American Adventure: My Uncle is Don Quixote

Jin Heon stared at the message from Li Wei on her phone screen, stunned for a moment. Then, she subconsciously fiddled with her bedsheets as her fingers began to type furiously.

"Boss, you don’t have to give me a raise," she typed almost without thinking.

But just as her finger was about to hit the send button, she hesitated. ’Is that too blunt?’ she thought. ’It makes me sound like I have no emotional intelligence.’

So she deleted it and started typing again.

"Boss, you’ve already given me more than enough. After the Super Bowl, if the drink really takes off, maybe you can consider giving me a raise then?"

After finishing, she reread it twice. ’Does this sound too opportunistic?’ she wondered. ’Like I’m hinting at something.’

She grimaced, grabbing her pillow and mauling it in frustration before deleting everything she had just typed.

Finally, after some thought, she typed out a short sentence: "Boss, what I’m making is already more than enough. Let’s talk after the Super Bowl. You should get some rest for now."

Send.

She glanced down at her phone, then back at the half-finished proposal on her computer screen. She took a sip of her coffee, the ice cubes now completely melted, and reopened the document.

At three in the morning, after sending the information to three different types of influencers, Jin Heon gave a huge stretch and rolled into bed.

Four in the morning was precisely when the first wave of financial journalists across the country started scrolling through Twitter for today’s stories. This was exactly why she had rushed to compile and send out the information before then.

Now, all she could do was wait and see how things would develop.

...

「9:17 AM, Gatorade Headquarters, New York.」

The moment Regional Operations Director Koens stepped into his office, he knew something was wrong.

Normally, his secretary would wait until he sat down and had his first sip of coffee before coming in to report. But today, she knocked and rushed in before he had even taken off his coat.

"Mr. Koens," the secretary said, her face grim. "Ms. Vivian from the PR department is waiting for you downstairs. She said it’s very important."

Koens’s heart sank, but he pretended as if nothing was wrong. "Vivian?" he asked while taking off his coat. "Which Vivian?"

"The Vice President of PR for Pepsi Group North America!" the secretary said urgently. "She seems to be in a real hurry."

Any shred of hope Koens had was instantly crushed by his secretary’s words.

’So it really is *that* Vivian,’ he thought. She would never personally come to the office building of a subsidiary brand like Gatorade unless something huge had happened.

’Why is she here?’

"Have her come up..." Koens started, taking his coat off only to put it back on. "Never mind, I’ll go down my—"

"No need," Vivian said, striding in on her high heels. "You can leave us," she told the secretary.

The secretary gave Koens a helpless look before slipping out, visibly relieved. She gently closed the door behind her.

Vivian narrowed her eyes at Koens and suddenly asked, "Why wasn’t the PR department given a heads-up about this?"

"W-What thing?" Koens said, steeling himself. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"See for yourself." Vivian shoved the iPad she was holding into Koens’s chest, nearly knocking his glasses off.

On the screen was Twitter’s trending list.

Number one: #GatoradeWarehouse

Number two: #PepsiColaContamination

Koens cried out inwardly. He truly wished today was just a nightmare.

He scrolled down quickly, discovering that these influencers, who had come out of nowhere, had actually dug up their enforcement records on the FDA’s official website. They were claiming, in convincing detail, that Gatorade’s products were being investigated by the FDA.

"Pepsi Group is storing millions of bottles of beverages in an old New Jersey warehouse with no fire safety maintenance records. These drinks are set for nationwide distribution next month. Due to incidents of storage contamination, the FDA has launched an investigation, yet Pepsi Group has not issued any official statement."

"This..." Koens looked up at Vivian. "Who did this?"

"How should I know?" Vivian’s eyebrows shot up. "The question now is, is it true?"

"...Yes," Koens said through gritted teeth. "It’s true... but I don’t know who leaked it."

"Oh, for God’s sake, Koens Evans," Vivian groaned, slapping her forehead. "I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours. A warehouse that didn’t go through the Group’s compliance approval? And then it gets leaked? You even brought the FDA into this."

Koens swallowed hard, forcing down the words that it was his direct superior who had arranged it and told him to be discreet.

This shipment was part of his superior’s secret plan against Li Wei. The original idea was to secretly produce and launch the product, then report it to the group to take credit after successfully cornering Li Wei.

But before it could even hit the market, this mess happened.

"So... what’s your recommendation?" he asked.

Vivian pulled over a chair, sat down, and crossed her arms, staring at Koens. "There’s no containing this now. The FDA won’t cover for us; the price is too high."

"Are you saying..."

"Apologize," Vivian said. "A swift, sincere apology. Then, clarify that it was just one warehouse and that because Gatorade’s order volume was too high for our own warehouses to handle, we had to partner with a third-party storage company. Then, quickly shift the blame and throw all the responsibility onto them."

