Lewd King's Bucket List

Ixion looked at the 113th challenger as they entered the arena.

'No Cecelia, huh.'

He'd already known she wouldn't be taking part, having looked over the list of applicants, but it was still surprising, to say the least.

'So, you'll fight me in a sanctioned duel, but not a sanctioned one.'

Ixion flashed a smile.

'What a perfect Chancellor of War! How "warlike"!'

As for the rest of the duels, they'd gone quite well.

Ixion made a show of being slightly weakened to give off the impression he had slight trouble keeping up; however, none managed to land a blow on him.

The only one who came close was Count Marcus.

'That apple-stealing fucker sent from hell to ruin my life!'

All things considered, Marcus was of a house that rose through merit on the battlefield, so his strength wasn't surprising. And it especially wasn't surprising to Ixion, who had fought alongside him for over a decade.

Also, the man was one of few who were Elevated, a single rank below Bloomed, Ixion's rank. Not that that gap was small, but Ixion found it hard to entirely hold back and win without hurting Marcus.

Well, while also holding back from getting his revenge .

As for the last challenger…

A busty red-haired woman walked forward, dressed in a colorful‌,‌ silk-tight outfit.

"Ixion, Ixion! Face me, tyrant!"

"Jester, jester! You don't have to say my name twice, I heard you the first time!"

"Did you, did you, Ixion, Ixion? My, what good ears you have!"

"And what bad ones you have! You did it again!"

"Oops!"

A good swath of the nobles had left, not caring to watch the farce. Those who stayed merely did so to not get caught in the crowd and talked amongst themselves.

It wasn't too often that the nobles could gather openly like this.

The jester held out her hand, then waved it and screamed,

"Huzzah!"

Seemingly out of thin air, five playing cards appeared in her fingers.

"What a trick, my jester! Bravo!"

The jester clapped.

"Thank you, thank you… Ixion."

Then she threw one card at his chest. It wasn't flying any faster than it should, nor had it seemed like she had added power to the throw, but the playing card sliced through the first layer of his armor.

'What the…'

The nobles' chattering grew quiet as their eyes fell upon the card embedded in Ixion's chest plate.

Even knowing his jester, that was a display he wasn't prepared for.

"Jester! My dear fool, what's the meaning of this?"

The woman giggled, then said:

"A reminder, a reminder!"

'Is that so?'

Had Ixion been showing too much sentimentality? Had his duel with Lor shown a crack in his resolve? Had his eyes shown a glimpse of his past self?

Shaking his head, Ixion plucked the card from his armor and inspected it.

'It's normal.'

No enchantments. No special material.

The Jester's Aether empowered it. That was it.

On it was a 'J' in the center, written in fancy lettering.

Ixion laughed, disregarding his fool's display of power, one the nobles dared not overlook.

"I've never seen a card like this in a standard deck!"

The jester laughed.

"It's a creation of my own. I call it: The Jester!"

Ixion crumpled the card in his hand and dropped it, letting the small draft carry it away.

"My, how creative you are, my fool! Who else could think of such a clever name?"

"Thank you, thank you!"

The Jester blushed and squirmed as she clenched her hands and flipped them. The cards vanished as she opened her palm and revealed a paper pyramid.

All the nobles, who saw this duel as an absolute farce, were locked in on the idiocy before them, trying to piece together a meaning that wasn't there — trying to solve the mystery of the jester.

"Exquisite craftsmanship, my jester!"

"Thank you!"

They knew not what the hell they'd just witnessed, but it was everything and anything but normal.

The jester clenched her palm, crumbling the paper pyramid, then when she reopened her hand, it was entirely gone.

Ixion clapped, then felt something appear on his head. Ixion plucked it off from the nest of his wavy blue hair. It was another paper creation, this one a bird — a crow.

"Bravo, bravo!"

Ixion mushed the paper crow, then shouted at the jester.

"You're the second most talented subject in my kingdom!"

"Your praise!" The jester clutched at her chest, a critical hit, "It's too much!"

"But you are!"

"Gyah!"

The jester fell to her knees.

"Ixion, Ixion! You… you're the third most beautiful person in all of Catatran."

"Third?!" Ixion fell to his knee. "Who would dare be more beautiful than I?!"

Then he grimaced and yelled:

"It most certainly isn't you!"

'Though you definitely are…'

"Nooooo!"

The jester fell onto her hands.

"How can you be so cruel, Ixion! I thought we had something! How sad! The beginning of a love story comes to a pitiful end!"

"A love story?! My jester, how could I love a fool?"

The jester fell closer to the ground.

"Does that mean you can't love yourself?"

Ixion fell to his second knee, a crucial comeback in their bout.

"You call me a fool. But what's a fool's fool, then? Useless! Jobless!"

"Gyah! How hurtful! Ixion, you meanie!"

The jester fell forward, then rolled on her back and reached toward the sky. With a fading breath, she spoke solemnly:

"I've been… defeated."

Then her head slumped to the side, and she fell asleep.

Ixion staggered to his feet, then let out a haughty laugh.

"I have won!"

Then he felt the dry blood on his cheek.

'I've won…'

The nobles hadn't spoken a word since the beginning of the exchange. Even as the king walked away, they did not even whisper amongst one another.

How were they ever going to explain what they had just witnessed, especially to their fellow nobles who had left prematurely?

Ixion stopped at the palace door and looked back.

'What a foolish jester I have.'