The Burdens of Gold and Bitter Coffee
The afternoon sun was a pale, sickly yellow, filtering through the winter clouds as I leaned against the cold brick wall of the school's west wing.
My phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket—a sudden, jarring rhythm that made my heart skip a beat.
I pulled it out and saw an unknown number, and I could litereally feel the static through the screen and practically smell the sandalwood.
"Hello?" I whispered, my voice caught in the back of my throat.
"And here I was thinking you'd chickened out," Akane's voice crackled through the receiver. It was a low, raspy purr that felt like a lifeline. "But you're still standing there. You're actually going to the café with them."
"How do you know that?" I asked, looking around.
The courtyard was thinning out, but I didn't see her charcoal-black hair anywhere.
"I have my ways, ghost boy. I told you, I'm the director of this little play. And Kurone... she's been very talkative." I could hear the smirk in her voice. "She sent me a dozen messages. She's so happy that you're being a 'big man' and accepting Kenji. She thinks it's wonderful that her two favorite boys are finally going to be friends."
A wave of profound nausea hit me as soon as I heard her words.
The "angel" was so blinded by her own ego that she had interpreted my absolute destruction as a gesture of friendship.
"I'm going because you told me to," I said, my voice hardening. "I'm going to watch the rot. But I don't know how much more of this 'goodness' I can take before I vomit."
"That's the point, Shin. Let the poison fill you up until there's no room left for hope. It's the only way to kill the boy you used to be." There was a pause, and her tone softened just a fraction—a predatory kind of comfort. "Don't worry. I'll be behind the scenes. I'll be watching. If the situation gets too difficult, if the 'angel' pushes too hard... I'll intervene. But for now, go. Be the perfect footstool."
I didn't know what to feel, since my mind started imagining every possible scenario in the blink of an eye.
"I'll see you at your place later, Akane." That was the only thing I said.
"Count on it, ghost boy," she replied. "Don't be late for the cleaning. Oh, and we'll order ramen tonight."
"Yeah... see you later, Akane," I replied, with a sigh, before hanging up. The silence that followed felt heavier than the call.
Then, I took a deep, shuddering breath, smoothed down my blazer, and headed toward the main gates.
I kept walking until I had finally reached the meeting spot, noticing that Kurone and Kenji were waiting right where they said they would be.
They were a study in perfect, nauseating symmetry.
Kenji had his arm draped heavily over her shoulders, his fingers playing with a strand of her strawberry-blonde hair, while Kurone was leaning into him, her head tilted back as she laughed at something he said.
When she saw me, she didn't run to hug me this time.
The "loyal dog" had been checked in, so there was no need for the extra performance. Instead, Kurone just beamed at me, her hand still firmly entwined with Kenji's.
"Shin! You're here! I was worried you'd gotten caught up in something," she chirped.
"Yeah, sorry," I said, my voice flat.
Then, without any particular reason, I decided to test the waters, to see if the "angel" still had her claws in my life. "Sakura-san held me back for a minute. She wanted to ask about the notes from history class, that's why we talked for a bit."
The change in the atmosphere was instantaneous.
Kurone's smile didn't just fade; it curdled.
Her eyes narrowed, and a sharp, toxic edge replaced the synthetic sweetness in her voice.
She stepped forward, her hand tightening on Kenji's arm until her knuckles were white.
"S-Sakura-san?" she repeated, her tone dripping with a possessive venom that made my skin crawl. "Who? Since when do you talk to other girls, Shin? You know you're supposed to tell me these things. And besides, people need to ask me before they talk to you. You're too soft; you don't know when people are trying to take advantage of you. You have to pass through me first."
'What a hypocrite… She has a boyfriend. She has a gold ring on her finger. She has publicly discarded me in front of the entire school. And yet, she still feels she owns the right to control who spoke to me.' That's what I thought.
I looked at her—at the pink ribbon and the "innocent" face—and I felt a surge of cold, black disgust.
'You didn't ask me for permission when you kissed him,' I thought. 'You didn't ask me for permission when you broke a seven-year promise.'
Kenji let out a short, dismissive laugh, patting her hand.
"Easy, Kuro. Let the guy have a life. He's gotta find someone eventually, right? Even if she's just a classmate." He looked at me with a smirk that said he knew exactly what I was—a threat-level zero. "Come on, let's get moving. I'm craving a crêpe."
Kurone huffed, but the "angel" mask slid back into place as Kenji pulled her along.
I followed behind them, a silent shadow trailing the golden couple.
They kept speaking to each other, with Kurone throwing occasional glances back to me, probably to make sure that I was still there.
After ten minutes of walking, we had finally arrived at our destination.
