Accidentally become a father

[ Days of Studying ]

_

The sound of paper turning.

Softly.

Over and over.

I lay on the futon.

On my side.

One hand propping up my head.

My eyes were half-open.

Staring at the low table in the middle of the room.

Yuna sat there.

Her back straight.

A book wide open.

The pencil in her hand moved slowly.

Stopped.

Tapped the table.

Then moved again.

Silence.

Only the sound of pages.

And occasionally... her soft breathing.

I lifted a cigarette.

Bit the end.

Lit it.

A small flame flickered.

Smoke drifted up slowly.

"Yuna."

"Hm?"

Without turning around.

"What are you studying."

"Math."

"Oh."

I blew the smoke upward.

Staring at the ceiling.

A few seconds passed.

"Papa."

"Hm."

"How do you do this one..."

She turned her book around.

Pushed it toward me.

I didn’t get up.

"Hm..."

I squinted.

Looking from a distance.

Numbers.

Fractions.

Scribbles.

"Just work it out."

"I don’t get it."

"Then don’t bother."

"Papa..."

Her voice dropped.

I sighed.

Sat up a little.

Pulled the book closer.

My eyes narrowed.

Focusing.

"This..."

I took the pencil.

Wrote slowly.

"You multiply this first... then divide."

My hand moved quickly.

Without saying much.

"If you do it backwards, the answer comes out wrong."

I pushed the book back.

"Try again."

Yuna leaned in a little.

Staring at the paper.

"Oh..."

Her pencil moved again.

Faster.

I lay back down.

Silence again.

_

Sometime later.

The sound of a chair shifting.

Yuna stood up.

Walked to the small kitchen.

I glanced over.

She took a glass.

Filled it with water.

Drank.

Then sat back down.

The book had changed.

Now, pages full of text.

"What is it now."

"Language."

"Oh."

I closed my eyes for a moment.

"Papa."

"Hm..."

"What was your rank in school back then?"

I opened one eye.

"Don’t know."

"You don’t know?"

"Never cared."

"Why..."

I stayed quiet for a moment.

"As long as I moved on to the next grade, it was enough."

Yuna fell silent.

Her pencil stopped.

"As for me... I want good grades."

I shrugged.

"And?"

Yuna turned to look at me.

"Well... it means I’m smart."

I chuckled softly.

Briefly.

"Assumption."

Yuna frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Good grades don’t mean you’re smart."

"Then what?"

"It just means you know how to solve the questions."

Yuna stared at her book again.

Silent.

Her pencil tapped softly.

Tap... tap... tap...

"But... if you can solve the questions, it means you know it."

"It could also mean you cheated."

"I don’t cheat."

Yuna answered immediately.

Quickly.

"Okay, okay..."

_

The next day.

I sat by the window.

Legs stretched out.

Coffee in hand.

Still hot.

Yuna was at the table.

This time... it was messier.

Multiple books were open.

Notes everywhere.

"Papa..."

"Hm."

"Make me some questions."

I turned my head.

"Papa, make some questions for me..."

"I’ll solve them."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What for."

"Practice."

I took a sip of my coffee.

Bitter.

"What a hassle."

"Papa..."

I sighed.

Set down the mug.

Grabbed a blank sheet of paper.

I slid a pen over.

"What subject."

"Math."

"We already did that."

"Give me different ones."

I started writing.

Numbers.

Simple questions.

Then gradually more complex.

"Solve it."

I placed the paper on the table.

Yuna pulled it over immediately.

Focused.

I picked up my coffee again.

Watching.

Yuna’s forehead creased.

Her lips moved silently.

Calculating.

Writing.

Erasing.

Writing again.

_

A few minutes passed.

"Papa..."

"Hm."

"This is hard."

"Then let it be."

"..."

"If it’s hard, it means you can’t do it yet."

Yuna looked at me.

"That’s why I’m practicing."

I stayed quiet.

