Chapter 197 - 144
The words "evil woman," she spoke lightly, yet in Lu Ziyuan’s ears, it was like a thunderous roar.
His complexion turned pale, stiff for a few moments, before he murmured, "At that time, I was recovering from severe injuries, Qi Mingyu had been demoted to a commoner and confined, his remaining forces were secretly preparing to retaliate, the Lu Family had his spies in it..."
Speaking, his voice choked, unable to continue.
What should he have said?
Should he speak of those worries he thought were justified?
The enemy was in the dark, while he was in the open; he chose to continue to wrong her for a few days, and only after rooting out those rats in the shadows, he planned to offer her an apology.
What was he thinking at that time?
What he thought was, since she was already his wife, she loved him so deeply, once all the dust settled, as long as he explained everything to her and gently coaxed her, she would surely forgive him.
But life isn’t a battlefield, his brilliant strategies and tactics were of no use here; he paid a heavy price for his arrogance.
By the time all the dust settled, his most beloved had already slipped into unconsciousness.
That day was too chaotic, he had drunk some wine, seeing her protect Erqing made him furious, leading to harsh words.
For a long time afterward, he tried hard to recall what he had said at that time, but each memory brought agonizing heartache, rendering the recollections blurry.
...It turns out he had actually cursed her like that.
His complexion was indeed poor, causing Xie Wanqing to frown.
At eighteen or nineteen, shouldn’t a young man with profound martial arts be strong as an ox?
Why was his complexion always pale, frequently spitting blood?
Though puzzled, she would never take the initiative to ask.
Lu Ziyuan gave her a rushed smile, "I’m sorry."
"If the harm I caused you brings you guilt to the point of sleeplessness day and night... I can forgive you."
Xie Wanqing frowned and shook her head, "Reborn, I just want to live peacefully, not to be enemies with you again, nor to be trapped in the entanglements of past love and hatred, living sloppily."
"...Guilt," Lu Ziyuan repeated quietly, his lips pulling into a subtle curve, "Where is the guilt."
He was no kind-hearted person, having personally taken the lives of many, the blood spilled in his past life could dye a whole city red.
Once he believed that guilt and tenderness were his only remaining kindness.
Such kindness rarely appeared in him.
The last time was for the Lu Family, taught by the Lu Family, upon learning he was not a true member, unwilling for the loyal Lu family to die out, he legitimized Liu Manrou, letting Lu Yunpei become legitimate.
As for the rest?
So many died by his hand, countless wraiths, yet he never felt guilt.
For this girl, it couldn’t be guilt.
His conscience wasn’t heavy; if it were mere guilt, after her death he wouldn’t become crazed with grief, feeling the sky collapse and the earth sink in hopeless despair.
Had it been merely guilt, he could compensate the Xie family rather than torment himself, wouldn’t exact revenge on everyone else and then swiftly follow her.
He always knew she was important, knew she was the girl he cherished, but at that time he couldn’t comprehend how exactly important she was.
Because he had so much, never tasted the bitterness of wanting but not getting, losing what was gained.
He was spoiled, spoiled to immense arrogance, certain that as long as he turned back, she would definitely be there.
If only he had been a bit more sensitive, less dull, less arrogant, if he could have realized sooner how deeply he loved her, how he couldn’t endure losing her, they wouldn’t end up like that.
Now he had tasted that bitterness, hence he couldn’t let go.
But he also understood, her resentment was justified.
In the past life, they ended as they did; she didn’t wrong him in the slightest, it was all his fault.
All his fault.
Any punishment she inflicted on him was deserved, he was willing to bear it...
In the silence, a sudden noise came from outside, Xie Wanqing looked toward the window.
It was the sound of snow atop the roof sliding down, mingled with the faint whistle of the cold wind.
...It seems snow has begun to fall again.
The sky quietly darkened.
Her heart was slightly anxious, looking at the man opposite.
"Do you really intend to keep me here?"
Lu Ziyuan lowered his eyes, silent, not looking at her.
"You don’t think hiding me at the barracks will keep me hidden, do you?"
"Pei Yuqing will find this place sooner or later, as will my father and brothers..."