Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Weird. Mixed emotions. Like, I technically knew what that meant before, even way back in the day, but back then my mixed emotions were having a hot boyfriend who was made out of red flags. I got to see the O face of a dude who, even with Lachlan and Lemonkyenin, is still one of the hottest guys it's been my privilege to provide pussy for. Yeah, I'm gonna blame my Nordic adoption based love of alliteration on that particular phrasing. Please ignore the fact that I did in fact love alliteration before, I just wasn't as good at it. Which, honestly, applies to the whole making people feel good via fluid exchange, which I have done with Lachlan, who is not made out of red flags, but not with Lemmy, because I now have both the discretion to avoid red flagged dudes and a surplus of penis havers whose names begin with L.

Lachlan and Linus both begin with L, and frankly that's one too many. If I have Marie monogram their underwear or something, she'll have to put more than one letter, which admittedly both of them have plenty of square footage even on briefs. They big boys.

At any rate, I sort of knew what it meant back in the day, but it was usually tiny blessings mixed in with piles of shit. Moving past the point of the day I died and got reincarnated as a potentially world ending Deity, which is definitely 'mixed emotions' in a single instance, I've had a few other times when it came up, sure, but today...

Like I said, barring something interfering, I'm dealing with Aphrodite on Thursday. I can't justify keeping her locked up forever, so I've got to deal with the situation. Deal with her. Which, given that she is in fact not a raving madwoman or actively threatening any of my loved ones, means I ought at the very least make sure that she Consents to what I'm gonna do. I mean, in general, because if I go into specifics I'm sure Ares will scrape that out of her brain somehow, then try to stop me from taking his toy away.

Which, frankly, would be one of the reasons I'm willing to do it. From what she's described, he's inveigled himself into her Soul even more than I have Domnu. Yeah, technically I could walk her around like a puppet, but I think she'd fight back, and it might take me more than a little effort to do it. The most I've ever really been confident in is keeping her from doing things, which Diana can attest I did not do when she used Vulcan to give the Moon a new mare.

Yeah, now I feel a little guilty about the Emergency Coring Tentacles. Okay, I've never not felt guilty, but now I feel like at some point in the future I need to have a conversation with her about that. I just wish I had any idea whatsoever how that shit is gonna go, especially after my conversation with Aphrodite tonight.

So after working Siobhan's ass off in the Practice Yard yesterday, I carried her home and put her to bed. Kinda weird that I sort of felt like I could feel her dreaming self in the Maw even as I did, but not so weird that I let it distract me. I didn't want to forget or 'forget' or otherwise fail to do what I intended, so after making sure all the girls were eating the panzerottis Marie cooked up, I stepped to the Temple of Love.

Karen?

Yes, Goddess?

I'm gonna talk to Aphrodite for a bit. Alexandra isn't there, is she?

She is not. Did you need her? Or me?

I thought about that for a second, but realized at that point what I needed Karen doing. Could you maybe keep her company? Distract her a little?

Of course, Goddess.

Thanks, Karen.

De nada.

With that I lifted the trap door into the oubliette, then dropped down into it. I didn't bother Co-Locating, both because I wanted to focus on this conversation and because keeping Co-Located with one of me in the oubliette was kinda annoying. I think Conrad managed to work some kind of Divine Ward into the design.

"Goddess."

"Hey, Phro. You can call me Tabitha, y'know."

She tilted her head in thought, then shook her head. "It would be untoward of me to become to familiar with my executioner."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then let it out. "About that." I waited a bit, but she didn't respond. "First of all, if I'm gonna end you, that's, I mean, it's a kind of intimate thing, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "I've heard it can be. I've never seen my husband seem very... Intimate about it." She snorted. "Strange, that he seems to get an almost sexual thrill from killing, yet has never felt intimate about it." She shrugged. "Then again, he's never been intimate with me."

I blinked at that. "On top of the whole High Clergy thing being pretty fuckin' intimate, don't the two of you have a couple kids?"

"Three. Panic. Terror. 'Lust'."

"I heard the quotes you put on that last name."

