Chapter 71: The Ghost Buster
Ethan glanced through the high, arched window, watching the sun dip behind the jagged horizon of the Forbidden Forest. The sky was bleeding into shades of bruised purple and deep orange. He knew his time was running thin.
"Shit," Ethan muttered, his astral form shimmering with a slight flicker. "It'd be a hell of a joke if I'm late to my own funeral—or farewell party, anyway. Minerva's already on edge. If she comes back to check on and sees this, the whole castle's going to hear about it."
Myrtle, still draped over the stone sink like a discarded silver ribbon, looked up at him. Her pearlescent skin was slowly returning to its usual color, though her spectral backside was still a vibrant, glowing red from the spanking. Her thick glasses were lopsided, and her eyes were already beginning to well up with ghostly, silver tears.
"You're just like the rest," she sniffled, her voice a hollow, haunting wail. "You come into my bathroom, use me for a bit of sport, and then you're off to your grand parties with your living friends. I'll just be here... in the dark... waiting for the pipes to burst again."
Ethan let out a long sigh, floating down to hover level with her. "Look, Myrtle, I'm not exactly thrilled about the timing either. If I could, I'd spend the next six hours exploring every inch of this haunted plumbing. But I'm the guest of honor. If the 'Hero of Hogwarts' doesn't show up, they'll start a search party. And I really don't want Dumbledore finding me naked in a girls' bathroom with a ghost who looks like she's been through a cosmic car wash."
He reached out, his glowing hand patting her cheek. "I'm leaving this world soon. But I'm a man of my word. I'm not leaving you empty-handed."
Suddenly, the translucent blue window of the System flared to life between them, its text glowing with a sarcastic, amber hue.
[ SYSTEM NOTIFICATION ]
Achievement Unlocked:
[Ethereal Ecstasy] (You successfully navigated the 'Dead Zone'. Your mother must be so proud.)
Title Gained: [The Ghost Buster] (Passive: +50% pleasure and resonance when interacting with spirit entities. Who ya gonna call? Definitely not your priest.)
Rewards: 15,000 System Points.
Snarky Remark: "Host has officially violated the sanctity of the afterlife. Congratulations, you absolute degenerate. Is there any state of matter you won't try to fuck?"
Shut it, Ethan thought. Hey, System. I need to leave a 'thank you' gift. Something for a girl who's stuck in a toilet for the next few centuries. What've you got in the specialty catalog?
[ SYSTEM RESPONSE ]
"Accessing the Multiversal Afterlife Pleasure Repository... I should really charge a 'Sinner's Tax' for this."
Ethan's eyes widened as the screen populated with objects that looked like they belonged in a neon-lit shop in a cyberpunk future. Ectoplasmic anchors, phantom-molds, spectral vibes. He didn't hesitate, dropping 5,000 points instantly on a "Premium Spectral Satisfaction Suite."
With a shimmer of golden light, several strange, humming objects manifested on the sink next to Myrtle.
"What... what are these?" Myrtle asked, poking a sleek, vibrating purple rod that was glowing with a low-frequency magic. "Is it for the pipes? Is it a new kind of plunger?"
Ethan let out a bark of laughter. "In a way, yeah. It's for your 'pipes', Myrtle. Since you liked the 'Deathstick' resonance so much, I got you the real deal."
He realized then that she was a girl from the 1940s—the concept of a vibrator was probably as alien to her as a spaceship. "Look, this is a Phantom Pulsar 9000. It's designed to vibrate at the exact frequency of a soul. It's better than any finger, living or dead."
"How does it work?" she asked, her curiosity finally overriding her sadness.
"One last demonstration," Ethan grinned. He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back onto the edge of the sink and spreading her translucent, glowing-red legs wide. He took the Pulsar and pressed the tip directly against her spectral clitoris.
Myrtle's eyes nearly popped out of her head. The device didn't just vibrate; it sent ripples of silver energy through her entire form. "OH! OH MY! It's... it's like a thousand tongues at once! It's buzzing in my brain!"
"And that's just the lowest setting," Ethan said, his amber eyes dancing with mischief. He picked up another item—a string of Ecto-Beads that glowed with a soft blue light. "And these? These are for the back door."
"The back?" Myrtle gasped, but she didn't pull away.
Ethan worked her over with the toys, showing her how to angle the Pulsar and how the beads could hit her spectral G-spot. The bathroom became a chaotic symphony of buzzing magic, the thrum-thrum of the device, and Myrtle's frantic, high-pitched shrieks. She was vibrating so hard she was starting to blur at the edges, her silver form flickering like a faulty lightbulb.
"See?" Ethan said, pulling back as she collapsed into a pile of shaking, pearlescent limbs, clutching the Pulsar to her chest like it was a holy relic. "Now you don't need to wait for some traveler to drop by. You can wreck yourself whenever the mood strikes."
Myrtle looked up at him, her glasses steamed over with spectral heat, a dazed, blissed-out smile on her face. "I... I think I'm going to be very busy for the next few decades. I might not even flood the bathroom anymore."
"Glad I could help the plumbing," Ethan said.
He felt the countdown hit the ten-minute mark. The air in the bathroom began to shimmer with a golden, rejecting energy—the world was officially pushing him out.
With a sharp, focused intent, Ethan dove back into his physical body. He sat up on the cold stone floor with a sharp gasp, his muscles aching and his skin tingling from the astral re-entry. He stood up, finally zipping his trousers and adjusting his leather jacket. He used a quick Tergeo spell to clean the mess off the floor and his own skin, making himself look prim and proper for the Ministry officials.
"Goodbye, Myrtle. Try not to scream too loud, or the Bloody Baron might get jealous."
"Ethan!" she called out as he reached the door. She was still floating over the sink, hugging her new glowing toys. "Thank you... for making me feel alive again. Even if it was just for a few rounds."
Ethan winked, gave her a mock-salute, and stepped out into the dark corridor.
Alright, System, Ethan thought, straightening his collar as he headed toward the Headmaster's office. Let's go get that medal and see if I can't squeeze one last 'thank you' out of the Deputy Headmistress before the clock hits zero.
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