92 – Meet the Kennedys
For some reason, I suddenly had a vague feeling that I was going to have a lot of trouble in the far off future in a galaxy far, far away.
But that was a problem for future me.
For now...
"So these cuties are my grandchildren, huh?" Mom smiled as she looked at Mina, Nina, and Bahamut.
...Present me had different problems.
I was, of course, back at the beach. And since I had walked slowly, everyone was up by now.
Mina giggled sparkling eyes as she held her hands up towards my mom. "Grandma! Uppies!"
Mom laughed and scooped Mina up for a hug. "Mm... you're definitely adorable." She booped Mina's nose and said, "Cute like a button. Just like me when I was a baby~"
Meanwhile, Dad looked at Bahamut and at Nina, who was shyly hiding behind Bahamut. "...So you're my grandson, huh? And my granddaughter..." He shifted his gaze to Bahamut. Then he stared long and hard at Bahamut's face before laughing. "Oh yeah. You're absolutely going to give your dad as much trouble as he gave me."
Bahamut's blue eyes sparkled while he let out a sly smile. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Grandfather."
"That's EXACTLY what he used to say." Dad chuckled and then held out his hand towards Nina. "And hello there, Kiddo. I'm Leon."
"...Scary." Nina mumbled and hid behind Bahamut, peeking at Dad's huge muscles.
Dad blinked. Then he laughed and stepped back, holding up his hands. "Fair, fair."
Mom looked over and chuckled. "I told you that your muscles would eventually start scaring people."
Dad flexed and said, "Can't help these guns, Babe. And besides, I scar people, so of course I scare people."
Nina gasped and then quickly ran over to hide behind me, trembling a bit.
I scooped her up in a hug and rolled my eyes at my dad. "Look, Dad. Your jokes got so bad they're terrifying toddlers."
Mina looked up from Mom's arms and said, "I like them!"
Dad did a pair of finger guns at Mina and said, "At least one of my granddaughters gets me."
Mina giggled and did the finger guns back at him.
At that time, Lia and Sylvia walked over, both still wearing their pink bikinis.
Mom noticed before looking at me. "So. You never did explain these two beautiful women, my sweet little boy."
Before I could open my mouth to respond, Lia spoke up first and said, "Since you're Naofumi-dono's parents, does that mean I can call you Grandma too?"
Mom paused.
Sylvia spoke up next. "Yes." She fidgeted a bit and said, "It would be nice to have a grandmother and grandfather... so is that fine?"
I felt Dad's fierce side eye.
Since I did, I quickly said, "They're adopted! And they were kids when I first met them, okay?"
Dad slowly blinked and then said, "Kid. How long were you in this world...?"
Lia giggled and said, "Not that long! We're a bit special!" She puffed her chest and said, "We get big with levels! Since we leveled up fast with Naofumi-dono, we became big and strong fast!"
Mom set Mina on the ground and then looked genuinely interested at Lia's words. "Is that so...?" Then she glanced back at Dad, thoughtful.
Dad noticed and then said, "We are not having a kid here just so you can instantly grow him or her into an adult."
"But I always DID want a daughter... and I'm still fertile, you know~"
I did a doubletake at my mom and said, "What?"
Mom chuckled and traced her jawline with her fingers before smiling. "Surprised, Sweetie? Your Mommy can still have babies if she wants~ And the proper way too. No need to science anything."
Dad sighed. "Even if that's true, I'M getting too old for this..."
"You literally just went on a whole mission in Raccoon City again and took out bioweapons with just a hatchet, Hubby."
"Well, I couldn't 'hatchet' being a father to newborns again right now, Wifey."
I groaned. "Alright. Could we just like, not...? And talk about anything else?"
Mom's eyes sparkled with mischief.
I immediately felt regret and tried to change the topic.
But Mom said, "Sure. Then care to explain the lovely lady with green hair asking to service you? And those two mature beauties who looked ready to pull you into bed if you asked?"
"...They're-"
Dad gave me a firm look and said, "If you imply you have a roster, it might be time for an early morning swim, Kiddo."
"...Important people in my life." I cleared my throat. "Status pending."
Dad looked skeptical.
But Lia giggled and said, "Don't worry, Grandpa! Naofumi-dono has more important things in his life!"
