Chapter 1: The Inevitable Blue Screen (and why I want to claw my eyes out)
…but…
The scream never echoed. It was simply… ignored.
“Necromancer. Really? In 2025? That class is completely overinflated. What do you want me to do—find a talking skull with depression issues? Dress in black rags and brood while slaughtering goblins who were probably trying to unionize?”
[WARNING: High levels of cynicism detected.]“Wait. No. Don’t you dare—” He tried to protest, but a sudden pain flared in his chest.[User is violating “Protagonist Enthusiasm” protocols.]
[Applying corrective measures…]
Or where his chest should have been.
His thoughts were suddenly flooded with images of crows, rain-soaked graveyards, and an overwhelming urge to stare dramatically into the distance, thinking of nothing in particular.
[NEW TRAIT ACQUIRED: Inner Darkness (Rank S)]“F*** off,” Kaito tried to say, but what actually came out—raspy, cavernous, and painfully dramatic—was:• Effect: Your voice will always sound like you smoked three packs of cigarettes.
• Additional Effect: Your eyes will glow an unsettling violet whenever you feel mild irritation.
• Additional Buff: You have a 20% chance of looking cool in front of your enemy.
“…Destiny is a chain that I shall break with my frozen hands.” And in that moment, Kaito froze and slowly covered his face with his hands that appeared out of nowhere.
Pale. Slender. Curated Nails. Of course.
“Oh my God,” he groaned. “The System is forcing me to roleplay. This is WAY worse than death.”
Then, the void didn’t explode into light; it buffered.
Reality suddenly stuttered like a badly optimized game loading a new zone, and the black nothingness peeled away in layers, replaced by damp stone walls, flickering torchlight, and the unmistakable smell of mold, dust, and old regrets.
Kaito’s feet touched solid ground, which was cold and uneven.
“Ah,” he said flatly. “A crypt. Let me guess—ancient, forgotten, and symbolically ironic?”
No response, of course.
Then, he looked down at himself to see his clothes.
Black robes. Of course.
High collar. Too high.
Long sleeves. Dramatically impractical.
“So this is my body now,” he sighed. “No back pain, no muscle memory, and zero electrician benefits.”
Then, a feeling of "Anger" started to linger in his mind.
'Couldn't I fucking die in peace knowing that I've killed an asshole and a failed investment? Of course not!' He thought while clenching his fists.
His eyes were probably shining, but he didn't know.
Suddenly, a faint clatter echoed nearby, making Kaito turn towards the source of the sound.
In front of him lay a messy pile of bones. A skull rolled slightly, empty eye sockets pointed vaguely in his direction.
The bones trembled, just a little, like they were waiting for permission.
[INITIAL QUEST AVAILABLE.]The blue screen slid into view again, cheerful and invasive.
"Already? Can't I chill for a bit? You know, I just died five minutes ago!" He complained to the system, maintaining the humor.
[Quest: Awaken Your First Minion]Kaito stared at the word embarrassment.[Difficulty: Tutorial]
[Failure Consequence: Embarrassment]
“…That’s not reassuring.” He sighed while crossing his arms.
“So let me get this straight: I die, get isekai’d against my will, and I’m assigned the most overused class in existence," He said, still staring at the pile of bones, "And now you want me to do manual labor.”
[Clarification: Necromancy is considered a “creative profession.”]“Bullshit. Necromancy is the most abused class when you want to make someone cool in a series. Too mainstream.”
[Notice: You have three minutes to complete the quest.]Kaito, apparently, kept staring at the pile of bones.
The System hovered nearby, its blue interface flashing with unearned enthusiasm.
[SUGGESTED VOICE COMMANDS:]Kaito sighed.→ “Rise, servant of darkness!”
→ “Obey your new master!”
→ “Awaken, chosen of the grave!”
The sound vibrated unnaturally deep in his throat, that new cavernous, chain-smoker voice echoing around the crypt like it was trying too hard.
“Look,” he said to the bones. “Just get up. I don’t have all day, and I can already feel the humidity of this place getting into my joints. I don't want to catch a fever, because I'm completely sure that there are no antibiotics in this world.”
[SKILL ACTIVATED: Lesser Reanimation (Lv. 1)]'Eh? I had a skill?' He thought, pretending to be surprised.
At the activation, there were no dramatic sounds or choir of damned souls; just a wet sound—like plunging a clogged toilet—followed by an unpleasant clack-clack-clack as the bones snapped together in a distinctly unprofessional manner.
A femur ended up where the humerus should have been, but corrected itself after a second with a nervous twitch.
Standing before him was a human skeleton of average height.
