The Substitution of the Shield Hero

Since my party consisted of basically all girls, it meant that they would absolutely spend a ton of time packing and preparing for the seaside vacation.

I learned *that* lesson from the one time Mom convinced me to go with her to a trip in Florida only to spend a whole day packing and making us almost miss our flight.

Even though we were only going to stay there for a weekend.

...Yeah.

Needless to say, I planned things accordingly.

All the girls would take their time getting things in order. And in the meantime, us guys... by which I meant me, Bahamut, and Morgan, would be heading off towards the seaside town to meet up with the other heroes and Mirellia.

Now, I *could* just warp us there and save us the effort. After all, I'd been to the moon and back to get a look at the lay of the land, so I could theoretically open up a portal anywhere on the planet.

But if you got in the habit of fast traveling, you'd get annoyed when you couldn't, so I refrained.

Instead, since something similar already existed in Four Bray, I just made a car with god-tier suspensions to cruise back to Melromarc.

A sleek black sedan, silver highlights, and just for fun, the American flag decaled on the hood, back and the doors.

Because why not, right?

And that was how I ended up sitting in my car with Bahamut in the passenger seat and Morgan in the backseat...

"Have fun, Lord Naofumi!"

"We'll make sure those Four Bray nobles learn their lesson if they're dumb enough to invade!"

"Thank you, Lord Naofumi!"

"We owe you everything, Lord Naofumi!"

"Rely on us at times too, Lord Naofumi!"

...With countless cheers sending us off from the citizens of Libertas who had noticed me setting up the car.

Bahamut looked amused and brushed a strand of his green bangs away from his blue eyes. "You are quite loved, Father."

I felt my ears burn and said, "Quiet, Boy. It's no good to let this stuff get to your head. You never know when the people might decide to turn on you."

Morgan glanced back at the crowd... and at the people literally kowtowing. Then he said, "I... don't think that's a problem, Mister Naofumi..."

"You say that, but you never know. It's good to not let them get their hopes up *too* high."

But even as I said that, I rolled down the window and waved at the crowd.

Had to throw them a bone every now and then.

An immediate cheer erupted, followed by the weird chant everyone kept on using.

"LIBERTY IS GOOD! LORD NAOFUMI IS LIBERTY! LORD NAOFUMI IS GOOD!"

"LIBERTAS! LIBERTAS! LIBERTAS!"

"ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE!"

"LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!"

...Wait. Since when did they have those last ones? Did people like, rederive the declaration of independence-

Actually, let's just roll with it.

Some things only become worse when you dig into them.

I started the engine and drove off after waving at the crowd one more time.

And then, slowly, the roar vanished, replaced by the low rumble of the engine and the occassional thud as I drove through a monster.

Bahamut looked amused and said, "Father. Do you intend to just run over every monster between here and the harbor town where we will meet up with the others?"

"Yep." I deliberately veered into an Orange Balloon, watching with satisfaction as it popped. "It's fun."

Morgan brushed aside his blue bangs and said, "I must admit, I'm slightly concerned... Is that safe?" His blue eyes flitted towards the car's chassis and he said, "This carriage seems quite thin in plating..."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I'm actively reinforcing it with magic too. And even if I wasn't, apparently it counts as a weapon."

Morgan gave me a blank stare. "...This carriage is your weapon?"

Bahamut gave a sage nod and said, "Vehicular slaughter... I see."

"Yep~" I ran over a shadow goblin that had somehow survived the wave, the gore bursting over the car for a split second before getting sucked into my inventory.

Auto-looting was OP.

"But anyway, we've got time. Even if I floor it, since we're meeting at the eastern harbor town past Siltvelt, it'll be around noon before we get there. That's around... four hours or so from now?"

Morgan's eyes widened in amazement. "Only four hours by carriage? Across all of Melromarc and Siltvelt?"

"Well, I could probably make it in one, but I'm being considerate."

Bahamut's eyes flashed with excitement. "...Father. Can we?"

"Now, Boy. As fun as that would be-"

Morgan quickly sat up straight and said, "I'm fine with it!"

I paused. Then I laughed. "Ah, right. We're all guys here. Speed is king when it comes to fun. Fine, fine... Hold on tight. We're not stopping for anything, even trees."

Morgan quickly adjusted his seatbelt to be comfortable.

Bahamut adjusted his seat so that he had room to look out at the surroundings.

And as for me...

I started shifting through the gears. "I've always wanted to hit over 300 mph. Let's see what that feels like."

