Chapter 70 – Name something that follows the word Pork
“What’s the plan for today, leader?” Newmill asked me.
I was surprised by the sudden nickname that the prince had designated me. Since I was the one deciding where to go, it made sense to call me such, but it wasn’t my preferred choice of moniker. “There are some mysteries afoot, so today we all need to put on our detective hats.” I explained to them both the information I had learned about the sect massacre and the Church’s secret.
The two were stunned and struggling to believe I spoke the truth. “Are the King’s heroes allowed to get away with anything?” Penrin asked. I could tell she had some serious bitterness towards us heroes after what Loftus had done to her.
“There’s no way that a slaughter of this calibre would be ignored without even a slap on the wrist.” That was half what I believed and half what I wanted to believe.
The three of us walked towards the southern gate where the killer Earthling had made his report.
While we walked, Penrin and Newmill expressed that they had doubts that the Church was hiding anything based off of what I had told them. Our chat was quite trivial otherwise.
Our route was along a main road on which many carriages rode. Much like Earth, the centre of the path was where the carriages went, and the sides were where we pedestrians walked. “I must say, this world is in desperate need of some zebra crossings.”
“What are those?” asked Newmill.
“Painted markings that signify carriages must give way to crossing pedestrians. In fact, this road could do with a lot more markings and signage. I’ve seen several carriages surpassing the speed limit, dangerously overtaking, and I even saw one of the drivers drinking!”
Penrin’s lips moved to the side of her face. “Yarm, I think rules against that sort of stuff only exist in your world.”
I had a suspicion that was true, but it hit harder having it verified. That this world allowed carriages to travel at such speeds was deplorable. I could only imagine the amount of vehicle related deaths here. If I ever succeeded in my mission, I made a note to add traffic laws to this world.
We made it to the southern gate without being run over and I went to the guard post. “Excuse me!” I said loudly to draw the attention of the half-asleep guard keeping watch.
“Yes? What is it?” He got up and looked around rapidly before his eyes focused on me. “Oh, it’s just a kid. What do you want?”
“A while ago, my friend—” I ended my sentence abruptly. “I mean my associate—” Even that sounded wrong so I tried again. “My peer—” I still wasn’t satisfied with that.
Penrin gave me a light karate chop to the back of the head. “Get to the point, stupid.”
“A person that I know but have no positive relationship with, and perhaps may have some animosity towards, recently made a report of a murder he committed.”
The guard’s eyelids drooped. He seemed to really want to go back to sleep. “Yeah, I think a boy told me he did something like that, but there was no need to escalate it.”
“No need to?” Were we really talking about the same thing, I wondered? “That boy killed a whole family of people. Is that insignificant in your mind?”
The guard sighed. “Listen kid, that boy is one of the King’s heroes. We’ve been told to be lax with them. If one of them steals from you, report the theft and you’ll be reimbursed by the King. Beyond that, don’t bother yourself with them.”
I didn’t realise that people were being paid back the money that was stolen from them. That meant that every act of theft was technically stealing from the King. I supposed it showed just how committed the King was to the heroes he had summoned. He truly believed that we Earthlings would save humanity and defeat the Demon King.
I said to the guard, “With all due respect, this wasn’t simple theft. He killed people who had done nothing to deserve it.” Why was this guard acting so detached? “He killed innocent humans!”
“Half-humans,” corrected the guard.
That gave me pause for thought. Was this guard really insinuating that there was a difference because they were only half-human?
Penrin grabbed my arm and pulled me away. “Come on. Let’s go.”
I struggled against her, but my strength was nothing compared to hers. “I’m not done talking to him!”
“Well, he’s done listening.” She dragged me away. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere, but I wanted to shout at the guard for his attitude some more. It was a waste of time though.
Newmill looked a little ashamed. “I’m sorry you had to see such an ugly part of our society, Yarm.” His eyes were dejected as he said, “I know this must be difficult for you to understand, but in this world, people discriminate against others based on their race. You’ve told me that you didn’t have half-races on Earth, so you’ll have trouble fathoming this concept. But here, people are prejudiced towards those who look different.”
“Uh, yeah. I got it.” I sort of didn’t want to destroy Newmill’s idyllic image of Earth by telling him that we had racism too. “But is the discrimination in this world so strong that you can kill half-humans without punishment?”
Penrin answered, “You said that the entire sect was killed, right? If there are no survivors, then no one will be complaining to the guards.”
“I can complain, can’t I?” I said.
“You weren’t witness to the event. If you really tried to take it to court, the case would be thrown out if the culprit had a lawyer with half a brain.”
I felt great sympathy towards the slain, but I realised that I couldn’t spare time on them. There was much senseless violence and bloodshed in this world. I couldn’t make any progress towards ending it if I stopped to find justice for all the dead.
“Onwards to the dungeon, I suppose.” I brought my two companions along with me to uncover the secret of the Church. I also had a quest that I could try to complete while in there, so I could feed two birds with one scone by doing that too.
[Lockpicker Quest: Unlock a secret in a dungeon.]
The dirt path to the dungeon was actually well-trodden to my surprise. It seemed that it was a popular spot for people to visit. It was close to the city which likely played a part in that. “Do people visit this dungeon often?” I asked.
“Yeah,” said Newmill. “It’s a tourist destination. Most people just look at it from the outside because it’s dangerous to go inside without a guide.”
“Those that enter are either looking for loot or to hone their skills through battle,” added Penrin.
“Interesting.” I thought that a dungeon would be a place people would stay away from. “What about secrets?” I asked. “Is there such a thing as a secret in these dungeons?”
