Chapter 38 : Gazing at the Bright Moon
38: Gazing at the Bright Moon
Back in her room, Fu Peibai flopped onto the bed, her heart a tangle of emotions.
The heart is like a web of twin silks, holding ten thousand knots within.
A short while later, the door opened. It was Meng Yan. He came to the bedside and slapped Fu Peibai on the back with one large hand, making her cry out.
"What's wrong with you again? A-Ruo said you came back looking like you'd lost your soul. What, getting tired of being pestered by the Second Young Miss?"
Fu Peibai waved her hand weakly, not wanting to talk.
Meng Yan narrowed his eyes, leaned down, and whispered, "When it gets dark, go to the riverside. I got two more bottles of good wine."
On any other day, Fu Peibai might have refused. But today, she too had the idea of drowning her sorrows in wine. So later that night, two figures, one tall and one short, appeared on the bank of the stream.
Meng Yan picked a bright spot where moonlight poured down and sat down carelessly, handing a jar of wine to Fu Peibai.
Neither spoke much. They drank in silence until finally both large wine jars were empty, clattering onto the pebbled shore.
Fu Peibai rested her chin on her hand, staring mistily at the moonlight reflected on the water's surface.
Meng Yan had drunk himself happily. Two patches of flush appeared on his dark face. He smiled foolishly and pointed at Fu Peibai. "You kid, stop putting on that deep and brooding act all day. A real man, if you've got grievances, say them. Walking around with that long face every day, it irritates me. Irritates me, you know!"
Fu Peibai turned her head to look at him and slowly opened her mouth. "Brother?"
"Mm?"
"Do you have someone you like?"
Meng Yan let out a wine-scented burp. "I do. I do."
"Then where is she now? Why aren't you two together?"
Meng Yan's bold features gradually relaxed. His mouth opened and closed, his expression becoming somewhat dazed and wistful. After a good while, he uttered, "She's not here anymore."
Fu Peibai didn't immediately understand what "not here anymore" meant. She was about to ask when she heard Meng Yan add, "She's not in this world anymore."
After saying this, he fell backward onto the pebble beach, gazing at the profusion of stars, and pointed to the brightest one. "She's there now."
Fu Peibai froze, then lay down as well. The small pebbles beneath her back were somewhat uncomfortable. She tucked her hands behind her head and looked at that twinkling star in the night sky.
"Were you together when she was alive?"
Meng Yan's rugged features softened under the moonlight, his tone gentle. "Of course. She and I were childhood sweethearts. From five to twenty-five, we were always together, never apart. The year she turned twenty-five, we married. In the great hall, with a phoenix crown and crimson robes. I will never forget the way she looked at me."
When the man finished speaking, a tender smile appeared on his face, one that didn't match his rough appearance. He reached his hand toward the sky, as if trying to grasp that star.
Fu Peibai's heart felt somewhat heavy. She didn't want to ask any more, only to stir up Meng Yan's painful memories.
The two lay there in silence. After a while, Fu Peibai spoke again. "Brother Meng, if there were an insurmountable obstacle between you and your beloved, what would you do?"
Meng Yan answered without even thinking. "When it comes to love, there's no such thing as an insurmountable obstacle. All the things one thinks of as barriers or shackles are things one imposes on the relationship oneself. As long as two hearts understand each other and share mutual devotion, even the greatest obstacle cannot stop two people from being together."
After saying this, he nudged Fu Peibai's arm and asked, "Why do you ask? Run into some obstacle in your love life?"
He was only teasing. He hadn't noticed any signs of Fu Peibai liking anyone. This kid didn't even fancy A-Ruo or the Second Young Miss. Who else could catch his eye?
But Fu Peibai's answer shocked him. After hesitating a moment, she whispered, "There's someone I like, but I haven't told her yet."
Meng Yan shot up, his drunkenness mostly gone. Curiosity drove him to ask urgently, "Who? Little Bai, you hid that pretty well. Someone from our courtyard? Besides A-Ruo, I haven't seen you getting close to any other girl."