"But..." Koens said instinctively. "Will they agree to that?"

"Give me the contract. I’ll handle it," Vivian said, looking down on him. "You just prepare for the press conference and apologize."

"...Do you think the market will buy it?" Koens asked.

Vivian was silent for a moment. "Fuck, how the hell should I know?" she said. "We’ll have to wait and see."

「That afternoon, at 2:00 PM sharp」, Gatorade released an official apology on its Twitter account and official website simultaneously.

But the market wasn’t buying it.

Using a third-party warehouse because of too many orders? The excuse was far too flimsy.

Wall Street’s reaction was even faster.

After the market opened, Pepsi-Cola’s stock price began to plummet within half an hour.

From its opening price of 174.8 USD per share after the news broke at 9:30 AM, it just kept falling.

Although the stock price saw a small rebound after the 2:00 PM announcement, it started falling again after a little while.

By the time the market closed, the stock price had settled at 169.55 USD, a full 3% drop, wiping out 6.9 billion USD in market value.

One analyst noted: "I believe the market is no longer just worried about the loss from this one warehouse, but about a crisis of credibility for the Gatorade brand itself. Consumers are starting to wonder, ’If this wasn’t a one-time, isolated incident, has Gatorade sold products like this in the past few decades?’ Once that suspicion starts, it’s very hard to stop."

At Fortress City Apartments, Li Wei was lounging on the sofa, holding a jumbo-sized bucket of popcorn.

He had to admit, while American popcorn was a calorie bomb, it was truly delicious once you got used to it.

However, in his house, only Li Wei dared to eat it like that. Anyone else who ate as much as him for a month would blow up like a balloon.

He grabbed a random handful of popcorn while watching the financial news on TV, just in time to see that analyst’s commentary.

"Nice work," Li Wei said to Don Quixote. "And to think, Jin Heon turned down my offer for a raise just yesterday."

"You should give her a big bonus," Don Quixote said, staring at the TV. "That girl is a real hard worker, and talented too. If someone poaches her, it’ll be tough to find another one like her."

Li Wei had the same idea. He picked up his phone, ready to send Jin Heon a huge bonus.

Fifty thousand USD? ’That doesn’t feel like enough to reward Jin Heon for her efforts.’ He entered a new number—100,000 USD.

He, Boss Li, was not a man who was stingy with his employees.

But on second thought, he felt it might be better to talk to Jin Heon about it first.

So he closed the transfer screen and called her directly.

The phone rang twice.

Then it went to voicemail.

"Huh?" Li Wei paused, surprised.

He dialed again.

Still no answer. Surprised, Li Wei put down his phone.

Jin Heon was the fastest of his employees to answer the phone; she always picked up within two rings.

This was the first time she hadn’t answered.

"What’s wrong?" Don Quixote asked.

"Nothing," Li Wei said, staring at his phone screen. "Jin Heon isn’t picking up my calls."

"Maybe she’s busy right now?" Don Quixote said casually. "After all, she could be at the library or something. It’s normal to miss a call."

「An hour later.」

Jin Heon called back.

"Boss!" Jin Heon’s voice came through the receiver. "I’m sorry, I was busy just now and didn’t hear your call. I’m really sorry."

"It’s fine," Li Wei said. "I just wanted to tell you, you did a beautiful job today. Pepsi dropped 3%, wiping out seven billion USD. Gatorade officially apologized. Next, they’ll probably have to clean house internally, and someone’s going to have to pay the price."

There seemed to be a four or five-second delay on Jin Heon’s end. After a few seconds of lag, Jin Heon finally said with a delayed reaction:

"Oh, that’s really great news!" Her voice strained as she tried to sound excited. "I haven’t even had a chance to check the news! Oh my gosh, COUGH COUGH COUGH—"

She was cut off mid-sentence by a fit of uncontrollable, gut-wrenching coughing.

"Jin Heon," Li Wei asked, "are you sick?"

In her dorm room, Jin Heon went silent the moment she heard Li Wei’s voice.

She was currently wrapped in a thick down jacket, the tip of her nose red, with a cooling patch on her forehead. She was curled up in a tiny ball, with a blanket wrapped around her as well.

Hearing the concern in Li Wei’s voice, for some reason, her eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

"Boss... I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little under the weather."

"How bad is it?" Li Wei asked directly. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"It’s not that bad..." Jin Heon touched her forehead. "I probably didn’t keep warm enough while writing the project proposal at night a few days ago, and I pulled a few all-nighters. And with the recent blizzard... my immune system is weak, so I just caught a little cold. It’s nothing serious. I’ll be fine after some cold medicine."

"Do you have a fever?" Li Wei asked. "Do you need someone to look after you?"