Chapter 159: What A Joke
[We won’t be home tonight.]
That was all Lucian said, but Ashley stared at the message as if more words would magically appear. They didn’t.
Just that message, and a photo of Primo that had traces of Emma.
"It looks like... they’re really making up for all the years she wasn’t around," she whispered as her excitement disappeared without a trace. "Does he really... want to fix their family?"
Ashley pursed her lips and bit them, her eyes stinging just a little as she looked at the food she had cooked for them.
"Well," she cleared her throat to shake off the tension, but failed. "Food at high-end restaurants is really good."
Ashley picked up her cutlery and pulled the entire pot toward her instead of serving herself small portions.
"I should’ve gone for the spicy noodles," she muttered, shoving large spoonfuls into her mouth until her cheeks were stuffed.
She kept shoving food in even before she could swallow, as if that would drown the disappointment swelling in her chest. In her head, she kept telling herself it was fine.
That she should have asked Lucian first before preparing a feast. His words to Nolan had been "might," after all. She should’ve known Lucian himself wasn’t sure, and that she should have checked.
"It’s fine," she muttered. "I’m just upset I didn’t get to eat some instant spicy noodles."
She nodded, shoving more food in until she stopped. Her eyes drifted to the other dishes, and without using any serving spoons, she scooped straight from them.
Ashley stuffed herself, hoping it would at least make her feel better. She even started eating with her feet up, throwing out all the table manners she had learned.
But in the end, she found herself rushing to the sink and throwing up everything.
"Ouch..." She clutched her stomach, heaving again from having shoved so much food down at once.
She gripped the edge of the sink and slapped the faucet on, letting the water run. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she bit her lip to stop it from trembling.
But somehow, tears still began to well up in her eyes.
For the past few days, she kept telling herself it was fine. She would smile and nod, telling others, "It’s okay," or "Sure."
She kept telling herself she was already used to it.
Love might be something she would honestly say she had no idea about, something that confused her. But this?
She was so familiar with this that she knew she would eventually just get used to it, the way she had in the past.
"It was not the first time."
"What’s so different from then and now?"
"I used to be excluded from this family, anyway. Matter of fact, I wanted them to leave me alone."
"So, why would I get upset?"
Those were just some of the many things she kept telling herself. So why... would these tears not stop?
Was it karma?
For all the things she had done, for the pain — intentional or not — she had caused Lucian in her previous life, was this karma?
"Damn it," she muttered, wiping her tears. "Why won’t they stop?"
Ashley reached for the running water, splashing her face with cold water in hopes that it would help.
It didn’t.
Even as the hot tears mixed with the cold water, she felt the contrast on her skin. Her heart still ached for reasons she couldn’t even put into words.
It wasn’t like she hated Lucian, or Primo, or even Emma.
"What a joke," she muttered, hanging her head low, hands braced on the edge of the sink. "To think that just because I got a second chance to do it all over again, I can..."
The corners of her eyes reddened as fresh tears formed. "...hope that I will belong somewhere."
She should have stopped hoping, as she always had, instead of hoping simply because she could.
"Stop being so cocky, Ashley," she told herself. "And don’t be so greedy — you know better than that."
Not only did she know that, but she had already learned it the hard way. If only she hadn’t welcomed that idea, she wouldn’t even be crying about it now.
*****
Nolan went about his night as usual. Once he finished his routine, he stepped out of the bathroom with a smile.
"I wonder if they had a wonderful time together," he chuckled, perking up.
Marching toward the front window, Nolan slid the curtain aside and peeked outside. Deep lines formed between his brows as he scanned the street.
"The master’s car isn’t there yet," he whispered. "Did Gustav drive them home?"
Questions swirled in his mind; he was certain Lucian would be home tonight. Then, a second later, his heart thudded against his chest.
What if they didn’t come home?
Without thinking, Nolan quickly stepped out and rushed to the house next door. As soon as he pushed the side door open, he called,
"Madam —"
Nolan blinked, looking around the empty home. He walked in and stopped beside the dining table, catching sight of the remains of the meal. The once-beautiful presentation was ruined, and from the way the food had been eaten, it seemed whoever had sat there ate straight from the bowls.
"Madam," he whispered, his heart sinking.
He looked around, calling, "Madam?"
The house was small enough that a simple call could reach the second floor. Nolan checked upstairs, expecting that Ashley had probably called it a night. But she was not in her room or anywhere in the house.
Panicked, Nolan rushed outside.
The guys across the street — Red and his crew — would have known if she left. It was the reason they lived across the street. Because no matter what, they were still her bodyguards. Keeping her safe was still their job, no matter how much they complained about it.
"Red! Sir Red!" Nolan knocked on the door hurriedly.
When no one answered, Nolan reached for the doorknob. It was unlocked. He walked into the empty living room.
"Huh?" Nolan’s heart thudded as he looked around. "Where did they go?"
He stood there, confused.
It took him a moment to pull out his phone and contact one of the guards. Once the call connected, he didn’t beat around the bush.
"The Madam is not home. Do you know where she went?"
"The Madam?" came the voice on the other end. "Ah. She went out with Red and his crew."
"Huh?"
"Sir Nolan, we didn’t follow them since she’s already with the guys. And the master allowed her to go unsupervised," said the voice on the line. "Should we contact them?"
Nolan darted his eyes, uncertain. But in the end, he shook his head.
"No," he whispered. "It’s alright if she’s with them."
With that, he hung up and looked around the empty house. The lines on his face deepened.
"Why was she with them?" he wondered. "What happened?"