...I grinned and floored the accelerator, watching as the spedometer slowly climbed and the surroundings turned into a blur of green.

Bahamut laughed.

Morgan cackled.

And I just enjoyed the feeling of speed slowly ramping up.

===

Fitoria was resting in the outskirts of Melromarc, disguised as a normal Filorial.

After the craziness that was Naofumi, she had decided to take a breather and just unwind.

And then she saw it.

A sleek black carriage roaring with ungodly speed. Magical energy crackling like blue lightning as literal flames ejected from the metal tubes at the back.

And a suspension system so smooth that the chassis barely shuddered even as it crushed countless monsters beneath its wheels.

It was terrifying.

It was powerful.

And...

"I WANT THAT!"

...As the Vassal Carriage Hero, Fitoria had the sudden urge to chase it down and find out what the hell it was.

But she refrained.

Barely-

"YUKI! TOO FAST!"

"Don't worry, Motoyasu! I can handle anything! Even your spear if you want~"

"THAT TALKING IS WHY I'M IN TROUBLE! AND I'M GETTING MOTIONSICK!"

Fitoria looked up from nibbling on some greens just in time to see another carriage rush past.

A pure white Filorial Queen literally flew through the air, pulling an ornate golden carriage with wings and three humans inside of it.

One was the Spear Hero, clinging to the side of the carriage for dear life.

Another was a blonde female adventurer, clinging to the Spear Hero with excitement and fear on her face in equal measure.

And the last was an orange-haired woman who was literally sleeping in a hammock secured to the sides of the carriage.

"YUKIIIIII!"

"Trust me, Motoyasu~! I'd never hurt you! We'll be together forever and ever~"

Fitoria slowly raised her head and watched the carriage fly past, just like the strange black metal carriage.

Then she decided that whatever chaos unfolded in the world was very much no longer her business and she went back to nibbling on some yummy greens instead.

===

The royal carriage, departing east from Melromarc's territory.

Inside of it, Mirellia sat with Melty, Filo, Ren, and Itsuki as they headed towards the harbor town together.

Motoyasu would have joined them so they could talk about recent events, but his Filorial Queen Yuki had thrown a fit about him being near another Filorial. Then Lyno had insisted that she wanted to spend some quality time with him, and Elena had also insisted that they needed to talk about his spending habits...

So it was just Ren and Itsuki among the Three Heroes sitting in with the Queen, Princess, and adopted Princess of Melromarc.

Ren and Itsuki were seated on one side of the carriage, while Mirellia and Melty sat on the other. Filo, as always, was seated on Mirellia's lap for the Queen to pamper her.

Mirellia glanced out the window, watching with amusement at Motoyasu's golden carriage swiftly fading in the horizon. "It appears we will be the last to arrive at the location."

Ren glanced out the window too and shook his head. "...This is what happens when you farm affection points the wrong way..."

Itsuki nibbled on a bread roll and said, "You mean when you pick the loli route."

Ren paused. "...You're not wrong. But I don't want to say you're right either..."

Melty tilted her head and said, "What's a loli?"

Filo nodded. "Is that candy? Can I have some?"

Itsuki froze.

Ren coughed and said, "It's nothing important. Anyway." He quickly pivoted the conversation by looking at Mirellia and saying, "Are you sure it's fine for us all to leave for a vacation? Especially when you're the Queen?"

Mirellia chuckled and said, "I'm thankful for the concern, Sword Hero. But you need not worry. Kage is currently taking my place back at the royal palace... and even then, Melromarc has mostly become self-sufficient." She looked amused and said, "It appears that since Naofumi so thoroughly purged the chaff, we both have sufficient resources to allocate to the people as well as competent and just people to do the allocation."

Itsuki frowned. "...I want to say it's bad that justice was only served after so much murder. But... they really did have it coming." He grimaced, as if remembering the various atrocities he uncovered.

Ren grimaced too and said, "...It had to burn."

Mirellia sighed. "Yes. As much as I hate to admit it, Melromarc had been rotting away, and Naofumi carved out all of the rot. Even so." She smiled and said, "Because of it, the people and the country can heal in peace."

Melty nodded and said, "I have done the calculations! At this rate, and with the proper systems in place, by the time I take the throne, Melromarc will be a country of self-sustaining and self-policing peace!" She punched a fist in the air and said, "For liberty! Justice! Peace!"

Filo punched a fist in the air too and said, "Domestic violence!"