Sylvia nodded. "Yes. Like claiming planets, destroying worlds, and ruling a universe."
I blinked and looked at Sylvia. "Huh? Did I tell you that?"
"No, Master. I just figured that was the natural progression."
"..."
Sylvia smiled.
"...Okay. Maybe I did raise you and Lia a bit too well..."
===
A hectic morning. Introductions all around. Mom and Dad fussing over their new grandkids while roasting me.
Mein, Mirellia, Rishia, and Daji acting a bit awkward while figuring out how to react to my parents being here.
Uncle Dante just having a blast and aura farming in the distance with stylish tricks and weapons to entertain the kids...
But eventually, I managed to wrangle everyone together to get on topic.
We were NOT devolving this into pure beach filler episode madness, dammit.
Since we were out on the beach anyway, I made a bunch of chairs for everyone and sat us all down with some drinks (soda for kids and DEFINITELY alcohol for the adults).
"So." I clapped my hands together and said, "Introductions done. We all know each other. Questions were asked and answered. Back to the main point." I looked at Mom and Dad and said, "I'm gonna be busy and gone for about a year. I have... things to do."
Mom looked amused and slowly shifted her gaze towards Rishia, Daji, Mirellia, and then Mein. "...Things, huh?"
Rishia blushed and reflexively murmured, "I'm things..."
"What?"
Rishia averted her gaze, but didn't deny anything.
Dante chuckled, idly spinning his full beer bottle without a single drop spilling. "Well, someone here's more lustful than a succubus from hell..."
I pointedly ignored them, soldiering on with the main points. "This world is stuck in an interdimensional wave incursion event. I'm currently working to fix it. Afterwards, I'll be heading home... is what I'd like to say. But it recently came to my attention that home has a lot of superpowered beings that might take offense to me returning with otherworldly powers."
Dante laughed. "Nah. You're human, Kid. You might have gone beyond human potential, but you're still human. Big G won't care. Unless you're planning to overthrow him or something?"
"What? Hell no. Do you know how much work it is to be a full-time god? Hard pass."
Even if you were omnipotent, unless you were omnipresent and omniscient, it was pointless. And if you WERE omnipresent and omniscient, unless it was OPTIONAL omnipresence and omniscience, it was ALSO pointless.
At that point, you were just a static program in the universe without a will.
HARD pass on that.
Dante flipped his beer bottle up to take a swig and then gave me a thumbs up. "Then you're square, Kid. In fact, you're probably on the Big G's good side since you AREN'T trying to pull the whole 'I am the creator and will of the universe' schtick."
"Yeah, no." I shook my head. "Overthrowing God is something I'd rather not do. I mean, I theoretically COULD. But like, that would mean someone would have to take his spot. And I don't want it."
Dad looked proud and said, "That's my son."
Mom, on the other hand, looked disappointed. "...I would've thought my sweet little boy would be more ambitious than that..."
"Mom. I barely got out of running Libertas. I'm not about to get roped into playing babysitter to an entire cosmos. Being a manager is no fun. An owner, yes. Manager? Hard no."
Mom chuckled. "I suppose that's true... You never did like busy work..." She trailed off, a thought coming to mind. Then she stared at me.
I started to sweat, wondering what she had just realized.
...There were a lot of things I did in the past, so...
"Hey, baby..."
I froze.
Mom never called me 'baby' unless I was in deep trouble.
"...You wouldn't have happened to be the reason why Marhawa Academy got an outbreak, would you? Just because you didn't want to go to middle school in the middle of nowhere?"
"N-Now, what would make you think that, Mom? Haha..."
Lia gasped. "Naofumi-dono! You turned people into zombies?!"
Sylvia's eyes widened in shock, then understanding, then exasperation. "...This explains so much."
Dad gave me a disappointed look.
I pointedly ignored that too and said, "Back to the main topic..."
Mom gave me a look.
I ignored it and said, "Are you and Dad sticking around? Aren't you busy?"
Mom hummed and said, "Well, I *am* getting up there in age. I don't mind retiring and babysitting my adorable grandchildren."
I suddenly had a vision.
Mina, Nina, and Bahamut grown up after being raised under Mom's supervision-
"I plan to be a very active father, so that will never happen, Mom."