Penrin pondered for a second. “I’m not sure.”
Newmill was sure. “There are hidden areas in some dungeons. If you find them, you usually get good loot. They’re pretty hard to find though, since the criteria for locating them varies. For some secrets you may need to be a rogue to reveal hidden doors, and for others you may need to be a mage to dispel illusions.”
I was glad that someone among us was knowledgeable on the topic. I hoped that I would be able to unlock one of these secrets, but from Newmill’s explanation, I would have to get lucky.
“We’re here,” said Penrin.
In front of us was a large dungeon entrance, a stone tunnel with two open wooden doors that led into descending stairs. The entrance was a block of stone bricks and atop it was a statue of a griffin. A creature that was half-lion and half-eagle.
At the base of the building were around two dozen people. Some were vendors selling various wares that might be useful for dungeon exploration. Some were dungeoneers and explorers. And some were here to just admire the dungeon’s architecture.
I approached the dungeon entrance to commence our expedition into its depths, but I was blocked by a large man with a halberd. “The entrance fee is 20 GP per person.”
There was an entrance fee? That didn’t seem right. Why would anyone be required to pay money to fight entities in some stone cellar? I could tell this man was trying to swindle me out of some money, like he would to other gullible tourists. “You think I’m going to fall for a trick like that? You can take your little scam elsewhere. I won’t be bullied into paying for an activity that’s clearly free.”
The man gripped his halberd tighter and gave me the stink eye.
Newmill whispered, “Yarm, he’s not trying to trick you. There really is an entrance fee.”
“What? Why?”
“This place is officially owned by the guild. They make money by placing tolls on certain dungeons.” He pointed towards a large blackboard next to the entrance. “Look at that.”
On the blackboard was chalked, ‘3 DAYS SINCE LAST REVERSION’.
Newmill went on, “It has only been a few days since they reverted the dungeon, so there should still be a lot of loot in there. We can easily make back the money we pay on the toll.”
Penrin inspected the blackboard. “I see. When the dungeon is cleared of its pickings, the guild reverts it.”
“Yep.”
I appreciated Newmill’s expertise. Since I brought them along, I paid for both Newmill and Penrin. They tried to refuse my offer, but I had already paid before they had a chance to protest. Newmill thanked me, but Penrin was annoyed.
Knowing it would be somewhat dangerous inside, I did some light stretches. I needed to be able to run away without my muscles cramping.
“Oh my goodness, you three are so cute!” A strange and feminine voice came from behind. I turned around to see a woman with spikes all over her body. She had two rodent teeth that rested on her lips, and her nostrils were larger than normal. From the pointy spines that covered her skin, I could tell she was half-porcupine. “What are you adorable little things doing here?” she asked us.
“None of your business,” Penrin quickly replied. She wasn’t too trusting of strangers.
“Aww, don’t be so prickly,” said the woman. “Would you three like some candy?” She pulled some small coloured sweets out of her pocket and held them out for us.
Newmill and Penrin stepped away but I happily scooped up the candy and chucked them into my mouth. Each of the sweets had their own fruit flavour that melded together in my mouth.
“Spit that out!” shouted Penrin. “Weren’t you ever taught that children shouldn’t accept candy from strangers?”
With my mouth full, I said, “Don’t worry. I’m not a child so it’s ok.” I figured that I wouldn’t be poisoned by someone so brazenly in front of all these people. And even if I were poisoned, I knew I could just cast Cleanse on myself. And if that didn’t work, Penrin and Newmill could drag my body to safety.
The half-porcupine said, “Thank you for accepting my sweets, sweetie. People treat me so harshly simply because of what I am.” She rubbed her fingers against the spines on her body. “I’ve always wanted to hug an adorable child like you, but because of this body I can never.” Her sad expression tugged at my heartstrings.
As a half-porcupine, I suspected she went her whole life without physical affection. Hugging someone would have caused her spikes to pierce them, so she could never feel the warmth of another. I wanted to change that. I came up with a passable solution. “Ms Porcupine, if you turn around for a second, I can change into something that would allow you to hug me.”
“Really?” she said with bright eyes.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” whispered Newmill.
“I’m so glad!” said the woman. She quickly spun around and covered her eyes with her hands. “Tell me when. I can’t wait to finally hug a cute little one. I’ve always dreamt of this.”
While she was turned, I got dressed into my old-man costume. The puffy fur coat would allow me to hug the woman without being pierced by her prickly spines. It wouldn’t feel like a regular hug, but it was better than nothing. “You can turn around now,” I said. She twirled on one foot to face me. I stretched out my arms, “Come on, let’s hug!”
She stood deathly still and then said, “Ew, no!”
“Huh?” I was confused. “Why not?”
Her face was unlike any expression she had shown until now. Disgust and anger were the main attributes. “Because you look like an ugly old man! Are you even the same person?”
“Hey, that’s not nice.”
“Shut up!” Her disappointment was severe. Her brows furrowed so hard that they almost connected at the top of her nose. “How dare you trick me into thinking I was going to get a hug? I won’t forgive you for this.” She stomped her foot and walked directly towards the dungeon.
I didn’t exactly know what I had done, but the candy had fully dissolved in my mouth so I called out, “Do you have any sweets left?”
She stopped in her tracks, pulled something from her pockets, and then pelted me with small hard candy. It felt like I was being struck by pebbles.
When she was finally done and gone, Penrin said, “That was so weird.”
“Tell me about it,” I said as I picked the candy pieces off the floor and ate them. I was a firm believer that the five-second rule should be extended to fifty seconds.