Seraphim Online: Afterlife

“Urgh… my head. Think I may skip drinking for at least a day or two.”

“Hehe, you okay, Sera?”

“No… this world is torture. Losing the ability to handle drink has made my life meaningless.”

Alcohol is the nectar of the Gods and just a single glass of whiskey is enough to knock me out. I was enjoying this hardcore world, but now, it can go do one. I presume increasing my endurance would help, but you heard what that innkeeper said. Give an elf some booze and she’ll start to snooze.

Don’t even ask what happened after I went to sleep. Apparently, I disappeared in the dead of night only for Lena to find me spewing in the outhouse. I do remember her holding my hair though. I needed some food pretty quickly after so most of that fruit and veg is already gone. That reminds me, we need to refill our waterskins as well before we leave. Thankfully, the town well is free for all.

On route to the Adventurers guild, we walk the long high street once again. Unsurprisingly, every soul we pass is human and I continue to stick out like a sore thumb. The odd beastkin caravan on occasion passes these parts, but Bordertown is primarily human. As for elves, we’re extremely rare in human lands, even the enslaved few in the kingdom are as rare as diamonds.

“Hehe, lighten up, Sera. It’s time to go questing!”

At the very end of the high street sits a surprisingly comfy-looking building with a sign on the front. This is where our adventure really kicks off.

Heading on inside, the guild headquarters is how I would expect a fantasy world guild to look. The interior consists of a spacey hall with half a dozen tables, not much in the way of décor and an imposing staircase that goes to a closed-off section upstairs. The entire place is dead apart from one noticeable lady manning the desk.

If it isn’t obvious, I’m trying to look elsewhere, but it’s proving impossible. Satellites could see them from space and the gravitational pull is forcing me and Lena into their orbit. A supermassive black hole finally has some competition… I’ll stop for now. I’m kinda happy knowing I didn’t reincarnate as a busty futa.

“Welcome newcomers! Please mind the emptiness, most adventurers wouldn’t dare wake up this early! What can I do for you?”

“Have any quests for us?”

“Feel free to go take a look at the quest board!”

…

I can’t help but pause in confusion from this woman. There’s absolutely no clichés and we’re free to accept a quest straight away?

“Don’t we have to sign up or anything first? This is a guild, right?”

“Ah, silly me, sometimes I forget not everyone is from around here. Since Bordertown is so far away from everything, the branch here lets anyone do quests! All that registration and ranking nonsense is saved for the kingdom.”

‘Ah, so there can’t be that many adventurers in these parts if they’re accepting anyone.’

“It still makes sense to give you both IDs, if you want them of course! If you ever need to visit a different branch, then it’ll save you a load of time! I promise it’ll be quick.”

Reluctantly, me and Lena nod and allow the chirpy woman to sign us up. Quickly grabbing two pieces of card from under the desk, I suppose those will be the base for our IDs.

“I can tell both of you are unsure so we’ll keep it to the pure basics! Most people around like the privacy, so for now, I just need names.”

“Sera.”

“And I’m Lena.”

“Got that down… say cheese!”

Flash! The busty woman points at us, a blinding light flashes from said finger, then Lena looks like she wants to break the woman's neck. Guess dragons don’t respond well to bright light and jump scares.

“What the fuck was that!? You trying to make me rip you apart!?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it! It’s just some low-tier light magic, it doesn’t hurt!”

She follows the jump scare by getting out a metallic box from the desk, then goes to place two glowing fingers on the card. Once the light dissipates, she finally places the IDs in the box and presses down on the lid. A few seconds later and our likenesses are printed on the paper. I guess this is magical photography?

“Is magic like that commonplace?”

“Not really, it’s pretty rare. The people who end up with the blessing of light either end up in churches or guilds like this. I’m not complaining though, it got me and my sister away from that shithole of a kingdom! Besides, this body is my temple and I’m not serving any God! As if Seraphim herself cares about all that boring nonsense.”

