Thrust Into His Arms

I had no idea. That is terrible." She said in a worried, strained voice. Her sympathy is needless. It somewhat seems mocking to me.

"But what you tried to do wasn’t the right thi—"

"I’m tired, I want to go home and rest." I cut her off, "I don’t have to ask for permission since I’m expelled right?" I knowingly add.

"That hasn’t been decided yet, and it might not be. Look, I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it will be okay." No it won’t because it is already over. I inwardly respond.

I found my bag, slung it over my shoulder and left the infirmary. It was chaos outside, I have become like a top star now, being surrounded by almost all of the school heads into another meeting despite me not wanting to. The conversation has been forced to shift. Now they are concluding it as "Just a case of fooling around that got out of hand"

But are still smoothing over that fact that Calix is involved. They cannot even pretend to take action by having him be here also and questioning him at least. No, they’re all trying to bury me under the heaps of moral consequences.

"We are going to get to the bottom of this. We’ll invite your parents to the school and have—"

"And steer up more humiliation for me? No need.

Let it all end here." I glance at each and everyone of their disgusting bias faces, and added, "Goodbye, and have a nice day all of you." I say with thick sarcasm and walked out of the place.

I still am numb, I would have enjoyed the stunned look on their faces otherwise. No one is saying anything, why? I’m fully expecting for them to make snide remarks, drown me in it and call me dirty names and surround me like they did earlier. But they are all just staring at me like mindless bimbos.

I find myself looking around for him. I only saw Dominic, Lucas and his damn cousin on the rooftop. Shouldn’t he have been among them also to witness it? Unlike the others who held me back, he would have laughed about it and perhaps even pushed me off.

Why did they try to stop me? Hypocritical jerkasses! They should have been amused at my misery. Why’d they suddenly flip to fear and pity?

I had thought painting vile words was the only thing they did to my locker. But no, inside is a mess. The pungent smell of urine hit my nostrils as I soon as I had opened it. My textbooks, notebooks, everything appeared to have been doused in it making them unsalvageable.

"Not much of a surprise." I said to myself, leaving the locker open. It’s even great. I need to get rid of everything I got here. That hello kitty bag and everything Maverick gave me. I will burn them to cinders and hope that the memory of my time here would burn along with it. I saw Maverick on my way out of the hall, his mouth opened and closes, almost like he wanted to say something before I shunned him down. Could be an apology, but even if it is, I wouldn’t listen.

Sorry is nothing but a meaningless word that should be scrapped out of the fucking dictionary. It is useless because it doesn’t take back the offense that had been done.

I can no longer push aside the suffering and pretend it didn’t exist.

I went to the daycare to take Percy, the woman who runs it is explaining to me that yesterday was a misunderstanding, but I barely listened before interrupting and telling her I wanted to take Percy. Why does everyone make excuse for that evil bully?

You just need to have enough money and people would always be on your side.

I wandered aimlessly about before going home. My phone exploded with calls and text. I looked at it when it rang again to see Rex’s contact on the screen. I wanted to turn it off, but I felt like I should take it, "Hello! Gweneth!" His voice instantly filter into my ears, having the audacity to sound worried. "Why haven’t you been picking up? Is everything okay with you?

I was admitted in the hospital and had emergency surgery which is why I didn’t show up at school—"

"What a great excuse. You don’t have to lie." I say, "Thank you Rex. For everything you did. I’m grateful even though you turned out to be not so different from your friends after all. You shouldn’t have given me hope and light up the darkness I was in if you knew you were going to suddenly take it away!" I hang up while he was acting confused and asking what I meant.

Mom’s text came a while after. "What is going on? I got a call from your school earlier. Is it true? Call me as soon as you get this."

I could feel myself paling from fear. I immediately turned off the phone after reading it. Why did have to call mom and tell her? Did they tell Dad too?

Oh no! How would I face them?

The first thing I did upon getting home was to run to the bathroom. A knot have long started to form in my stomach ever since. I literally felt like I want to gag out. With a practically empty stomach as I did not eat anything for breakfast, I am only throwing up clear, bubbly saliva which only brought up a disgusting flashback that made my stomach still twist in a way that felt like it wanted to burst out of my mouth.

I hardly recognize my reflection, my eyes are swollen and bloodshot and have dark circles under them. My skin is pale too, making me feel like a ghost. The nauseating urge comes on again, I dry-heaved until I could barely keep myself standing.

A little while after it ended I started to smell a delectable aroma right in the house. I followed the smell to the kitchen, stopping in front of the refrigerator which seems just about precise where it is coming from. I read the note that I found stuck to the fridge. A message from Dad. "I made a huge meal for lunch and dinner in advance so you wouldn’t have to force yourself to. Chicken Tacos. It doesn’t taste that great because I followed the procedure on a cooking show and might have botched it somehow.

And I won’t be coming home tonight so make sure you eat all of it okay." He even added a smiley face. I can almost hear him saying it in front of me.

I unconsciously smile as I read it. Guilt tripping me when I think about what if I had succeeded in killing myself.

He and mom would have been more than heartbroken. They still would be after they learn of that video.

I start to feel a little glad that I am not dead today. I would have missed this cooking. I knowingly made the mistake of checking the students website for the video. I did not find the video itself but I saw opinions about it. If I hadn’t been completely shattered before I read them, I am now.

I laid on the chill concrete floor in my room, the emotions have started to become clearer to pinpoint. Grief, too profound. It almost feels as if I had lost someone I love. And despair, the kind of a dying fish who finally ran out of its last drop of water.

How did I hold on to this extent? Why didn’t I acknowledge my suffering until now? So much for damn hope.