Thrust Into His Arms

"Take that and leave. Or I am calling my Dad and the police." I hold my phone as I threaten but he does not seem to care.

"Go ahead. Call them." He nonchalantly responds.

"Aren’t you even going to apologize?" I could not help but ask that even though I know he wouldn’t do it. He should be aware that I almost killed myself because of him. Shouldn’t he be saying sorry at least for shoving his dick down my throat and having his friends record and post it on the fucking internet?

"All that stunt you pulled was for an apology? Don’t kid me." He scoffs. "It’s not like you are even going to accept it if I do."

Where is all the numbness I had from earlier? Why is his lack of remorse cutting me?

"What did I ever do to you? What are you even doing here!" I shouted, but it came out as a croak. My voice sounding unrecognizably hoarse. It hurts to speak.

"You aren’t blameless you know. . ." He started, coming close to me. I immediately get off the bed. Putting a little distance between us.

"You brought it all on yourself. Why did you have to be so happy with him?

Do you know how infuriating and hurtful every minute of seeing you two together was for me? You fucking trashed the presents I gave you, and that fucking hurt! I found out I fucking like you even though I hated you. All I wanted was to get over you, and knowing you would never spare me a glance, what the fuck was I supposed to do?"

I don’t understand most of what he just said. It doesn’t make sense. "What?"

He rakes his fingers through his hair and yanks them in a way that I almost viscerally felt the sting. "You shouldn’t have let me seen you date anyone. You should have waited until after I graduated. If you had, I would not have been crazy out of my mind and jealous enough to lose my shit and do all this!" Silence hangs heavy in the atmosphere after that. I could hear the sound of his breathing. I’m sure he can also hear mine. Why does he feel like a different person right now?

"You psychopath." I say, breaking the thick, tense silence. "You.... Are you saying all what you did is my fault?

"For most parts. . .yes."

CALIX

Two became six. As if the first two hours of waiting was not enough, the flight had to be cancelled and pushed back by four hours. Six fucking hours of knee-shaking anxiety. The kind that makes you think you’re losing your mind.

To be honest, the third point is most likely true.

One more from the airport to the hospital. Bruises on my face and lips broken from the fight with Rex at the hospital. It wasn’t exactly a fight as I didn’t try to block his punches or resist.

I knew I deserved it. I didn’t feel it much. My mind is crazy, my body numb leaving nothing but a hollow feeling behind. I can only feel the hole in my chest that feels as though it it has been punctured by a sharp object. I would so much rather feel pain from beatings instead, or be tortured to the brink of death.

Each breath I take seems to be shorter, with less air making it into my lungs. My chest is aching at the sight of her. The anguish in her eyes is hitting me harder than any punch would. I didn’t come here because of Rex’s threat to kill me if I don’t fix the mess I made. Or the words from Dom when I had cursed Curtis out over the video.

He is right. They’re all right. It’s my fault. That video would not have existed in the first place if I had not done that. I’m the reason that she tried to kill herself.

I have done a lot of bad, evil things and I would do a whole lot more. But I don’t know how I could have lived with myself if she had really died. Seeing her now, I want to apologize. To acknowledge and own up to all the bad things I have done to her. Something I have never done in my entire life. But I just can’t. I hate the fact that I’m fucking regretting right now. So I chose what was easier than admitting it.

Blame her for it. Letting her know that it is her fault for making me feel like this. And it does make sense in a way that a part of me knows is fucked up.

"You brought it all on yourself. Why did you have to be so happy with him? Do you know how infuriating and hurtful every minute of seeing you two together was for me? You fucking trashed the presents I gave you, and that fucking hurt! I found out I fucking like you even though I hated you. All I wanted was to get over you, and knowing you would never spare me a glance, what the fuck was I supposed to do?" I roared out, I was out of breath by the time I was done.

Her expression is now one of a dead stare. I had not meant to spill much to that extent, but the words just kept coming out. I couldn’t stop them. "You shouldn’t have let me seen you date anyone. You should have waited until after I graduated. If you had, I would not have been crazy out of my mind and jealous enough to lose my shit and do all this!"

"Get out." She first utters in a weak low voice. "I can fix this. You won’t be expelled and your scholarship would not be cancelled." I am not just merely assuring her. I am going to make sure of it. "Fix? Fucking fix huh?" She yells, that particular word seems to have fired her up.