I immediately shut it down.
Mom clicked her tongue. "It was worth a try." She draped herself over Dad and said, "I guess if I want a baby, I should make it the old fashioned way, right, Hubby?"
Dad stared at her and said, "Only if you raise them-"
"Deal."
"I wasn't finished-"
Mom kissed Dad, cutting off his words and making his ears turn a bright red.
Mina giggled and said, "Oooh, Grandma kissy~"
Nina covered her eyes.
Bahamut looked like he was already plotting on how to be a cool and bad influence on his future little uncle or auntie.
And so I continued soldiering on, hoping that keeping a proper business tone would make things get back on track.
I shifted my gaze to Mirellia, who had just been listening until now... and who had changed back into a proper (albeit form-fitting) violet dress. "Now, Mirellia. Since the waves are still a problem facing this world, and since you said that Shieldfreeden, the other proper demi-human country who WASN'T knee deep into corrupt degenerate slavery... which is a sentence I never thought I'd have to say."
Honestly, what was wrong with this world?
"...Since they sent envoys to you, is it right to say the global situation is sorted now?"
Mirellia sipped on a glass of wine and nodded. "Of course, Naofumi." She chuckled and idly gestured towards the surroundings. "Considering all that you have done, I do believe no one in this world would dare to stop whatever you wish to do. So... simply do what you wish."
Mom pulled up from kissing my dad and looked at Mirellia with an approving nod. "Mm... I can see one thing my son would 'wish to do.'"
Mirellia immediately choked and turned a beet red, looking at my mom. "E-E-Excuse me, Madame?!"
"You heard me~ You might be a mother, but you're still young. I'm sure you could give me a few cute grandchildren as well~"
Dad sighed and said, "I didn't take you for a girl to get babyfever, Ada."
"I didn't either. But seeing all of these cute toddlers reminds me of raising our sweet little boy. And breastfeeding him... that was a nice experience."
I resisted the urge to run away from sheer mortification at the nuke my mom just dropped.
Instead, I soldiered on and said, "In that case- Wait." I blinked, suddenly realizing that Dante was here. I stared at him and said, "Weren't you in Libertas?"
"Hm? Oh, it looked pretty boring and almost wrapped up, so I just left a doppelganger there and came back. Why?"
"..."
Was this how people felt around me?
I think I understand how people feel around me now.
"Alright." I clapped my hands again to get everyone to focus. "Then, if that's all settled... I'm going to start putting pen to paper and executing my plans. Did you need anything else from me, Mom, Dad?"
Mom immediately stood up and scooped Dad into her arms.
Which made me do a double take.
Dad blushed and cleared his throat. "A-Ada. You shouldn't-"
"Your father and I have some veeery important business to do. And we've been in dire need of a vacation, so we'll be having fun in this island~ Don't worry about us, Sweetie." Mom giggled and then immediately sprinted off, carrying Dad with her like he weighed nothing at all.
Dante stretched and then said, "I should get going too. Lady and Trish might trash the place if I'm gone too long like last time."
I glanced over and said, "Heading off just like that, Uncle Dante?"
"Well, your dear old uncle Vergil is probably having a heartattack realizing he's a grandfather. So I should check on him to make sure he hasn't done something crazy like trying to cut the moon. Again."
"Again- Is THAT why there's a canyon on the moon?!"
Dante chuckled and adjusted his hat. "Maybe~ Anyway." He saluted and said, "I'll leave my doppelganger here. He's pretty much me, but slightly dumber. Whatever you tell him will end up reaching me though, so let me know if you need anything. Ciao." After that, he pulled out a blue potion with a round glass bottle-
Wait.
He mentioned Terraria earlier, right?
Then...
"IS THAT A WORMHOLE POTION?! HOW?! WHY?!"
Dante winked and chugged it before vanishing.
And with that, it was just me and my usual motley crew.
I stared at everyone. Then I said, "...You know what? It's monster hunting time." I pulled out Fragarach, the neglected sword practically buzzing with delight at finally being wielded again. "Sylvia, Lia. Let's go. The exp monsters should be out by now. We're hunting."
"Yay!" Lia raised False Mercy in her hands and said, "Violence!"
I nodded. "Yes. Violence."