Itsuki coughed, quickly looking at Filo. "W-What?!"

Mirellia laughed and idly braided Filo's hair. "It's 'domestic policy' Filo."

Filo tilted her head and said, "Isn't it the same, Mommy? The policy is violence!"

Melty nodded. "That's correct! Lord Naofumi proved that a sufficient show of violence mathematically reduces instances of moral corruption to zero, so if we set up systematic displays of over the top violence towards the worst offenders..."

Ren groaned and covered his face. "Dammit, Naofumi."

Mirellia chuckled. "Worry not, Sword Hero. I am certain that it will just be a phase for my daughter. I was very much that way in my youth as well, you see."

Itsuki paused mid-bite of his bread roll. Then he slowly looked at Mirellia and said, "...You were contemplating extreme violence in your youth, Miss Queen?"

Mirellia hummed. "It was a different time... though in hindsight, something I should have followed through on..."

If Mirellia had hardened her heart and purged both the church and the anti-demihuman factions from the start...

Mirellia sighed. "Well. No use dwelling on what-ifs. Particularly when that scenario is fundamentally impossible from this point onwards."

Ren lowered his hands and sighed. "I can see that. At this point, the people left in Melromarc see the royal family as practically divine. In just a few generations, it's going to be commonsense..."

Melty's eyes sparkled. "That sounds like a fantastic idea, Mister Sword Hero! I'll note that!" Melty quickly pulled out a tiny notebook from her purse along with a pencil before writing it down.

"Wait. I was just..." Ren sighed. "...Forget it." He shook his head and looked back at Mirellia. "Did you want us to do anything in particular when we arrive at Cal Mira Archipelago?"

Mirellia chuckled and said, "Simply enjoy yourselves. Although it would be ideal if you trained and leveled up a bit due to the rare monsters appearing and granting experience, there is no need to rush. We have three weeks before the next wave... and even then, we have Naofumi."

Ren paused. "...Right." He let out a long suffering sigh. "Our resident 'totally not a god.'"

Seeing that Filo was eyeing his bread roll, Itsuki smiled and handed it over.

Filo gasped and took it with a bright smile. "Thank you, Mister Bow!"

"You're welcome, Filo." Itsuki nodded at Filo. But after that, he looked at Ren and said, "And Ren, Aniki isn't a god, but I think he's probably a Level 6? Since he's the Legendary System hero, he's a human who reached the sense of the heavens because he reached SYSTEM, right?"

Ren gave Itsuki a blank stare and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but it scares me that it sounds correct."

Mirellia looked amused and said, "Should I take this as confirmation that, for all intents and purposes our mutual friend Naofumi is a deity?"

Itsuki shrugged and pulled out some candy from his inventory. He idly handed some to Filo and Melty before looking at Mirellia and said, "I think it's fair to say it's probably close enough. Academy City said that someone who reached SYSTEM can do God's calculations. And, um... Aniki DID terraform the moon."

Ren watched as Filo took the candy before hopping off Mirellia's lap to chat with Melty. Then he glanced back at Itsuki and said, "You know what? I'm just going to accept that Naofumi is the equivalent of Kayaba larping in S.A.O."

Itsuki blinked. "Huh?"

Ren sighed. "Don't worry about it. But in that case." He looked at Mirellia and said, "You really don't mind what we do when we arrive at Cal Mira?"

Mirellia shook her head. "Not at all. Relax. Unwind. Enjoy yourselves... I think you heroes have worked hard enough. Besides..." She giggled and said, "Since Naofumi has stated that he wants to 'own' this world, he should be the one to deal with any major problems that crop up, yes?"

Ren laughed. "That's true. If he wants to be the owner and make us all tenants, he's in charge of maintaining the property."

Itsuki's eyes sparkled. "Does that mean that if the wave or a monster happens to show up while we're on vacation..."

"That Naofumi will deal with it? Yep." Ren stretched. "Honestly... I need a vacation anyway. We've been so much on the grind that I still haven't processed the fact that I died..."

Itsuki paused. "Oh. Right. We DID all die, didn't we?"

Mirellia was quiet, glancing between Ren and Itsuki's sudden downcast expressions. Then she slowly said, "Did you want to return home?"

Filo and Melty looked up at hearing Mirellia's serious voice.

Ren hesitated. "...If I could, I'd want to go back. I'm worried about Rio."

Itsuki tilted his head. "Rio?"