Fu Peibai hesitated. She didn't know whether she should tell Meng Yan, but right now she truly needed an outlet to pour out those unspeakable, overflowing emotions in her heart.
"Say it, Little Bai. What's our relationship? Do you still consider me your brother or not?"
Fu Peibai closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, her gaze was much clearer. Her lips parted slightly as she stammered, "You know her too."
Meng Yan scratched his head. He knew plenty of girls. How was he supposed to know who? "So who is it? Just say the name. Don't be mysterious."
Fu Peibai swallowed and uttered two characters so faintly they were nearly inaudible. After speaking, she guiltily averted her gaze.
Meng Yan hadn't heard clearly at all. He only caught the word "feng." Impatiently, he said, "Feng what? Is there a girl with the surname Feng on our mountain?"
Fu Peibai took a deep breath. In for a penny, in for a pound. She shouted, "It's the Peak Master!"
When Meng Yan heard "Peak Master," his heart tightened. He thought the Peak Master had actually come. He instinctively shot to his feet, hiding the wine jar behind his back, and turned to greet her. But besides the two of them, there was no one else by the stream.
A night breeze blew past. The wine jar fell to the ground with two clatters. Meng Yan crouched down in disbelief, staring at Fu Peibai. "You said you like the Peak Master?!"
Fu Peibai quickly stood up and covered his mouth. "Why are you so loud? What if someone hears!"
Meng Yan knocked her hand away, his expression still utterly shocked. He lowered his voice. "I didn't hear wrong, did I? You said you like the Peak Master? Our Peak Master, the Sect Master's eldest daughter?"
Fu Peibai nodded heavily.
Meng Yan sucked in a cold breath, pointing at Fu Peibai, stammering "You, you, you" without getting anywhere.
Fu Peibai irritably raked her fingers through her hair. "I know I'm delusional. I'm not worthy of her."
Meng Yan punched her shoulder and laughed. "You really do have high standards. No wonder you don't like A-Ruo or the Second Young Miss. Our Peak Master's appearance and background, let alone you being unworthy, there are few men in the world who could match her."
"I don't intend to do anything. I don't plan to tell her either."
Meng Yan sighed and patted her shoulder to comfort her. "Little Bai, why did you have to fall for the Peak Master of all people? Do you know what kind of people send betrothal requests to our Peak Master every year?
"Let me count them for you. The year the Peak Master came of age, there was the eldest young master of Xiaoxiang Tower, the second young master of Snow Fox City, and the master of Lingyun Pavilion, all seeking her hand. Those three are from illustrious and renowned sects.
"Then the year before last, there was the Prince of Yan. You know him? Imperial kin. He was made a prince at ten, and he's the current Emperor's only younger brother. That year he came all the way to the Heavenly Pole Sect with ten miles of crimson dowry just to see our Peak Master once. Heard he's still unmarried to this day, still pining for our Peak Master."
Fu Peibai felt even worse hearing this. She knew that even if she were a man, she still wouldn't be worthy of the Peak Master. What stood between them wasn't just the mismatch of status and position, but the even harder to bridge gap of the natural order and human ethics.
"Little Bai, I don't want to say things I don't mean. Although I'd like to encourage you to pursue your feelings, I don't want to see you get hurt, don't want to see you disappointed. You should give up your feelings for the Peak Master, otherwise in the end, the one who'll be sad and hurt will be you."
Fu Peibai knew this, of course. What she should do was use complete rationality to suppress this impossible love. But beneath rationality, there always grew a hint of unwillingness. "Didn't you just say that when it comes to love, there are no permanent obstacles?"
"That's only if both people like each other. You like the Peak Master, that's certain. But does the Peak Master like you?"
Fu Peibai looked like she'd been struck at her weakest point. Her expression was utterly desolate.
Seeing her silence, Meng Yan pointed to the moon hanging high in the night sky. "It's like the moon in the sky. Beautiful, isn't it? Enchanting, isn't it? But if you like the moon, will the moon come running to you?"
