Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I know what I said about racism yesterday, and here and now we've managed to defang the worst of it, I think. Still, personal prejudice is something that is kinda ubiquitous to the human condition for a number of reasons. Yeah, we're tryna teach our kids better, and simple exposure to diversity is a big part of what gets people to lose their prejudices, but it's a constant struggle. If somebody's only ever met one Dan, and they're an asshole, a real self-righteous, superior prick, they're gonna think that Dan are just Like That.

Thing is, when you meet another one, and he's even worse than the first, you can start thinking your prejudice is justified. Sometimes it can even be a case of cultures clashing, like that old fantasy book by the lady marine. Can't remember her name at the moment, or the title, but she wrote about one culture that saw giving as strength, the other saw taking as strength, and they kept butting heads over who was in charge.

But when you meet maybe a Dan who clearly believes not only that he's Better Than, but that being Better Than gives him a responsibility to help anybody who isn't, that shakes a little. When you realize that the other Dan you know have been doing their best to keep their self-righteous, superior prick of a friend from letting his mouth get him killed or worse, there are maybe cracks. When that original Dan responds to basic genuine human kindness and empathy by trying to do better, to be better, you realize that it's nothing inherent to Dan. Maybe to their culture, maybe not, but it's definitely not something genetic or anything.

So I totally get all those memes about college not breaking people's views because the professors are woke or some bullshit like that, but because it's the first place that Cletus from Bumblefuck has actually interacted with brown people and women on a semi-equal footing.

I mean, shit, the Homestead is basically bumblefuck at this point. Yeah, we've built it up, and it's a nice little town, but that's it; it's basically a nice little town out in the middle of nowhere. Anybody who can't Translocate is gonna be a little isolated, a little insular. Fuck, for all I call Grandmother's Village a village, it's more of a town, and the Homestead is more of a village.

At any rate, my initial point was that while a lot of the assumptions made about people due to prejudice are really dumb, based entirely on limited exposure, there are others that aren't, and sometimes it's hard to ferret out which are which. I'm not even talking about culture versus genetics at this point either. I'm talking medical shit. Which again was full of bullshit back in the day, like 'brown people don't feel pain', but while that is in fact bullshit, there are things that aren't, like the fact that melanin is the body's defense against UV light, and the more of it somebody's got, the harder they are to sunburn. Along with that, folks with significant sub Saharan ancestry get to roll the dice and see if they're malaria resistant or don't have to worry about one particular kind of anemia.

In short, some perks, bennies, problems, and risks are genetic, and I lost track of how many times I heard folks back in the day call acknowledging that 'racist'. Or prejudiced, or discriminatory. Look, if my baby daddy is a particular shade of brown, I want them to do that test to see if my bean is gonna need extra special iron in her diet or whatever before it starts killing her. That is entirely different to dipshits in maternity wards buying into whatever bullshit caused brown women, Black women especially, to die at higher rates giving birth.

In case it's not evident from the past two days, this was a subject that ingrained itself pretty deep back in the day. To the point where I didn't think about it any more. Here and now, what with me trying to ferret out all the trauma I accumulated back then, not to mention deal with newer shit, I've started lifting up some of those rotten floorboards that had been there so long they looked like dirt, and shit comes pouring out like this, because it was shit that even as a kid I had to be aware of at all times. Twenty-four seven, three sixty-five, no matter what, even in my own living room.

So when Doc Glass said that, I might have given him a look that put his back all the way up.

In case it's never become apparent, while I'm pretty sure both of them identify as Human, I'm pretty sure Inspect would show Doc Z to have a high proportion of Bag, and Doc G to be an equal proportion Dan. Just something about the features, not to mention how duBois pointed out back in the day that most pure Humans don't Shape Mana well, and both of them are pretty damn good at that.

So when the Dan looking guy says my little girl's Race is a problem, I might have given him the kind of look that could kill a lesser being at twenty paces.

Meanwhile the Doc clearly has some problems of his own regarding Deities, and I can't really say I blame him given the general quality of Deities in the here and now.

So after a brief moment of the two of us glaring at each other, I took a deep breath, tried not to growl too much as I quietly said, "I'm going to take us back to that sitting room so you can explain what you meant by that. Okay?"

Before Doc Glass could reply, his husband lay a hand on his arm and said, "I think that might be for the best."

A moment later, while I started getting the kids in class ready to wrap up for the day, I settled myself into the love seat. Not because I didn't want the two of them sitting with each other, but because it was marginally lower than the two armchairs, and I did not need the extra height to be intimidating. Okay, at the time I was mostly thinking that I wanted to make myself as unthreatening as possible, because I really did not want to make myself as unthreatening as possible, but these two, Doctor Glass especially, were the best chance of sorting out what was going on with my little girl.

Shit. I realized right then that despite any protests to the contrary, I'd started thinking of Aisling as my little girl.

