He looks perfectly fine to me.”
Across the bonfire, Shum slammed shoulders into another villager while laughing hysterically, somehow not feeling pain at all.
“Well yeah,” Theo replied. “Usually they suddenly feel energetic, strong, numb to pain and happy as hell before dying.”
“WOOOHOOO!”
Shum’s voice boomed across the village.
“I FEEL STRONGER THAN EVER!” the old man shouted proudly. “MY BACK PAIN IS GONE! AND I FEEL HAPPY AS HELL!”
Theo, Tara, and Erika turned toward him at the same time.
“Hm?” all three muttered together.
“BEST DAY OF MY LIF—”
Shum suddenly stopped mid-sentence. He froze there with a huge smile still on his face.
Then—
THUMP.
He collapsed face-first into the dirt.
The entire village instantly went silent. David’s harp stopped playing mid-note. One of the nearby villagers hurriedly crouched beside Shum and checked him.
“H-he’s dead!” the villager shouted in shock.
Theo, Tara, and Erika stared for a second.
“Oh,” all three muttered together.
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