After hearing these words, the faint light in Fu Peibai's eyes gradually dimmed. She lowered her head. Her eyes burned slightly as she answered softly, "No. The moon won't come running to me."
Meng Yan didn't feel good either. Fu Peibai's appearance made it clear she was deeply in love. It would be hard to move on anytime soon.
He slapped her back hard and said loudly, "A real man, how can he be lost in romantic feelings all day? Put your mind into practicing martial arts. Next month you have to undergo the Sect Master's test. Once you pass the test and formally enter the sect, study martial arts well. Later, avenge your family. The sky is high and the sea is vast. The road of the jianghu is long. There's plenty for you to explore."
Fu Peibai said hoarsely, "I know."
"Tonight, I'll pretend I didn't hear anything. And you, slowly let go of your feelings for the Peak Master. Alright?"
After a brief silence, Fu Peibai nodded.
After that, each returned to their room. Fu Peibai sat in the dark room, lost in thought. She couldn't say what mood she was in right now. It didn't seem to hurt as much, but her heart felt empty, rippling with an ethereal, drifting sensation.
She sat there blankly for a while, then rose and pulled open the cabinet to take out a wooden box. Inside the box rested the medicine Lu Yanran had given her back then. She traced the bottle's surface, recalling the Peak Master's figure, her voice and appearance. Scene after scene crashed into her mind in succession.
She snapped the box shut. Her heart was tormented by wordless longing. After a moment, she rose, pushed open the door, and walked straight toward Bamboo Grove Cottage. But she didn't approach the small courtyard. Instead, she stood in the forest across from it, silently watching this peaceful little courtyard.
Before long, a lamp lit up in the courtyard. In the blink of an eye, she saw a white-clad figure slowly emerge and walk onto the forest path.
She quickly hid behind a tree. Only when the person had walked some distance did she emerge to follow.
The Peak Master had a habit of taking walks to clear her mind when she couldn't sleep. Looking at that slender back figure ahead, Fu Peibai wondered, what was troubling the Peak Master this time?
She followed from afar. Unknowingly, the two of them had walked deep into the forest. Only when the white-clad figure suddenly stopped did she halt her steps. She saw the person ahead slowly turn around, a voice laced with exhaustion and a trace of helplessness.
"Why are you following me?"
Fu Peibai was struck dumb. She took a few quick steps forward and saw Lu Yanran's weary, haggard expression. Her heart ached a little. "Can't sleep again? Peak Master?"
Lu Yanran gave a soft "mm" and asked, "Did you need something?"
Fu Peibai took a deep breath. All those promises she'd made to Meng Yanan earlier were now completely thrown from her mind. "Peak Master, do you hate me?"
A cool night breeze blew past, lifting a strand of raven hair that had fallen across Lu Yanran's forehead. Fu Peibai felt her mind go hazy for a moment. She continued, "Peak Master, if it's because I offended you that night at the medicine hall, however you want to punish me, I'm willing to accept it. I only beg you, I beg you, please don't ignore me..."
By the end, her eyes were half-lowered, her dark pupils glistening with moisture, looking exactly like a puppy begging for affection.
Lu Yanran's fine brows furrowed slightly. She remained silent for a long time. Another evening breeze came, carrying away an almost inaudible sigh.
"I don't hate you."
Before Fu Peibai could feel any joy, the next sentence plunged her back into the abyss.
"Go away."
Fu Peibai suddenly looked up, her face showing nothing but wounded hurt. She retreated two steps, her heart concluding that the Peak Master clearly did hate her.
Humiliation and sorrow rushed upon her heart together. Her mouth opened and closed, but in the end, she couldn't say anything. She turned and ran off unsteadily.
From then on, Fu Peibai sealed herself off, throwing herself entirely into practicing martial arts. While her movement techniques grew even more refined, she also puzzled through that obscure internal cultivation manual.
Days passed one after another. Soon, the day of the appointed test with Lu Wencheng arrived.