The café was a "French-style" boutique, all white lace curtains, pastel furniture, and the cloying scent of vanilla and artificial strawberries.
It was the kind of place Kurone loved—a place designed for "aesthetic" photos and shallow conversations.
As soon as we stepped inside, a waiter greeted us and led us to our table.
We sat at a small round table. Kurone and Kenji sat on the velvet bench, pressed so close together they were practically one person.
I sat on a spindly wooden chair opposite them, feeling like a witness in a courtroom where I was also the defendant.
"Oh, Kenji-kun, you have to try the mille-feuille!" Kurone exclaimed, her eyes glowing.
She turned to him, completely ignoring my presence for the next ten minutes.
I started to curse myself for accepting that invite.
Then, out of nowhere, Kurone began to tell him stories. But they weren't her stories. They were our stories.
"So… Kenji-Kun, did I tell you about the time Shin tried to climb the cherry tree to get my hat and fell right into the koi pond?" she giggled, leaning her head on Kenji's shoulder. "He was soaking wet and crying like a baby! He looked so pathetic, didn't he?"
Kenji laughed, a loud, booming sound that drew looks from the other patrons. "No way. Seriously? You were always such a klutz, weren't you, Ishikawa?"
I stared at my menu, my grip tightening on the laminated paper.
That memory... I had climbed that tree because she had dared me to, and fallen. After all, I was trying to save a bird's nest she wanted to see.
I hadn't been "crying like a baby"; I had been gasping for air because the wind had been knocked out of me.
But in her mouth, my devotion was just a comedy routine. I was the punchline to her new romance.
After the first "tale" of our childhood, a waiter came to ask for our order.
I ordered only a simple coffee, while Kurone and Kenji bought two desserts.
Then, after taking our order, the waiter came back 5 minutes later. We didn't even have the time to blink.
"Woaah!! This is beautiful!! Isn't it? It looks so delicious!!" Kurone exclaimed, looking at the dessert in front of her.
"Yeah. Just like you—" Kenji said, kissing her forehead in front of me.
'Disgusting.' That was the only thing I thought.
Then we all started enjoying our 'meal', and Kurone started talking about our childhood stories again.
"And remember when he tried to bake me those cookies for my middle school graduation?" she continued, her voice rising in a delighted squeal. "They were so hard you could have used them as hockey pucks! I had to pretend to like them so that he wouldn't get depressed. He's always been so... sensitive."
Kenji looked at me and smiled. "I think that hanging out with you would've been so much fun. That's pretty sad that we didn't know each other back then," he said, squeezing Kurone's hand tighter.
"Wait! There's also another one! I remember when Shin wanted to confess to that girl in middle school," Kurone continued, her voice light and mocking. "What was her name? Yuki? He was so nervous, he wrote her a three-page letter. But I told him she wasn't good enough for him. I said he should wait for someone 'special.'" She giggled, her fingers tracing circles on Kenji's chest. "I was just looking out for him, you know? He's so naive. He doesn't know what's good for him."
Kenji snorted. "Damn, Ishikawa. You really needed a babysitter, huh?"
I said nothing. My jaw was clenched so tight I thought my teeth might crack.
That was beyond ridiculous. I just told Kurone I wanted to be friends with the girl who was always alone, and she yelled at me because I wasn't allowed to have any other female friends besides her. All because she always said, "We're already married in my head!"
"And remember his birthday two years ago?" Kurone added, tilting her head with faux innocence. "I totally forgot about it because I was studying for exams. He called me crying at midnight. Can you believe it? A guy crying because I forgot to text him 'happy birthday.'" She laughed, a high-pitched, tinkling sound. "He's always been so... dramatic, but so adorable."
Kenji let out a low whistle. "Yikes. No offense, Ishikawa, but that's pathetic, hahaha."
Pathetic.
The word echoed in my skull. I had called her because my parents were both working late. I had called her because I was alone. I had called her because I thought she was the only person in the world who cared.
And now she was using that moment—my loneliness, my desperation—as a joke to make her new boyfriend laugh.
Every memory was a betrayal. She was taking the seven years of my life—the sacrifices, the small gestures, the quiet moments of care—and offering them to Kenji as entertainment. She was dismantling my dignity piece by piece to make Kenji smile.
Between stories, they leaned in for quick, performative kisses.
A peck on the lips here, a nuzzle on the neck there. Each one was a physical blow to my chest.
They didn't care that I was sitting two feet away. In fact, the presence of the "loyal dog" seemed to make the kisses more satisfying for them.
I felt the rot Akane talked about. It was thick, black, and rising in my throat, reaching a point where I couldn't hold back anymore.
I couldn't breathe. The vanilla scent was suffocating. Her voice—that high-pitched, tinkling laugh—was drilling into my skull.
