Chapter 450 - 448:Existence.
"Hmmm... something doesn’t add up." The being that had appeared before me, calling me son-in-law, placed a finger to his chin as he muttered to himself.
"You’re here, and events say you just stumbled into this realm while trying to understand your access to my domain, but your state of being says otherwise." He looked at me, his empty eyes somehow trying to look beyond what was on the surface, but—
"Oh? Interesting... so I can’t, huh?" Denial refused such a thing. I might not be on the same level as whoever this was, but once it came to my being, my origins do not disappoint.
"But still, it doesn’t make sense. For someone to be this agitated. This angry. This frustrated while just stumbling upon my realm, it makes no sense, yet that is what the events say. How curious."
I kept quiet and merely watched on as the being before me continued monologuing, but someone else wasn’t that patient.
"Old man. There you go getting lost in your thoughts once again. Can’t you just focus on the events currently at hand?" Shaia’s voice sounded out as she appeared beside me. She really appeared this time, making herself present as the realm was one where she could manifest her true being—after all, we were within Nothingness.
"Ahh... my foolish daughter. Is that how you greet your father after abandoning him for so long?" The being asked, his mood doing a complete one-eighty from his previous pensive one.
"Abandoned? Old man, are you getting things confused? I was the one that almost had my origin destroyed by some cowardly bastards while you were off doing whatever it is you do in this godforsaken domain of yours." Shaia grated as she leveled an expressionless look at the man.
"Ahhh... dearest daughter of mine, you can’t say it like that. I knew you weren’t truly gone, that’s why I wasn’t flying into a rage, believe me."
"I do not. Humph!"
"Ahh! Noooo!!!!!!" The man wailed, hands to his head as he collapsed to his knees. "My own daughter, she doesn’t believe me. Ahh.. this must be because she doesn’t have a mother, isn’t it? But I was a good father and mother. I provided nothing; that should’ve counted for something. Or did that bastard actually do something..." The man muttered incoherently as I was having some trouble actually following whatever it was that was going on.
"Don’t worry about the old man. He gets eccentric all the time." Shaia’s voice finally pulled me from my thoughts as she squeezed my hand.
"My love, how are you?" Her question was one I didn’t even know how to answer because at this moment—
"I don’t know." I really didn’t know how I felt.
I was angry. I was overwhelmed. I was disappointed. There was not a single positive feeling within me at this point, and all of that negativity was aimed at myself.
I had been going around parading myself as Absolute, yet the moment something truly threatening appeared, I almost caved under my own inadequacy.
"But you did not." Shaia’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"You did not. That is what matters." She held my face up close. "You need to understand something, my love." Her eyes locked onto mine as she continued, "The being you faced was one that has been serving Eldritch since before we were both even brought into being. Fear has existed as a concept for as long as thought. It has always existed, and it will always exist. So, for the simple fact that you faced a pure manifestation of such a thing and not only won, but completely devoured it, you should feel proud, my love."
"Then why do I not, Shaia? Why do I feel like a disappointment? I failed them. Even if only a mirage, Shaia, I still failed them. All of them. How—"
"Don’t. Don’t do that. If you start doubting yourself now, then even if you have devoured Fear, it would’ve still won."
Her words made me go silent. It didn’t kill the feelings in me, but I didn’t have anything else to say.
Do I let myself drown in the fear that I might not be enough? That I might fail to one day protect what is mine? I couldn’t. Even if I had to act for my origins to take effect, I could only—
"If I didn’t know you were her child, I would’ve thought you were a fraud posing as the spawn of little Devouring." The voice of the being that had appeared before me—Shaia’s father, Nothingness itself—caught my attention as I turned toward the man.
"You are afraid. Of your inadequacies. A normal fear. But only one for mortals and those who truly do not know themselves, and I can tell that you... you truly do not know who you are." The man shook his head, his disappointment clear.
"Heh! And you do? You know who I am?" My voice was more bitter than I’d have liked, but I couldn’t help it.
"Oh? Hahahahahaha!!! Of course not! How would I know what something that even the WILL couldn’t identify properly is? No. Of course I don’t know you. I don’t think anything could ever know you. And that’s my point."
"Hmm?"
"Your mother, Devouring—that little girl. From the moment she came into being, she was something unlike any of us." The man began speaking. "I was there at the beginning. I had witnessed the manifestations of all the others. As one that could be called the oldest of all living manifestations and Outers, I can proudly tell you that I have seen all the nature of the manifestations and their Outers. Some, like Unity and Individuality, are close. Others, like Eldritch and Empyrean, are after the throats of each other, quite literally. But your mother—she was different. The moment she came into being, she went after her Outer. Endowment hadn’t even been given time to create its army, its servants, before she took his origin for herself." The man laughed.