‘Heh, this woman likes to natter. She is right about Seraphim; she seems far too mellow to care about worshippers.’

Once she’s done with her rambling, she fills in the names on our cards and then jumps up with excitement. I’m not sure this woman understands the concept of a bra or jiggle physics, the gravity sucking us in is getting stronger!

“Anyways, all done! I did say it would be quick. Take these cards and go check out the quest board over there!”

Both receiving our IDs, we head up to the board and… there’s only a single notice on the entire board. We really are spoilt with choice.

“Seriously!? How are me and Sera to eat steak if it’s some shitty herb quest!”

“Hey! It’s not our fault no one needs anything around here. Besides, that shitty quest pays a hundred coin! Some visiting alchemist put it up because the stuff he wants only grows in the forest. Aren’t elves supposed to be vegetarians anyway?”

‘Again with this vegetarian thing. I’m going to end up pouting like Lena if this keeps up.’

As I’m about to take the quest off the board, I look towards the now pouting partner of mine and question her. Still haven’t found an expression of hers that isn’t cute just yet.

“We accepting this Lena or not?”

“Sure Sera… it’s just I wanted to hunt some bandits or something.”

Taking down the note, a small ding goes off in my head and the status bar opens by itself.

Saying goodbye and heading out, there are a few things that need to be done before we go. It would be nice to have an ETA on this journey as well.

“You have an idea on how long this quest will take, Lena?”

“Hmm… on foot, maybe a day and a half? So… three days total Sera…”

‘Eh, maybe the reward isn’t enough for three days of walking.’

“Lucky for us, it’s really cloudy outside! I’ll have us there and back in under a day…”

__________

“We’reee hereee! You can wake up now, Sera.”

‘Land ahoy… as if I was sleeping. Six long hours on her back makes a man weak… interpret that how you will.’

The dragon I ride upon lands close to the river bank and I feel the urge to kiss the ground when I depart flight Lena. The journey is manageable if you refuse to look down, glue your eyes shut and pretend you’re in a simulator. Doesn’t work, but I’ll try anything to get rid of this irrational fear.

As for the forest itself, tall fragrant pine trees litter our every direction and the earthly aroma is honestly quite appealing. The trickling of the slow-moving river is making my bladder a touch uncomfortable though, would make a joke but think we’ve had enough toilet humour for the week.

“The herb is supposed to look like a cabbage leaf, right Sera?”

“Lena… all the plants here look like that.”

“This is why I don’t like these quests, Sera. They’re way too easy!”

Cue the celebratory music and slide down the flag pole because we’ve completed this level! Seriously though, we’re done, these are the herbs pictured on the notice. All we need to do is grab a handful of these cabbage-looking vegetables, return them to the guild and we're set. Bit anticlimactic.

[14 medicinal herbs obtained.]

“Wanna head back then, Sera?”

Already wanting to return, I can’t say I blame the impatient dragon. It does seem a little wasteful to visit this forest and not spend a few hours here though.

“Hold up and let me think a minute…”

We’re in a vast endless forest, far away from any settlement that has to be full of wildlife. We could go hunting for bigger predators, but the risk may be too great for now. There are simpler and safer ways I can raise my stats...

“You fancy a bit of lunch? I’ve got an idea…”

__________

“Seraaa… why can’t I just catch them? They’ll get away!”

“Just trust me, dragon. This'll work.”

Rigging up some twigs and branches, twine from some nettles, fashioning a contraption over a tree and placing down a tiny bed full of berries, it’s time to hunt some wildlife. How this is supposed to work is simple. Animal wants food, animal triggers the twine mechanism, and then said animal gets tossed high into the air and hung out for an easy kill.

Look, even I don’t how I managed to create this in just under two hours using the forest as my crafting table. That elven survival ability comes in clutch at times like this. It’s almost like muscle memory hooking up a simple contraption like this.

“They’re not going to fall for it, Sera.”

