Thrust Into His Arms

SONG RECOMMENDATION; Summertime Sadness by Lana del Rey

"It gave me a inferiority complex. I have never been the type to feel that way. It is all because of her!"

"But still, telling Naomi and her crew of all people about that was a big mistake.

That cannot be rationalized no matter how you try to put it."

"No. It is not a mistake, and I’m not trying to rationalize anything here. It was a solution.

All I had to do was tell her and she agreed to help me. You guys on the other hand were all over her and neglecting me.

You barely even listened to me when I told you the other night."

"Because it was lame. I was fed up listening to you always talk about him.

She has not been here even a week. Why— What are you talking about?"

"My point exactly. It has not been that long and yet a lot has changed. I had to uproot the tiny sprout before it grows into a big, giant tree." She looks at me, putting on a pleasant smile as though she did something good.

It quite is looking from her perspective.

"No hard feelings Gweneth.

I really wanted to be your friend, and pretend that I did not know about your secret, but now I just want you gone.

I am not usually this kind of person. Blame yourself, you made me. We would have gotten along great if you did not try to steal Wolfe."

"Wake up. The guy does not even like you and you talk as if he is yours. You even resulted to this. I don’t know who you are right now."

"It doesn’t matter. I have gotten what I wanted. Like I said Gwen, no hard feelings. You get that right?"

I smile. I don’t know why, but I am smiling.

Her face goes slack at my reaction. Clearly not what she was expecting. Me also. I’m surprised by this. That I’m not as hurt and surprised as I should be.

How I am being calm when I am sinking inside. "I understand." I utter in a calm, steady tone. "It’s not your fault.

I never should have come here. I knew that. I’m sorry. And thank you for letting me know so soon that I can’t belong here either. Or anywhere for that matter."

"Gweneth. . ." Sloane wistfully calls to me.

I glance at her before going to the fence, climbing and jumping over it. I am now walking aimlessly to wherever my feet is taking me.

My mind has returned into that black hole. So I’m letting my feet decide where to take me. It could take me to a ditch.

Across the country. Or to somewhere dangerous but I do not care.

I keep walking. This is my life. Only to be seen as a threat and a bug to be stepped on and mercilessly crushed until there is nothing left. I am drowning in the ugly emotions and thoughts so much that I did not notice that I’m a walking in the middle of the road until I hear a blaring car honk.

A moving vehicle. A truck, it is coming right at me. I’m not thinking to move and avoid it. My brain is not seeing danger, also my body. It is seeing—

Someone suddenly pulls me out of the way. My body collided with another’s. My head whirring because of the sudden force and impact. "Why didn’t get out of the way? You could have been hit!" A voice harshly scolded above my head.

I look up at the stranger who had saved me; Platinum blonde hair. It is him. The keychain guy.

"Is everything okay?" His asks softly this time, staring into my eyes through the glasses he has on, and perhaps seeing my misery. I immediately broke apart from his hold, stepping away like he burned me.

"Yes. Everything is great, thank you." I quickly respond.

"Are you sure?" He eyes me with scrutiny, not believing me. "Yes I am." I forced out a tight smile to convince. "Thanks. Bye." I say, and walk away. I’m not in a position to give any damn to the pedestrians and other car owners who had witnessed that. That lie back there had taken whatever strength I had left.

He should have let me get hit. Why did he have to come in and save me? That "Thank you" was a big lie. "Who asked you to save me? You should’ve turned a blind eye." That was I wanted to say. But it was long sentence and might lead to another long talk which I do not have the strength for. I want to fall on the ground right now.

To collapse. To sleep and rest.

But I am just barely holding on, pushing myself forward because I do not want to create another scene and wake up in a hospital and be interrogated. No. I want a quiet time.

One that would last forever.

**************************

Reaching home, I collapsed on the floor in the living room. Staring and memorizing the lights and celling thinking why my life is like this. I do not know exactly when it went dark. Whether I fell asleep, or passed out. Someone woke me out of it with a series of taps. I open my eyes and see mom, carrying Percy in front of her in his carrier. It must be late evening now because that is when she gets off work. That means I have out for long hours. It feels like minutes to me.

"What is wrong? Why did you fall asleep here?" She asks, looking more worried than I have ever seen her. I sit up, staring at her before bringing my gaze down on the rug, not saying a word in response. She puts Percy down on the couch and comes to observe me, touching my face. "Honey, you don’t look good. What is going on? Talk to me!" She half-yells.

"Where is Dad? Has he returned?" I asked dryly. My voice brittle and unrecognizable.