The Sorcerer's Handbook

Chapter 152: Sympathy

The cult leader and the veela faced each other.

Ashe asked, "Why?"

Freya froze at the question. After a moment, she said, "I'm still a legal citizen. I can rent a place to hide you. I can work to support you. Anything inconvenient for you, I can handle. I... I'll do whatever you ask."

Ashe let out a small laugh. "I'm touched that you're willing to work to support me. But that's not what I meant. I wasn't asking, 'Why should I take you with me?' I was asking, 'Why do you want to follow me?'"

Freya's cheeks flushed. She lowered her head and glanced at Little String rubbing against her feet. "No reason... I just want to follow you."

Ashe's voice softened. "Then let me ask it another way. Why can't you accept me leaving you?"

Freya opened her mouth, but no words came. She bit her lower lip. A dull ache gnawed at her chest. It was painful, yet impossible to describe. Years of education had trained her not to expose her weakness.

Then she remembered what Ashe had said to Little String earlier. If it hurts again in the future, don't hold it in. Cry out. If you don't, no one will know.

She whispered, "Because it would hurt. When I think about never seeing you again, never tasting the food you cook, never talking with you... My heart aches. It feels unbearable. I even want to cry."

Her voice trembled with frustration. "Everything will go back to normal once you're gone. So why does it hurt so much? Nothing should be different, yet the moment you appear, you throw my emotions into chaos. Why is it like this..."

"Because you're lonely," Ashe said gently.

She looked confused. "Lonely? But I... everyone is lonely, aren't they? That's what the books say. Loneliness is the wings of freedom. Freedom shines because of loneliness..."

Ashe guided her down to sit beside him in the entryway, speaking gently, "You never truly embraced loneliness before. You were running from it. Because you were young, the world was new. Life was exciting. So you could keep running, and loneliness couldn't catch you.

"You watched Fernandez's speech too, didn't you? Do you know why he searched for his descendants? Because loneliness caught him. He was too old. The world no longer felt new, and life had become nothing but calculation. With nowhere left to hide, he desperately needed another vessel to contain his loneliness. Nothing eases the pain of loneliness more than seeing one's own bloodline continue.

"What I did was form a bond with you. When we were together, that bond kept loneliness at bay. After I left, the other end of the bond connected to loneliness instead. That's why it hurts. Loneliness has caught up with you. There's no escaping it anymore."

Freya lowered her gaze to her meticulously painted toes, murmuring, "You're terrible..."

Ashe said with a smile. "In your eyes, I must seem like a villain. And you're not wrong. Blood Moon's education was meant to protect you. If you never enter an intimate relationship, never form bonds, then you won't be disappointed, won't feel lonely, and won't get hurt. Because if you never had it, you can't fear losing it.

"But I refuse to accept this idea of 'for your own good.'"

He beckoned to Little String. When it came over, he lifted it and looked at the place where it used to have its testicles. "Pet shops neuter cats before selling them. For cats, being in heat is painful. It's uncomfortable and comes with many complications. Neutering is said to be for their own good.

"In my eyes, what Blood Moon did to you is no different. You're afraid to step into intimacy. You handle even something as soft as cotton candy with caution. Sure, it helps you avoid potential harm, but it also strips you of the greatest ability humans possess—the ability to love."

"But people aren't pets. At least... they shouldn't be."

Ashe met her gaze steadily. "I'm glad, Freya. You've learned how to love, and you've learned to face loneliness instead of running from it. This shows I'm not the mad one. This country is."

Freya smiled, but the trace of sadness lingered. "Ashe... you really are a full-fledged cult leader. So what am I supposed to do?"

Ashe said calmly. "Don't reject intimacy. Take the initiative to form new bonds. They can be friendships or romance. That's how you push back against loneliness. But you also need to adjust the way you love. You went too far by jumping straight from complete independence to total dependence. Saying you'd work to support me... that's exactly how scumbags take advantage of people.

"Maintain your sense of self, and learn to love. If you manage that, you'll survive just fine in this insane country. At the very least, you'll live happier than most people."

Freya stared at him, stunned. "You really won't let me come with you?"

"It's not that I won't. I'd be glad to. But that would mean throwing away over a decade of your efforts. You'd risk becoming a wanted criminal. You'd give up a nearly finished degree, a resource-rich university, Blood Moon's advanced sorcerer training system, and even your chance to become a Mind Class sorcerer. Are you willing to sacrifice all that?"

Freya froze.

"I've spent five days and four nights with you. Compared to the more than ten years you've invested in Caimon, that's nothing. To you, I'm not truly important. You're just acting on impulse. Still, I admit I'm glad for that impulse. It means your feelings are beginning to grow."

Ashe let out a soft laugh. "Come to think of it, I once invited someone else to leave with me. She refused right away because of practical concerns. Now, you're chasing me, and I'm the one turning you down."

Freya muttered, "You just crave what you can't have and look down on what's handed to you."

"You're scolding me so harshly I'm beginning to doubt my own noble character," Ashe said with a grin. "But my stance hasn't changed. I can give you this choice, but only if you think it through. I can become your regret, but I cannot become your disaster."

Freya hugged Little String and dropped down to the floor, lost in thought. After a long moment, she finally spoke, voice slow and measured. "So you're just going to toy with me until I can't go back, and then leave without a second thought?"

Ashe's words had calmed her somewhat. Becoming a Mind Class sorcerer was her dream. Right now, love felt all-consuming, but that was only because she hadn't weighed it seriously or compared it to her ambition. Once Ashe placed love and her dream on opposite sides of the scale, she could no longer escape reality.

As the saying went, "What is visible always feels important, while what is out of sight is easier to abandon."

Ashe felt half amused and half exasperated. "You just went straight for the jugular and made me sound like a total scumbag, even though I haven't really done anything. It's not like I didn't pay you back. I gave you a spirit, didn't I?"

He paused, then added quietly, "If you haven't found a new bond yet, then look at the spirit. Think of me. Longing can ease loneliness and nurture anticipation."

Freya's eyes stayed on the Sympathy spirit inside the glowing orb, and a sudden wave of bitterness welled up inside her. "Everything you've done for me these past few days... was it all just... out of sympathy?"