"She was an excitable existence, to say the least. While others were busy trying to deepen their understanding of themselves and their origins, ruling over their creations, she was busy trying to see who could challenge and oppose her devouring. Fear, hesitation, uncertainty—all these were things that none could ever associate with her."
"She took what she wanted, when she wanted. You could be damned if you dared to stop her. Why do you think Eldritch and the others hadn’t dared to attack her? They were the ones afraid.
Yes, Eldritch, the origin source of horror and fear, was afraid. You, boy, are not the first to instill fear into Fear. Your mother did that simply by existing."
I could only remain silent at those words. Hearing about how my mother, who with a single origin, had put an entire infinite expanse of incomprehensible existences on notice, once again increased my shame.
"Heh! And as if that weren’t enough, that girl actually dared to invade my realm. You know what her thought process was?"
I shook my head softly.
"It’s nothing that complicated. Her thought was simply, ’Could Nothingness be devoured?’ Do you know what we found out that day?"
"That it could," I answered subconsciously, yet confidently.
"That it could." The man nodded. "I had to appease that voracious little lady before she threw away that dangerous idea. Hahaha... a dangerous one she was." The man laughed.
"That was your mother, boy. That was Devouring. That was a being I could understand. And yet she had placed everyone within infinity on notice—so much so that many suspected she was capable of devouring the very thing that kept us prisoners. That was a being a label was slapped onto, yet you..." His gaze toward me was one of pure disappointment. "You stand here doubting yourself when there is quite literally nothing that can define you."
"I am here, trying to understand what you are, yet I am being refused so thoroughly that I feel an existential threat from the mere thought of forcing it. Me, Nothingness, feeling threatened for having a thought—do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Yet you still dare define yourself with words like ’inadequate’?" His voice slowly began changing.
"Do you think that foolish child that calls herself my daughter would fall for inadequacy? Do you think that little Devouring would sacrifice herself for inadequacy? Boy! They would not!" His voice thundered through my entire being.
"So tell me, if even they do not dare give you a definition, then how dare you define yourself as such?"
My mood slowly began to brighten.
"An existence above what the WILL can define? Boy, only you now hold the key to defining what you are, and if inadequate is what you choose, then you would have thoroughly disappointed those who care for you."
He... was right. I mean, I had already done it before, haven’t I?
I had defined what my bloodlines were, didn’t I?
I had defined what my own existence should be, didn’t I?
So why was I now forcing myself to feel down?
Yes, I had seen the failure that I could’ve been. But I had still devoured that possibility, didn’t I?
Why was I forcing myself to feel inadequate when I had already proven I wasn’t?
My mood took a significant turn as the thoughts slowly settled.
I wasn’t inadequate. I wasn’t a disappointment.
I was The Absolute. That is what I had decided to define myself as long ago. That is what I had decided to chase after.
It’s like I told Shaia before:
I was either going to become Absolute or die trying. And we’ve all seen how difficult it is to kill me.
"Haaa..." I let out a long breath as my body finally straightened. "Thank you very much." I bowed my head lightly to the being before me.
"It seems you’ve gotten yourself back together. Good. No son-in-law of mine will be allowed to become a disappointment." The man nodded as he waved away my thanks.
"Humph! Seems you’re at least good for something." Shaia huffed from the side as she gave the man the stink eye.
"My daughter, don’t be like that...."
"I’m not listening until you tell me what really happened. I don’t believe you didn’t know what was happening, so if you did, why didn’t you come help Aunt Devouring at her weakest? Why did you let me—us—fall?"
Silence fell between father and daughter as the tension rose, but—
"Haaa... I was hoping I wouldn’t have to tell you this, because if that little guy is anything like his mother, then I know what comes next."
"What are you talking about, Father? Spit it out. What happened back then?"
"Haaa... well, lovely daughter, the reason I couldn’t come help you out was because I was held up."
"Held up? Who could possibly stop you if you intended to do something, Father?"
"Other than little Devouring, I’m sure you already know who." The man sighed for the nth time.
"What are you..." Shaia’s eyes widened in realization. "No. It couldn’t possibly be..."
"Unfortunately, my daughter, it is indeed so." The man shook his head helplessly. "I was held up by your uncle, my own brother—"
"Allness."
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A/N: For clarification, the existence that I use in marathon and EXISTENCE are two diffeeent concepts, anyways, sorry for the late Chapters and as always,
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Thanks for reading...