Chapter 160: A Frozen Heart
hud!
Kneelingbeforetheking,Renseemedtorememberthepast.
isbrother,calledawayagainandagainbytheking’scommandtofulfillhismission.isbrother,whohadnotbeenathisside,buthadbecomeapillarforthekingdomandbeenusedasitssword.hekingwhohadcalledhisbrotherawayagain,justwhenRenhadfinallythoughthehadreturnedtohim.
isknee,whichhadstruckhardagainstthewintergroundfrozencold,throbbedwithasharpache.
Renliftedhisreddenedeyes.
heeyeswithburstbloodvesselsseemed,ataglance,toholdaglimmerofresentment.
***
heroadtotheroyalcastlehadbeenlikeathornpathforthegroup.
Rencouldnotforgettheshockofthatday.
Dozensoftimes,evenwhenhisbrotherturnedawayfromhimandleft,Renhadunderstood.ehadtriedtounderstand.Becauseheknewthemissionentrustedtohim.ehadhatedhim,resentedhim,missedhim.......Againandagain,hehadthoughtthathisbrother,wholefthimbehind,hadabandonedhim.hatwaswhy,whenemarleftwithoutaword,Renhadsobbedandsearchedforhimlikehewashavingafit.
Butthiswasthefirsttimetheshockhadeverbeenthisgreat.
reatenoughthateventhehearthehadthoughtwasalreadytrainedbroke,andalmostgaveup.
Renhadlearnedthateventheillnesshehadtriedsohardtohideheldnomeaningtoemar.
nthatinstantofterror,theonlythoughtinhismindhadbeenthathewantedtoleanonhim.fhecouldholdemar’slarge,thick,unbearably✪оvеlіgһt✪(fficialversion)hothand,itfeltasifeverythingwouldbeallright.ehadthoughttherewouldbeasenseofrelieffarbeyond,manytimesbeyond,whathehadfeltwhenheheldPeruan’shand.
ButemarhadnotheldRen’shand.
hatenormousbackasheturnedandlefttheroom—thebackthathadwaveredthroughRen’stears.
Ren......resentedhim.
“Ren,howisyourbody.......”
Ren,whohadbeentakinghismedicine,liftedhiseyesandlookedathim.
Atthoseeyes,likeafrozenwinterforest,emarlosthiswords.
eseemedtoknowwhatRenhadmisunderstood.Butemardidnothavetheeloquencetoundothatmisunderstanding.
“Doyouhavesomethingtosay?”
AtRen’scoldattitude,emaronlyopenedandclosedhismouthbeforeturningaway.
Renwatchedthedoor,lefthollowlyopen,withoutshowinganythinganddrankdowntherestofhismedicine.Jepeto,watchinghim,fidgetedhelplessly.
“Ren,that......e...”
“’mtired.”
“......Rest,Ren.”
Clickinghistongueinwardly,Jepetoleftthecarriage.
hedoorclosed,andRenwasaloneagain.
Renleanedhisheadagainstthecarriageandquietlystaredupattheceiling.
utside,snowkeptblowingwithoutrest.
umanhadsaiditwaswinter’sfinalsnow.
Asexpected,Renhatedsnow.
othinggoodhadeverhappenedonasnowyday.
verytimeemarleft,itsnowed,andthistimehehadsufferedanunexpectedseizure.
Couldhethinkthatoncewinterpassed,everythingwouldbeallright?
hepersonhehadwantedmosttostaybesidehimhadnotstayedbyhisside,whilePeruan,astranger,hadremainedbesidehimtheentiretime.
tmadehimfeelsomethingimpossibletoputintowords.
Maybeitwouldhavebeeneasierforeveryoneifhehadsimplycriedoutinshock,screaming,“Mybrotherabandonedme!”hentheywouldonlyhaveneededtosoothehim.hentherecklessfithewasthrowingwouldhavestopped,andasalways,hewouldhavelookedonlyforemar.
ButRenhadgrowntoomuchtostaytrappedinsidethoughtsandstubbornnessthatbelongedonlytohim.
heremusthavebeenareasonemarhadlefttheroomwithoutevenholdinghishand.
hereasonumanandJepetohoveredaroundRenwithdarkfaces,tryingtobringitup,wasprobablytomakeexcusesonemar’sbehalf.
heproblemwasthatRendidnotwanttohearthosewordsfromsomeoneelse’smouth.
emarwouldthinkRenhadmisunderstoodhim,butRenhadnotmisunderstood.eevenhadavagueguessthatitmighthavebeensomechoicemadeforRen’ssake.
But.
hefactthathehadturnedhisbackatthemomentRenneededhimmost.
tlodgedinRen’schestlikeathorn.
twasanemotionclosetobetrayal.
Sometimes,anactionsankdeeperthananytruth.
Whateveremar’struefeelingswere,thefactthathehadturnedhisbackandleftafterignoringthehandRenhaddesperatelyreachedoutwouldnotchange.omatterwhathesaid.ocomfortwouldbeabletoerasethatfact.
Andso,allthewaytotheroyalcastle,Rendidnotsayasinglewordtoemar.
emarcouldnotcrosstherejectionRenusedagainsthim,refusingtolookforhimorlistentohim.eonlyclenchedhisteeth,hoverednearRen,oropenedhismouthbeforeshuttingitagain.
emarcouldnotcrossthelineRenhaddrawn.
emarcouldnotgrabhimrecklesslythewayRenwouldhave.
heyenteredtheroyalcastlethroughthewhirlingsnow,afterbeingtoldoverandoveragaintobecarefulhowtheybehaved.
hekingdom’scapital,whichRensteppedintoforthefirsttime,didnotfeelallthatunfamiliar.tgavehimastrangefeeling.
