Chapter 97 A World of One’s Own
The Weight of Truth
"Why would you even think I did that?" Rowena asked, her face gradually turning offended. "Y-you don’t believe that’s the kind of person I am... do you?" she stammered, standing from the bed and slowly approaching Lucien.
Lucien locked his gaze on her face, watching the way she looked so hurt by his accusation, the way her eyes watered instantly, and the way she desperately wanted to stay in his good books.
She looked innocent, but... something was wrong, and Lucien hated himself for only noticing it now.
Rowena was desperate... too desperate. Even though her eyes looked sad and hurt, there was something in there, something dark, dangerous, threatening... it had been there, but Lucien had always ignored it.
Finally, Elian’s words all made sense. Rowena truly did all those things, just so she could have Lucien all to herself. However, Lucien was sure she did not know about him and Elian; she only hated the fact that he paid attention to his attendant, and he could not imagine to what extent she could go to get rid of Elian if she ever found out about them.
This was exactly the reason why he needed to keep Elian away from him. If anything happened to his Elian, all hell might as well break loose.
"Tell me, Lucien..." her warm hands cupped Lucien’s face, locking eyes with him, "Do you really believe your fiancée can be so evil to hurt a girl? Why would I do that–"
Lucien silenced her with a bruising kiss, his heart pounding with anger and rage. How could he have been so blind? And the worst part was... he wasn’t going to do anything to her!
He could not hurt her; he dared not hurt her. But he sure as hell was going to stop her from hurting Elian or anyone close to Elian. She wanted his attention? She will have it.
Rowena moaned into their kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck, "Oh, Lucien, you’re so sweet; take me to bed, please?" she whispered.
"I’m sorry for asking such stupid questions. I wasn’t thinking straight," he murmured.
Rowena shook her head, kissing Lucien’s neck, "It doesn’t matter; what matters is what you do to me, now... please," she shuddered.
"Spread your legs," Lucien commanded, his voice determined.
But Rowena took his determination for arousal; her moan filled the room as she spread her legs wide for him.
"They’re spread, my love... for you," she breathed out, letting her robe fall to the ground once more.
Lucien swallowed hard and took his hand to her center again. This was his wife; he had to understand it and get a certain face out of his mind.
Elian was tired of sitting, so he stood, walking toward the door. The torch Lucien had left beside the door had gone off a long time ago, leaving him in cold and darkness.
His mind was torturing him, playing him Lynda’s memories on every blink, every breath. He felt like he was suffocating underwater and desperately needed to breathe the fresh, clean air outside of this dungeon.
His limbs were shaking from hunger; two days and no one had fed him a thing. He wasn’t sure which hurt more, Lynda’s memories or the heartbreak from Lucien. His mother was right; he should have killed Lucien when he had the chance. Instead, he was busy forcing himself on a man who had no heart.
How did he turn out like this? Why did he let himself become this pathetic fool?
He suddenly heard laughter outside his door and paused; the guards were switching posts.
"Evening, Brother," one of the guards said, laughing. "You won’t believe what the maids are whispering about."
"They always whisper. It’s their first duty before the manor chores," another replied.
They laughed, making fun of how the women loved to gossip instead of doing their actual work.
"I’m curious, what were they whispering this time?" the first guard asked.
"I’m not supposed to say this, but who would hear us down here..." the first guard scoffed.
"It’s the Duke," he said, his voice reasonably lowering.
Elian paused, his ears working as he heard it was about Lucien. He gently pressed his ear to the door so he wouldn’t alert them he was listening, his pulse racing slowly.
"What about his grace? Is he alright?" the second guard asked.
The first guard chuckled, "Oh, he is more than okay... if not, why would the maids say the princess has been crying in pleasure for hours in her chamber... and they saw him walk in there in the afternoon and haven’t come out till tonight," he said with utmost certainty.
"Oh... the maids will definitely talk their mouths off with this one. Be careful with this news though, his grace will not appreciate his matters spreading like this," the second guard said.
Elian stood there like an ice statue as he heard footsteps walking away from his door. Slowly, he slid his back down the door, his body hitting the ground quietly.
’Lucien... with Rowena?’ he thought, gazing blankly into the dark.
He had been so naive, believing the Duke only wanted him. He was the fool in the end; how could a man not want a woman as pretty as Rowena?
"Argh!!!" he screamed, the sound echoing and bouncing off the empty walls.
"Hey, boy! Keep it down, would you?" a guard barked outside his door, hitting it with his boot.
Elian clutched his hair with his fingers, shutting his eyes tightly as his heart contracted painfully inside his chest.
"No, no, no, no, no," he murmured breathlessly, his lips trembling as tears fell freely.
"No, Lucien, please, no!" he cried, falling onto the cold, hard floor, his hair falling over the sides of his face.
His body shook as he cried; different images of what Lucien might be doing with Rowena flooded his head, serving as the twisted knife in his already shattered heart.
It hurt; it hurt so bad.
So while he thought Lucien was finding answers from Rowena, Lucien was making love to her. Lucien was touching her the same way he’d touched Elian, kissing her, holding her... giving her the man from the cabin.
"It hurts..." Elian whispered, clutching his chest and gasping for air.
"It hurts so much, Lucien," he sobbed, "I... I said I loved you... I meant it," he sniffled, sobbing quietly.
He stayed like that, unable to move. He just let all the pain seep right into his blood and bones, allowing it to break him over and over again. He welcomed the images of Lucien and Rowena together in bed, naked, happy, like a normal couple.
Perhaps she truly made Lucien happy, and if he truly loved Lucien, then he would let him go; he would allow him to be with Rowena... a woman.
With that master thought, Elian promised himself one thing: to heal.
All this time, he hadn’t even tried to heal; he had been filled with rage, want, lust, anger, resentment. It was time he truly gave himself a break in his mind and just be.
In that dungeon, he was going to live like a normal man, like he was a man who owned a house, went to work by day, and returned by night to his peaceful home. He was going to live the life he wished for all in his head, right in that dungeon.
He was alone in that dungeon room, and he would use it as his solitude room. Who knows, he might never get to live a normal life; his imagination was his only escape.
He didn’t know when the dawn broke, or when the sun dipped; all he felt was how empty his body felt the longer he stayed in there. But he didn’t care; even as his strength withered, his imagination of a free life never did. At least, his body could be caged, but never his mind, never his soul, and never his heart.
Not even Lucien could cage his heart, never.
In one of his slumbers, Elian was suddenly startled by the loud sound of his door being opened. It felt like his ears were bleeding; after hearing only silence for days, that groaning metal sound was like shoving a rod into his ears.
He groaned, unable to stand from the floor as the door was thrown open by a guard.
"Get up, it’s time to leave," the guard said.
Elian chuckled weakly; it’s been a week already?
He was starting to get used to the hunger and darkness, only his body had weakened so much he couldn’t move an inch.
"Did you not hear me? I said get up, do you want a beating?" the guard barked.
"Lay a hand on him... I dare you," a voice boomed from the dungeon entrance.
The guard immediately bowed his head in shame, stepping away from the door.
Elian chuckled weakly, but tears fell from his eyes.
The footsteps entered the dungeon and a tall figure fell over Elian’s curled form.
"I’ve got you, Elian. I’m sorry," Rowan whispered and gently scooped Elian into his arms.