I took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "sorry about maybe getting close to losing my temper there. I'm a little protective of my kids. And maybe feel the same way about folks talking about Race that you do about people kowtowing to Deities."

Doc G had opened his mouth midway through that, but closed it at the end, obviously taking himself in hand before nodding. "Apologies if I overstepped, Goddess."

I smiled at him. "Shit, just call me Tabitha. And it's not about overstepping. It's about me having some unresolved trauma regarding folks making assumptions based on my Race. Water under the bridge at this point. Don't worry about it."

"I don't want to harm an already traumatized person."

I nodded. "Thanks, but..." After a moment to gather my thoughts, I explained, "it's not that it's not important, and I'd maybe like your help sorting my shit out in the future, but right here, right now?" I waited until he nodded, "there's a little girl who needs me to suck it up and soldier so you can help her."

He took a deep breath, let it out, and smiled. "I suppose it would be some kind of faux pas for me to say that as a Deity, you're 'one of the good ones'?"

"Steve!"

I waved Doc Z down, laughing. "Oh, hell yes it would be. But I appreciate the sentiment and your patience. Now... Explain? Please?" I felt the sun setting, realized what that meant, and held up a hand. "Shit. Just a moment. Just remembered something." Karen?

She appeared next to the sofa a moment later, wearing her Holy Garb. "Yes, Goddess?"

"Can you guys Revel without me tonight?" She frowned at the Docs, and I shook my head. "I'm really not feeling up to anything super intimate right now for a variety of reasons. Can you let folks know?"

She nodded. "Will you join us if you feel up to it later? Please?"

I thought about it, then nodded. "Maybe? If folks aren't expecting me to get busy? I've got to keep one of me with Aisling, and I dunno why, but the thought of doing the deed with one of me with her just... Not feeling it."

She looked almost shocked that I'd come out and explained myself. "Goddess, your presence is a blessing unto us, not some requirement you must meet. Of course I'll let everyone know, and we will Revel together in the certain knowledge that your absence is because you're looking after the smallest and weakest of us."

I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn't really think of anything, so I just nodded. She gave me a hug and pecks on the cheeks before departing, at which point I turned back to the Docs. "Yeah, sorry about the delay. You were saying?"

Doc G kinda blinked. "You genuinely feel you need apologize?"

"I mean, I did kinda demand you explain, then cut you off before you even got to start."

He shook his head. "No... No, I meant to your own Worshippers."

"Well. Yeah. I've kinda made a commitment to giving the folks doing the most for the community some up close and personal time with me. Not, like, that my presence is the reward, although some of them seem to think that. But because I want to personally show them that I appreciate what they're doing. That..." I paused as I mentally danced around it, then sighed and bit the bullet. "I can kinda tell what folks on my Altar are... Not thinking, exactly, but what they want. Like, deep seated desires they'd never admit to anyone else. Sometimes not even to themselves. I feel some kinda way about that sometimes, like it's a violation of privacy, but some of them think it so loud..."

I shut my mouth as Doc G shook his head, chuckling. "I sometimes forget that you started life as a Mortal like the rest of us." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'd dearly like to know how that connects to your existence as Mimic, but I think that might take far too long when, as you've noted, there's a little girl potentially in danger."

I nodded. "Fair enough. So... Race?"

He held up one finger, clearly a request for patience, as he arranged his thoughts. "To begin with, Aisling is a Hybrid." I nodded to let him know I understood. "Beyond this, she is a Hybrid of multiple Races which normally either do not interbreed, or interbreed so rarely that Hybrids are notable for their rarity."

"Yeah. I kinda get that 'Bag' is a catch all for that."

The Doc rocked his head side to side. "Yes, although the new Status seems to ignore that term, not least of which because Bag is a culture, not a Race, as we've previously assumed." His smile twisted a little with obvious self-deprecation. "We as in Dan, and those in positions of relative wealth and power, at any rate." After another pause for thought, he said, "what do you know of the Sidhe? Or of the Fae?"

I shrugged. "Tallulah's one. She's the freckled one at the Homestead. Our daughter Ria's another. Sidhe, that is. As for Fae... I've been told that our daughter Aoibh is Fae despite not having any Fae parentage, because of some shenanigans I pulled to make sure the Spartan attack on her mother didn't kill her. Our younger daughter Maze is also one. Kelpie, I think." I thought a little more, then added, "I guess Cailyn and Adrienne are both Sidhe as well, and technically their mom and I are close enough that I ought to count them as daughters, even if they are both older than me."

Doc G blinked a little at that, then started again, a little slower. "So you're not unfamiliar with Fae. But while there are some Fae who will, given the right motivations, mate with Humans, Merrow will almost never do so unless forced by a human who steals away their ability to return to the sea."

"Uh... Kinda like a Selkie?"

"Indeed, although where the Selkie would be hiding their sealskin, the Merrow hide their... It's uncertain whether they hide a cap, their natural hair, or some other form of headgear."