"Yeah." Ren nodded. "She's an old friend of mine. We had just connected after she disappeared a while back... It's complicated."

Mirellia shifted her gaze to Itsuki. "What about you, Bow Hero?"

"Me?" Itsuki blinked. Then he rubbed the back of his neck. "Um... Well, I don't mind being here. It's pretty nice. I was a nobody back in my world... and from what Motoyasu's been telling me about what he knows of my world, things get pretty hectic. Even more hectic than here, so I'd rather stay. Would that be fine?"

Mirellia smiled and said, "Of course that would be fine. Melromarc would gladly accept someone like you."

Ren chuckled and said, "Well, even if I'm leaving after all this, Melromarc should be fine. Motoyasu's definitely not leaving any time soon either, so you'll have two heroes either way."

Mirellia chuckled. "Yes. I suppose the Spear Hero will not be going anywhere any time soon either..."

Ren paused and looked at Mirellia.

Mirellia noticed and tilted her head. "What is the matter, Sword Hero?"

"Can I ask you a serious question, Queen?"

Mirellia smiled and said, "Of course."

"Um. Do you... like Naofumi?"

Mirellia froze.

===

I parked the car a few paces away from the cliff overlooking the glittering blue sea. But as I did, I felt a sudden chill run down my spine.

Bahamut noticed and tilted his head. "Father?"

"...I feel like someone just walked over my grave. Or tried cursing me." I quickly made the sign of the cross just in case.

Morgan glanced at me and said, "Something that makes even someone like you terrified, Mister Naofumi?"

I finished muttering a quick prayer and then said, "Never underestimate the hassle that can quickly arise when you are a desirable man, Morgan. Take this as a lesson from someone who both watched it happen to his father and who is currently living through it."

Morgan blinked. "...Understood...?"

I got out of the car and stretched, enjoying the sea breeze. "This is pretty nice. It's a lot cleaner than Cali."

Bahamut got out of the car too, hopping onto the hood of the car to look out at the horizon. "...Beautiful."

"Right?" I smiled and leaned against my car.

Morgan got out and stood next to me, fiddling with his blue tunic. Then he stared off into the distance where the Cal Mira Archipelago was barely visible. "So that's where we will be staying, Mister Naofumi?"

"Mmhm." I eyed the glittering sea and said, "It's been a while since I've had a fish fry. And I guess it's about time for a mandatory beach episode."

Bahamut's eyes sparkled. "Can I-"

"No megaflaring fish, Boy."

"Aw..."

===

Dante flopped onto his back. "God damn, Pretty Boy. You've got spunk..."

Vergil glanced at Yamato, chipped from clashing against the Nahobino's energy blade. He clicked his tongue and channeled his magic power to restore it while looking up at the Nahobino. "...I must admit. You do possess power."

Demi-Fiend nodded, looking impressed.

Pixie, however, rolled her eyes and said, "Men... You were literally just trying to kill each other ten minutes ago."

Dante held up his thumb and said, "And we stopped trying to kill each other. I see this as an absolute win."

Nahobino tilted his head, pressing his hand to the glowing circle on his side. The moment he did, a mechanical voice echoed.

"Young man. Perhaps it would be best to travel with these individuals for a while. If we seek to do battle against the Qadistu and prevent the resurrection of their god, we require more training."

Nahobino paused. Then he nodded and held his hand out towards Dante.

Dante laughed and grabbed Nahobino's hand, pulling himself up. "You're alright, Pretty Boy." After brushing off his tattered red coat, he said, "Guess we've got a plus one on our commission then, Vergil."

Vergil clicked his tongue and said, "This is turning out more troublesome than anticipated..."

Dante adjusted his hat and said, "Oh, quit being a crybaby. At least you don't get hounded by the IRS here for not paying child support for Nero."

"...We are going." Vergil finished repairing Yamato and carved a gash through existence again before immediately walking through.

Demi-fiend smirked and followed after him, Pixie rolling her eyes the entire time.

Nahobino shrugged and followed after Demi-fiend.

Dante rounded up the group and chuckled. "Alright. What kinda crazy place are we ending up next...?"

Space, time, and dimensions rippled around the group as they moved through the gash in existence.

And when they popped out...

"Let your late king's soul bear witness! Let Louis Guiabern be named... the true and rightful ruler of Euchronia!"

Dante blinked, seeing the blonde-haired and blue-eyed young man making an impassioned speech atop an airship. "...Huh. Even in other worlds, Lucy loves being a blonde fop, doesn't he?"