Thrust Into His Arms

"No, you do not understand Dad. You don’t!" She asserts.

"You and mom have no idea what it is like for me. And how is that damn woman by the way?

Is she still thinking that I willingly got down on my knees and put that bastard’s dick in my mouth to blow because I’m a useless whore who needed something to suck on? I bet she still does."

She pauses to laugh again. I subconsciously clench my fists, squeezing the letter. "You can never understand." She continues. "It is only someone equally broken that can get how I feel. I am fully drowned in sorrow and regret thinking what I did to make it all go wrong.

How I could have made it different. My ruin is beyond those of the ancient civilizations. Not even God can save me."

I throw away the letter, facepalming myself. My self-hatred boiling over the edge. Voices raising in my head saying it is my fault. Why I’m I so fucked up?

It is not just because I grew up in the Mafia.

No.

It has to do with my blood. My soul itself. It’s black and corrupted.

Whose fault is it that I’m wired like this?

GWENETH

I had awoke to my phone ringing. The sound dragging me out of the deep, dreamless sleep I was in. "Fucking hell. Didn’t I turn you off?" I groan, stretching out my hand to get from the table near the bedside where it is sitting with my tote bag.

Seeing it is Dad, I sit up, contemplating whether or not to receive it. I swipe the screen to accept, hoping that it is not mom using his phone to call me because she knows I would definitely screen hers.

I will hang up immediately if it’s her. Dad calls my name, his tone holding both disbelief and relief. He immediately starts bombarding me with questions. "Are you okay? How are you? We were worried sick. Why would you turn off your phone?"

"I am fine." I drone out tiredly. I place my palm on my head. God, it is banging up there like someone is hitting me with a hammer. It must be because of that drink. Is this what they call a hangover? Damn it is so not nice.

A chill slowly swept over me when I notice that I am in a room. I remember passing out on the Beach. Who brought me here?

Richard?

I check my body for any strange sign, no weirdness in that place between my legs, and my clothes are perfectly still on. I know that he is not that type of guy, I just needed to be sure. And now I am.

"Did you drink?" Dad asked. My eyes widens at the preciseness. "Nothing gets past you Senior Detective Calloway." I praise. "How could you tell?" I giggle like an idiot at the end of that. I don’t why I’m doing that. It is not like there is anything funny right now. Oh wait there is.

Gweneth is miles away from home and she tasted alcohol.

Chugged it like water.

I laugh harder at the thought, doubling over on the bed, my stomach vibrating. I mean, just take a look at my life right now.

No hope, no future. NOTHING.

Sorrow and regret puts me to sleep, nightmares wakes me up. Then I retch out my intestines and brush my teeth like crazy.

I weep my eyes out and would not know when I fall asleep by the sink. It is one hell of an amazing routine isn’t it? What a nice interesting life I am now living! If I had been told beforehand that my routine would suddenly change and that this would come to be my life, I would not have believed it. If I had gone to a fortune teller he or she would most probably laugh in my face while telling me the damn fortune. I mean it is funny right?

Because I did not just fall, I took a nose-dive into destruction and failure. This is not one of those typical grace to grass instance. Grasses are green and lush at least. It is from grace to ashes. Shouldn’t I be getting a Guinness world record for this?

I am never going to allow myself to feel ecstatically on top of the world again for any reason because the fall from that place is a very long and devastating way down. Haha, if only I knew.

"You drank alcohol?"

"Yes. It was very strong. It even had weed in it." I whisper the last part like it was a guarded secret and did not want anyone else to hear."

"Gweneth—

"I know, I know. Please spare me the scoldings okay?"

"I wasn’t going to scold you—

"Really? Then I should tell you how amazing it was then." I giggle again.

"It was so good and strong that it put me out instantly. It felt like I wasn’t even alive anymore."

"Listen kiddo, I understand how you must be feeling, but you should not let yourself go too far the downward spiral. You might never come back from there."

"Wouldn’t that be great? Reality is way too harsh."

"Look dear, I do—"

"Don’t give me that shit of how you understand because you don’t. You and mom have no idea what it is like for me. And how is the damn woman by the way? Is she still thinking that I willingly got down on my knees and put that bastard’s dick in my mouth to blow? I bet she still does." I let out a mocking laugh.

"You can never understand."It is only someone equally broken that can get how I feel.

I am fully drowned in sorrow and regret thinking what I did to make it all go wrong. How I could have made it different. My ruin is beyond those of the ancient civilizations. Not even God can save me." I end in a low, breaking voice. My tear ducts have recovered, as it is now producing the salty liquid that is running down my cheeks.