And then, something inside me snapped.
Not with a bang. With a whisper.
The anger didn't explode. It crystallized. It turned into something hard, something sharp, something I could hold in my hand and use as a blade.
"You know, Kenji," I said, my voice cutting through Kurone's laughter like a shard of ice. "I'm actually really glad she has you now".
After my words, the table went silent. Kurone blinked, probably surprised that the furniture was speaking.
I leaned back, forcing my face into a calm, vacant mask. "To be honest, Kurone was becoming quite a burden. Every crisis, every drama, every time she needed someone to carry her bags or wipe her tears... it was exhausting."
I paused. Let the words hang in the air.
"She used to call me crying because a teacher looked at her the wrong way. She needed me to hold her hand before every test. She couldn't make a single decision without me validating it first." I tilted my head, my eyes locked on hers. "Do you know how heavy that is, Kenji? Carrying someone else's problems for seven years?" I said, trying to sound playful.
Kurone's smile faltered. Her lips parted, but no sound came out.
"So, thank you," I continued, my voice flat, cold, final. "You've taken the weight off my shoulders. Now I finally have time to focus on my own life. My music. My other friends." I smiled—a dead, empty thing. "My freedom."
The silence that followed was deafening.
Kenji's smirk turned into a frown of confusion, and Kurone looked like I had slapped her across the face.
Her mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out.
She understood perfectly. I had just called her a "weight" and just labeled her seven years of "need" as a nuisance.
The "angel" didn't like being called a burden.
"Shin! How can you say that?" she stammered, her voice trembling with a mix of shock and rising anger. "I... I thought we were close! I thought you liked helping me!"
"I did," I said, my voice a monochromatic rasp. "But you've always been too stubborn. I should thank Kenji for taking the nuisance for me."
After my words, I saw Kenji's fingers tighten around the edge of the table.
For a brief second, the easy smirk slipped.
Something colder surfaced beneath it.
Kenji then cleared his throat, the tension in the air almost tangible. He wasn't smart, but he could feel the power shift. He leaned forward, his eyes narrowing.
"W-Well, anyway," Kenji said, his voice dripping with passive-aggressive bravado. "I'm sure Kuro is glad to be 'lighter' too. I've always been supporting her during this period, and I know that if we become friends, she'll be happier."
'This period. So they've been seeing each other behind my back.'
I didn't reply. I couldn't.
He then signaled for the bill, his movements jerky. "We're done here. I've got soccer practice."
The waitress arrived almost immediately with the check, and the total was displayed on a small wooden tray.
Kenji reached for his back pocket, but before he could pull out his wallet, Kurone placed a hand on his arm.
"Oh, Kenji-kun, wait!" she said, her voice high and fluttering. She turned to me, her eyes devoid of any of the warmth she'd shown moments ago. "This place... I forgot, they only take cash for totals under a certain amount. And Kenji only has his platinum card on him today."
She looked at me with an expectant, demanding gaze.
"Shin, you don't mind paying, do you? Since you're so 'happy' to have your free time back, you can treat your best friend and her boyfriend, right? It's the least you can do for your best friend."
It was the ultimate humiliation. She wanted me to pay for the coffee and crêpes they had shared while whispering and kissing in front of me.
It wasn't about the money; it was about the submission. She wanted to prove that no matter what I said, I was still her servant.
My blood boiled. My vision tunneled. I wanted to throw the tray in her face. I wanted to scream.
"Absorb the rot." Akane's voice whispered in my ear. "Every minute you spend in the mud brings you closer to the night."
I reached into my pocket. My hands were shaking, but I pulled out the crumpled bills I had saved and placed them on the tray.
"Keep the change," I said to the air.
I stood up, my chair scraping violently against the floor, without looking at them or waiting for a 'thank you'. I just walked out of the café, the bell above the door ringing a mocking farewell.
The cold evening air hit me like a slap, but it felt clean compared to the vanilla-scented rot of the café.
I walked a few blocks away, my heart hammering against my ribs, a cocktail of rage and profound sadness swirling in my gut.
I stopped under a flickering streetlamp and pulled out my phone. My thumb hovered over the contact I had finally saved that morning.
It rang once.
"Shin?"
"I need to come back," I choked out, my voice breaking. "I need to come back to the sanctuary. Now."
"I know," Akane replied. Her voice was steady, a dark, velvet anchor in the middle of my storm. "The door is unlocked. I'm waiting for you."
I didn't say another word. I turned and began to run. I ran past the neon lights, past the commuters, past the school, and past the memory of the girl with the pink ribbon.
I didn't want to be a friend or a protagonist.
I just wanted a place where I wasn't a joke.
