MAGUS INFINITE

I paused and confirmed that yes, the gaze on my body from Coin indeed had weight. It was a strange sensation to observe, as if this woman accessed reality in a way that was different from anyone I had ever met.

I held my hand up, and felt the weight of her gaze floating across my skin, those around the fire looked at me strangely, but I noted that they were not able to detect Coin’s gaze.

"I am someone who is trying to find his way," I said a bit distractedly. "Someone who has seen too much and lost too much, and is trying to make sure that the loss does not continue. I think everyone here can relate to this."

Coin was silent for a long moment. Then she said, "You carry a great weight. I can feel it. It presses against the world around you, bending it to your will. You do not even notice."

I went still, thinking about the peculiar vision of this woman. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you are a presence in the shape of a man, and this world is aware of you in a way that it is not aware of others."

I did not know what to say to that, so I said nothing, although her words continued to tumble around in my soul. These survivors were not normal, anyone who could survive what could kill thirty thousand was either extremely lucky, or they had something that no one else had.

The silence stretched between us, and then Tam spoke up and broke it. "We are here to find salvation from a god, what are you planning to do?"

I looked at him, and thought that this was a secret that I did not need to hide. "I need to build something," I said. "Something that has never been built before. It will take time, and it will take resources that are scattered across the world. But I believe it can be done."

Tam tried to hide his sneer but I could see it. "Wow, something that is scattered all over the world? Ah, something so grand can surely end the war right?"

With a deadpan expression I replied. "Yes."

The camp fell silent, and Tam swallowed and looked away from me to his sister before he looked at the rest as if he could not believe he was the only one to hear what I just said.

I did not care if they believed me or not. I did not like to lie, and I would have told them about the loop if they were able to handle information of that level.

Ruggah made a low sound in his chest. "I have met many who claimed they could change the world. Most of them are dead now, and the ones remaining are mad... or have turned to become enemies."

"I know the fate of heroes who try to stand against the trend of things," I said. "But I am still here."

Another wave of silence fell around the fire, and I could almost hear the thoughts in their heads... did they think I was a mad man or something else?

Finally it was Ogg who broke the silence. "You speak of building something," he said. "What is it you plan to build?"

I considered my answer carefully. These people had survived the worst the world could throw at them. They deserved honesty, but not the kind that would break them.

"A shell," I said. "A vessel that can hold something that I do not think has been held before."

Thurrim grunted. "That’s vague."

"It has to be." I nodded. "If I told you what I was trying to contain, you would not believe me. And even if you did, it would put you in danger."

Tam leaned forward, his eyes glinting in the firelight. "What kind of danger?"

"The kind that gets you killed," I said flatly. "And gets everyone around you killed."

Ines looked at me, and I saw the fear in her eyes and a bit of anger. "You are trying to protect us? Have you forgotten that everyone around us is dead? What more can we lose?"

"Everything," I said quietly. "You can still lose everything."

Ines’s jaw tightened. "Then what is the point of fighting?"

I thought about that question. I had asked it of myself, more times than I could count, in the dark moments between deaths, and I did not know if I would ever find the perfect answer, but I knew what had held me together all this time. "Because the alternative is to let the darkness win," I said. "And I have seen what happens when the darkness wins. I have walked through the ashes of that world. I have stood in the ruins of everything I ever loved, and I have chosen to keep fighting anyway."

Ines stared at me, and I saw something shift in her eyes. "You have lost everything too."

"I have," I said. "I have lost more than I can count. But I am still here, and as long as I am still here, there is a chance to make things right."

Tam spoke up, his voice bitter. "And what will you do, O great hero, when you make things right?"

I looked at him, and I saw the hopelessness in his eyes.

"I will go home." I smiled. "I will find the people I love, and I will hold them close, and I will never let them go again."

He sneered. "And if there is no one left to find?"

"We cheat every time, Elric."

Aurora’s voice entered my heart and I smiled, and looked at Tam.

"Then I will build something new," I said. "I will find new people to love, and I will build a new home. That is what we do. We survive, and we rebuild, and we keep going."

In my heart I said something else. Everything I lost shall be brought back to me, I will leave no one behind, this I swear with the light of my soul.

The fire crackled between us, and Ogg made a sound in his chest that might have been a laugh.

"You speak like you have seen the end of the world," he said. "And yet you still believe there is something worth saving."

"I have seen the end of the world," I said. "And I have seen what comes after. It is not the end, not really. It is just a new beginning, a new chance to get it right."

Ogg studied me for a long moment. Then he nodded, once. "I like you," he said. "You are a fool, but you are a fool who believes in something. That is more than most of us have."

Thurrim grunted. "A fool who believes in something is still a fool."

"Yes," Ogg said. "But he is a fool who might actually change the world... with that unknown mysterious weapon."

Ruggah stirred the fire again, and the flames leaped up, casting long shadows across the camp. "You have not asked us why we came here," he said.

I looked at him. "I was here when you spoke to Do... the god of this mountain, and I assumed it was for protection."

"Partially," he said. "There are few free gods left, and I did not expect that my eye would lead me to the God of Unending Flame."