Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Y'know, I never thought I'd not only discover something simple and practical that I could do to help with my chronic depression, but also something that I could actually maintain, what with the completely overwhelming unmedicated ADHD. But here we are. Getting out of the house on a regular schedule to do something I know is objectively helping make the world a better place really does help keep the Black Dog from biting. Then again, it probably doesn't hurt that I'm doing not one but two different things like that, and one of those two things gets me some reasonable exercise.

Because I'm not really the duBois 'stand in the middle of the Practice Yard barking out direction, encouragement, and correction as needed' kind of phys ed teacher. I'm more the 'run alongside, doing everything they're doing, while I'm also giving them tips and encouragement and even help' kind of coach. Okay, I also jump from student to student while I'm doing it. Which, now that I think about it, might be a little intimidating for some of the Cadets, but the flip side of that is that if they're gonna be incapable of performing because they're intimidated by somebody who is presently out of their league, they might be in the wrong profession.

On the one hand I technically understand that it has been a long, long time since I faced someone who was legitimately on my level. Fuck, I don't think I've faced somebody who was on my level since I broke myself out of that chest on the bottom of the river. Thing is, I didn't realize that. I didn't know I'm a small continent that decided to make the world a better place. Okay, the me I think of as me that actually does thinking rather than just, I dunno, emoting at conscious me and dreaming isn't that big, but that's the only thinking part of me, and for quite a while I figured that small part of me was the only part I could reliably count on.

But even if I never really was in that position of 'one tiny human-shaped person against everything the assholes in this world can throw at me, up to and including the world itself', I sure as fuck felt like it. So I know the Cadets need to get to a point where they're not going to be easily intimidated.

I mean, yeah, I'd like for them to get to the point where they're just not intimidated by shit, where the knee-jerk response to someone deliberately trying to do so is to get up in that asshole's grille and make them throw down or stand down, but there's some really intimidating shit out in the wide world here. Dragons the size of small islands or towns. Liches who can fling lightning. Deities who think being a God gives them the right to lord it over people.

That... That would be part and parcel of the typical definition of the Title.

Yeah, my considered opinion, and remember that as far as anyone can tell I'm the one who'll wind up judging them when their Deific time runs out, is 'fuck that noise'. Fuckin' Lenny Lancaster has more claim to the word 'Lord', entirely because he seemed to care whether his people starved or not, with a preference for them not starving. Shit, when his kid stepped up and said, 'I can keep more of them alive, in better condition, and doing more and better work than you have', his answer was 'show me'.

Yes, well...

Shit, if you want a Deific example, Hades and your own fuckin' daughter Hel. Both of them do a fuckin' baller job of keeping the Souls in their care safe, do they not?

I suppose they do.

Okay then. Lord and Lady. I'm willing to give them that nod, entirely because they take do right by the folks under their care.

Daughter?

Something about his tone caught me mid-rant. Yeah, Dad?

In this one instance, I think I must disagree with you on one of your most habitual positions.

Yeah? What's that?

So weird not just hearing the pride in his voice, not just feeling it, but hearing and feeling it directed at me. About me. You, Daughter, are the best.

What else could I say? Thanks, Dad. I get it from my dad.

I know.

So yeah, I crashed yesterday. I crashed hard. Slept the whole fuckin' day away. Woke up right before nightfall.

Specifically woke up to the sound of cranky Aoibh. Not super cranky or anything. Not frustrated Menace. I opened my eyes to see her blinking at me, her back to sleeping Siobhan, mouth working, making cranky noises, because apparently at like three days old she had not yet got the object permanence to realize that the boobs with milk in them were behind her. Or that she would have to move forward and down just a tiny bit to get to the nipples in front of her.

I reached out and touched Siobhan gently on the shoulder, trying not to wake her, Mimicking her and moving to put my breast close enough Aoibh could latch on.

Aoibh may not have object permanence or clarity of vision yet, but what she does have is suction. She nommed hard, farted once, then fell asleep. At which point Siobhan chuckled at me. "I know I'm going to regret letting you do that later when I need her to nurse and she's full, but that was adorable."

I smiled, leaned over, and kissed her on the forehead. "No, you."

Thankfully Sigyn was still in house, and between her and Marie they did some kind of a big red meat roast. Probably bear, but possibly beef, or maybe even venison of some kind. Fairly simple, just roast meat, roast vegetables, roast root vegetables, butter, and gravy. Stuff I'd consider solid food to pack on weight for the summer when I couldn't get food from school back in the day. Also stuff that our Darling packed away like it was the last day of school and she was still skinny.

I mean, she is kinda skinny, because while she had the baby belly and her boobs have done the milk expansion thing, she's always been kinda petite. Not ripped like me, not rangy like T and Marie, not a short stack like Saffron, just... Petite. Of course, given how much food she packed away at dinner, she might be aiming to alter her profile to match Saffron's.

This is not in any way, shape, or form a complaint. Honestly, it's just nice to see her eating again. Enjoying food without that look that said she was vaguely worried about how long she'd be allowed to keep it.

Of course, I also noticed a certain kit nomming more than her norm as well.

"Hey, Hailee. Everything okay?"

She nodded, tearing another big bite of roast off with her fangs.

"You really like the roast?"

She shrugged. "Hungry."

I smiled at her. "Gonna be going through a growth spurt soon, maybe?"

She paused for a moment, then looked thoughtful until she swallowed. "Doubtful. An inch or two. Maybe."

I nodded, ruffled her hair, then said, "no worries; if you're hungry, you eat. I just wanted to make sure you're feeling okay."

"Thank you, Mama."

When we got up to the Bath, I pulled everybody over near me. "Ladies?"

"Yes, Tabitha?"

I nodded toward Siobhan. "Are you gonna be okay if I head back to work in the morning?"

They all got various expressions of amusement, leaving me mystified until Siobhan said, "I'm fine, Tabitha. Sleeping a bit more than normal, perhaps, because labor was an ordeal, but nursing isn't very physically demanding, so long as I can eat and rest. Mistress Marie and Lady Sigyn are taking care of that." She paused, but before I could reply she followed that up with, "everyone else has already returned to their normal routines. But it has been wonderful having you here; if you wanted to leave one of you here with Aoibh and I, I'd like that very much."

Which is how I wound up back in the Camden Yards Practice Yard this morning. Ran the Cadets through a half marathon as a warmup, which the Yards Cadets are more than ready for at this point, then had them doing duBois' off brand Tai Chi as well as some paired isometrics. Kinda fun, since she's already been here subbing for me I called Karen in to demonstrate, and we wound up going through the entire rest of the session like that.

At one point I asked, "are you sure this isn't gonna distract you from important stuff over at the Temple?"

She just laughed and replied, "if this is mentally taxing, I'm in more need of practice than I thought."

"I think I need to start the Cadets on dancing soon."

She just nodded, balancing atop our clasped hands. In her uniform, because these particular Cadets were not ready for the distraction of my Highest Priestess in her Holy Garb.

Okay, mostly I wasn't ready for that.

Speaking of High Clergy, I got an unpleasant surprise from one of them right as the sun started to go down. I'd let Karen head back to the Temple when I started a gentle cool down run at the end of the day, and right as I was about to send them in, Madeline's exhausted, frightened mental voice reached out to me.

Goddess. Help.