She nodded. "I might not have before I watched you with your Worshippers. I... I never thought Lust could be clean. Could be a thing without coercion. Could be mutual desire."

"Holy fuck, lady. I sort of get why you were so fucked up when I met you." I shook my head. "Still. Can't you, y'know, Deny him or divorce him or something?"

She barked out something superficially similar to a laugh. "Perhaps, here in this place, I might Deny him, but even should I do so, if ever I left he would find me, recreate me as his, break me back to his will." Tears leaked from her eyes, but she didn't sob, or even really acknowledge them. "I ought to hate you, you know."

"Would that make the whole execution thing easier?"

She shook her head, scattering tears. "Perhaps, but that's not why. Before you imprisoned me here? I literally knew not what I was missing."

I held out my arms, hoping she'd accept a hug. Instead she went to her knees before me. "Is this how you will do it? Rend me asunder with your bare hands?"

I reached down, pulled her shoulders to me, and hugged her, because I kinda felt like she'd never really gotten any hugs in her life. "Not doing it tonight, Phro."

When I said that, she let out a single sob and clutched at me. "Please?"

I shook my head. "Already scheduled, and if I didn't stick to that schedule, I think I'd feel some kinda way about it. Which... Lemme be clear, I will do this thing for you, but I want you to understand that I'm doing it for you. Not to you."

"Not with me?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, no suicide pacts here. Sorry. But... Tell me something. If I killed you and Revived you..."

I stopped, because she was already shaking her head. "He would find me. He would take me once more. My... My Soul is his. Has been twisted, warped by his constant presence. I... I thank you for your offer, but no."

"Okay. Tell me something. If there were a way, if that would work, would you want that? Do you really want to be dead, to stop being, or do you just want to be free of him?"

She snorted. "No living thing desires death."

"Persephone?"

She snorted. "Humor about my aunt and uncle aside," she stopped, sobbing again. I held her until she got herself under control. "But no, please do not taunt me with such things."

"What would you give for that, though? If you could get it?"

"Everything." Her flat answer came immediately. "Everything and more. I would put myself in debt for eternity to free myself from him."

"Yeah, well. Okay." I deliberately put a bit of mischief into my voice, gently moving her so she could see my face. "So no Revive for you. Too much mileage on your Soul."

"Not 'mileage'. Damage. Corruption. Warping."

I sighed, hugged her again. "Yeah. I get that. But... Okay, you don't really think you could get a second chance, but you'd give anything for it. Fine, I get that. But..."

"But? What else is there?"

I tilted her chin just enough she looked right in my eyes. "I am also a Goddess of Vengeance."

Holy. Fucking. Hell. I did not ever think I'd see that look from anyone in my life. Like, I'd seen similar looks. Any time any of my ladies or I wound up having to stay away from the others too long. I'm pretty sure Larry and Bonnie had shared looks like that. But this... This wasn't about Lust. Not lust for physical intimacy, at any rate. This was pure, unbridled Lust for Vengeance. I half expected her to Just Happen to me right then and there, because, y'know, Goddess of Vengeance. But somehow neither of us moved, which I appreciated, because fucking somebody then offing them really did not sit right with me.

Breathing heavily through mouth and nose both, she managed to pant out, "could my death end him?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. If he's just stupid enough and you don't clue him in son enough."

She sagged. "He will know of your plot the moment I leave this place."

"We could do it here?"

She shrugged. "I suspect that same barrier which keeps me free of his will would protect him."

I nodded. "Yeah. I kinda figured that. But tell me something. If I could do that, end you and hurt him all at once, would you want that?"

"Yes."

"You Consent to me using your ending as a weapon against your husband?"

"Yes."

I looked into her eyes and decided to trust, even though every rational part of me thought I shouldn't. "This Thursday, two days from now, I will come to you here, take you from this place, and use you as a weapon against your husband. When I am done, nothing of what you are will remain. I ask you a third and final time, Aphrodite Wife of Ares, do you Consent to this?"

"Yes, yes, and forevermore yes, Tabitha Diaz, Goddess of Vengeance."

