Chapter 146 Obsessed?
Rex might end up winning if this continues. Fuck it! I still will not let him have her even if I lose. No, it is going to be even worse for her for making me go through all this.
I will make it so to the extent that she would decide to leave him on her own and come to me. If her scholarship program stops to instill fear in her, I will progress to threaten her life. I myself am not thrilled one bit of being this attracted to her. I only want her for a few moments, she just needs to give me that. That is not too much to ask, is it? I engage the second horsepower and with that, I came ahead again. Reaching the end
point and swiftly drifting into reverse to return to the starting point. Rex’s car comes in front of mine again just then. Swerving side to side to prevent me from reaching forward. "That’s how much you want to keep her to yourself? Mine is way more."
If only Dominic had not fumbled on what I asked him to do. Because how the hell is Rex still going this fast with a V8 engine? I barely managed to narrowly drive past him, reaching far ahead again. I glance at the rearview mirror and see that Rex is now struggling to keep up. The car is going slow now. So he really did switched the engines? I smile victoriously. That means I have won now. There is only so much one can do with a V8 engine and he has pushed it far beyond its speed capacity. The engine is now too exhausted to even go at 10mph.
He should sensibly give up. It would be dangerous if he still keeps pushing it. There is nothing more that he can do, Gweneth is mine now. She has always been ever since she put herself on my radar.
The thought freezes as I realize that I am happy more about getting her than winning the race itself. The conversion Dominic and I had earlier ago starts to come back to my mind.
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"It is not the race itself, is it? It’s about her. You’re scared of losing her." Dom says, that gets me a little annoyed.
"No it’s not. I just want to win that’s all." That somehow feels like a lie even to myself.
"That is a lie. You would not care about winning or losing if that is really the case.
What is she to you exactly, like. . .how do you see her?" He probes.
"I just hate her that’s all." I quickly respond.
"You are not supposed give flowers and presents to someone you claim to hate. If you do, then why?
As a misguided romantic gesture?
I have been watching your behavior when it comes to her, and it is just too erratic to understand. This goes beyond you just wanting her for yourself, which says that you are confused about what you feel. You’re obsessed with her—that is a clear fact."
"Cut out the therapist shit please. It is nothing like that, I told you." I hissed.
"If I’m going to help you win this race Calix, I should at least know why and for what reason." He wears an observing look, "Be honest and tell me the truth now,
between us, how do you really see her?"
That question rawly hit the sincere nerves inside me.
I wanted to bare it all out to him in that moment. Maybe he can tell me what is wrong with me. To tell him about how I really feel; It’s strange. Whenever I think about her, my chest gets all tight and warm, and I grow desperate to see her.
How seeing her cry that time because of her locker haunted me even awake. How much I fucking dream about her. The way my thoughts always wander to her without me even realizing. How strangely complete I felt when I held her body against mine in her bed. The cutting feeling from when I saw her trashing the presents I got her, and when she had called me a monster.
How I feel like killing whenever I see her and Rex together. That has become like. . . my kryptonite now.
The way I badly want to possess her and make her mine to torment and touch whenever I please. And how I am also mad at myself for feeling this way. He would see it as me being crazy, I do too. It is completely fucked up.
Maybe I really am obsessed.
She came from nowhere, penetrate through the fortress of my mind all of a sudden and has now become like a drug that I can’t help but be addicted to, despite me not wanting it and trying to stop myself. Making me to question my sanity.
Hopefully these feelings are just a temporary weak phase that would go away pretty soon. I am confident that it will. As such, I cannot have anyone else knowing about this weakness.
I stoically averted my gaze from his, afraid that the truth to what so much feels like a lie that I’m about to tell would be discerned in my eyes and expression. "Someone I hate, and can’t stand."
He gives me a blank stare before speaking, "I can’t call this you being in denial as it seems like you are not even aware.
I will ask you again another time. If you don’t have a different answer then, I would really believe you on this."
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Why am I scared to lose you when you are not even mine?
That question plagues me once again. My mind is giving me answers, but I am not just willing to consider any of it because they make me scared.
Rowdy cheers break out as I reach the starting point. Tino, the head of the racing gang comes forth to congratulate me. "Congrats on being the ultimate racing king man.
I am quite shocked to be honest. I did not expect you to win."