“Lena… shh.”

Slowly but surely, the rabbits notice the scent of the berries I’ve left for them and head towards the trap. Just a few more steps and lunch will be ours. If one of them grabs a carrot and calls me doc, I may have an aneurism.

‘Don’t you dare…’

One of the bunnies looks to the bush we’re hiding in… but doesn’t notice us and heads even closer to the berries. Be vewy vewy quiet, we’re hunting wabbits…

Crack! The makeshift twine snaps like a whip and the two rabbits are tossed high into the air, both hanging from their waists.

‘Bloody hell, I’ve really caught the little bundles of fluff!’

“You did it Sera! Fake elf my ass, you were born to roam the forests!”

“Heh, whatever you say, Lena.”

The cute fluffy faces of the rabbits look towards me, eyes piercing deep into my soul and desperately long for freedom. Only a heartless bastard could ever harm such cute and innocent creatures…

So, I slit the throats of both of them. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Am I too hungry to care? Also yes.

‘Now, how do I do this? Rhetorical question, I know how… it’s just barbaric.’

It’s now time to prepare the feast. With a little cut here and another cut there, my hands are drenched in blood, but at least I’ve managed to skin the poor beasts. Even Lena seems impressed with my handiwork.

‘Perception for that? It’s just muscle memory though, I wasn’t even looking.’

[Like this guide has already said, there are many ways of levelling stats and animal preparation must be another. This guide does feel far more efficient ways of levelling perception can be achieved.]

‘At least we know that’s one way. Quick reminder, I should buy a bow someday.’

“You think you can start cooking them while I clean off, Lena?”

Unfortunately, I’ve already ruined this outfit by getting blood on myself and the clothing. I’m still yet to bathe nor even see myself completely nude so that could be fun. It just so happens we’re next to a river… see where I’m heading with this?

“Okay dokey, Sera!”

Hiding a sly grin, Lena takes my prey and goes to create a campfire. She’s going to spy on me while I’m bathing, isn’t she? Damn dragon…

I strip down into my birthday suit and fold my clothes on the bank, avoid looking at myself in order to avoid getting excited, and then step into the river…

Or fall into the river. Just a single loose rock and I’m straight on my arse in the blistering cold water.

“B-Bloody h-hell! I-It's f-f-freezing!”

The water is as cold as ice and I might as well be standing stark naked in a freezer! Now I know why she was smiling; this dragon is pure evil!

“Looking good, Sera! Cold, isn’t it?”

“F-F-Fucking d-dragon.”

Splashing myself all over as quickly as I can, I run back out of the river only to find Lena sitting on the bank with a grin and holding a pile of different clothes. Should I care about her seeing my naked body? Screw that, I’m freezing my arse off!

“Hehe. That money you gave me Sera, got us both some spare clothes just in case…”

__________

Now all warmed up and clothed, we both chill around the campfire and natter while Lena cooks up our rabbit using two sticks sticking out of the ground to cook them from.

The funny thing is, Lena did offer to warm me up by hugging… was that her intention to begin with? I’ll have to be extremely wary of her.

‘Okay, at least Lena has a good taste in clothing. Still can’t do the underwear yet, that day may come someday.’

“Out of curiosity… just where did you hide these clothes?”

It’s got to be some sort of storage ability or something special dragons can do, even she has changed a few parts of her outfit.

“Hehe, a dragon’s got to have some secrets, Sera. I never asked where you got that food from when we first met.”

‘Ah, it’s definitely some sort of storage. We’re on the same page here.’

“Can I at least ask how much you can store?”

“Not that much, Sera. Even light clothes can fill it quickly. It’s strange, I didn’t have it until you rescued me in that cave. Seraphim must’ve blessed me or something.”

“Seraphim blessed you? She does that to other people?”

Thinking back to my first moments after death, I’ve already had the pleasure of speaking with her. The fact she keeps getting brought up, the Goddess really must hold some influence in this world.

