87 – Karma
An absolute disaster would be understating it.
Not only were Uncle Dante and Uncle Vergil (at least I considered them kinda sorta uncles) here, but they had showed up in glittering armor that looked forged from literal sunlight.
If it was just that, fine. Chaos, but manageable.
But no, they had ALSO shown up with an ambiguous looking pretty boy who practically screamed 'I am absolutely a god,' as well as a guy with a 'take no prisoners' vibe who had tribal tattoos radiating pure demonic energy.
Still, it would have been fine. In fact, they seemed pretty chill, so it would have been a-ok.
But my parents were here.
Mom, the infamous Ada Wong known for her sly nature and 100% success rate (at least in terms of not dying) on missions.
And Dad, the esteemed Leon Kennedy who definitely worked for the feds, might be related to president John F. Kennedy, and who survived a literal zombie apocalypse while hungover on the first day as a rookie cop in Raccoon City.
Both, absolute veterans in every way and who had undoubtedly gone through weirder things than I can even imagine.
And both who had popped up out of the blue just as I let my guard down.
And who absolutely misunderstood what was going on-
No.
Not misunderstood.
They probably understood too well.
Which was why they immediately dragged me into a private room in the vacation house I made on the beach. Then, Dad immediately blocked the door while Mom slammed me onto the bed and sat on my back.
"So." Mom idly looked at her fingernails. "My little boy thinks he's grown up enough to play around with the hearts of beautiful women, hm?"
I was taller than my mom. Stronger too, since I inherited Dad's physique.
Even so, no matter how much I struggled to get up, I couldn't move or shove her off my back.
Dad chuckled and said, "Give up, kid. Your mom's got the technique down pat."
"Oh yes. Your father would know all about that, my little boy."
"First of all." I groaned. "Ew. Second of all... couldn't we just sit around a table and talk like adults?"
Dad nodded. "We could. But since you're acting like a teenager..."
"...You get the kid treatment," Mom finished.
I sighed. "...You know, most parents would be happy to see that their son is fine after being kidnapped to another world."
Dad snorted. "We aren't most parents."
"Mmhm~" Mom reached over and patted my head, clearly patronizing me. "And besides, you're my lovely little boy. If being kidnapped to another world was enough to kill you, I clearly didn't do a good enough job raising you, sweetie."
Dad nodded. "What your mother said. Also, if you died after all the training that I gave you... honestly, you deserved it."
"...Some dad you are." I grumbled.
Dad looked amused and glanced at Ada. "He gets the snark from you."
"Oh please, Honey. It's clearly from you." Mom rolled her eyes and said, "But it's not a complete loss. At least he never picked up your habit of one-liners."
A noise echoed by the window.
Dad glanced over to see Sylvia, Lia, and Mein peeking in.
The girls yelped and quickly scattered.
Mom noticed and said, "...But it seems he picked up your habit of collecting hearts."
Dad looked amused. "I never collected hearts. There was only ever one woman for me, Ada."
Mom laughed, although her eyes softened with love. "I know, Leon."
I groaned and said, "If you're gonna flirt, can you at least knock me out or something?"
Dad chuckled and said, "Tough luck, kid. You're on timeout for now."
"Dammit."
Mom smiled and poked my forehead. "Now, now. No cursing from my sweet little boy."
"Says the woman who gave me 'Fa-King' as a middle name."
"Yes. Says me. Now." Mom tugged on my hair.
"Owowowo! Hey! Stop that, Mom! Also, why the hell does it hurt?!"
I should be a superhuman, dammit! Why the hell does Mom yanking on my hair still hurt?!
Dad smirked and said, "Your mother is skilled with her hands, Kid."
"DAD STOP."
"Never."
Mom tilted my head to look at her and said, "Okay, my sweet little boy. Tell Mommy exactly what happened. And why you have so many beautiful women around you... And if Mommy needs to get used to being called Grandma."
"First of all, I'm not with any of those women-"
Dad's eyes narrowed.
