Chapter 90: Ghosts Of The Heart
SOPHIA
"On this, we cannot agree," said Uncle Benton. "My sister would never forgive me if I allowed her precious daughter to stay, unmarried, with a man. Even if that man is her fiance."
"You can send me wherever you like," said Nathan, "but I’ll find a way to Sophia. So we can stay together in front of you or behind your back."
"I really can’t be without him," I told my uncle. "I don’t sleep well if he’s not there."
"Perhaps the same palace, but separate rooms. With guards."
"No," Nathan and I said together.
"Why don’t you marry them?" asked Celeste. "It’s not like marriage requires anything but a groom, a bride, and a ritual."
"I want to give Sophia the wedding of the century," said Nathan.
"You can still do that," said Celeste. "You can celebrate your wedded bliss however you like. But I don’t want you and Benton to come to blows over this matter, especially when Sophia has made her stance clear." She sent a look with arched brows at my uncle.
My uncle suddenly found his tea cup very interesting. "Fine," he said. "If they marry, they can stay together."
"Thank you, Uncle." I smiled at him. "May I ask another favor?"
He looked at me, beaming. "Of course, my dear."
"Jace and I never consummated our marriage. Technically, I’m his widow, but ... I still want an annulment. I want it to be as if I had never married Jace at all."
My uncle grinned. "Well, now. That’s good news indeed. I will annul your marriage so you can cut ties with the Willowmarches. I will also make it clear to the Court and the Northern Realm you are not the daughter of the Pagemoores, but a kidnap victim taken into that family against your will. Even if they weren’t guilty of other things, they are very much guilty of that."
"I would love a clean slate," I said. "I will be happy to pretend that Jace was never, ever my husband."
"Once I annul the marriage between you two, that will be true." The Emperor clapped his hands together. "You’re already a princess, but I’ll give you an official title. Nathan, I’ll bestow Champion of the Northern Realm to you as well."
"Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty," said Nathan.
"I’ll take the bride to get ready," said Celeste.
"Ye! Take Nathan to the Imperial tailor and get him a red robe. Oh, and we need someone to decorate White Jade Palace for the bridal chamber, too."
Eunuch Ye bowed deeply. "As you wish, Your Imperial Majesty."
Celeste took me by the arm, and smiled. "Do you think you can be without your beloved for a couple of hours?" she teased.
Yes, she was kidding, but no, I didn’t want to be without him. We’d spent a whole lifetime apart, and moments in this lifetime had already been robbed from us. I glanced at Nathan. He took my hand and squeezed. "I’ll see you at the wedding, butterfly."
I reached up on tippy toes and kissed his cheek. "Don’t keep me waiting. I don’t think I could bear it."
"Nor could I."
***|***|***
SOPHIA
Getting ready for my impromptu wedding with Nathan was one part excitement, one part nervousness, and one part worry. Okay, two parts of worry. Because as much as I wanted to say my vows with Nathan and finally be his wife, it felt like a "the other shoe is going to drop" kind of situation.
That was the thing about happiness that had always plagued me in my last life. The slightest joy could be taken away in an instant. And, in fact, often was. Because the people around me didn’t care about my happiness.
They didn’t love me.
And I didn’t love myself. How could I love what others found faulty? It didn’t matter how much I tried to fit into the ideals of the Pagemoores or squeeze into the cold heart of Jace or even try to be accepted in a society that thought I was pathetic.
If I had no confidence in myself, how would others? I learned all too well that being weak-natured only led to suffering. I had way too many pity parties for myself in Life Number One.
I thought if only someone would accept me. Would love me. Would take care of me. Would cherish me.
If only.
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so worthless all the time. It was hard to walk around with thorns embedded in a heart nobody wanted.
Nobody but Nathan.
When I was granted a second life, I had the motivation to cast aside those who had no respect for me. I decided I wouldn’t be pathetic anymore. I no longer cared about the opinions of Jace, my family, my in-laws, those snobby society asshats.
I planned to do as I pleased and to hell with everyone else.
It was a very freeing way to live. To allow myself to want more, to be more, to say and do MORE.
But there is another kind of freedom, too. When another human being has your back. Without question. Absolute trust, love, faith, hope. It’s such a rare thing that kind of love, that kind of relationship.
I wish everyone had a chance to experience it. I wish human beings were better at loving each other.
But that’s not the world we live in. That’s really not any world anyone lives in. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got and cling to hope that you’ll have a little happiness in your day.
Still. I have Nathan. He has me. My faith in him is unchangeable. My love for him, deep and endless, like the ocean. Like the sky.
And for him, I am willing to fight until the bitter, brutal end. I will protect him. Cherish him. Love him with everything in my body, heart, mind, soul.
He is my person.
My husband.
My true love.
And these are my vows to him, the one for whom my heart will always beat.