"So be it." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Then I pulled back. "So. I'd ask if you have any last requests, but I'm guessing you want to spend your last hours with your High Priestess.

She blinked, as if she thought I'd wind up taking her right then and there. I realized right then that she'd filled the oubliette with that aura of Lust. Funny thing to realize that it wasn't gonna have the slightest effect on me, for the same reason you can't make water wet or make fire burn.

"Yes, please, Goddess."

"If we're gonna do this, call me Tabitha?"

She nodded. "As you wish, Tabitha Diaz."

I sighed. "Close enough." That's when I had an awful thought, but realized that I'd had it soon enough. "Do you want Alexandra to die with you?"

"NO!"

I held up my hands. "Okay, okay, I didn't think so, which is why I asked. What if she wants to?"

She tried to hold herself up, but couldn't. She collapsed to hands and knees in front of me. "Please, Goddess. Please, Tabitha. Keep her safe. Even from herself."

"She might not like that."

"She... She is in some ways like a daughter to me." I raised an eyebrow, and she shot me a look. "In others like the tiny fragment of myself that is not beholden to him." She chuckled. "If there were some way for me to grant her my Divinity? I would do so in a heartbeat, if only it did not come with my attachment to... To him."

"Okay then. If you want her to live? You need to set her free." When she looked confused, I quietly added, "get her to Deny you, and Deny her in turn."

She shuddered. "I... I... I... Will try."

I hated to say it, because I knew it would hurt her, but I whispered, "I know she can't stop you if you tell her to do it. I know you're the one in charge of your connection to her."

She nodded, crying. "I will disavow her, no matter how it hurts both of us. But please," she looked up at me. "Please keep her safe for me?"

I reached down, lifted her back to her knees, pulled her into a gentle, soft hug. Okay, soft on her end. "Yeah. I can do that for you, Phro."

"Thank you," she whispered into my bosom, without any ulterior motives in evidence.

After standing there holding her for a few minutes, I lifted her, set her back on her bed, then hopped out of the room. I stepped to Alexandra's room, where she and Karen sat side by side on her bed, Karen's arm holding a weeping Alexandra.

"Alexandra?" She looked up. "Aphrodite would like to spend some time with you."

"May... May we have privacy?"

I sighed. Decided to trust again. "Sure."

I Co-Located when stepping her back to the oubliette and delivering her to Aphrodite. "She can stay there until Wednesday afternoon, but I need her out of there by then."

Karen nodded. "It will be done."

"Yeah, she's gonna be a suicide risk for a bit after that. Also, it's possible Ares will be able to make use of her connection to Aphrodite somehow. So I'll need you and maybe some of the other High Clergy guarding her."

She nodded, but asked, "is her safety and life that important, Goddess?"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah, and I'll explain why after I'm done with Aphrodite. Just keep her safe and in one piece."

She got a thoughtful look. "Will you be removing Aphrodite from the oubliette?" I nodded. "Can we move Alexandra there once you're clear?"

"Yeah. Y'know, that sounds like a plan, but keep at least two people in there with her. I need her alive and healthy when I'm done. Okay?"

"Your will be done, Goddess."

I collapsed back to myself, then gave Karen a hug. "Thanks, Karen. I'm gonna have to focus on what I'm doing, and I still can't really focus on more than one thing at a time."

She grimaced. "We are all aware, Goddess." She sighed. "It is, if anything, your Achilles' heel, and we all do what we can to keep our enemies from realizing."

I blinked. "How do you do that?"

A moment later I stared into my own eyes. "Because most of our enemies cannot see through even our ability to Blend away inconsistencies, Goddess."

I laughed, hugged her again, and stepped home.

More weird dreams about choreography. Most fucked up thing is that I know they're reminding me of something, but I can't tell if it's the dream, the choreography, or just some kind of deja vu.

Fuck it, whatever it reminded me of gave me good feels, and I needed that after realizing I'd gotten Aphrodite to Consent to letting me murder her. Yeah, I knew it was an execution, maybe an assisted suicide if anything. At least as far as she knew.

But it still felt like I was gonna murder her, and I did not know why her Consent made me feel good about that.