“Oh, that was only a joke, Sera, she doesn’t speak to anyone. If you didn’t know yet, Seraphim is the Goddess of the entire continent of Seraph. Humans in particular love to worship her… she did create everything I suppose.”

‘Should I tell Lena I’ve directly spoken to her? Eh, maybe save that for another day.’

“So… Seraphim is the Goddess of Seraph, and my name just happens to be Sera as well.”

“Hehe, weird coincidence, isn’t it?”

I knew being unoriginal would backfire someday... didn’t think it would be this quick. The blonde-haired Goddess is Seraphim and the continent is called Seraph, named after her. From a lore perspective, it makes sense. It’s just a shame I’m the plagiarist here.

Anyway, since we’re still waiting for our food to cook, there’s something I want to test. I’ve been keeping a spare pair of boots for a while and have yet to try them on.

‘Figures… armour is unusable.’

Three big problems. The first being these are slightly too big for my small elven feet. Second is that the protection is dismal. For the third, I feel like my legs are being dragged through mud. I’d honestly be better barefoot than wearing these.

Oh, it also turns out underwear and a few other things are not counted towards the equipped total, so the thigh highs and bra I wear are okay. I seems I can no longer use the commando carry weight excuse.

[Wearing armour has that effect, Sera, heavy armour is considerably more restrictive than light. The only way to bypass it is to be strong enough to take on the burden. Otherwise, a hidden dexterity penalty is applied.]

‘How much strength are we talking about here, Guide?’

[The threshold for heavy armour not slowing you down is 60, light armour is 30. Please also note there may be abilities that help with this, Sera, but don't take that as fact.]

It’s just as I thought. Long story short, armour isn’t worth using yet. I guess I can look forward to it in the long run, like it’s end-game content. Might as well drop the boots for now, no one is realistically going to buy a pair of worn and slightly torn boots.

[Iron boots (Weak) dropped.]

Just as I finish throwing those away, the smell of burning bunnies in the wind catches my attention and that in turn seems to make Lena understand I’m done. Briefly explained the concept of the guide and system during the flight, don’t think she understood it at all really.

“Hey Sera… can I ask you something personal?”

‘Oh no, not this again.’

Tilting her head, Lena asks that which gives me the urge to facepalm. This better not be a follow up to that other question she asked.

“If it’s the same question as last time, no. Anything else, and we’re good.”

“Hehe, it’s nothing like that, Sera. It’s just… did you have a partner where you came from?”

“You mean a romantic one?”

“Yes, but also no. I’m not sure how to word it… it’s like a friend who you would die for, but also do those cute and naughty things together.”

'I’m not sure where she’s going with this. Isn’t that what a partner basically is? For some reason, she seems puzzled about this.'

“Not really. There were a few people I spoke with, never anything close to being romantic though.”

Twenty-two years and never had a girlfriend, things just never happened, nor did I care to search for it. Besides, why bother with such a frivolous pursuit when you can spend the days moderating social media, enacting your will over the common scum since you’re better than everyone else? For the record, that’s obvious sarcasm. Never had a neckbeard or lived in my mother’s basement... love a good stereotype.

“That place you came from… were partners allowed to be the same sex? Like girl on girl, or boy and boy?”

“You asking about same-sex relationships? The world I come from is pretty accepting... for the most part. Those who don’t like it are either stubborn, stupid, or die-hard cultis-, I mean religious.”

Cults, religions, potato, tomato, might as well be the same thing. I’m not trying to be insulting because anyone can believe what they want. I wouldn’t even say I’m an atheist. The problem is some of the rules that diehard followers refuse to drop, like making same-sex relationships a sin for example.

…

Instead of continuing the conversation, Lena continues to ponder and seems a little stuck on what she now wants to say. She’s a dragon so maybe human relationships are hard for her to understand?

“Ah, let’s just forget about it! Food is done so let’s dig in…”