Sipped my coffee.

"Why bother."

"To learn."

"You don’t need to study that hard."

Yuna stopped.

Looked at me.

Seriously.

"I have to work hard."

"So I can get good grades."

My eyes shifted to her.

"Another assumption."

Yuna let out a small sigh.

"Papa..."

"If I get good grades... then I’ll be happy."

I stared at her.

...

"As long as you’re full, too."

Yuna pouted.

"That’s different."

"No, it’s not."

"It is!"

I chuckled softly.

A brief sound.

_

Another day.

Night.

The lights were on.

Even quieter.

Yuna was still at the table.

Her eyes were getting heavy.

Her hand propped up her chin.

But her pencil kept moving.

I got up.

Walked to the kitchen.

Opened a drawer.

Took out a coffee sachet.

I poured in hot water.

The bitter aroma drifted up.

I returned.

Set the mug down beside her.

"Drink."

Yuna looked over.

"It’s bitter."

"It is."

"I don’t want it."

"Suit yourself then."

I sat beside her.

Took the mug.

Took a sip.

The bitterness was just right.

Balanced.

A moment later.

Yuna glanced over.

Once.

Twice.

Her hand slowly...

slid the mug closer.

She tried a little sip.

Her face instantly changed.

"Bitter..."

I laughed softly.

"Want to add some sugar?"

Yuna gave a small nod.

"Add it yourself."

She stood up immediately.

Stomping her feet a little harder than necessary.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

She fetched the sugar.

Added it to the coffee.

Stirred it.

And took a sip.

"Now this, is sweet..."

My hand reached out.

She immediately pulled the coffee mug away.

From my reach.

"Yuna..."

"Here."

Yuna brought the mug closer.

My hand almost reached it.

And suddenly.

She pulled it away again.

"You little..."

My hand ruffled her hair.

Softly.

Making it a bit messy.

She smiled faintly.

"Hehe."

Time ticked on.

It was getting pretty late.

Quiet.

Only the sound of the pencil.

And the occasional soft sigh.

I leaned against the wall.

Watching her.

For a long time.

"Yuna."

"Hm..."

"Are you tired?"

"No."

A lie.

It was obvious.

Her eyes were drooping with sleep.

Half-closed.

Her hand movements.

Weren’t as enthusiastic as before.

I shifted my gaze.

Exhaled.

"Alright then."

Silence descended once again.

__

[ The Night Before the Exams ]

_

The lights were still on.

Brighter than usual.

Quieter than usual.

The wall clock ticked softly.

Its hands nearing midnight.

Yuna was still at the table.

Her back wasn’t as straight as before.

Slightly slouched.

Her shoulders slumped.

Books wide open.

Notes scattered everywhere.

Her pencil was still moving.

Slowly.

Slower than yesterday.

I leaned against the wall.

Sitting on the futon.

One leg bent.

Watching her.

For a long time.

"This place... feels like a war camp," I muttered softly.

"Hm?"

Yuna didn’t turn around.

"Never mind."

Silence again.

I lifted a cigarette.

Lit it.

A small flame flickered, then vanished.

Smoke drifted upward.

"Yuna."

"Hm..."

"Let’s go to sleep."

"Later."

"Why."

"I want to study some more."

I looked at the clock.

"The exams are tomorrow."

"I know..."

"Then you should just rest for today."

Yuna stopped writing.

Slowly...

she turned her head.

"I can’t."

"Why."

"I’m still not sure of it all."

I exhaled the smoke.

"Energy is limited."

Yuna frowned.

"If you use it all up now..."

"You’ll be exhausted tomorrow."

Yuna stared at her book again.

Silent.

Her pencil moved once more.

"I have to work hard..."

Her voice was quieter than usual.

I stood up.

Walked slowly.

Approached her.

My hand immediately reached out and closed her book.

"Papa..."

"That’s enough."

"I’m not done yet."

"It’s enough."