Sensingthepeople’sbewilderment,Renfeltlikeanuninvitedguest.
Whatmadehimmostdispleasedwasthewaytheytreatedtheeroes.
Facesthatseemeduncomfortablesomehow,asifafraid.Renkeenlyreadthesubtleanxietyandtension.
Andwhathehatedevenmorewastheeroes’attitude,asiftheywereusedtothosereactionsfrompeople.
Rencouldnothelpimaginingit.
Whentheyfoughtonbattlefieldstheyhadgoneouttohundredsoftimesandreturned,hadpeopletrulywelcomedtheeroeswhocamebackbleeding?adtheynotbeentreatedcarelesslyinstead?isbrother,whohadbeenchosenasachildaftershowingthequalitiesofaeroandsenttothebattlefield—hadhealwaysbeentreatedlikethis?
Ren’sfrozenheartswirledfromdeepwithin.Asifitmightbreakthroughthesurface.
***
Andsohefacedtheking.
Renhadoftenimaginedwhatkindofpersonthekingwhocalledhisbrotherawaymightbe,butnotoncehadhethoughthewouldlooklikethis.
Ren,whohaddroppedtohiskneesasifdrivingthemintotheground,fixedRagnielclearlyinbotheyes.
Ahandsome,frail-lookingimpression.ooyoungtobethekingofanation.
RagniellookedatRenwitheyesthatseemedtoknowhimverywell.
hatgaze,tenderandsoakedinpity,cloudedwithembarrassmentwhenRenkneltonthegroundwithaloudsound.
twasimpossibletoreadtheemotionsinRenashestaredatthatsoftface.otevenRenhimselfknew.
hiswasthekingwhohadcalledhisbrotherawayagainandagainandsenthimtothebattlefield.heonewho,despitehavingpermittedhisresignation,hadcalledhimbacktotheroyalcastleandtakenhisbrotheraway.Andyethewasthekingofanation,theonetowhomemarofferedloyaltyaspreciousashisownlife.SoRenwouldneverdaredefyRagniel,theking.
Butthatdidnotmeanhisheartwouldbethesameasemar’sloyalty.
BeforeRagnielcouldgestureforhimtoriseandsayitwasallright,Ren’schillyvoicerangthroughthepalacegarden.
“amdeeplygratefulforYourMajesty’sgrace.”
twasavoicethatsoundedcoldaswinterwind.
tdidnotsoundatallasifheweregratefulforthatgrace.
Ren’sstraightgaze,withoutturninghishead,lookedatRagnielasifbindinghiminplace.
heservantswhohadpausedquietlyloweredtheireyes,andaheavysilencesettledoverthem.Withonlythesoundofthewindscrapingattheirears,Ragnielmovedslowly.
epersonallyhelpedRentohisfeet.
“hereisnoneedtooffermesuchcourtesy.Areyounottheyoungerbrotherofemar,thebrightestshiningstar?”
PattingRen’scoldhand,Ragnielcontinued.
“feelsorrytowardyou.Butthereisthekingdom’sgreatundertaking,yousee.canonlyhopeyouwillunderstand.”
isquietvoice,filledwithsincerity,knockedonRen’sheart.
Buttherewasnowayaheartthathadagedsolonginbitternesswouldmeltfromafewwordslikethat.Ragnieldidnotseemtohopeforiteither,anddidnotblameRenforgivingnoresponse.
umanwatchedRenwithaworriedface,whileemarsilentlystaredstraightahead.
iselleobservedRenandRagnielwithasubtleexpression.
“YourMajesty.willreportwhathappenedinDelfona.”
“......Shallwe,then.”
Ragnielsmiledapologetically.hegentlydroopingcornersofhiseyesmadehimlookevenfrailer.
“nmyheart,wouldliketoletyourestcomfortablybeforehearingit.Butwillyouunderstandthatcannot?”
Ragnielspokequietlyashelookedoverthegroup.
“Myking.”
iselle,whohadopenedhismouth,lookedatthekingandbentonekneehalfway.
“YourMajestyneedonlygiveyourcommands.heSevenStarsshinesolelyforyou.hereisnoneedforyoutoseekanyone’sunderstandingorofferanyapology.”
“.......”
hen,ifhetoldthemtogiveuptheirlives,weretheysupposedtosimplyhandthemover?
Ren’seyessankashelookedatthem.
eloman,uman,andemarallnodded,asifiselle’swordswereonlyproper.
heonlyonewholikelydidnotthinkthatwasproperwasRen.
Ragniel,whohadbeenlookingatiselle’slonghairwhippinginthewindwithapitifulgaze,clappedhishandstogether.
hesoundoffrictionsplittheheavyair.
Withacleansmile,Ragnielledtheminside,sayingtheyshouldgoinnow.
Afterexchangingafewwordswithiselle,umanlookedforRen,whowaswalkingattheveryback.
“Ren,thereportwilllikelytakequiteawhile.atfirstinyourroomwithJepeto.fanythingmakesyouuncomfortable,lookforaservantnamedoe.ewillseetoyourconvenience.”
“.......”
“Ren.......”
Seeingisellestandingstillandwatchingthem,umangrewanxious.
Followinghisgaze,Renturnedhisheadandstaredatiselle.Withoutavoidingtheeyesthatmethis,Renopenedhismouth.
“Whoisthat?”
“......hat’siselle.eservesasstrategist.Ren,moreimportantly......onceyou’reshowntoyourroom,don’tgooutfornow.otuntilcomebackandtellyouthethingsyouneedtobecarefulabout.Allright?”
ookingattheworryfillingthosegoldeneyes,Renreluctantlynodded.
“Wherecouldevengoinaplacelikethis?”