I sucked my teeth a little. "Yeah, I can also see where they might not be too keen on answering questions about that."

"Just as you say. However, those Merrow who do mate with landbound Races inevitably return to the sea the moment they are able, leaving any offspring with their landbound parent."

"Jeez. Great parenting instincts, I guess."

If Doc G was upset by my sarcasm, he didn't show it. "Yes. At any rate, those offspring often wind up smaller and weaker, both because they are kept from the sea and for lack of nurture from one parent."

I sighed. "I kinda wish she was young enough Marie could nurse her. Shit, I'd do it myself. Probably get Siobhan in on the whole deal too, unless I miss my guess. So you're telling me Aisling is half Merrow or something?"

He shook his head. "Or something. Or something indeed. She also has at least one Siren ancestor. If anything, Sirens are even less likely to mate with other Races." He paused, hesitant, but finally blurted out, "the cannibalism, you see."

I shook my head. "Look, I dunno if you're talking about the mermaid looking Sirens, or the bird looking ones, and I'm also entirely uncertain if the whole 'luring sailors to their death then eating them' is prejudice or not, but I'm not gonna hold it against you either way. You're just working with what you've been told, and at this point all we know is that she's part Siren and that's weird."

Doc G let out a relieved sigh, then said, "calling a Merperson a Siren is something of an insult, in case you didn't know. Although some of them have done that same thing, and oddly enough those who lure ships to crash will call themselves Sirens. But to clarify, Sirens are avian and aquatic in nature."

"Huh. Waterfowl. Neat. Explains their preferred roosting, I guess. Anyhow, okay, I'm guessing she's getting some of that same 'does not thrive' from being landbound there?"

He nodded. "Possibly. Possibly. Then there is her Sidhe blood, which means she is likely older than she looks. It's also incredibly odd that if she had a Sidhe parent that they didn't claim her, as their property, if not kin."

I frowned. "They do that? The property thing?"

He shrugged. "I've read of documented cases, although it's hard to say at a remove whether those were motivated by property rights or child custody."

"Fair enough. So... Sidhe, Merrow, Siren... Anything else?"

He nodded. "Yes. I..." He shook his head. "I'm at a loss to think of a delicate way to say this, but I've never seen a Hybrid with this many Races in evidence in their Status. I'm entirely uncertain if that's because the new Status is more sensitive to such things, or if she is simply unlucky enough for all of these traits to come out at once."

"Okay. What other Races? Might as well just list them."

He paused in thought, the kind of thing I'd seen folks doing when they leaned on their Memory. "Merrow. Siren. Sidhe. Human. Dan." He paused for another moment. "Gnome, although I'm entirely uncertain as to the provenance of that term. It seems to be another catch all term for lesser humanoid Fae, but..."

"But Saffron's Divinations usually aren't that sloppy. Probably something where it's one Race, but different people called them different things. I take it they don't generally interbreed?"

He shook his head. "For the same reason it would explain her small stature."

I took a deep breath. "So. What does that mean for my little girl?"

He nodded, clearly moving on to implications. "With so many of her ancestors coming from Races who only interbreed when forced, the likelihood of her inheriting some degree of generational trauma from that is near certain."

He paused as I held up a hand. "Do you mean, like, her parents were traumatized so they weren't good parents, or one of her parents traumatized her, or some kind of, I dunno, mystical woo?"

He smirked at that last. "Mystical woo?" He held up a hand. "I'd just never heard it called that, but yes, that's possible, for some particularly awful trauma to carry over due to inherited trauma of the Soul. The Souls of children are typically kindled by the Souls of their parents, after all. That said, any or all of the above are possible." He took a deep breath and turned to Doc Z, who shook his head.

"No evidence that little Aisling was traumatized that particular way, thank goodness. But she has been severely traumatized. It's likely she ought to have died at least once from injuries or neglect in the past, possibly more than once." He stopped for a moment, then continued with, "please let Archmagi Aetos-Diaz and Darling know that their improvements to Assess Health are more useful than I realized, even as I took part in designing them." When I head tilted, asking for an explanation, he said, "the granular data is both better organized and has more depth of information." He chuckled ruefully. "Enough depth to drown in, unfortunately."

"Okay, guys. What's the end results? Like, why is all that a problem, and how does it explain what's going on?"

The two of them looked at one another in another of those long, silent moments of communication. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they had the same thing going on that my Priestesses and I shared. Then again, I remembered something about Magi doing that kind of thing sometimes with their partners.

After a bit Doc Z nodded and said, "you say your other daughter, Aoibh, is... Spontaneously Fae?"

"That's about the size of it, yeah."

He heaved a sigh, then quietly said, "if that's the case, then... Mind you, this is only a theory, but it seems that little Aisling may be a 'spontaneous' Bane Sidhe."