Slightly hunched, with one shoulder lower than the other.
Its skull tilted just enough to give the impression of permanent confusion.
Kaito waited.
The skeleton waited.
Thirty seconds passed.
Drip.
Drip.
Stale water echoed somewhere in the crypt.
“Well?” Kaitoi finally asked.
The skeleton didn’t respond. Its empty eye sockets stared at an indeterminate spot on the wall with the dedication of someone clocked out mentally.
“No sarcastic remarks?” Kaito pressed, irritation creeping in. “No tragic backstory? You’re not the sealed soul of an ancient warrior who will now serve as my reluctant mentor?”
The skeleton’s jaw moved slightly.
Click.
Then it returned to its previous state, indistinguishable from a badly assembled coat rack.
"Holy shit." Kaito said. "I don't even know what to think about this."
Then, a new window appeared.
[MINION ANALYSIS]Kaito rubbed his face slowly.· Type: Human Skeleton (Damaged)
· Intelligence: Non-existent
· Management Requirement: Constant micro-supervision
· Combat Potential: Situational
· Additional Use: Paperweight, trap trigger, morale deterrent
“I’ve read hundreds of novels,” he muttered, “where the first skeleton or monster the protagonist randomly summons is absurdly competent and saves the protagonist in the tutorial dungeon.”
He looked at the motionless pile of bones masquerading as an employee.
“What I get is furniture.” He sighed again.
“You’re useless,” he decided. “I’ll call you Larry.”
The skeleton did not react.
“You have the posture of someone named Larry,” Kaito continued, “who worked in accounting for twenty years and died during an unpaid lunch break.”
Larry didn’t answer, obviously.
Somewhere deep within the System, a subroutine quietly updated:
[MINION NAME REGISTERED: Larry.]Kaito stared at the notification, then at Larry, and then at the dungeon.
“Perfect,” he said flatly. “This is going to be a long eternity.”
Then, Kaito spoke to the System.
"System. What do I have to do now? Isn't this the part where I kill a lot of monsters to become powerful?" He asked.
The System responded instantly, almost eagerly.
[RECOMMENDED PROGRESSION PATH:]Kaito blinked.→ Eliminate low-threat hostile entities
→ Accumulate experience points
→ Repeat until numerical superiority is achieved
“So… genocide by spreadsheet,” he summarized.
[CLARIFICATION: ‘Genocide’ is a narrative exaggeration.]“Right,” Kaito said. “Let me guess: I kill ten rats, I level up, then I kill ten slightly angrier rats. Then ten wolves, then ten wolves with glowing eyes, and then ten wolves with names.”[Preferred terminology: ‘Efficient Progression.’]
[CONFIRMED.]Kaito stared into the middle distance.
“And after that?”
[AFTER THAT:“…So the reward for grinding,” Kaito said slowly, “is the privilege of grinding harder.”→ Increased health pool
→ Marginally higher damage output
→ Access to the same activity, but with larger numbers.]
[POSITIVE FEEDBACK DETECTED.]“No. No, that was not positive.”
Larry shifted slightly, while one of his ribs fell off and reattached itself with a faint click.
Kaito gestured at him.
“Do you see this, Larry? This is what passes for ‘progress’ here. I don’t get smarter or get better tools. I just become statistically more tolerated by the universe.”
[LEVELING SYSTEM IS A PROVEN ENGAGEMENT MODEL.]“Of course it is,” Kaito muttered. “Why fix problems when you can inflate numbers until people stop noticing them?”
A new panel opened.
[OPTIONAL DAILY QUEST AVAILABLE!]Kaito stared at the words Sense of Accomplishment.→ Defeat 5 Cave Rats
→ Reward: +1 Strength
→ Bonus: Sense of Accomplishment
“…That’s not a reward,” he said quietly. “That’s emotional outsourcing.”
[WARNING: User hostility toward progression mechanics detected.]“Good.” He said, while crossing his arms.
“Let me make something very clear, System. I am not going to spend the next fifty chapters stabbing wildlife until a number goes from 12 to 13 even though I know that's what people want.”
[ALTERNATIVE PROGRESSION METHODS ARE NOT RECOMMENDED. FOLLOW THE SCRIPT.]“Then this is going to be awkward,” Kaito replied. “Because I don't want to be like a Korean good-looking guy who spends his entire days killing monsters and randomly saving the day.”
After those words, the System paused, while Larry’s skull tilted half a degree, which somehow made him look concerned.
“Welcome to inefficient gameplay,” Kaito said. “You’re about to hate me.”
Somewhere deep inside the System, a risk assessment quietly failed.