Chapter 132 - 9
My apartment isn’t huge. It has a small living room, a kitchen, and a bedroom with an attached bathroom. It is in a pack-owned building, and the rent is cheap. I applied to several other buildings in better locations, but this is the one I was assigned.
The hot shower makes me feel like a new woman. Wrapping a towel around my long, red hair, I study myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom.
My fingers linger around my lips as I finally allow myself to recall that kiss.
I read romance novels. I know all the ins and outs of sex and love and all that lovey-dovey stuff. But I never thought I would be at the receiving end of any of it.
Darian said he kissed me to prove a point. What point?
Women in books always describe the act of kissing as fireworks exploding in the background, but that’s not how it felt to me. When Darian touched me, I felt a restless energy within me, a desire growing, an ache that I couldn’t quite grasp. It made me feel helpless and anxious. It made me want to cross a line. And that scared me. I didn’t feel like I was in control.
I always have to be in control.
Darian made me feel strange. He made me act differently. Or maybe I simply relaxed around him for some reason.
I grip my head, groaning quietly.
Why does it matter that I’m so confused? It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.
Pulling on my pajamas, I head out to the smell of cheese and bread. I must’ve taken longer than I thought in the shower because the pizza has already arrived. Mary has set out plates and is pouring water into two glasses.
She looks up at me. "Feeling better?"
"Loads."
It’s over the course of the meal that I tell her about my second meeting with Darian. There’s no reason to lie to Mary. She chuckles at my concern about acting strange around him.
"You weren’t acting strangely. That’s how you are, Alice. You’re blunt, and you’re sweet, and you’re funny. Once we became friends, you relaxed around me and let me see who you really are. It seems you did the same with Darian."
"I had no reason to. I barely know him." I take a bite of the pizza, savoring the taste.
"He seems to like you, though," Mary laughs. "He kissed you, after all."
I look down at my plate and murmur, "He doesn’t know what I am, Mary. If he did, he wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole."
Mary doesn’t look very convinced. "That’s what you think. You’re so convinced everybody hates you because of your lack of a wolf spirit that you keep forgetting there are people like you who have gone on to mate with other shifters. It’s not a life sentence. You can still be happy. Maybe Darian will understand."
I wet my lips, giving her a small, humorless smile. "Do you think I should make myself vulnerable in front of him? A man I just met twice? Why? So that when he says something nasty to me, I can face rejection like a champ? I don’t have it in me to be constantly rejected by everyone, Mary. I am a person. I want to be loved, just like everybody else. I know I never will be, but a part of me wants that. A stupid, delusional part of me. I won’t put myself in a situation where somebody can break my heart. I can’t. And everyone does hate me. I’m not imagining the insults that are thrown at me, or the beatings I face when I’m ambushed at random times. Those bruises are not in my head."
Mary falls silent, and she lowers her gaze.
I don’t expect her to understand. How could she? She has only seen the abuse doled out on me. She has never suffered it. And Mary is ever the optimist.
But I can sense that perhaps my words were a little harsh for the gentle-hearted healer. I force a smile on my face. "As I already told you, Darian is linked to the royal family, which means I can never take the risk of telling him what I am. I don’t know how he’ll react. Besides, one kiss doesn’t mean I’m now bound to tell him everything. I pissed him off, and he kissed me to prove some imaginary point. Story over."
I take a deep breath before continuing. "The truth is, Mary, I’m planning to leave the pack now that I’m going to be of age. I want to go live in a human city. I just want a peaceful life where I don’t have to worry about being attacked or insulted every day. I’ll never see Darian again. So, rather than him, I’d rather focus on getting away from here."
My friend’s shoulders droop. "You’re right. I know you’re right. I also know that staying in this place would be harmful to you. You deserve a better life, Alice. When do you plan to go?"
I sigh. "After the mating gathering. I looked into how I can leave the pack. It’s a clear process. I don’t have to do much, just go to the registry to strike off my name. The administrative department of the pack will handle the rest. It has to be approved by the royal family, I guess, but they won’t care, especially since I don’t have a wolf spirit. I read at the library today that if you don’t have a wolf spirit, the royal family doesn’t stop you from leaving the kingdom."
"What about me? Will I be able to see you?"
"All the time." I walk around the table to embrace her. "You can see me whenever you want."
As Mary hugs me back, I sigh quietly. Mary has always been a romantic at heart. Of course, she’s going to read more into my meeting with Darian than what is really there. All this fuss over a forced kiss. The man may be attractive, but that doesn’t mean I’ve fallen head over heels for him. It would be better if he stayed as far away from me as physically possible.
*****
I never do anything for my birthday, but Mary has the day off, too, and she still wants to go shopping for a dress and shoes. I’m not discouraging her because I do need a dress if I have to attend the mating gathering. I already have a handicap; the last thing I need to do is add to it.
I get to our meeting spot early, and after checking my watch, I decide I have time to stop by the pack library. I’ve always played off the superstitions about the lake, but now that Darian has confirmed the story, I want to check it for myself.
The pack library does not carry a lot of information about witches, but I do find some basics that all of us are aware of. There were once dark witches and white witches. Centuries ago, the white witches discovered that their dark counterparts had been planning something against the royal family.
Nowhere does it say what the dark witches had in mind, but it was bad enough for the white witches to launch an all-out war. As their names suggest, the dark witches were considered linked to darkness and evil, and the white witches to goodness and purity. It didn’t help that the white witches were gifted with only healing magic, whereas the dark witches had battle magic.
The war was waged in different parts of the world, and when the shifters allied themselves with the white witches, the dark witches began to be wiped out. One of the battles was located at the lake. And while there is no mention of whether the resulting corpses were burned or not, there is no doubt that combat did take place there.
I know my kind avoids the lake, but I’ve always felt drawn to it. I go there a lot, and it always feels peaceful to me. I have a sense of belonging there. It sounds silly now that I know there really may be bodies of dark witches in that water.
One thing about witches that my kind finds very unnerving is that their bodies don’t decompose. That is another reason why witches are burned, not buried. Imagine a poor human digging a hole and coming across a dead witch who looks like she’s sleeping!
Morbid curiosity takes hold of me. If there are truly witches under the lake’s surface, their bodies should still be intact.
Common sense tells me not to, but I really want to see if this myth is true. Do the bodies of dead witches decompose or stay as they were?
I decide to check it out in the afternoon while it’s still light out. It’ll feel less terrifying that way. Or maybe I could be smart and not stir the waters.
I laugh quietly at my own joke.
Checking the time, I head out to meet Mary. Let’s get this dress shopping done.