Starting from Their Seventeen Years Old

Only Shimizu Nayotake, her mother, Tsushima Kagami, and Yukinoshita Shizuku remained in the hospital room.

Yukinoshita Shizuku sat on the edge of the bed, holding Shimizu Nayotake's hand without a word.

Tsushima Kagami stood by the window, gazing out.

Shimizu's mother sat in another chair, watching her daughter. Her eyes were still red, but she had calmed considerably.

After a moment, Shimizu's mother stood up and looked at the two of them with a gentle smile.

"Sorry — I'll just pop to the restroom."

She walked out of the hospital room and quietly pulled the door shut.

Only then did Yukinoshita Shizuku ask.

"So all this time you've been working part-time jobs to save up money for the surgery?"

Shimizu Nayotake lay in the bed, looking between Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku. Then she nodded — and shook her head.

"That money could never cover a surgery."

"And I already missed the optimal window for the operation when I was young. Having it now would only cost even more."

"Then what was the money for...?"

Tsushima Kagami asked as well.

"It's all for my mother's hospital stays and care."

Shimizu Nayotake stopped hiding it. She said it slowly, letting the words out.

"Your mother also has heart disease?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku asked, visibly shaken.

Shimizu Nayotake nodded.

Something clicked for Tsushima Kagami, and his brow furrowed.

"It's hereditary?"

Shimizu Nayotake nodded again.

"Mine... mine isn't as serious."

"So I just want my mother to be able to stay with me a little longer."

A long silence settled over the room.

Only then did Yukinoshita Shizuku look toward Tsushima Kagami.

Tsushima Kagami glanced at the door, then said.

"I'll go ask the doctor how long she'll need to stay."

"And take care of the hospital fees while I'm at it."

Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded.

Tsushima Kagami walked out of the hospital room and eased the door shut behind him.

It suddenly occurred to him — Shimizu's mother had gone to the restroom. That was quite a while ago. Why wasn't she back yet?

He glanced toward the restrooms. No one there.

He walked a loop around the ward. Still no sign of her.

Maybe she'd gone somewhere else?

He thought about it and decided to go settle the hospital fees first.

He walked to the elevator and pressed the button.

He stood in front of the elevator doors and waited.

Just then, a faint sound drifted from the emergency stairwell nearby — the muffled sound of someone weeping.

Tsushima Kagami went still.

He turned and walked toward the stairwell, pushing the door open gently.

The stairwell was dim, lit only by the sickly white glow of the emergency lights.

Someone was sitting on the steps, back against the wall, head lowered, shoulders heaving.

It was Shimizu Nayotake's mother.

Tsushima Kagami stood in the doorway, watching her.

She was crying as quietly as she could, one hand pressed over her mouth to muffle the sound.

Tears leaked through her fingers and dripped onto the steps.

Tsushima Kagami stood there in silence for a few seconds.

Then he walked over, came to a stop beside her, and reached into his pocket for a packet of tissues. He held it out to her.

Shimizu's mother startled.

She looked up and saw it was Tsushima Kagami.

Then she forced out a small smile and reached up to take the tissues.

"Thank you..."

Her voice was hoarse, roughened with the telltale thickness of someone who had been crying.

Tsushima Kagami stood beside her and said nothing.

He wanted to say so much.

He wanted to say he was sorry — that they hadn't looked after Nayotake well enough.

That it was their fault. That they had pushed her too hard.

That if there was anything they could do, they would.

But all of it swelled up to the surface and collapsed into a single sentence.

"I'm sorry."

Shimizu's mother looked up at him — and then, unexpectedly, she smiled.

The smile was far more genuine than the one she'd forced earlier.

"You don't need to apologize."

"Nayotake has been... very happy lately."

Shimizu's mother lowered her gaze to the tissue in her hands.

"She never used to tell me anything that happened at school."

Her voice was soft — almost as if she were talking to herself.

"But lately it's been different."

"You're Kagami-kun, aren't you?"

Hearing his name come up so suddenly, Tsushima Kagami blinked — then nodded.

"Yes."

Shimizu's mother smiled and went on.

"She brings you up without even realizing it. You and Shizuku."

"And so many other new friends she's made."

"So when she told me she wanted to join your band..."

"That she wanted to sing at the cultural festival..."

She paused and drew in a slow, deep breath.

"I couldn't bring myself to say no."

Tsushima Kagami was quiet for a moment, then asked.

"But her health..."

"I know."

Shimizu's mother cut him off.

"I knew there was a risk."

Her voice caught suddenly.

She lowered her head, both hands clenching tight around the tissue.

"Just like back then — when everyone told me not to have her."

Her voice was very quiet, laden with an emotion that had no easy name.

"The doctor said my body wasn't strong enough. That giving birth would be too dangerous."

"My relatives said — what if the child inherits the condition?"

"My friends said — how are you going to raise a child on your own?"

She raised her head and looked at Tsushima Kagami.

"But I didn't listen. I went ahead and had her anyway."

Tears slid down her face.

"And then?"

"She really did inherit my condition."

"She suffered from the time she was small. No father. No friends."

"She could never just run or jump the way other children did."

"And on top of that, she had to work part-time jobs to pay for her useless mother's hospital bills..."

She covered her face with her hands.

"As a person and as a mother — I've forfeited the right to both. I'm the one who threw caution to the wind. I'm the very last person who should have brought her into this world..."

Tsushima Kagami stood there, watching her trembling shoulders, listening to her stifled sobs.

And he understood.

It wasn't that this woman hadn't wanted to stop her daughter.

It was that she felt she had no right to.

Because she herself had once done exactly what she'd wanted, heedless of everything else.

So she couldn't bring herself to say to her daughter: "You are not allowed to do this."

"Every single day I live in fear," Shimizu's mother continued, her voice broken and uneven.

"Afraid something will happen to her. Afraid she'll wear herself out. Afraid she'll end up like today..."

She looked up at Tsushima Kagami, face streaked with tears.

"But what can I do?"

"I watched her practice in secret. I watched the smile spread across her face — a smile she wasn't even aware of herself — every time she talked about your rehearsals..."

"I... I just couldn't make her stop."

"I thought — maybe just this once."

"Just once. It's only singing. Surely nothing bad will happen..."

She couldn't go on.

Tsushima Kagami was silent for a long time.

Then he sat down beside her.

"Even though things turned out the way they did today..."

"It's a blessing that there's no lasting harm."

"And she was happy today. Truly happy."

"You gave her life. You brought her to us. You let her stand on that stage today."

"Every person in that audience cheered for her — for her alone."

"So."

Tsushima Kagami turned his head and met Shimizu's mother's gaze.

"Please don't think of yourself as having done something wrong."

He said it earnestly.

"Please don't deny the decision you made back then — the decision to bring Nayotake into this world."

"Because Nayotake loves you deeply. She loves you as her mother."

"If you deny the decision you made then, you are denying the Nayotake who loves you now."

"So — do you still regret having her?"

Tsushima Kagami looked at Shimizu's mother and asked.

Shimizu's mother looked at him. Her lips trembled.

She shook her head, and fresh tears spilled over.

"Thank you..."

"Thank you... for saying all of that... to this old auntie of yours..."

Tsushima Kagami shook his head.

"It's nothing."

He stood up, thought for a moment, then added.

"Auntie Shimizu, why don't you rest here for a bit."

"I'll go grab something to eat and bring it up for you and Nayotake when I come back."

Shimizu's mother nodded, understanding. She quickly wiped away the traces of her tears, then said apologetically.

"Sorry to trouble you, Kagami-kun."

Tsushima Kagami gave a small wave and left the stairwell.

____

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