Thrust Into His Arms

GWENETH

So he ended up leaving after all? Unbelievable! I thought, huffing out air. Richard’s mother came to me after she was done giving him smacks that I had no doubts were painful.

She had greatly misread the situation but he very much deserves it for poking at my sour spot like that. He must have heard it from Margaret as she is the only one I told and she is close with his mother.

"I don’t know what sin I committed that made me give birth to such a son." I am barely holding in a laugh at the woman’s dramatic lamentations.

"I was on my way home but I felt I should stop by to come check on both of you and I met the exact thing I was expecting.

Are you sure he did not try anything with you?"

Now it’s time to speak. "No. Nothing happened.

It is not what you think.

We just got into an argument on how much seasonings we should put in the clam sauce. Our opinions were different and then he insulted me,

saying that I’m an ugly pig who knows nothing. That got me really mad because no one has ever insulted me like that before." I solidified the lie by seeming hurt and angry.

It wasn’t difficult.

It is not sitting well with me to tell her what he really said. I will be keeping that to myself. Richard stares at me surprised at the lie, before he comes forward to complain, "See? That is what I was trying to tell you, but you didn’t listen!

I would need to go see a masseur later to massage this aches out of me."

"Look at you. . ." She clicks her tongue at him in disappointment. "So weak that you cannot take a single hit like a man because you are always wasting your energy with girls.

I should have just thrown you in the military back when your uncle was still a General."

"You and I both know that the reason you didn’t do that was because you would be lonely.

Don’t hide that fact." He points out. "Anyway, we are clear now right?

Gina, took you long enough to clear it up. Did you have fun gloating?" I smile at him mischievously.

Of course I did, why wouldn’t I?

"But why would you call her an ugly pig?

She is way more beautiful than Sasha, Malia and the truckload others."

"Please don’t start on that now."

I quietly slip away from them and go to the restroom where I routinely splash water on my face and gargle repeatedly on water to rinse my mouth as it is the alternative from brushing and scrubbing at my teeth and tongue. I would have done that, but I had forgotten to bring my brush and toothpaste with me today.

The very much familiar nausea soon starts, I retch into the sink but nothing comes out.

Not a single piece of the chicken pot pie I had eaten for breakfast. The actual vomiting has stopped, but the nausea still hits from time to time along with a slimy feeling and a musky strange taste on my tongue.

I can’t help but wonder how he has been doing after destroying me like this.

He must certainly be living his rowdy life to the fullest and is going after a bunch of new others to bully for his entertainment. He might have even forgotten me now and all what he did.

But I am stuck carrying the resulted effects and weight of his bullying and his abuse on me.

The trauma,

it might go on with me for the rest of my life.

I so wish for him to be darkly haunted by me just like I am by him. I want him to always remember the girl whose dignity and life purpose he shredded to bits and pieces for the sake of his bloody ego and odd entertainment for the rest of his godforsaken life.

So that he can never be able to forget me.

I want him to suffer every bit of what he put me through twice over.

Before I was wishing for him to die.

I had followed a death curse instruction ritual I had went searching for on a voodoo website twice.

I don’t know if he is dead now.

He wouldn’t be because evil people don’t die. They always outlive to keep on doing more evil to the good ones.

And that would be great because he has to be alive and breathing for him to be haunted. I cannot really hope that he will experience any of that because it’s just a mere wish. If only I had been a ghost to carry it out myself.

I come back out to see the large pot of clam sauce off the cooker and poured into one of large dishing pans.

Going to the same tables to serve different customers over and over again and before I knew it, the sun has dipped low in the sky.

Time to close up.

It is early again today.

There has never been even a single moment when I thought time was slow here. It is always so fast as though it is flying rather than ticking.

It pains me when the sun sets and the dark late evening clouds appear and I have to leave.

I wouldn’t mind if I were to be made to work a few more hours or work all through the night

as my life is just drifting with no clear direction.

I no longer have a purpose and something to look forward to.

We closed up. I got my wages for the day and the leftover dishes packed in a takeout food container by Richard’s mother like always since the day I started.

She and her friend Margaret, I don’t know why they care so much about me.

Is it because they both only have sons?

That must be it. They like and care about me because I’m a girl.

I don’t head to the motel, instead I routinely go down to the beach.

I sit on the sand listening to the waves roaring in the distance.

Sometimes I stay very close to the ocean and let it touch my feet as the evening tide comes in.

The cool wind would play with my hair. And I would be wishing I was the sea or the wind. Even a seafoam as they have no troubles.