"Yet! Yet!" I quickly added.
That time, Mom's eyes narrowed.
"I-I mean... It's complicated!"
"Mmhm... Complicated, you say?" Mom looked over at Dad and said, "Our little boy says it's complicated... What do you think, Honey?"
Dad cracked his knuckles and said, "I think our kid needs some sense knocked into him."
"I-I'm not scared of you!"
Mom laughed and hopped off. Then she crossed her arms and said, "Is that so? Is my sweet little boy grown up enough to think he can beat his Daddy in a fight?"
I quickly stood up and stared at my dad.
Dad rolled his neck and then smirked.
"...I retract my statement. And I apologize." I quickly lowered my head.
"Attaboy." Dad walked over and patted my head. "No matter how big you get, you still don't have grown man strength."
"...You keep saying that, Dad. But I don't think 'grown man strength' explains being able to leg press an oversized spider the size of a minivan off a building while you're holding onto the ledge of a building with just your fingertips. I've seen the bodycam footage."
Dad chuckled and said, "Life or death strength hits different, Kid."
"CLEARLY."
Mom leaned against the wall and said, "Alright, boys. Enough chitchat." She looked at me and said, "Now. Are you going to explain, my sweet little boy? Or do I have to use your full government name?"
"...Fine." I sighed. "First though. Uh..."
Mom raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"...You, um. ARE a Grandma...?"
Silence.
One second.
Two.
Three...
Ten.
And then...
"...Explain."
I cleared my throat. "W-Well... I, uh. You see, I went to get monster eggs because they exist in this world."
Mom narrowed her eyes. "...Go on."
"Then, uh... things happened..."
Dad raised an eyebrow. "Things."
"Y-Yeah. Uh. And, so... You have two granddaughters who might be half-angels and a grandson who might be half-dragon? "
Mom gave me a flat look and said, "You artificially inseminated monster eggs to create super children."
"N-No! I didn't- I mean, TECHNICALLY, but it wasn't like I- The phrasing matters, Mom!"
Mom sighed and rubbed her face. "I should've known something like this would happen eventually..."
Dad looked amused and said, "Must run in the family."
Mom blushed and said, "I-It was one time! And only so our little boy can survive the crazy things that pop up in our lives!"
"Wait." I pointed at Mom. "You mean YOU'RE the reason I'm like this?!"
Mom huffed and said, "Like what? All I did was tweak your genetics a little so that you could survive at least half the things your father does."
Dad spoke up and said, "For the record, I'm just peak human genetic potential. Like Batman."
Mom gave Dad a sly look and said, "Oh, I'm more than aware of your peak human potential, Leon..."
I gave Mom a blank stare and said, "Can you go five minutes without trying to seduce Dad?"
"I can't help it, Sweetie. Your dad's just so sexy, you know? Especially when he shows off."
Dad nodded. "I have a great facecard. The backflips help."
"...You're both doing this just to punish me, aren't you?"
Mom let out a teasing smile and then draped her arms around me, pressing herself against my back. Then she whispered into my ear and said, "Now why would we do that, Sweetie?"
A visceral shudder spread throughout my body and I instinctively weaved out of her grasp.
Or I tried.
But the moment I shifted, Mom flipped me back on the bed and pinned me down before putting me in an armbar. "Mm, your skills need work, Sweetie. All that office work made you rusty~"
"I GIVE, I GIVE!"
I pointedly squeezed my eyes shut and ignored just how exactly Mom was keeping me pinned before it made me gag.
Dad chuckled and said, "I bet you wish it was one of those girls doing this to you, huh, Kid?"
"I DON'T WANNA BE PINNED AT ALL, THANK YOU. NOW LET ME OUT!"
"Mm..." Mom blew a puff of air at my face to shift my bangs away and said, "I don't feel like it."
"MOOOOOOM!"
"It's Mommy, Sweetie."
"NEVER!"
"Then suffer~"
"Like I- OWOWOW! WHY DOES THAT HURT?!"