Chapter 164: Kaido: Damn It, That Brat Is My Son-in-Law!
Kaido's massive figure stood atop the shattered ruins of the main hall of Onigashima.
Faint bluish scales—remnants of his Azure Dragon form—still flickered across the surface of his skin.
His rough hand gripped the crimson Den Den Mushi tightly, the knuckles turning pale from the force.
The snail's compound eyes stared straight ahead as the image displayed on its screen made the Emperor frown deeply.
On the other side—
Big Mom, Charlotte Linlin, looked completely disheveled.
Her hair hung wildly over her shoulders, her usually dignified hat tilted crookedly atop her head. Drool ran from the corner of her mouth, and her eyes glowed with a nearly insane crimson light.
Her already enormous body trembled with excitement as she muttered incoherent words.
Fragments could barely be heard—
"Dessert…"
"That brat…"
"Perfect…"
Kaido's deep voice rumbled through the pouring rain, laced with impatience and confusion.
"What's wrong with that old hag now…?"
But in the next instant—
A strange sensation suddenly traveled through the Den Den Mushi's signal and reached his perception.
It was an overwhelming desire.
A greedy, almost ravenous longing.
Like a beast that had starved for ten days suddenly catching the scent of the freshest prey.
The intensity of it nearly overflowed through the screen.
Kaido's pupils shrank.
This feeling…
He knew it far too well.
Many years ago, somewhere in the New World, before Linlin had become a Yonko, and before Kaido had reached his current power.
After an accidental meeting, Linlin had once stared at him with that exact same look.
A greedy smile hanging from her lips.
It was the unmistakable gaze of someone coveting his body.
But the desire coming through the Den Den Mushi now was even stronger than back then—almost obsessive.
Thump.
Kaido's heart jolted as a completely absurd thought surfaced in his mind.
He suddenly raised the Den Den Mushi to his mouth, his thumb nearly crushing its shell as he roared into it:
"Old hag! Don't tell me you've got the hots for that Straw Hat brat?!"
The shout made the Den Den Mushi vibrate violently.
On the screen, Linlin seemed briefly snapped out of her madness.
She froze for a moment.
But the greed in her eyes did not diminish.
Kaido shook his head violently, trying to dismiss the ridiculous idea.
Yet the image forced itself into his mind—
Linlin's gigantic figure standing beside Monkey D. Luffy.
One filled with deranged obsession.
The other grinning foolishly without a care in the world.
The scene felt as strange as pairing an elephant with a rabbit.
The more he imagined it, the more disturbing it became.
"Damn it… people shouldn't—at the very least shouldn't—be like this!"
Kaido cursed loudly.
"That brat's barely grown up! And you're already that old—have some shame!"
The rain poured even harder, washing across the wreckage of Onigashima.
But it couldn't wash away Kaido's growing discomfort.
He took a deep breath.
The absurdity of the situation even dampened the anger burning in his chest.
Only confusion remained.
When did the New World become this insane?
…
On the Den Den Mushi's screen—
Big Mom suddenly widened her bell-like eyes.
The madness vanished from her face, replaced by the domineering fury she was known for.
Her hoarse voice exploded through the receiver.
"Maaamaamaama! Kaido, you idiot! What kind of nonsense are you imagining?!"
She sprayed spit as she shouted, her messy hair flying everywhere.
"I've lived long enough to see countless powerful men!"
"I'm not desperate enough to go after some brat who hasn't even finished growing!"
She puffed out her chest, trying to reassert the dignity of a Yonko.
Yet deep in her eyes, a faint spark of desire still lingered.
After shouting, she suddenly seemed to remember something.
Her head lowered slightly.
A meaningful smile curved her lips as she murmured quietly to herself:
"Though… if that brat came begging to follow me… I might consider it…"
Fortunately for Kaido—
The Den Den Mushi didn't transmit that whisper.
He only heard her loud denial.
His tense shoulders instantly relaxed.
Wiping rain and liquor from his face, he bared his sharp fangs and let out a heavy sigh of relief.
"Good! That's good!"
Truthfully, Kaido genuinely respected Luffy.
Charging alone into Onigashima and clashing head-on with a Yonko—
That stubbornness and terrifying rate of growth were enough to earn Kaido's admiration.
But just as he relaxed—
Big Mom's excited voice suddenly came through the Den Den Mushi again.
"However, Kaido!"
Kaido's heart skipped.
A bad feeling crept up his spine.
Big Mom clapped her hands, her eyes shining with greedy excitement like she had just discovered the perfect dessert.
"I'm going to marry Charlotte Smoothie. to that Straw Hat brat!"
"What?!"
Kaido leaned closer to the Den Den Mushi, frowning deeply.
"What did you say? Smoothie? Your daughter who squeezes people like fruit juice?"
"Maaamaamaama! Exactly!"
Big Mom rubbed her hands together excitedly.
"Smoothie is the most elegant and capable of my daughters!"
"If she marries Straw Hat, our pirate crews will become one family!"
The more she spoke, the more excited she became.
"At that time, Straw Hat and Smoothie will produce the strongest offspring in history!"
"That child will become the ultimate power ruling the New World!"
"Maaamaamaama! Just thinking about it is wonderful!"
On the screen, Big Mom was already immersed in her fantasy.
Drool ran down her mouth again as her eyes burned with desire.
Meanwhile—
On Onigashima—
Kaido froze completely.
Shock.
Disbelief.
Utter speechlessness.
All of it combined into an expression like he had just seen a ghost.
Then—
Rage exploded.
He gripped the Den Den Mushi so tightly the shell nearly cracked.
Violent fury surged in his scarlet eyes like a dragon whose reverse scale had been touched.
"LINLIN! SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Kaido's roar shook the sky.
"I suggest you drop that stupid idea immediately!"
"Or I might just sail across the sea right now, flatten Whole Cake Island, and personally crush you!"
"That brat—Straw Hat Luffy!"
Kaido's voice rose again, filled with domineering possessiveness.
"He's my chosen son-in-law!"
"You don't get to interfere!"
On the screen—
Big Mom froze.
Her enormous eyes widened.
For three full seconds she didn't move.
Then—
Her scream exploded through the Den Den Mushi.
"DAUGHTER?!"
"Kaido, what nonsense are you talking about?!"
"I've known you for years and never once heard you had a daughter!"
"You only have a son!"
"That brat you hide deep inside Onigashima and never let anyone see!"
"...Huh?"
Kaido's rage abruptly halted.
He blinked.
His expression shifted from anger…
to confusion…
to awkward realization.
Right.
He had forgotten.
Yamato had been kept under strict control since childhood.
Kaido had raised her as his successor, never allowing her to step outside Onigashima.
Worse—
After secretly reading Kozuki Oden's journal, Yamato had completely lost her mind.
She idolized Oden.
She dressed like a man.
Carried weapons.
Even insisted she was Kozuki Oden.
After years of this nonsense, Kaido's subordinates had simply accepted the "young master" as male.
To the outside world—
Kaido only had a mysterious son.
No one knew the truth.
"A-about that…"
Kaido scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
His voice lost much of its earlier confidence.
On the Den Den Mushi screen—
Big Mom narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Maaamaamaama! Kaido…"
"You didn't just invent a daughter to steal that brat from me, did you?"
"Let me tell you—it won't work!"
"Smoothie will marry Straw Hat!"
Kaido's expression hardened.
"My daughter Yamato already likes that brat!"
"They're the perfect match!"
"You want Smoothie to interfere?"
"Keep dreaming!"
In the raging storm—
Kaido stood like a furious demon god.
His violent aura surged wildly, as if a devastating storm could erupt at any moment.
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