Yuna looked at me.

A little annoyed.

"I want to study."

I stared back.

Flatly.

"Tomorrow, you need a mind that works."

"Not one that’s been forced."

Yuna bit her lower lip.

"Just a little longer..."

I didn’t answer.

I turned around.

Walked toward the main switch.

Click.

_

Dark.

The lights went out.

The TV shut off.

The fan stopped.

Silence.

Total.

"Papa?!"

Yuna’s voice rang clear in the dark.

"Rest now."

"Papa... I’m not finished."

"You’re finished now."

"I haven’t memorized it yet..."

I walked back.

Sat on the futon.

"Sleep."

"I’m not sleepy."

"Close your eyes."

Yuna let out a long sigh.

I could hear her moving.

Organizing her books in the dark.

The rustle of paper.

Her bag zipping shut.

Small footsteps approaching.

The futon creaked softly.

She sat down.

Silent.

I lay down.

Staring at the unseen ceiling.

Darkness covered everything.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

The wall clock ticked softly.

"Papa..."

"Hm..."

"What if I fail."

"Fail what."

"The exams..."

I exhaled slowly.

"Then just take them again."

Yuna fell silent.

"Seriously."

"Yes."

"That’s it?"

"That’s it."

Silence.

Longer this time.

"Papa..."

"Hm."

"If my grades are bad..."

"What..."

"Will you be mad?"

I turned my head slightly.

Even though she couldn’t see it.

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I took a breath.

Slowly.

"Because it’s not a problem."

Yuna didn’t answer right away.

...

"Then what is a problem..."

I smiled faintly.

In the dark.

"If you stopped eating."

"Huh?"

"If you stop eating... that’s a problem."

Yuna fell silent.

Then...

"But that’s different..."

"No, it’s not."

"But grades are important too..."

"According to who."

"Everyone..."

I sighed.

"If everyone told you to jump out a window, would you?"

"No..."

"There you go."

Silence returned.

But Yuna’s breathing started to sound slower.

Calmer.

_

"Papa..."

"Hm..."

"If I get good grades..."

I closed my eyes.

"...I want to ask for something."

I opened my eyes slightly.

Staring up at the dark ceiling.

Where absolutely nothing was visible.

"If you want something... just ask."

Yuna stayed quiet.

"I haven’t asked yet..."

"You don’t need to set conditions."

A brief silence.

"Don’t use ’if I get good grades’... to ask for things."

Yuna frowned slightly.

"Why..."

Her tone dropped a little.

"Because then it becomes a transaction."

"I don’t like that."

Yuna didn’t answer immediately.

I continued.

"If you want something... just tell me."

"I’ll listen."

"And then I’ll consider it."

Yuna remained silent.

I spoke again.

"What I mean by consider it..."

"If I’m capable of it... and if I think it’s reasonable..."

"I’ll give it to you."

"And if not?"

Yuna asked suddenly.

"Then no."

A flat reply.

Yuna stared straight ahead.

Even in the dark.

"You wouldn’t grant it..."

"Why..."

"Because not everything has to be granted."

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

The ticking of the clock sounded louder.

Deeper.

"Then... if I get good grades..."

I closed my eyes again.

"Then that’s good."

"That’s all."

Yuna let out a small sigh.

Not disappointed.

Just thinking.

"Papa..."

"Hm..."

"What if I asked for it now..."

I kept my eyes closed.

"Just say it."

Yuna was silent.

For a few seconds.

"...maybe later."

Hm.

I smiled slightly.

Barely visible.

"Alright then."

Yuna lay down.

Her eyes closed.

_

Silence descended once again.

Calmer than before.

There were no more sounds.

Only breathing.

Soft.

Steady.

I opened my eyes slightly.

"Yuna."

No answer.

I turned my head.

She was already asleep.

I closed my eyes.

Dark.

And finally...

true silence descended.

Without burdens.

Without promises.

Binding us.

__